10 cosas que siempre debes tener en cuenta cuando sientas que no eres lo suficientemente bueno
You’ve tried everything from meditation to reading all the advice about true happiness, but you still feel like you’re not good enough.
Y lo peor de todo es que ni siquiera recuerdas cuándo empezaste a sentirte así.
Did it happen while you were growing up, or you were born with an inner critic that you somehow can’t shut down (not even for a second)?
Feeling like you’re not good enough is one of the most draining things in the world and the process of overcoming it requires understanding, determination, and patience.
Requiere aprender el arte del amor propio.
It is when you’re convinced that no matter what you do or say, it will never be good enough for other people, or for you.
It is when you’re afraid to make mistakes in life because they make you feel like the ultimate failure.
Hay muchas razones para sentirse menos digno, ser sensiblee, y repitiendo constantemente pensamientos negativos en tu cabeza, y esas razones suelen estar relacionadas con problemas muy arraigados.
Before diving deeper into things you should remember when you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, let’s first check out the possible roots of that feeling:
7 Common Reasons Why You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough
1. Tienes suposiciones ocultas sobre el mundo debido a algunos acontecimientos pasados
One of the main reasons why we feel like we’re not good enough lies in the past and previous events.
As children, we absorb everything around us – the way people talk, walk, and most importantly, the way people behave in certain situations.
Conectamos todo y enmarcamos esos recuerdos en un compartimento especial de nuestro cerebro llamado supuestos ocultos.
Cuando somos niños, no comprendemos que todo sucede por una razón ni las verdaderas razones que hay detrás de ciertas acciones.
Así que hacemos suposiciones. Creamos nuestras propias creencias sobre por qué suceden las cosas y las relacionamos con nuestras propias y únicas razones.
Por ejemplo, si un niño se despierta un día y se da cuenta de que uno de sus padres se ha ido, no entenderá realmente por qué ha ocurrido.
All the child knows is that they love their parent and now they are gone. The hidden assumption here is: “If you care about someone, they abandon you.”
This hidden assumption becomes a deep-rooted issue and it becomes a part of a child’s everyday life and then their life as a grown-up.
These assumptions work on a subconscious level meaning you won’t really be aware of them, but they will still be active in the background.
And that core belief or assumption is what might make you feel like you’re not good enough, like you don’t deserve love and that you need to earn it.
Este miedo puede obligarte a no dejar que nadie se acerque a ti.
2. You’re overly self-critical
¿Has escuchado alguna vez tus pensamientos con atención? ¿Te has dado cuenta de que 90% de las veces tus pensamientos son negativos y que rara vez piensas en algo positivo?
We often become convinced that the reason why we feel we’re not good enough is because of something or someone else.
We think that we’re not good enough because someone said something insulting or took us for granted.
Pero, a veces, somos nosotros mismos la razón por la que nos sentimos así. El cerebro humano es complejo y complicado.
Si dejamos que nuestros pensamientos prevalezcan sin interferir nunca, podríamos encontrarnos en el reino de la duda sobre nosotros mismos, faltos de autoestima y con una baja autoestima.
A healthy dose of self-criticism is motivating, but a toxic one is destructive. And that’s when we start asking ourselves: ¿Por qué no soy lo bastante bueno?
There’s no real reason for it, but we feel that way because we let all the negativity penetrate our thoughts and influence our behaviour.
There’s only one person who can silence your inner critic and that is YOU!
Puedes hacerlo practicando pensamiento positivoLa autoconversación y la meditación.
If you do all these things on a regular basis, you will notice a significant improvement when it comes to your self-confidence and over time you’ll be less self-critical and self-loathing.
You’ll realize that you’re enough!
3. Te rodeas de personas demasiado críticas y/o críticas
En mi opinión, una de las cosas más tóxicas del planeta es estar rodeado de gente crítica y que juzga.
We all know that human beings can be really toxic (especially when they’re having a bad day).
I bet that in everyone’s life there are a few people who are overly critical and/or judgmental.
Esas personas pueden ser tus amigos, tus padres, tus familiares, tu pareja o gente cualquiera de las redes sociales.
And those people have the power to change the quality of your whole life in a second. They follow your every move and they can’t wait to jump into critic mode.
Whatever you say or do, they’ll always find a way to convince you that you’re not doing something right, that you’re incapable of achieving something or fixing something.
Or they judge your decisions and choices even though it’s none of their business.
By doing that they’re subtly implanting a message into your brain that you’re not good enough. And over time you’ll start to believe it.
If this is the case with you, you need to stand up for yourself and stop spending time with such toxic people (or at least minimize the time you spend with them if you don’t have the luxury of avoiding them completely).
4. Tuvo padres muy exigentes, críticos o distantes.
As a person who had highly critical parents, I can totally relate to this one. So, let’s start with the critical aspect first.
There’s a thin line between healthy criticism and toxic criticism.
La crítica sana es criticar a tu hijo de vez en cuando para motivarle a hacer algo mejor, mientras que la crítica tóxica es cuando criticas constantemente a alguien.
It’s when you never say anything positive to your child, but you only acknowledge when they do something wrong.
Then the child starts to think that they’re not good enough because they’re never praised, but only criticised. And such children grow up into adults who still think they’re not good enough.
Also, if the parents are too demanding, they don’t give the child the space to make mistakes.
They often demand perfection and when children are unable to meet or fall short of their parents’ impossible standards, they start feeling bad about themselves.
Distant parents make children feel like they’re not good enough because they never show any kind of affection and they don’t shower their children with the unconditional love that is the essence of happy parenting.
(In most cases, the parents also didn’t experience such love, so they don’t know what unconditional love is).
Children who’ve never experienced a parent’s unconditional love are at high risk of becoming a grown up who will never feel good enough because they weren’t worthy of their parent(s) love.
Véase también: 10 malditas buenas razones por las que es lo suficientemente buena
5. Sus padres no pudieron ofrecerle estabilidad o protección
No todos los niños tienen la suerte de tener padres capaces de ofrecerles estabilidad y seguridad. Algunos padres libran sus propias batallas con el alcohol, las drogas, o sufren ansiedad y depresión.
Estos padres no suelen ser capaces de enseñar a sus hijos amor incondicional y para que se sientan protegidos.
Since they are fighting their own demons, they don’t have enough time to be there for their children.
And because of that, the children start to feel like they are the reason why their parent(s) are absent or why they’re drinking.
Children don’t have the ability to think rationally, therefore their only conclusion will be that they are doing something terribly wrong and making their parents do things they normally wouldn’t.
Empiezan a sentir que no son lo bastante buenos desde su más tierna infancia y este sentimiento les persigue también en su edad adulta.
When they grow up, they start searching for stability and protection somewhere else (in their partners) or they become attracted to commitment-phobes because they often feel like they need to compete for other people’s affection and approval.
6. You didn’t get enough attention and love as a kid
Como ya se ha mencionado, el amor incondicional es una de las cosas más importantes cuando se trata de una crianza sana y feliz (especialmente a una edad temprana).
If your parents didn’t give you enough attention and love when you were a kid, chances are that’s the reason why you think: I’m not good enough.
As a child, you probably thought that you were the problem – that you were the reason why your parents never hugged you or kissed you good night.
Los niños hacen eso. Conectan los puntos a su propia y tonta manera.
They don’t have the capacity to understand the deep-rooted issues behind this phenomenon.
In most cases, parents who don’t give attention or shower their children with love didn’t receive it from their parents, either.
It’s like an endless chain that needs to be understood and broken into pieces in order for something to change. But, that’s easier said than done.
Luckily, most children learn valuable lessons from their parent’s behaviour and they don’t do the same things to their future children.
If someone lacked parental love, they know how they felt about it and that’s why they promise they’ll never repeat the same mistakes as their parents. But, some things remain or hardly change.
Those children will continue to feel like they’re not good enough until they realize their parent’s lack of attention and love was not their fault.
7. Ha tenido alguna experiencia traumática en el pasado
Abuso físico, abuso sexual, abuso emocional… There are many categories and subcategories of abuse and these three are the most common ones.
Now, many people think that emotional abuse is something that doesn’t leave scars because they are not visible like with physical abuse.
Those scars may not be seen on a person’s body, but they are deeply rooted in their soul.
Tal vez recuerden a una persona esos acontecimientos dolorosos cada día y, con el tiempo, esos sentimientos empeoren cada vez más.
They become convinced that they’re not good enough, that the reason why something bad happened to them is that they deserved it (even though they didn’t).
It’s really hard to convince children that something is not their fault. They grow up into adults who still believe that they are a bad person even though they haven’t done anything wrong.
Traumatic experiences are like ghosts – they tend to follow a person through their entire life.
Seeking professional help or advice is often the only thing that can make them feel better about themselves and everything they’ve gone through.
10 Things To Remember When You Feel You’re Not Good Enough
Now that we’re done with the list of common reasons for not feeling good enough, it’s time to dive into the self-help department.
Cuando empieces a sentirte así, acuérdate de lo siguiente:
1. You don’t have to be a slave to your inner critic
Todos tenemos nuestro crítico interior, pero algunos son más ruidosos y otros menos intrusivos. Lo que tienes que hacer es pensar por qué tuviste ese pensamiento negativo en primer lugar.
Do you repeat in your head that you’re too lazy because you haven’t done something yet? In that case, you should start doing something about it. You should roll up your sleeves and start working.
And you should tell yourself that your unwillingness to do something at the moment doesn’t make you lazy or a bad person.
We all have days when we’re a little off and we’re less motivated to do our daily tasks.
That doesn’t make us less worthy or not good enough. It’s time to start making a difference and prevent that inner critic from turning you into a slave of your own thoughts!
2. Cambia tu mentalidad por una más positiva
Whenever you start feeling like you’re not good enough, it’s important to detach yourself from that illusion.
Necesitas cambiar tu mentalidad por una más positiva que te ayude a destruir la negativa.
Think about all the happy moments from the past, your achievements, something nice you’ve done for someone; think about your loved ones and all the other things that make your heart beat faster.
Tienes que volver a encontrar el lado bueno de las cosas recordando todas las cosas positivas de tu vida.
It won’t be easy at first. You’ll notice the battle between your positive and negative side, but if your stay persistent, you will most certainly succeed in making the positive one prevail!
3. Crear una lista de recuerdos positivos
Once you’re done with contemplating all the positive things in your life, it’s wise to write them down on a piece of paper so that you always have a reminder when you need it.
Crea una lista de recuerdos positivos con todas las cosas positivas que se te ocurran sobre ti, tu estilo de vida, tu personalidad, etc.
Piense en los momentos en los que se sintió realmente feliz haciendo algo, en los que hizo algo inspirador y en los que ayudó a alguien que lo necesitaba.
Once you start to feel like you’re not good enough, it’s really important to remind yourself of all those things because they are your motivation and proof that you are enough.
4. Deja de compararte con los demás
Let’s face it. It has never been easier to compare yourself to others than it is nowadays.
Todas esas personas perfectas de la televisión, todas esas personas ricas y perfectas de las redes sociales, tus vecinos, tus compañeros de trabajo, tus amigos, tu familia. La lista es interminable.
There is not a single thing or a person you can’t compare yourself to (I even compare myself to my cat, yup).
Whenever you see someone “prettier” or who is more settled in life than you, you automatically start comparing yourself to them and, as a result, you start to feel that you’re not good enough.
It’s important to remind yourself that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.
It’s important to be grateful for what you already have. (And it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others).
Véase también: Lee esto cada vez que empieces a compararte con una chica más guapa
5. Minimiza el tiempo que pasas en las redes sociales
As mentioned above, social media is one of the biggest things that can ruin our mental health and make us feel like we’ll never be good enough – no matter how hard we try.
Las redes sociales nos convencen de que existen vidas perfectas y de que nosotros también podríamos vivir esa vida perfecta si empezáramos a vestirnos como ellos, a comportarnos como ellos y a vivir como ellos.
In case you’re wondering who “them” is, I’m referring to all those (self-proclaimed) influencers.
Para evitar una sobredosis de comparaciones, tienes que reducir al mínimo el tiempo que pasas en las redes sociales y hacer otras cosas que, sin duda, te llenarán más.
6. Aumenta tu autoestima haciendo algunas cosas buenas por ti mismo o por los demás.
This is a great way to help you feel better instantly. Whenever you feel like you’re not good enough, make a list of a few things that you could do in order to help someone, or to help yourself.
The accent is on doing a nice thing that will make someone’s day or doing something nice for yourself that will make you proud of yourself.
Puede ser cualquier cosa, desde ayudar a alguien con sus tareas hasta reorganizar tu vestuario.
Once you’ve done it, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back and say out loud: I did a great job! I’m freaking awesome!
7. Celebrar las grandes y pequeñas victorias
Una de las razones por las que muchas personas empiezan a sentirse mal consigo mismas es porque sólo celebran sus grandes victorias (como terminar la universidad, conseguir un trabajo o similares).
Se olvidan de todas esas pequeñas victorias que también significan mucho.
Pequeñas victorias como levantarse de la cama por la mañana, prepararse el desayuno (agradeciendo la oportunidad de prepararlo), superar los miedos, ir al gimnasio cuando uno se siente fatal, etc.
Hay miles de pequeñas victorias que nos acompañan a lo largo del día y, si les prestas atención (y no sólo a las grandes), te darás cuenta de tu poder y potencial ilimitados.
8. Desahogarte te hará sentir mejor al instante
When you feel like you’re not good enough, ¿sueles reprimir esos sentimientos? Do you tell yourself that what you’re feeling is not something you should share with others?
Si este es tu caso, piénsatelo otra vez. En lugar de reprimirte, DEFINITIVAMENTE deberías hablarlo todo con tu mejor amigo, un familiar o alguien cercano.
Porque cuanto más lo reprimas, más intenso será el sentimiento.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking it out with someone, there’s another method called journaling.
Escribe tus sentimientos y pensamientos en tu diario con regularidad o siempre que te apetezca. Esto tendrá el mismo efecto que si hablaras de ello con alguien.
9. Centrarse siempre en el proceso y no en el resultado
Este concepto es realmente brillante. Cuando estaba en la universidad, nunca jamás pensé en el día en que por fin obtendría mi diploma (y sería feliz el resto de mi vida).
En lugar de eso, me centré en el proceso. Me centré en cada uno de los exámenes y cada vez que aprobaba uno, lo veía como una pequeña victoria.
Win after win after win – and there you are. When you focus on the process, you will be more present and realistic regarding your expectations.
You will not think that you’re not good enough, but you will focus on doing your best in each situation.
10. Centrarse en los desencadenantes de la negatividad y deshacerse de ellos (o minimizarlos).
We’ve already listed one negative trigger – social media. Each person has lots of triggers and we’re often not even aware of them.
So, it’s time to think about what things make you feel bad and have a negative influence on your psyche. Those things might be people, your beliefs, your habits, and so on.
Once you’ve identified them, focus on getting rid of them (or at least minimizing their impact).
Y recuerde: no está solo.
In case you haven’t been told lately, you are important, you are amazing, and you are loved. Your past doesn’t define your present or the future.
You are a brave human being who has been through a lot. You’ve fought, you’ve cried, your heart has been broken into pieces, but you’ve never given up.
You’ve never given up being you. An imperfectly perfect human being with the strength of a warrior. So, don’t you dare think that you’re not good enough!
Véase también: Este año por fin sé que soy lo suficientemente bueno
