Hombre confundido: 8 razones de su inseguridad y cómo afrontarla

If you’re dealing with a confused man at the moment or if you’ve ever had to deal with such a man full of uncertainty, I want you to know that I totally understand you because I went through the same last year (and not once but multiple times before that).

All of us who have had anything to do with a confused man know the drill very well…

Cuando acababas de conocerle, era la encarnación de un hombre de verdad.

Siempre decía las palabras adecuadas y hacía todo lo correcto, se esforzaba por hacerte sentir especial, te enviaba mensajes de texto con frecuencia e incluso hablaba de sus propios sentimientos.

Vuelve a la época en que estaba obsesionado contigo: PULSE AQUÍ para aprender a hacerlo.

Incluso se negaba a salir con sus amigos para pasar tiempo contigo, porque estar juntos era inspirador y mágico.

Y entonces, ¡BOOM! Justo cuando te estabas convenciendo de que estabas en el buen camino para experimentar amor verdaderote encontraste con un signo de interrogación sobre tu cabeza.

Before, he would do all the right things and behave like a man who was totally ready to fully commit to you and now he’s a changed man (for the worse).

Sus mensajes de texto son inexistentes o no tan frecuentes como antes y ya no te dice nada romántico, y mucho menos habla de sus sentimientos por ti.

He’s constantly busy with other things, or better said, he’s busy making excuses about being busy with other things.

Y durante todo esto, la única pregunta que tienes en mente es: ¿POR QUÉ?

¿Por qué actuaría como un auténtico caballero y el epítome de un hombre de verdad al principio sólo para retirarse y joder las cosas después?

Why would he all of a sudden change his mind and stop making an effort, as if something terrible happened or as if someone warned him that he’s about to enter a minefield called a committed relationship?

Tantas preguntas rondándote la cabeza pero ni una sola respuesta.

In the hope that you’ll figure out what is really going on in that man’s head, you start contemplating and deciphering all those mixed signals he’s giving you and you come to the following conclusions:

R: Todo este tiempo, este joven estaba fingiendo sobre todo

B: He’s seeing someone else

C: He’s about to break up with you

But then you realize that you would know if he had just been pretending all this time because he wouldn’t do it with that level of self-esteem and genuineness, that you would somehow know if he was seeing someone else and that there are no valid reasons for a potential breakup and that everything is in your head.

Tras eliminar la posibilidad de que sea gay, reformulas todo esto en una pregunta: ¿Qué coño está pasando?

And, my dear, the right answer is: ‘confused man’ syndrome.

Cada vez son más los hombres que sufren este confuso síndrome por motivos personales o porque una mujer ha provocado su retraimiento.

When that happens, they become a ‘confused businessman, who doesn’t have time for anything or anyone, whose point of view on relationships has drastically changed and who has no idea what he’s doing.

You accept the fact that you’ve just witnessed the scenes of another (potentially) ‘good man gone confused’ but still, you have no idea what to do or say or where to start from, right?

Bueno, no hay necesidad de preocuparse porque hoy, usted aprenderá todo lo que necesita saber acerca de los hombres confundidos, incluyendo la forma de tratar con este tipo de hombres.

So, let’s get started!

HOMBRE CONFUSO: 8 RAZONES DE SU INCERTIDUMBRE

Siempre hay una razón para cada acción, siempre hay un porqué para todo lo que decimos, hacemos o dejamos de hacer.

Ahora, hay múltiples razones por las que un hombre entraría en modo confusión y decidiría retirarse de repente y aquí hay una lista de las más comunes que te ayudarán a entender mejor lo que realmente está pasando por su cabeza:

1. He’s scared of his own feelings

Let’s face it.

When it comes to feelings, men and women are definitely from different planets, meaning that women have the ability to better understand their feelings, whereas the majority of men get easily overwhelmed when it comes to anything related to the word ‘feelings’.

El patrón es el siguiente: Cuando empezasteis a salir, era todo caballerosidad, amabilidad y encanto, como si todo fuera perfecto.

And now, after some time, he’s acting totally weird and you have no idea why.

Well, it’s because over time, he has developed feelings for you and now he doesn’t know how to deal with it because he either wasn’t ready for it or didn’t expect it.

If a man is acting confusingly and he suddenly pulls away, in most cases it’s because he’s scared of his own feelings.

He doesn’t understand what is really going on in his head or how to interpret what he’s feeling and that’s why he decides to hide from you in his man cave, where he’ll feel safe for some time.

That’s when you start asking yourself:

How do I deal with a guy who’s acting all enigma style?

This is really hard for every woman because you have this urge to help him and to push him to tell you what’s wrong with him but you should never do that.

Instead, you should just give him some time and space to understand what’s really going on. (Below, you’ll find more tips on how to deal with a confused man).

2. He’s a commitment-phobe

Hombre confundido y fóbico al compromiso a veces pueden ser vistos como una sola cosa porque la mayoría de los hombres confundidos en realidad sólo tienen miedo al compromiso.

¿Qué significa esto?

Imagina un bol con todos los sabores de helado del mundo y un hombre que está de pie junto a ellos.

Cuando un hombre está listo para elegir un sabor, piensa en lo que realmente quiere, elige sabiamente y aprecia el sabor.

Pero cuando un hombre no está preparado para elegir un sabor y aún así lo hace por alguna razón, empieza a tener dudas y a sentirse atrapado por irse a casa con un solo sabor cuando podría haber probado muchos más.

To apply this theory to your situation, just replace the words ‘ice cream flavor’ with women/woman and you’ll get an idea of what I’m trying to say.

When a man is not ready to choose one person, to be with one woman, it means he’s not ready to commit to her.

Now, he might give that one woman a try, to see how things will go but if in the process he notices that he’s still yearning for his freedom and to keep all the other options open, he’ll become confused.

He’ll enter a state of mind where he’ll constantly weigh up all the pros and cons of staying with you and explaining to you that he’s just not ready for commitment or anything serious yet.

Véase también: 4 señales de alarma de que tendrá problemas de compromiso

3. He’s scared of getting hurt again

If a man was hurt in past relationships one way or another, chances are that he’ll be scared of getting hurt again in the future.

(It’s important to note that the same thing happens to women as well).

Also, it’s important to understand the trigger of this fear.

When you’re in the process of getting to know each other, a man will be totally chill and open with you because he still doesn’t see any potential red flags of his past pain.

But as things are getting more complicated and as you’re deepening your relationship, he will be more and more scared of getting hurt again.

Why? Because he’ll be scared of how crazy he is about you and of not being able to control any of it.

Esto significa que puede seguir sus sentimientos o huir de ti, por miedo a que le vuelvas a hacer daño.

But when a man likes you a lot, he certainly can’t decide to run away from you that easily but neither can he follow his feelings.

Así, él entra en un mundo de confusión y decide tomarse un tiempo para reflexionar sobre sus sentimientos y pensar en lo que realmente quiere mientras tú entras en un mundo de completa locura esperando junto a tu teléfono y rezando a Dios por cualquier indicio de su paradero.

(Te entiendo perfectamente.)

4. You’re pushing him too hard

When a man is acting all weird and sending mixed signals, many women decide to take things into their hands and start pushing their man to commit or tell them what’s really going on.

If you’re guilty of pushing your man too hard, well, that might be the reason (or one of the reasons) why he’s become a confused man.

Empujar a un hombre a hacer algo cuando él mismo no está realmente preparado para ello es más parecido a empujar a tu hijo a empezar a actuar como un adulto.

En ambos casos, no es posible un resultado positivo.

Si sigues colmando a tu hombre de amor, palabras románticas y afecto, pensando que esto lo cambiará, debo decirte que no será así.

Esto sólo hará que se sienta atrapado en su propio cuerpo y evocará esos sentimientos de confusión.

The more you’re pushing him and demanding to act certain ways, the more he’ll be ignorant to do so.

Why? Because it’s nature’s law.

When someone is forcing us into something, it’s our natural instinct to refuse to do so but when we have the freedom to choose, we see things more clearly and it’s easier to decide what we really want in a relationship or in life in general.

5. You’re being (too) needy

Similarly to the previous sign, being too needy in a relationship or in the initial stages of a relationship is another reason for the syndrome called ‘confused man’.

Ahora bien, ¿qué significa realmente estar (demasiado) necesitado?

Ser necesitado significa no tener vida propia, exigir constantemente a tu pareja que pase todo su tiempo libre contigo, no ser capaz de afrontar las cosas por ti mismo, pedir constantemente afecto y seguridad a tu pareja, etc.

Being needy means being overly demanding, by which you dictate the tempo of your relationship and dictate your partner’s life.

Por eso, si un hombre percibe que una mujer está demasiado necesitada, se asustará de ella al instante y empezará a actuar de forma confusa.

 

He will start thinking about what a relationship with such a woman will look like in the future and whether he’ll be able to meet all her needs.

If he feels like it’s too much for him and that he’ll never be ready to be with a woman who is acting too needy for his taste, he’ll seriously start considering his other options.

Comprenda que si un hombre decide comprometerse plenamente, it means that he wants to make his woman happy but if a man senses that he’ll never be able to do so, he will pull the brakes and think twice before doing anything.

Véase también: 10 Signs You’re A Needy Girlfriend And How To Stop Being One

6. La relación va demasiado rápido para él

Una prueba más de que hombres y mujeres son de planetas diferentes es la forma en que unos y otras dictan el ritmo de una relación.

Given that generally, women don’t have problems with understanding their emotions and expressing their feelings, they are usually the ones who decide to initiate things that will quicken the pace of their relationship.

Mientras una mujer ya ha organizado el día de su boda en su cabeza, un hombre probablemente aún esté pensando si debe decirle esas tres palabritas.

This is because women experience everything intensely and they trust their gut and feelings, whereas men need more time to accept their feelings and the fact that they’re in a relationship.

When a man senses that the relationship is moving too fast, he will, again, get confused and scared of it because he’s not on the same level as his woman.

7. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you

Cuando un hombre ama a una mujer, le resulta natural querer protegerla, hacer que se sienta especial y la mujer más feliz del mundo.

But not every man is convinced that he’s capable of doing so and that’s where his suspicion arises.

He starts thinking that he’s not good enough for you and that he will not be able to make you happy in the future.

Given that every man’s biggest accomplishment and the greatest joy is seeing his woman content and blessed, he will think twice before concluding whether he’s eligible to ultimately make you happy.

Y durante ese proceso, actuará como un hombre confundido; no responderá a tus llamadas, dejará de mandarte mensajes as frequently as before and he will build walls around himself so that you can’t reach him until he himself is ready to welcome you into his world.

8. He doesn’t know what he really wants

Y a veces, la razón por la que un hombre actúa de forma confusa es que no tiene ni idea de lo que realmente quiere.

This type of man literally wants everything at the same time…

He wants to be in a committed relationship but at the same time, he’s scared of commitment; he wants to show you affection but he doesn’t know how; he wants to make you happy but he’s afraid that he’ll fail at doing so.

He wants everything but at the same time, he wants nothing and that’s the biggest confusion of all.

It’s really hard to deal with such men because all those mixed signals that they’re giving are utterly tiring and draining.

And even if you were to have a conversation with such a man and ask him what the hell he wants from you, he still wouldn’t be able to answer you because he himself has no idea what he wants. Yup.

Véase también: Las 8 señales mixtas más comunes que envían los hombres y su significado

CÓMO TRATAR A UN HOMBRE CONFUSO

Now that we have an insight into possible reasons for a man’s uncertainty in a relationship, it’s time to learn how to deal with such a man and make the best out of the situation.

And this is how you’ll do it:

1. NO te asustes

El mayor y peor enemigo cuando se trata de lidiar con un hombre confundido es asustarse.

Pero, impulsado por mi experiencia personal, comprendo lo difícil que es mantener la cordura en tales situaciones.

Quieres romper tu móvil en pedazos porque no te llama ni te manda mensajes, quieres contactar con vuestros amigos comunes y decirles que cuestionen su cordura y quieres matarle con tus propias manos pero, al mismo tiempo, sólo quieres quererle y quieres que las cosas sean como antes.

Freaking out can turn all the above things into reality and you simply mustn’t let that happen.

Necesitas mantener la cordura por tu propio bien y por el bien de tu relación.

2. En lugar de presionarle, dale espacio y tiempo para pensar

No matter the reason for his confusion, there’s only one cure for it and that is giving him some space and time to think about everything.

If you pressure him, you will make things even worse (remember that part about nature’s law?).

Así que, hagas lo que hagas, no le presiones de ninguna manera e intenta centrarte en otras cosas de tu vida, como tus aficiones, trabajo, familia o similares.

The more you occupy yourself with other things, the less you’ll think about reaching out to him.

3. Escribe tus pensamientos y sentimientos

Whenever you’re feeling like calling, texting or reaching him in any other way, take a piece of paper and start writing how you feel.

Write down everything you would want to say to him and how you feel about the situation and I can assure you, you’ll get instant relief as if you’ve just said all that to him, face to face.

Escribir tus pensamientos y sentimientos también es bueno para la autorreflexión, ya que te ayudará a comprender mejor cómo te sientes realmente con respecto a las cosas y te ayudará a aceptarlo.

4. Ten paciencia y deja que se acerque a ti

En lugar de acercarte a él, deja que sea él quien te envíe mensajes, te llame o simplemente llame a tu puerta cuando se sienta preparado.

The idea here is to give him some space and time to think about what he really wants and to sort out his feelings and once he’s done with it, he’ll come back as if nothing happened.

And if he doesn’t, then you know you weren’t meant to be, so either way, you win!

5. Mientras tanto, disfruta de tu vida!

While you’re waiting for him to reach you, don’t forget to enjoy your own life, go out with your friends, enjoy the company of your family and close friends, go for a walk, cuddle with your pet, watch your favorite TV shows and so on.

En lugar de culparte por todo lo que ha pasado, disfruta de la vida al máximo y espera a que él reconozca lo hermosa mujer que eres de verdad, ¡por dentro!

And if you’re meant to be and if he’s the right one for you, he will come to his senses and he will get rid of all the confusion that’s preventing him from taking things to another level!

Sí. Sólo hay que creer que es así porque lo es (y a mí me ha pasado).

Mientras perdía poco a poco la esperanza esperando que se pusiera en contacto conmigo, ocurrió lo inesperado.

He told me that he’d had some things to sort out and that was the reason why he had been absent and that he now understood what he really wanted and he was ready to fully commit to me.

I’m sure you’ll get the same answer from your confused man, so all you need to do is just wait, give him some space and time and enjoy your life in the meantime! (Wow, it also rhymes.)

Véase también: Cómo conseguir que se comprometa y te quiera sólo a ti