8 modi in cui i maniaci del controllo mascherano la loro manipolazione

Controlling relationships are as toxic and abusive as the physical ones, but instead of clear signs of abuse, controlling often goes unnoticed until it’s too late.

Maniaci del controllo hanno acquisito una tale padronanza dei loro strumenti di manipolazione da farli apparire come amore. Questi sono alcuni dei modi più comuni in cui camuffano la loro manipolazione.

Fare le cose solo per il proprio bene

He bought you that skin tight dress because he knows how good you’d look in it—once you lose weight.

Ha buttato via tutti gli snack dalla casa perché voleva che fosse più facile per te controllarti. Ha cancellato tutti i tuoi programmi, così puoi riposare.

But not once did he check with you if you’re okay with that. Not once did he ask if you want him to do those things. Instead, he’s doing as he pleases, manipulating you into fitting into his mold of the perfect woman he has in his head.

Making decisions so you wouldn’t have to worry – isolation

You can’t remember when was the last time you decided where you’re going on a date?

Or if you did, all you decided was the clothes you’d wear, but still with his help?

You can’t remember when was the last time you get to spend the all-girls night? When was the last time you spent some time with your family?

He’s the only one you see—the only one you get to spend your time with. Somehow, you ended up isolated not knowing how.

Alla fine avete avuto solo lui su cui contare, senza nemmeno rendervi conto di aver perso il sostegno dei vostri amici e della vostra famiglia.

Si scusa, ma non cambia mai

Ogni volta che fa commenti su di voi, ogni volta che le sue parole vi buttano giù, si scusa.

Every time his temper blows up, his emotions flicker and you end up being the one who’s hurt, he apologies. But he does nothing to change.

Si sentono continuamente scuse e promesse, ma una cosa è sentire e un'altra è vedere.

He gives you enough hope that he’ll change, but takes away your self-esteem at the same time.

Vi dà abbastanza amore per cui lottare, ma non abbastanza per sentirvi davvero amati.

Somehow, you’re always to blame

Anche se credete di aver fatto tutto bene, lui trova qualcosa di sbagliato. E anche quando non avete idea di cosa avete fatto, lui trova un modo per incolparvi.

“You sighed and it killed the mood. You took too long to come home. I had to eat pizza again.”

E la cosa peggiore è che ti senti in colpa perché c'era traffico. Ti senti in colpa perché hai sospirato.

You feel guilty even though you did nothing wrong, even though you did your best. Once he breaks you, he owns you, and that’s all he’s after with guilt tripping.

Vi riempie di attenzioni

When you’re at the early stages of the relationship, his constant calling is cute. His constant attention is amazing.

Sentirsi amati e necessari, dopo tanto tempo, è una sensazione bellissima. Avere qualcuno che si prenda cura di te ogni singolo secondo della tua giornata, dopo essere stato affamato d'amore dai tuoi amici e dalla tua famiglia, è la sensazione giusta.

But control freaks tend to learn every bit of you—every trauma, every dream, every hope and every passion—using it against you later on.

He’s showering you with attention to control your free time, to control what you do and how you do it.

Ti riempie di attenzionisolo per sentirsi in colpa una volta che si vuole andarsene.

“You’re great, but not great enough”

“I love you, but you could try better. This is an amazing evening, but if you did this like that, it would’ve been better. You look amazing, but you’d look even better if you would lose a few pounds.”

No matter how hard you try, no matter how much of an effort you put into things, it’s simply not enough. He slowly undermines everything you do, until you lose all of your self-esteem.

This way he can completely control you because soon you’ll look only for his advice and ‘words of wisdom’.

Affogandovi nella passione

He can’t keep his hands off of you; he wants to touch you all the time. When you’re out, he’s rushing you home, when you’re home, he won’t let you leave the house.

Kissing, hugging and cuddling all the time. He’s drowning you in passion, but slowly taking away your freedom. Instead of going to the movies, you’re home.

Instead of talking to random people in the bar, you’re only talking to him.

Instead of learning new things, exploring and traveling, you’re locked up in this little universe he created for you two and somehow, you don’t even feel like leaving it, believing it’s a universe of love.

Taking care of you – all the time

He buys you food, he cooks you dinners, he does anything he can think off for you, just so he can be sure you’ll never leave him. After all, how could you leave someone who takes care of you?

Come si può lasciare qualcuno che ti ricopre di attenzioni e ti affoga di passione? Come potresti mai lasciare uno come lui?

Just because you feel trapped, just because you don’t feel like yourself anymore, because you lack contact with other people, those are not good enough reasons to leave him, right?

They are. If there’s any doubt in you about your relationship, about your feelings or your sanity, take your time, distance yourself from your relationship and try to see if it’s worth staying in it.

If you’re still not sure, then it’s simply not worth it.