Cómo comunicarse con los hombres: 16 formas de mejorar la comunicación

Desde el principio de los tiempos, la comunicación entre hombres y mujeres ha sido un misterio.

Even though guys also try hard to understand girls, the truth is that women are usually the ones wondering how to communicate with men and doing their best to see inside a man’s brain.

How to be a better communicator? How to be understood and listened to? How to communicate with a man who can’t seem to have a mature conversation?

Well, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need. Here are 16 tips on how to communicate with men.

1. Entender que los hombres y las mujeres se comunican de forma diferente

Most women are wondering how to have better communication with a guy who clearly doesn’t want to have or is not capable of having an adult conversation which surpasses everyday small talk.

At first glance, it might appear to you that your boyfriend simply doesn’t have the communication skills needed for a mature relationship.

It seems that you’re a better communicator and that he doesn’t know how to or doesn’t want to maintain healthy and effective communication.

Well, that’s actually not true. In fact, most miscommunication between couples comes from the fact that a man’s brain functions differently from a woman’s.

I’m sure you’ve already heard about the saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

It means that sometimes we’re polar opposites and have little in common when it comes to certain things.

Antes de nada, tienes que tener una cosa clara: en la mayoría de los casos, las chicas y los chicos piensan de forma diferente, se comportan de forma diferente y, por lo tanto, también hablan de forma diferente.

Basically, you can’t expect your man to have the same communication skills and style as you.

For example, us women often talk just for the sake of talking. Yes, we build relationships through communication but there are also cases where our monologues don’t actually have a point.

Por otra parte, la mayoría de los hombres piensan que la comunicación sin un propósito claro es absolutamente inútil.

Also, they’re not as good at reading non-verbal signals as women. Men mostly have an extremely hard time figuring out signos del lenguaje corporal.

Therefore, knowing all of this, you understand why it’s important to stop looking at things from just your point of view when you’re trying to communicate effectively with a guy.

Don’t make any assumptions and instead realize that this man standing in front of you has a different style of communication.

Get it that he probably won’t understand the things you think are implied and that you have to adapt to him in a certain way if you want to be heard.

2. Ajuste sus estilos de comunicación

On the other hand, even though it was already stated that men and women communicate differently, it’s also true that you can’t generalize a person based on their sex.

No todos los hombres tienen el mismo estilo de comunicación. Según las investigaciones, existen cuatro estilos de comunicación principales.

When someone has a passive communication style, they usually repress their emotions and even if they’re perfectly aware of them, they’re not likely to openly express them.

Estas personas hacen todo lo posible por evitar el drama y la confrontación, lo que suele dar lugar a que no sean sinceras sobre sus sentimientos u opiniones.

Por el contrario, existe un estilo de comunicación agresivo.

People who communicate in this way usually speak loudly, to the extent that it appears like they’re ordering and demanding something from the other person.

También existe la pasivo-agresivo estilo de comunicación. Este estilo consiste en ignorar y dar la callada por respuesta.

Basically, these people won’t directly tell you what’s bothering them.

Sin embargo, a diferencia de los comunicadores pasivos, dejarán muy claros sus sentimientos por otras vías, especialmente a través de las señales del lenguaje corporal.

Finally, those who have an assertive communication style will speak their mind but will always take other people’s needs into consideration.

Assertive communicators are empaths who don’t have trouble expressing themselves but don’t make the other person the bad guy even when they feel hurt by something they did.

Knowing all of this, now you see why it’s important to have compatible styles of communication with someone you’re talking to, especially if that someone is your romantic partner and the person you share your every day with.

Sin embargo, lo cierto es que todos somos personas diferentes y que es probable que usted y tu hombre entrarán en su relación con estilos de comunicación diferentes o incluso opuestos.

En ese caso, es crucial adaptar sus estilos y encontrarse a medio camino.

Vuestra comunicación nunca será sana ni productiva si tú tienes, por ejemplo, un estilo agresivo, mientras que él es más bien una persona pasiva.

In this case, you’ll do all the talking, he’ll pretend that he is agreeing with everything you say but will actually be repressing everything.

Ideally, it would be great if you both could adopt assertive communication styles. This way, you’ll be able to express yourself but you’ll avoid unnecessary fights while doing so.

Sin embargo, estas cosas llevan tiempo y mucho trabajo personal.

In the meantime, it will be enough to try and harmonize your communication styles in a manner where you’ll both feel equal to each other.

3. Intenta ver las cosas desde su perspectiva

Toda relación, incluida la suya, es una calle de doble sentido. Significa que las dos partes implicadas en ella tienen su parte de responsabilidad.

También significa que ambos tenéis derecho a hablar. El derecho a tener vuestra opinión y sentimientos sobre un determinado asunto.

Therefore, if you want to reach a conclusion and have better communication, you have to learn to look at things from your partner’s point of view.

The truth is that all of us think we’re always right. After all, we wouldn’t stand behind what we believed in if we thought it was wrong, would we?

Sin embargo, también es cierto que toda moneda tiene dos caras.

So, even when you’re convinced that you’re the only right one and you want to blame your boyfriend or husband for something, take a step back and try looking at the world through his eyes.

Por un momento, intenta ponerte en su lugar. ¿Cómo ve él toda esta situación? ¿Cómo se siente?

Y lo que es más importante: ¿Qué debes decir para que este hombre te entienda de verdad? ¿Cómo debes actuar para que él llegue al fondo de tus palabras y finalmente lleguéis a un acuerdo?

4. Hablar con él en persona

En las citas modernas, todo ha cambiado, incluidas las habilidades de comunicación. Parece que todo gira en torno a los mensajes de texto, las llamadas telefónicas o las redes sociales.

When you want someone to get your message, you’ll probably post a status update or a quote dedicated to them, expecting them to understand what you’re trying to say.

Or you’ll just text them; after all, it’s much easier to write down everything that’s been bothering you than to say it face to face.

Cuando envías a alguien un mensaje de textoAsí evitarás el riesgo de que te interrumpan.

Tienes tiempo suficiente para plasmar tus emociones en palabras de la mejor manera posible, puedes comprobar todo lo que has escrito varias veces y puedes preparar tu redacción durante días hasta conseguir la forma perfecta.

Además, estarás a salvo de la posibilidad de que tu nerviosismo lo estropee todo.

The other person won’t hear your voice shaking, you won’t get tongue-tied, they won’t see your palms sweating and you won’t start crying in the middle of making a point.

This is especially the case when it comes to some ‘difficult’ talks.

You won’t chicken out when you see the other person’s reaction to your words and you won’t give up in the middle of your speech and change your mind about whatever you wanted to say.

Sí, la verdad es que hablar con alguien por teléfono o enviarle un mensaje de texto parece más fácil. Sin embargo, no es el camino a seguir en las relaciones serias.

Por supuesto, puedes enviarle mensajes de texto a tu novio sobre cosas irrelevantes y tus mensajes pueden contener conversaciones triviales.

Nevertheless, when you want to address an important topic, it’s always best to talk to him in person.

First of all, this way, you’ll show your strength and determination. You’ll show him that you’re not a coward who hides behind the screen of her phone.

Besides, when you’re talking face to face, there is no running away. There is no leaving one another’s text messages on read, turning off your phone or not answering.

No olvides nunca que los dos sois adultos y que debéis comportaros en consecuencia.

5. Ser respetuoso

Even when they don’t show it, all men have a fragile ego. The things they hate the most are being insulted, put down, or humiliated.

Esto se aplica especialmente a su masculinidad. A todo hombre le gusta sentir que es lo suficientemente hombre para su mujer y si insultas su masculinidad, todo lo demás se vuelve en vano.

Por lo tanto, la regla número uno de una comunicación sana con tu novio o marido es el respeto.

Trust me—you won’t go anywhere if you show him that you don’t respect him as a person or as your partner.

Por mucho que creas que se equivoca, no deberían existir los insultos.

Don’t try to ruin his self-esteem and increase sus inseguridades. Even when you disagree with him, don’t devalue his opinion.

Don’t question his intelligence or wit. This is especially important when you’re communicating in front of others.

Of course, respecting your man doesn’t have to include you nodding your head and agreeing with everything he has to say just not to hurt his feelings.

Becoming a better communicator doesn’t include you being a complaciente just to boost your guy’s ego.

De hecho, tienes todo el derecho a reprocharle sus acciones o a decirle que se equivoca. Sin embargo, la clave está en la forma de hacerlo.

6. Utilizar afirmaciones positivas

If you’re wondering how to communicate with men, the important thing is not to be negative while trying to make a point. Instead, try using positive statements while talking to your guy.

¿Qué son las afirmaciones positivas y en qué se diferencian de las negativas?

Well, for example, let’s say that you want to tell your partner that you’re bothered by the amount of time you two spend together.

You feel emotionally neglected and think that he isn’t giving you enough of his attention.

Your first impulse will probably be to attack him. It’s to tell him that everyone and everything seems to be more important than you and to accuse him of not loving you enough.

Aquí es donde te equivocarías. Cada una de estas frases es una afirmación negativa y tiene el potencial de convertirse en una pelea innecesaria, en lugar de darte lo que quieres.

Therefore, it’s time to change your ways of communicating. Instead of telling your partner any of the things mentioned above, try using a different approach.

Por ejemplo, dígale cuánto lo echas de menos y que te gustaría pasar más tiempo con él. Proponle una actividad que os venga bien a los dos.

Also, tell him that you’re aware of all the good things he does for your relationship. State that you’re not criticizing him and that you’re only looking for ways to improve things between you two.

7. Elija el lugar y el momento adecuados

When you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men and become a better communicator, two more important aspects are the time and place of your talks.

Don’t start some important topics while you two are in a crowded place or with friends. First and foremost, you can’t hear each other properly this way, let alone have healthy communication.

Don’t do it while he’s busy and in the middle of something. This way, your man won’t be able to give you his full attention and completely focus on your discussion.

When it comes to choosing the place for your communication, make sure it’s somewhere where you both feel safe and comfortable. If you two live together, the best place is your home.

On the other hand, if you’re dating and still haven’t moved in together, try choosing a neutral place.

Don’t do the talking in your home because he might feel like you could kick him out if things get nasty and don’t do it in his either because that is his space and you’ll feel like you’re being rude for calling him out on something in his own home.

Además, los biorritmos de ambos son importantes. Algunas personas se ponen de mal humor al levantarse, así que quizá no quieras empezar temas serios antes de tomarte el primer café de la mañana.

On the other hand, some don’t function well at night after a long day so if you’re one of those couples, avoid discussions before bedtime.

8. Cuidado con el tono de voz

Muchas personas elevan el tono de voz para dar a entender algo. En la mayoría de los casos, ni siquiera somos conscientes de hacerlo y estamos convencidos de que nuestro tono es completamente normal.

Este tipo de reacción es completamente natural.

You want to be heard and understood so desperately that you subconsciously start raising the tone of your voice in order for the other person to really get what you’re trying to tell them.

However, this approach will bring you more bad than good. Your partner will feel that you’re attacking him and he won’t listen to your point.

Instead, he’ll only hear you yelling at him and disregard the bottom line of what you’re trying to tell him.

Consequently, he’ll feel the need to defend himself and you two will just end up fighting, without reaching any kind of conclusion.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too quiet either. This way, you’ll just appear as being too scared to speak your mind and to say what you want.

Instead, do your best to find the perfect balance while choosing the right words. Be certain about what you’re saying without shouting and screaming.

Try hard to remain as calm as possible and don’t raise your tone of voice. Don’t lose your patience and don’t let this conversation turn into a yelling competition.

9. Conseguir que se concentre

Las mujeres nacen multitarea. Por el contrario, no es una cualidad que posean la mayoría de los hombres, y ése es también uno de los problemas más comunes en la comunicación hombre-mujer.

Therefore, it’s crucial for your guy to be completely concentrated on what you’re saying. If you want to have a successful conversation, you simply have to find a way to get him to focus on it.

Esto significa que debe deshacerse de todas las distracciones posibles. Dile que quieres hablar con él de algo importante y pídele toda su atención.

Asegúrese de mantener contacto visual y que tus expresiones faciales muestren tu seriedad.

Don’t look away while you two are talking and don’t turn your conversation into background noise while you’re busy making lunch or doing something else.

I know that sometimes you don’t want to make a big deal about the things you want to say so you just casually mention them and expect your partner to listen to you and understand what you are trying to tell him.

However, I’ll have to burst your bubble and tell you that this is not likely to happen.

Si quieres que tomarte en serioPara ello, tienes que asegurarte de que tienes toda su atención y de que se está concentrando en vuestra conversación.

10. Sea concreto y directo

Here is the tough part—whenever you’re communicating with men, you have to be concrete and direct.

Tienes que verbalizar tus emociones y pensamientos con detalle si quieres que te comprendan de la manera adecuada.

The truth which most women fail to accept is that men don’t take hints.

They don’t understand mixed signals, have zero capacity for reading between the lines and, most importantly, they’re not mind readers.

Therefore, if you expect your partner to know that he’s been doing something wrong just because it is clear and logical for you, think again.

Si esperas que se dé cuenta de que he’s been hurting you with a certain behavior without you pointing out his mistake, you’ll be disappointed.

Si esperas que cambie siendo pasivo-agresivo o dándole la tratamiento silencioso, trust me that you’ll be waiting for ages but nothing will happen.

If you want him to magically know how you feel and what you think, you’ll get nowhere.

All of this means just one thing—when it comes to men, there is no beating around the bush. Instead, if you expect success, explain to your guy in detail everything you want to say.

11. Alcanzar la igualdad

Como ya hemos dicho, una relación es cosa de dos.

Among other things, that also means that you’re both equal partners and that one person should never be dominant over the other when it comes to open communication and problem solving, among other things.

Esto es especialmente importante cuando se trata de comunicación, si quieres que sea sana. Ambos tenéis el mismo derecho a hablar, a opinar y a sentir lo que queráis.

So, please, make sure you don’t fall into a trap many women sadly get themselves into. Don’t act like your partner is a little child.

You’re no su madre or his teacher and you’re not there to parent him.

You’re not there to show him how to live his life or teach him anything so there is absolutely no need to use a condescending tone or any words which will make him feel inferior.

Of course, this goes both ways as well. Don’t allow him to treat you like he is above you either.

Remember that you can’t have healthy communication as long as one of you is afraid of the other in any way. I’m not talking about the possibility of actual abuso de ningún tipo aquí.

I’m talking about the fact that you’re, for example, scared of your boyfriend’s reaction if you tell him something he doesn’t agree with or if you avoid going against the grain just not to provoke an argument or you even think that he might leave you if you tell him something he doesn’t like.

En este escenario, nunca podrás ser sincero o abierto con tu pareja. Naturalmente, esto trae mucha insatisfacción y problemas en el futuro.

12. Ser lo más rápido posible

When you were told to tell your partner how you feel and what you think in detail, it doesn’t mean that your conversations should last an entire day.

In detail means being specific but it doesn’t have to include long conversations.

De hecho, se ha demostrado científicamente que la capacidad de atención de los hombres es menor que la de las mujeres.

Your partner is no exception so it is likely that he’ll lose focus after some time and that he’ll just remain physically present in the room, without actually listening to you.

Well, in order to avoid this, it’s important not to make tiring speeches. Instead, be as quick as possible and get to the point.

Cut to the chase. Don’t make long introductions and conclusions and just speak about what’s important. Instead, split this conversation into a few shorter ones.

On the other hand, if you see that he has stopped listening but you still haven’t finished or you haven’t reached a conclusion, end the conversation.

No tiene sentido hacer monólogos sin ningún tipo de retroalimentación.

Sé que quieres terminar el trabajo enseguida, pero créeme que esto tendrá un mejor efecto a largo plazo en vuestra relación.

13. Be honest about your feelings…

La base de toda relación sana es la comunicación abierta y la base de toda comunicación eficaz es la honestidad.

You can’t expect to achieve anything or to reach your goals if you lie to or deceive the person you’re talking to.

Therefore, you simply must be one hundred percent honest about your feelings and thoughts when communicating with your guy and this can’t be stressed enough.

En primer lugar, tienes que ser sincero contigo mismo. Tienes que ser capaz de reconocer tus emociones, aceptarlas y, por último, valorarlas antes de presentárselas a tu pareja.

However, remember that feelings are always subjective. Therefore, you’re not the judge of any conversation.

You have the right to say how things make you feel and how certain events look from your point of view. However, this doesn’t mean that your side of the story is the only real one.

Finally, please don’t be ashamed of your emotions. They don’t make you weak and you won’t appear desperate if you acknowledge them.

En cambio, ser sincero con tus sentimientos y defenderlos es un signo de madurez. En vulnerable es señal de una increíble fuerza interior no muchos lo han hecho.

14. … but don’t be a drama queen

Nevertheless, it’s crucial not to behave like a drama queen while you’re trying to argue or just communicate with your forever person.

Don’t be a spoiled brat and stop thinking that the earth revolves around you because guess what? It’s not.

In fact, don’t even talk to your partner unless you calm yourself down first. Sometimes it’s better to cool down and let time be your ally before saying or doing some things you might regret later on.

Por lo tanto, si su pareja hizo algo que le hirió pero usted sabe que te sientes demasiado herido now to talk to him calmly, leave this topic for tomorrow. Sleep it off and don’t react impulsively.

There is no point in making a big fuss about everything. Men don’t like arguing and will mostly react negatively to constant drama, fights and scandals.

15. Don’t be accusatory

Whether we like to admit this or not, every couple fights. Arguments and miscommunication are a part of all relationships and there don’t exist two people who never had the slightest disagreement.

Por lo tanto, parece que las peleas ocasionales forman parte de la comunicación. Todos querríamos evitarlas, pero son expectativas poco realistas.

However, arguments don’t have to be bad for a relationship. In fact, they can actually help you on your path toward healthier communication.

Verá, lo más importante consejos sobre relaciones here is to understand this: You two are not fighting with each other, you’re fighting against the problem you’re dealing with.

At least, that’s how things should be; you two should work together toward problem solving.

Therefore, there is absolutely no point in engaging in different blame games. You’ll get nowhere if you keep on accusing each other and trying to put the blame on one person only.

Take over your share of the responsibility, be open about everything that’s been bothering you and work united toward a solution.

16. Evitar suposiciones

If you’re trying to figure out how to communicate with men in the best way possible, one of the things you have to do is get rid of all possible assumptions you might have.

Don’t make conclusions on your own and don’t create different scenarios in your head, which probably have nothing to do with reality and are only based on fragments of truth.

Here is what I’m talking about; if, for example, you suspect that your el novio esta siendo infielConfróntalo.

Don’t spend days or weeks imagining different scenarios and reaching your own conclusion before even discussing things with him.

Sí, este ejemplo puede sonar demasiado brutal, pero la conclusión es prácticamente la misma en todas las situaciones.

Si tienes alguna pregunta para tu novio o cónyuge, él es el único que puede darte las respuestas que necesitas.