It was only a few weeks after the breakup and my ex’s relationship status went from “in a relationship“ to “single“. Photos of him partying with friends and some unknown women were cluttering my news feed. His texts stopped coming and it seemed like he was over me just like that. In the blink of an eye, all the love he swore he had for me was gone and he moved on.

Mientras tanto, yo seguía con mi segunda tarrina de helado, luchando contra el insomnio, llorando sin parar, hablando con mis amigos, analizando la ruptura y la relación, intentando encontrarle algún sentido a lo que acababa de pasar. Intentando llegar al fondo de las cosas.

“How can he move on so fast? Did he ever love me? How can he be so heartless? Where did his love go?” y seguramente “¿Me echa de menos?”  were just some of the questions echoing in my head and making everything so much more difficult for me. But they wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t silence my mind. I couldn’t stop the pain that was just getting deeper.

My world was falling apart and he was having the time of his life. I couldn’t grasp it. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand what was going on in his head. It’s maybe not a good thing to confess but if I had known I wasn’t the only one hurting, if I had known that he was going through something similar, maybe it would have been easier to get over the breakup.

I know that a lot of women can relate. And a lot of them are wondering, “Why is this so? Why do men and women handle breakups differently?” This is what I have found out:

1. Reacciones iniciales

Inmediatamente después de la ruptura, la mujer analiza la situación y trata de encontrarle sentido. Hablará de ello abiertamente con sus amigas para facilitar las cosas. En cambio, los hombres luchar contra sus sentimientos. They will ignore them and put them aside. They will avoid the subject and try to move on as fast as they can because that’s what men do. They don’t display their feelings publically or go into in-depth analyses with their friends.

Si lo miramos a largo plazo, las mujeres obtienen mejores resultados a la hora de superar una ruptura. Puede que les lleve mucho tiempo, pero procesan sus sentimientos. Al hablar de ellos, en cierto modo, dejan que el dolor abandone lentamente su organismo. Llegan a conclusiones significativas que les ayudan a vivir mejor.

2. Tiempo de realización

While that initial blow is harder on women, that doesn’t mean men are unaffected. A breakup doesn’t spare anybody—it’s just the difference in timing. Women are more affected at the beginning and men later on.

Mientras las mujeres pasan por el periodo de duelo y diseccionan toda la relación con sus amigos, en realidad se están curando a sí mismas en ese proceso. Se dan cuenta de que se ha acabado y de por qué ha tenido que ser así. En cambio, los hombres están demasiado ocupados huyendo de sus sentimientos y distrayéndose, de modo que la comprensión de la ruptura y del hecho de que no hay vuelta atrás llega más tarde.

3. Mecanismos de afrontamiento

This is probably one of the most important differences. After the breakup, men are guarding their pride and self-esteem. They can experience anger and resentment if they weren’t the ones who did the breaking up. So their coping mechanisms are bit more destructive. They hide their feelings, go out partying, are more prone to rebound relationships, etc. So, they don’t solve the problem. They are not healing—they are avoiding dealing with the breakup.

Women, however, do the complete opposite and most of the relationship experts agree that women’s way of coping with breakups is more constructive. By turning to other people in their lives, by talking about their feelings and analyzing them, they try to give themselves some kind of closure. They learn their lessons, try to see the silver lining in all the pain and grow as the individuals.

4. Percepciones específicas de una relación

Los hombres y las mujeres tienen puntos de vista totalmente diferentes sobre el concepto de relación de pareja. expectativas diferentes. La mayoría de las mujeres, normalmente sin ninguna intención real de hacerlo, ven una relación como algo a largo plazo desde el principio. Por eso, invierten mucho más en las relaciones que los hombres. Y eso es natural y normal, pero un gran comienzo de relación no garantiza que estés donde debes estar.

That’s why when the relationship breaks up, women have this feeling that they have lost so much more—the potential of the relationship and everything they thought that relationship could become has gone down the drain. By default, the pain is so much greater for it. On the contrary, men are less affected and less hurt because of their perception of a relationship. They go one day at a time without thinking too much of where the relationship is headed, especially early on.

5. Emociones frente a razón

La mayoría de las mujeres están más en contacto con sus sentimientos que los hombres. Como resultado, también son mejores afrontando esos mismos sentimientos en lugar de luchar contra ellos. Los hombres empujarán sus sentimientos hacia lo más profundo Harán todo lo posible para no sentir nada y cuando por fin paren con toda la juerga, relaciones de rebote y todas las demás distracciones, la realidad empezará a hacer mella.

Men are more likely to follow their minds than their hearts. That’s why they might have it easier when they get to the point of thinking about why the breakup was inevitable and why it was the best thing possible. The bad side is that the reasoning kicks in late and they might regret breaking up and losing a great woman

Lo que me di cuenta con el tiempo es que mi ex se preocupaba por mí, pero tenía una forma diferente de afrontar la ruptura. Men and women are by default different in most of things—after breakup periods are no exception. So, it’s no wonder that men and women often fail to understand each other.

All along, I thought my ex-was moving on so fast after the breakup, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The thing is while I was processing things, he was ignoring them, blocking all the memories of us and putting on a show for himself, his friends and me just so he could prove he was a ‘real man’ who gets over things so easily.

Mucho después de nuestra ruptura, cuando yo ya había remendado mi corazón roto, me había dado cuenta de por qué tuvo que ocurrir la ruptura y había aprendido mis lecciones, me confesó que la ruptura acababa de empezar a afectarle. Todo el tiempo fingía que me había superado, evitando enfrentarse a sus emociones. Sólo cuando dejó de fingir se dio cuenta de que me había perdido para siempre y que ya no había vuelta atrás. Su proceso de curación acababa de empezar.