A veces se necesita un hombre equivocado para enseñarte la lección correcta

I’ve learned my most valuable lesson in life by spending a huge chunk of it with a man who was all sorts of wrong for me. It took a while to become aware of this, but today, I’m nothing if not thankful.

Circa 5 years back, I was a shell of the woman I am today. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and my standards had embarrassingly plunged. I didn’t think I was a catch, to be honest, so when a guy looked at me for longer than three seconds, I felt flattered.

It’s shameful for me to reminisce about this now, but it’s important to be self-aware in order to grow from your shortcomings and misconceptions – in order to become the person you’re capable of being.

And back then, I didn’t think I was destinado a ser much. I wasn’t in a good place, mentally or emotionally. I was going through a dark phase and nothing was going in my favor.

Así que no debería sorprenderme que el hombre con el que elegí pasar mi tiempo fuera alguien completamente equivocado para mí. Alguien que me hizo pasar por un infierno para sacudirme hasta la médula y hacerme ver lo poco que creía merecer.

This man saw me at my weakest and decided to take advantage of a girl he knew wouldn’t say no. He didn’t do any physical harm – just to be clear – but his abuse was emotional, and it shattered me almost beyond repair.

It sucks that I let anyone come so close to me when I was at my most fragile, but back then, I didn’t know any better. I felt like any attention was better than none.

I was switching from one shitty job to another, I was new in the city and had one friend. I wasn’t on the best terms with my folks, and I didn’t really have anyone to turn to.

Así que cuando este chico se me insinuó en un bar que frecuentaba todas las noches, sentí un rayo de esperanza y una vocecita dentro de mí gritó de excitación tan fuerte, que fue casi como si fuera la primera vez que le gustaba de verdad a un chico....

Al principio me pareció bien, así que le di el gusto y seguimos hablando durante toda la velada.

He was a regular at the bar, so I had no choice but to see him every night, and going on a date with him just felt like the smart thing to do. If I said no, I’d just keep seeing him regardless and it would’ve been so awkward… so I made myself like him.

Empezamos a vernos. Y con el tiempo empezó a gustarme de verdad.

He was thoughtful, kind, and seemed to really care about me at first. And that hadn’t happened in a long, long time, so I was slowly becoming more and more hooked on the feeling.

But what I didn’t know was that it was his plan all along. He apparently had a habit of catching young, weak, and fragile women off guard, winning them over with his fake words. Once they were in his web, he’d use them to feed his inflated ego.

Descubrí su patrón de conducta mucho después de haber terminado con él, pero de repente todo tenía mucho sentido.

I was nothing but a punching bag to him. When he’d feel like shit, he’d use me to shift the blame on me and make himself feel better.

When he felt like it, he’d just yell at me for no reason to get it all out of his system and then be on his best behaviour with his buddies.

Nadie sabía realmente cómo era a puerta cerrada, excepto yo y algunas de sus anteriores novias, que me confiaron y me contaron todas sus experiencias una vez que salí definitivamente de su vida.

Me trataron como la mierdaMis sentimientos nunca fueron importantes y tenía que hablar con él antes de salir de casa. Era un gran obseso del control que nunca me dejaba ser yo misma y me causaba tanto miedo y dolor como para defenderme.

It was an all-time low for me and it really got me thinking…

Was this the life I wanted for myself? Was this the man I was going to let invade my life and make me so miserable? If I didn’t say anything right then and there, I never would’ve found the courage to do so.

Así que decidí que ya era suficiente. ¿Quién demonios se creía que era? ¿Por qué se creía con derecho a menospreciarme y tratarme como a una mierda para sentirse como un hombre de verdad?

Una vez que me di cuenta de todo esto, me resultó muy fácil decirle exactamente lo que sentía y largarme de allí. No iba a dejar que arruinara mi vida y mi futuro. Yo era mucho mejor que eso.

And that’s how I finally found my power again. I felt like the freaking queen of the world.

Me fui y nunca miré atrás. Fue un torbellino de emociones y superarlo fue un proceso largo, pero era necesario para darme cuenta de que nunca más iba a dejar que un hombre controlara ninguna parte de mí.

Not today, not ever. And it felt so damn good. We as women face so many obstacles in life just because of our gender, so I decided to take back my life and show the man who’s really in charge!

Lo único que hace falta es que esa vocecita interior te diga que vayas a por ello, y una vez que encuentres el valor para dejar que esa voz se oiga, ¡nunca más vas a querer estar callado!

That was my lesson. And boy am I glad I went through all that. Because that’s what needed to happen to shape me into the woman I am today – and this woman takes no more shit from no man!

I am in control of my life, my love, and my future. Any man who has a problem with that can stand in line. I simply don’t have time for you anymore! And it feels so damn good to finally be able to say that.