Cómo comunicarse con una pareja evasiva: 10 formas probadas
Según la teoría del apego, existen tres tipos básicos de estilos de apego en las relaciones: seguro, ansioso y evitativo. Cada uno de ellos afecta a la relación entre dos personas.
Dependiendo de nuestras experiencias pasadas, sobre todo relaciones pasadas y experiencias de la infancia, todos hemos creado uno de estos estilos de apego por nosotros mismos.
An avoidant attachment style is when a person wants to be close to someone but at the same time, they aren’t comfortable with being in a relationship and sharing certain things with the other person.
Tienen opiniones negativas sobre sí mismos y sobre los demás.
They think that one day, you’ll use their feelings and their secrets to hurt them; that’s why many people want to know how to communicate with an avoidant partner.
En una relación sana, ambos miembros de la pareja deben aceptar al otro por lo que realmente es, celebrar sus diferencias y afrontar sus problemas de forma sana.
Consejos para comunicarse con una pareja evasiva
Establishing a healthy relationship and communication with an avoidant partner isn’t so difficult; you just have to calm your nervous system and be more patient.
Aquí está cómo comunicar con una pareja evasiva de la forma más eficaz y probada.
Deja que vengan a ti primero
Don’t chase after them. If you have had a fight or disagreement, don’t constantly call or text them. Don’t text them and they will text you. Your partner will probably need time to gather their thoughts before they’re ready to talk to you.
Let them come to you first. After some time, they’ll cool off and it’ll be easier for both of you to talk and solve your issues peacefully.
Una persona con un estilo de apego evitativo es miedo a la intimidad física. Si han decidido dar ese paso contigo, tienes que tener cuidado con ellos después.
If they seem distant or request some alone time afterward, don’t immediately start thinking about how something went wrong. They don’t want to break up, they just need time to process what happened.
You have to be aware that you need to go slowly with an avoidant person. Don’t compare them to your previous partners, nor your relationship with your past ones.
Reconocer sus límites
A person with an avoidant attachment style knows how important their boundaries and limits are to them and they try to respect other people’s boundaries.
They won’t be direct about the things they don’t like but as time goes by, you’ll be able to figure it out by yourself.
Then you have to find the right way to deal with it and respond to it. Having boundaries is good for every healthy relationship so you’ll also have to set some of your own.
Show that you’re reliable
Even in times when they request some time alone or some space, you have to respect it but you also have to show them that you’re there for them.
Tell them that you’ll be there if they decide to talk to you. Tell them that no matter what happens, you believe in your strong bond and that you’ll fight it together.
Si les has prometido algo, tienes que cumplir tu palabra. Si te han dicho algo en confianza y te han jurado guardar el secreto, no debes repetirlo a nadie más.
They must know that they can trust you. If you have had a fearful-avoidant open up to you, trust me, you’ve already achieved great success. Becoming emotionally close to someone is their biggest fear.
Don’t avoid disagreements
You have different opinions and perspectives over some things and it’s perfectly normal that you’ll come into conflict.
However, don’t avoid it. It’ll be good for you. Your partner might unintentionally open up to you in those moments and that’ll be a great way for you to understand how they feel and think about you.
If you both run away from conflict, your partner will continue to bottle up their emotions and it’s only a matter of time before those emotions boil over, which would significantly change your relationship for sure.
Hable de sus intereses comunes
Encuentre puntos en común, intereses comunes y hable de ellos. Esto es especialmente importante para los que acaban de empezar su relación.
Maybe you can find some things that you both like, a common hobby or some TV shows that you both like, something you’ll both enjoy doing or talking about.
You’ll learn so much about each other from performing some activities together.
Afterward, talk about your new experience and how it made you feel. I’m sure it will improve your communication and create a deeper bond between you two.
Pregunte a menudo a su pareja cómo se siente
It’s very important to know how your partner feels, which is why you should talk about your emotions more often.
Don’t start that conversation only once you see some changes in your partner’s behavior, as it might be too late then.
Esto es especialmente importante porque sabemos lo difícil que es para una persona con un estilo de apego evitativo abrirse a nosotros y hablar de sus emociones por sí misma.
Your partner is shy when it comes to talking about their feelings and they’re also afraid that you might use their feelings to control them, which is why they think that the best thing is to keep it to themselves.
Envíales un mensaje a mediodía preguntándoles cómo están o cómo les va el día.
It’s not just important for them to talk about their feelings for you; you have to talk about their issues at work, their problems with family and all the other things that bother them.
Additionally, you can’t only talk about their physical health, you must also ask them about their spiritual and salud mental porque cuando se trata de personas evasivas, la salud mental es igual de importante.
Hable de sus miedos
We all have some fears but most people don’t like to talk about them because they don’t think others will understand.
Si tu pareja se siente libre para contarte sus miedos, por extraños o divertidos que sean, debes mostrarte comprensivo.
Tell them that they are normal and that they’re probably not the only person with those fears. After all, if they bother them so much, there is always a way to work on them and overcome them.
Habla de tus propios defectos e imperfecciones
Show them that you aren’t ashamed to talk about your flaws and imperfections. Show them that you have embraced them and that you accept them as part of you.
Maybe it’ll help them to open up and talk about their flaws and maybe they’ll follow your example and also embrace their imperfections.
Hablar ampliamente sobre el futuro
If you think that you should have ‘the talk’, you shouldn’t ask them directly how they feel about taking the next step or about your future together.
Hable del futuro en general y pregúnteles por sus planes de futuro. Pregúntales dónde les gustaría vivir, cuándo quieren casarse y cuántos hijos quieren tener.
From their answers, you’ll be able to understand whether your relationship has a future or not. If they mention you in their plans for the future, then they’re sure they want to spend their life with you.
Sin embargo, puede que tarden un tiempo en decidirse a dar el siguiente paso.
Ten paciencia
With people who have an avoidant attachment style, it’s all about patience.
Primero hay que aprender sus hábitos, luego reconocer sus límites y fronteras y encontrar algunos intereses comunes que podáis hacer juntos.
Debes demostrarles tu valía porque deben estar seguros de que les quieres de verdad para poder abrirse a ti.
It takes time to build a connection with a fearful-avoidant. If you have strong feelings for them and want to make your relationship work, you’ll have to be patient and take it one step at a time.
Cómo conectar con una pareja evitativa
Una persona evitativa no es necesariamente narcisista. Algunas personas utilizan el estilo evitativo sólo como protección para evitar que la persona a la que aman les haga daño.
It’s possible to connect with an avoidant person and it’s actually pretty simple to do; you just have to be full of understanding and patience.
También tienes que aprender algo más sobre el estilo de apego evitativo. Estas son algunas de las mejores formas de conectar con tu pareja evitativa.
Don’t invade their personal space
Lo primero que tienes que hacer es asumir que tu pareja es un distanciador. Then, if you really love them, you’ll have to accept it and try to find the best way to deal with it.
If you don’t think that you can accept it and feel the need that you have to change them somehow, then my advice for you is to admit it to them and end things with them while it’s still not too late.
People with an avoidant attachment pattern consider themselves independent even when they’re in a relationship. If they ask you for some space, don’t hesitate to give it them.
Let’s be honest, we all need some personal space in a relationship and only because we have different interests. It’ll also help to keep the peace between you two in your relationship.
Deles el tiempo que necesiten
If we have different interests and need some personal space when we’re in a romantic relationship, then we also need some alone time.
By respecting their need to be alone for some time, you’re showing them that you understand and accept them for who they are.
It’s difficult for a fearful-avoidant to maintain a relationship. They want to be close to someone but at the same time, they worry that they might get hurt so they try to protect themselves.
Tener una relación les resulta difícil, por mucho que lo deseen, e intentan ocultarlo. Tienen emociones encontradas y a veces les resulta abrumador.
That’s why they need some time for themselves. They want to think about their relationship and their partner and they want to organize their thoughts and emotions.
Don’t pressure them
Don’t pressure them into something they don’t want to do. Don’t try to make them do anything because you won’t get the answer you hoped for.
Pressuring them will only make things worse. Avoidantly attached partners like to feel independent and that’s why they don’t like to be told what to do.
Mostrar comprensión de su estilo de apego
Todos tenemos diferentes estilos de apego y lo único que puedes hacer es aceptar tu partner’s attachment style.
Tú los elegiste, tú solo te enamoraste de ellos y ahora tienes que aceptarlos tal y como son. Ellos te aceptaron a ti, así que ¿por qué ibas a intentar cambiarlos?
You have to show interest and respect for their own needs. I know that sometimes you aren’t okay with their avoidant behavior but you have to find a way to accept it and find the best way to deal with it in healthy ways.
Prove that you’re trustworthy
Nunca pero de verdad NUNCA le digas a otra persona algo que te han dicho en confianza; eso es algo que un despectivo-evasivo doesn’t forgive.
Demuéstrales que pueden contar contigo siempre que te necesiten. Show them that they can count on you because you’ll always be there for them.
Have respect for their needs and wants. If they request some alone time or some space for themselves, don’t make a scene and let them have it; it’s just how they need to unwind.
The more you prove that you respect their attachment needs, the closer you’ll get to them and they’ll be able to trust you and open up to you.
Escuchar más que hablar
It’s okay to open up to your partner and tell them how you feel and it’s okay to talk about your own needs, thoughts and feelings.
Sin embargo, si de verdad quieres conectar con una pareja evitativa, tienes que escucharla más y hablar menos.
You have to show them that you are really trying to understand their avoidant behavior and that’s why you listen to them so carefully.
Haz que se abran a ti. Demuéstrales que pueden confiarte todo. Intenta hablarles de sus relaciones pasadas o de su infancia.
Si averiguas por qué crearon ese estilo de apego o quiénes son sus figura de apego fue, it’ll be easier for you to find a way to cope with their estilo de fijación.
Acudir a terapia de pareja si es necesario
If you can’t deal with your problems by yourselves, then I suggest couples therapy as it’s the only way you’ll be able to handle your partner’s avoidant attachment style.
The professionals at couples counseling will tell you how to get your relationship back on track and how to connect and communicate more effectively and they’ll also explain everything about attachment theory.
It’s truly worth a shot. Besides, if it doesn’t help you, it can’t make things worse for you.
Un estilo de apego seguro es mucho más fácil de tratar que uno evitativo. Estas personas se sienten cómodas estando muy cerca de alguien y manteniendo una relación íntima con alguien.
Sin embargo, los evitativos atraen sobre todo a personas con estilos de apego ansioso.
They suit them best because anxious people lack self-confidence and they think they aren’t good enough; that’s why they would do whatever it takes just to keep being in the relationship.
Avoidant people play a little hard to get and that’s why they more often end up with anxious partners. They chase them, which pleases their ego.
Avoidant people didn’t eligen ser así por sí mismos, por eso debemos mostrar nuestra compasión y comprensión.
El hecho es que todas las parejas tienen que pasar por algunos momentos difíciles y su relación con un miedoso-evitador definitivamente golpeará algunos baches, pero la cosa es que when you truly love someone, you can’t just run away when things become ugly; you have to stay, fight for your relationship and nurture it more than ever.
Esperamos que estos consejos sobre cómo comunicarse con una pareja evasiva te hayan ayudado.
It’s hard to maintain a relationship with an avoidant person but trust me, it’s all worth it. When an avoidant falls in love, it’s truly for the rest of their life.
