8 formas en que los obsesos del control disfrazan su manipulación

Controlling relationships are as toxic and abusive as the physical ones, but instead of clear signs of abuse, controlling often goes unnoticed until it’s too late.

Fanáticos del control han dominado tanto sus herramientas de manipulación que en realidad parecen amor. Estas son algunas de las formas más comunes en que disfrazan su manipulación.

Hacer las cosas sólo por tu bien

He bought you that skin tight dress because he knows how good you’d look in it—once you lose weight.

Tiró todos los aperitivos de la casa porque quería facilitarte el control. Canceló todos tus planes para que puedas descansar.

But not once did he check with you if you’re okay with that. Not once did he ask if you want him to do those things. Instead, he’s doing as he pleases, manipulating you into fitting into his mold of the perfect woman he has in his head.

Making decisions so you wouldn’t have to worry – isolation

You can’t remember when was the last time you decided where you’re going on a date?

Or if you did, all you decided was the clothes you’d wear, but still with his help?

You can’t remember when was the last time you get to spend the all-girls night? When was the last time you spent some time with your family?

He’s the only one you see—the only one you get to spend your time with. Somehow, you ended up isolated not knowing how.

Acabaste teniendo sólo a él en quien confiar, sin darte cuenta de que habías perdido el apoyo de tus amigos y familiares.

Se disculpa, pero nunca cambia

Cada vez que te hace un comentario, cada vez que sus palabras te hunden, se disculpa.

Every time his temper blows up, his emotions flicker and you end up being the one who’s hurt, he apologies. But he does nothing to change.

Se oyen excusas y promesas todo el tiempo, pero oír es una cosa y ver completamente la otra.

He gives you enough hope that he’ll change, but takes away your self-esteem at the same time.

Te da suficiente amor para luchar, pero no el suficiente para sentirte realmente amado.

Somehow, you’re always to blame

Aunque creas que lo has hecho todo bien, él encuentra algo que has hecho mal. E incluso cuando no tienes ni idea de lo que has hecho, encuentra la manera de echarte la culpa.

“You sighed and it killed the mood. You took too long to come home. I had to eat pizza again.”

Y lo peor es que te sientes culpable porque había tráfico. Te sientes culpable porque suspiraste.

You feel guilty even though you did nothing wrong, even though you did your best. Once he breaks you, he owns you, and that’s all he’s after with guilt tripping.

Llenándote de atenciones

When you’re at the early stages of the relationship, his constant calling is cute. His constant attention is amazing.

Sentirse querido y necesitado, después de tanto tiempo, sienta tan bien. Tener a alguien a quien cuidar cada segundo de tu día, después de haber estado hambriento de amor por parte de tus amigos y familiares, sienta de maravilla.

But control freaks tend to learn every bit of you—every trauma, every dream, every hope and every passion—using it against you later on.

He’s showering you with attention to control your free time, to control what you do and how you do it.

Te colma de atencionessólo para que te sientas culpable cuando quieras irte.

“You’re great, but not great enough”

“I love you, but you could try better. This is an amazing evening, but if you did this like that, it would’ve been better. You look amazing, but you’d look even better if you would lose a few pounds.”

No matter how hard you try, no matter how much of an effort you put into things, it’s simply not enough. He slowly undermines everything you do, until you lose all of your self-esteem.

This way he can completely control you because soon you’ll look only for his advice and ‘words of wisdom’.

Ahogándote en pasión

He can’t keep his hands off of you; he wants to touch you all the time. When you’re out, he’s rushing you home, when you’re home, he won’t let you leave the house.

Kissing, hugging and cuddling all the time. He’s drowning you in passion, but slowly taking away your freedom. Instead of going to the movies, you’re home.

Instead of talking to random people in the bar, you’re only talking to him.

Instead of learning new things, exploring and traveling, you’re locked up in this little universe he created for you two and somehow, you don’t even feel like leaving it, believing it’s a universe of love.

Taking care of you – all the time

He buys you food, he cooks you dinners, he does anything he can think off for you, just so he can be sure you’ll never leave him. After all, how could you leave someone who takes care of you?

¿Cómo podrías dejar a alguien que te colma de atenciones y te ahoga en pasión? ¿Cómo podrías dejar a alguien como él?

Just because you feel trapped, just because you don’t feel like yourself anymore, because you lack contact with other people, those are not good enough reasons to leave him, right?

They are. If there’s any doubt in you about your relationship, about your feelings or your sanity, take your time, distance yourself from your relationship and try to see if it’s worth staying in it.

If you’re still not sure, then it’s simply not worth it.