7 razones por las que me quedé en una relación abusiva

Cinco años, doscientos cincuenta y dos días. 

That’s how long my battle lasted. And I’m not counting the time when we had a good run.

I’m not taking into consideration when we met and fell in love. That is not fair because I really enjoyed spending time with him at the beginning. 

Even after everything bad that’s happened, those memories are somehow always going to belong in the happy pile in my brain. 

The story begins like any other you’ve heard so far. And yes… if you’re wondering… it always starts the same. There are really no exceptions. 

A handsome, charming man grabs your attention within seconds. At that particular moment, you just know he’s aiming his Cupid’s arrow right at you.

At that moment, you can just feel you’re the center of his attention. And let’s face it, you like it.  

That is a feeling which takes you by surprise. You can’t wake up from that beautiful dream, no way.

At that moment, you’re imagining the two of you together with a family, living a fairy tale life, and everything is so perfect.

Se asegura de que sigas creyéndolo. 

If it’s necessary, he’ll turn into someone else completely just to keep up his charade.

He is playing the character of a sweet and caring man for one reason only—to lure you even deeper into his trap.

He will be the kindest man you’ll ever meet. He’ll be too perfect to be real, and yet, he is standing in front of you. 

Poco a poco las cosas empiezan a cambiar. 

The ‘forever perfect man’ will start slipping every now and then.

Naturally, you won’t give much importance to these occasional changes in behavior. You’ll find excuses every time, and somehow it won’t be his fault. 

The point is, you’d rather blame yourself for ‘unconsciously’ provoking him to behave inappropriately than accepting that maybe he’s not that good of a man.

When this realization hits you…it’s too late to leave. 

You’ll already be in his web, under his complete control.

He knows how you breathe, what you’re going to say next, and how you’re going to react. That’s how juega contigo sin que te des cuenta.  

I’m not making things up. I’m writing from experience, from the horror I lived in for 5 long years. You cannot make this shit up! It’s impossible. 

Here’s why I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long:

1. Mis pensamientos fueron manipulados

Al cabo de un tiempo, empezó a acosarme tanto que no tenía ni idea de lo que estaba pasando.

I was definitely brainwashed and scared…so scared of his reactions and his behavior. Lies seemed such a better option than telling the truth.

El caso es que las mentiras siempre salían a la luz tarde o temprano, lo que creaba una situación aún peor.

Todas las víctimas de abuso emocional go through the stage of feeling guilt and despair. That is the consequence of the partner’s poor treatment.

Tras los continuos malos tratos, empecé a creer que me lo tenía merecido. Realmente creía que yo tenía la culpa de su comportamiento.

When your thoughts are tampered with and when you actually start believing that you’re worth nothing, the rest is easy.

Everyone knows that words don’t leave bruises, and no one can see the psychological damage someone has caused you.

2. Sentí vergüenza

Hubo destellos de realidad que pasaron ante mis ojos en ese momento. Hubo momentos en los que supe lo que estaba pasando.

Maybe it’s a part of denial, maybe it’s the hope that it will soon be gone, but accepting the truth was the last thing on my mind. 

At those moments when I knew I was abused, I felt terribly ashamed. My mind was bothered by the fact: “How did I let this happen?” I was scared that people who love me won’t accept me back.

Me preocupaba que me juzgaran por elegirle y no darme cuenta de que no es más que un hombre débil y manipulador.

3. Tenía mucho miedo

It can’t get any simpler than it was—I was afraid of him. I was scared of his actions, of his reactions and his behavior.

I was afraid he would physically hurt me. To be honest, it wouldn’t have been the first time he tried to assault me…or succeeded. 

Oculté muy bien los moratones del cuello y la espalda. Nadie tenía ni idea de lo que ocurría tras nuestra puerta cerrada.

Nadie excepto yo sabe toda la verdad hasta el día de hoy.

Mi vida se proyectaba en mis sueños. Tenía pesadillas horribles. Soñaba que me perseguía como una bestia. En mis sueños, él era despiadado e imparable.

Me perseguía por todo el bosque durante días. En mis pesadillas, parecía que nunca se cansaba, y la agonía duraba días.

Bueno, eso es sólo una metáfora de lo que ocurría en la vida real.

4. Mi autoestima era casi nula

Tal vez incluso bajo cero. Déjame decirte lo que pasó.

Every person has insecurities—even that girl you’ve been watching every day looking confident as hell—yes, even she has insecurities. The thing is, she handles them better than you. 

What I’m actually saying is that you can’t run away from your insecurities, but you can accept them.

You can embrace your flaws because they are what make you unique. I didn’t know that back then, and I let him take advantage of my weaknesses against me. 

Me menospreciaba de todas las formas posibles. Se burlaba de mi aspecto, de mi capacidad, de mi intelecto.

He did everything possible to crush me like a bug—both physically and emotionally. Sadly, he did it.

5. No tenía otra opción financiera

Cuando empezamos nuestra relación, el dinero no tenía nada que ver con los problemas que iban apareciendo poco a poco.

Sinceramente, no tenía ni idea de cómo había acabado arruinado y sin ninguna idea de mis propias cuentas. Sucedió tan rápido. Sucedió porque confié ciegamente en él. 

The point is when I started to sober up, when I actually recognized the abuse I was going through, I couldn’t escape.

I didn’t have the means to escape. I was broke and alone. Moreover, he realized I was starting to slip from his grip, so he used even more manipulation to hold me by his side.

6. Vivía en una prisión invisible

Nadie sabía que estaba aislada. Mis amigos y mi familia tenían la impresión de que los había echado de mi vida.

He fed them with lies; he fed me with lies. He was so good, a real puppet master, and he controlled the whole show we were a part of called ‘life’. 

Nunca estuve físicamente atrapada, aunque eso también es una opción con estos enfermos. Mi prisión era emocional.

Era libre de ir adonde quisiera, pero en realidad me controlaban a cada paso. Un paso en falso y había que pagar el precio.

I paid for every single one of my ‘mistakes.’

7. Fui condenado por amor

Let’s face it. If it wasn’t for love, none of this would have happened. I have to say that now when I’m no longer ashamed or embarrassed, I was in love with him.

I am truly a person who fell in love with an abuser. And you know what? I’m not sorry, and I know it was not my fault. 

People can’t choose who they fall in love with. My heart chose an evil man, but my heart escaped from his grip in the end.