Qué hacer cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto
I got annoyed when a friend of mine sent a “Sorry, can’t make it” text after I had already arrived at the bar where we were supposed to meet up. Still, I didn’t get mad at her. Le puede pasar a cualquiera, ¿verdad?
Unos días más tarde, me envió un mensaje sobre algo al azar y ni siquiera mencionó por qué lo había cancelado, y mucho menos se disculpó.
She clearly didn’t consider it a big deal, which made me think about our relationship in general. ¿Me apreciaba de verdad o sólo era una amiga por conveniencia? ¿Me preguntaba si estaba exagerando?
When someone cancels plans last minute, sometimes it’s really not a big deal. However, in some cases, it’s definitely a warning sign that you should examine your relationship with that person.
Here’s why people cancel plans at the last minute and what to do about it.
Qué hacer cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto
Cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto, la respuesta genérica sería déjalo pasar y sigue adelante. Una respuesta más útil depende de las circunstancias.
In my case, the only difference between my friend canceling last minute and her standing me up was that she texted me to say she wouldn’t be able to make it.
After I spent some time thinking about my relationship with her, I did realize that she wasn’t a real friend. Su actitud descuidada en este caso no era más que un síntoma de algo de lo que probablemente debería haberme dado cuenta antes.
It’s not always this dramatic when someone cancels plans last minute, though. Tu reacción va a depender de otras cosas relacionadas con los planes cancelados.
He aquí algunas preguntas que le ayudarán a comprender la situación.
1. ¿Hay alguna razón importante para cancelar?
You assume that something important came up when someone cancels plans last minute, but it doesn’t actually have to be anything big.
De lo que se trata es de saber si lo que ha surgido es más importante que los planes que hiciste. Si priorizan algo trivial a pasar tiempo contigo, you shouldn’t waste your energy on them.
Por supuesto, hay razones legítimas para saltarse cualquier plan o acuerdo. Una emergencia familiar, un accidente o una enfermedad son más importantes que cualquier compromiso para la mayoría de la gente.
Everyone knows this, and some people sometimes use these situations as excuses to lie when they want to get out of things. This doesn’t mean these things don’t happen, but they’re much less frequent than we pretend they are.
La verdadera razón para cancelar los planes puede ser cualquier cosa. It’s up to you to judge whether the other person has been honest about what it was and to decide if it was a good reason to cancel.
2. ¿Se han disculpado?
A sincere apology is one of the pillars of healthy relationships, so it’s a pity people hate apologizing so much. It’s usually pride or conviction that you’re right that stops a person from apologizing, but very often, people simply don’t care enough.
¿Cómo te disculpas? A real apology expresses genuine regret and doesn’t put the blame on the other person. A fake apology is usually just about being sorry you are being forced to apologize and doesn’t solve anything.
Cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto sin ofrecer una disculpa, puede dar la impresión de que they don’t think your time is as important as their own or that they don’t value you at all.
In the grand scheme of things, canceled plans aren’t such a big deal, but when it seems like the other person doesn’t care, the consequences can change from ruining your mood to making you lose interest in that person.
3. ¿Sugirieron nuevos planes?
Someone who cancels the plans you had together when they didn’t want to will probably still want to meet up, so they’re going to ask you to reschedule or suggest alternate plans.
If they’re serious about it, they’ll actually give you options or ask you when it would work for you.
When someone isn’t particularly interested in getting together, they might not even mention making different plans. If they do, they’re going to be vague and non-committal.
If it’s a suggestion to take a rain check or a “Let’s meet up another time,” don’t hold your breath. Instead, make plans with someone who’s going to make time for you.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t need this person in your life at all. Your relationship might still work even if you don’t meet up a lot.
It might be a family member you see once a year or a good friend who’s just a flake that can’t be bothered but sends you the best memes. Pick what’s important to you.
4. ¿Cómo cancelaron tus planes?
¿Se responsabilizaron de la cancelación?
When plans include more than one person, many people feel like it’s okay to cancel without regret because there are others around to pick up the slack. Creen que no tienen obligación de cumplir sus promesas, ya que otra persona puede ocupar su lugar.
El hecho de que siempre llevemos el teléfono encima hace que la gente espere que siempre estemos disponibles. It also means that sending a text is considered doing your part in communicating, and whether or not the other person has read it isn’t our problem.
Cancelar por SMS es mucho más fácil que llamar a alguien por teléfono y hablar con él.
When canceling over something that isn’t a good reason, people tend to feel guilty. A text is painless compared to speaking to the other person and admitting you’re not coming.
5. ¿Cómo te trata esta persona por lo demás?
La primera vez que alguien cancela planes, le das el beneficio de la duda. It’s annoying, but we’ve all been there – something comes up, and you just can’t get out of it. La segunda vez ya parecen escamados.
When it becomes a habit, it’s clear that you’re dealing with someone who’s selfish. Esta puede ser la oportunidad perfecta para get rid of someone who’s toxic y sólo crea problemas en tu vida.
When you’re looking forward to going out with someone, you arrange your time around it. Puede que rechaces otros planes y pospongas obligaciones para verles.
Instead of resting, working, or spending time with someone else, you’re putting on make up, choosing an outfit, and getting ready to go out. It’s not just the time you would have spent together that’s wasted when someone cancels plans last minute.
Alguien que te aprecie lo tendrá en cuenta. Someone who doesn’t probably tends to show their carelessness in other ways as well.
Think about your relationship – does this person normally treat you with respect and appreciation, or is a last-minute cancel totally something you would expect of them?
6. ¿Cómo los trata?
When someone cancels plans last minute, you’ll get annoyed or feel relieved if you were thinking about doing the same thing. If you were looking forward to going out, sé sincero contigo mismo y piensa en cómo tratas a esta persona antes de que te enfades.
¿Siempre llegas a tiempo cuando quedáis, o también tiendes a dejarlas plantadas? Is this a mutual thing, and are you only feeling bad because you’re on the receiving end of a last-minute cancellation?
People often feel hurt when someone does something to them that they don’t consider a big deal when they do it.
Do you tend to cancel on your best friend when you’re feeling too lazy to go out? If you change your mind about going on a date, do you let them know on short notice?
There’s a chance that you’ve developed a relationship with this person where commitments aren’t considered serious. Si quieres que esto cambie, debes comunicarte y empezar por cambiar primero tu propio comportamiento.
¿Por qué se cancelan los planes en el último minuto?
¿Por qué cancelamos planes? Todos lo hacemos por un motivo u otro, pero algunas personas afrontan la cancelación de una cita con mucha más naturalidad que otras.
Most of the time, it’s not about the person who’s being bailed on. It’s almost always a personal issue of the person who’s doing the canceling.
Estas son algunas de las razones por las que la gente cancela sus planes.
1. They just don’t feel like going out anymore.
Piensa en alguna ocasión en la que hayas sentido la tentación de quedarte en casa aunque tuvieras planes. You come home after a stressful day at work, and now you have to go for a drink with some guy you’re only kind of interested in? You’d probably rather veg on your couch and watch TV.
If you’re someone who honors their responsibilities and you went despite your moment of laziness, you probably had a good time.
A la gente le suele interesar la satisfacción momentánea. When we cancel simply because we feel like we don’t want to do whatever we promised we would, it easily becomes a habit.
Some people don’t consider the other person when they cancel plans, only their feelings. Because they don’t want to go at that moment, the other person’s feelings don’t matter.
If someone does things like this repeatedly and without remorse, it might be a red flag that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
2. There’s a better option.
Some people aren’t really sure if they even want to go, so if something better comes up, they have no problem canceling. If they’re not sure they want to do it, why make plans in the first place?
People make plans because someone asked them or just in case they want to go out when the time comes. Sometimes they think they’ll be able to meet up, but when the time comes, they decide that doing something else is a better option.
Someone like this is usually a chronic bailer, so when someone treats you like this, it’s best not to take any plans you make with them seriously. The truth is, they don’t care about you enough to make an effort, so they don’t deserve your effort either.
If they can’t be bothered to keep their promises about meeting up, they probably won’t keep their promises about more important things either. La gente saca tiempo para lo que quiere. Mantén la informalidad y espera tú mismo una opción mejor.
3. It’s about anxiety.
Las personas con ansiedad se preocupan por muchas cosas. When they make plans, they might easily work themselves into a state of being overwhelmed if they don’t know how to deal with their feelings.
They might start thinking about things like how they’re going to come across, how the other person is going to act, or what they’re going to talk about. So when the time comes to meet up, they simply don’t feel like they can do it, and they cancel.
Como la ansiedad te hace preocuparte, también te empuja a procrastinar. A veces, las personas con ansiedad pasan todo el tiempo preocupándose, por lo que acaban sintiéndose mentalmente poco preparadas para hacer algo.
Aplazan los preparativos para reunirse, por lo que su ansiedad no hace más que aumentar a medida que se acerca el momento.
Socializar puede ser estresante y agotador para una persona con ansiedad. Puedes ayudar a esa persona dejándola avanzar a su propio ritmo y sin presiones.
Si sienten la necesidad de cancelarlo, hazles saber que lo entiendes. Cuando aceptas a las personas tal como sonLes ayudas y tu relación con ellos crece.
La mejor manera de responder a una cancelación de última hora
La mejor forma de responder cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto depende de todo lo que hemos mencionado hasta ahora y de lo que tú quieras de tu relación con esa persona.
Antes de responder
He aquí algunas cosas que debes tener en cuenta antes de responder a alguien que cancela sus planes en el último minuto.
• Do you care?
Ante todo, piensa en lo importante que es para ti esa persona y esa situación. Is it someone you care about, and is this something that’s a big deal to you? ¿Realmente importa?¿o es sólo un pequeño moratón para tu ego?
Keep your mental health a priority, and if it’s someone not particularly important, just let it go. If they offer an explanation, good. If they don’t, who cares?
If it’s someone you do hold special, take other things into account before responding.
• Why did they cancel?
¿Es un asunto personal, algo importante, o simplemente no les apetecía salir? Do you feel understanding if it’s just a case of not wanting to go out?
• Did they offer an honest apology?
Even if this person doesn’t have a ‘good’ reason for canceling plans, did they offer a sincere apology?
For example, would you be okay with it if your girlfriend told you, “I’m sorry, but work was stressful today, and all I want to do is sleep right now. Let me make it up to you tomorrow.”
• Do they want to reschedule?
Si la otra persona dice que quiere un aplazamiento, ¿es una intención real o sólo lo dice? If they really want to meet up, they’ll suggest a specific time instead of just mentioning that you should reschedule.
• Is canceling plans a habit for either of you?
If this isn’t the first time they’re canceling plans, you might rightfully feel fed up. On the other hand, if you tend to do the same, maybe your relationship has become one where plans aren’t that important.
Si quieres que esto cambie, quizá debas tener una conversación y establecer algunas normas.
• Do they take it seriously?
Did they send a text just so that it counts, or did they make an effort to let you know they can’t make it? Did you see them make a social media post right before sending you an “omg, so busy” text? You don’t deserve to be an afterthought.
Qué responder
• If you’re okay with it
If you’re salir con un hombre ocupado or woman and they cancel last minute, let them know it’s okay and that you’d like to give it another shot. Respond with something that combines these feelings.
No te preocupes.
Entiendo.
Gracias por avisarme.
¿Está disponible en ~ ?
• If you want an explanation
Even when they approach canceling plans thoughtfully, you can still be annoyed, but you don’t want to pry or push them away. Let them know that you’re concerned and open to rescheduling.
¿Va todo bien?
I hope it’s nothing serious.
Let me know when you’re ready to try this again.
• If you’re fed up
When someone keeps canceling on you, there comes a moment when you’re done. Make it clear that wasting your time is not acceptable.
I wish you’d let me know sooner. I have other important things to do.
I’ll let you know if I’m free again.
Let’s hope this is the last time you cancel.
• If you don’t care
If you’re done with this person, you don’t have to respond at all. If you do, let them know they should move on and not waste your time anymore. Any variation of “bye” is the best response.
Conclusión
Cuando alguien cancela sus planes en el último minuto, es posible que te sientas molesto, dolido o enfadado. Depending on how the other person approaches it and how you feel, you might want to reschedule, or you might decide you’re done with them.
Your time is as valuable as anyone else’s, and others should respect that. On the other hand, if you’re someone who cancels plans last minute, try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before you do it.
