O que fazer quando alguém cancela planos de última hora
I got annoyed when a friend of mine sent a “Sorry, can’t make it” text after I had already arrived at the bar where we were supposed to meet up. Still, I didn’t get mad at her. Pode acontecer a qualquer pessoa, certo?
Alguns dias depois, mandou-me uma mensagem sobre algo aleatório e nem sequer mencionou o motivo do cancelamento, muito menos pediu desculpa.
She clearly didn’t consider it a big deal, which made me think about our relationship in general. Será que ela gostava mesmo de mim, ou era apenas uma amiga por conveniência? Estaria a exagerar, perguntei-me?
When someone cancels plans last minute, sometimes it’s really not a big deal. However, in some cases, it’s definitely a warning sign that you should examine your relationship with that person.
Here’s why people cancel plans at the last minute and what to do about it.
O que fazer quando alguém cancela planos de última hora
Quando alguém cancela os planos à última hora, a resposta genérica seria deixar passar e seguir em frente. Uma resposta mais útil depende das circunstâncias.
In my case, the only difference between my friend canceling last minute and her standing me up was that she texted me to say she wouldn’t be able to make it.
After I spent some time thinking about my relationship with her, I did realize that she wasn’t a real friend. A sua atitude descuidada neste caso foi apenas um sintoma de algo que eu deveria ter notado mais cedo.
It’s not always this dramatic when someone cancels plans last minute, though. A sua reação vai depender de outras coisas relacionadas com os planos cancelados.
Eis algumas perguntas para o ajudar a compreender a situação.
1. Existe algum motivo importante para o cancelamento?
You assume that something important came up when someone cancels plans last minute, but it doesn’t actually have to be anything big.
O que está em causa é saber se o que surgiu é mais importante do que os planos que fez. Se derem prioridade a algo trivial em vez de passarem tempo consigo, you shouldn’t waste your energy on them.
Existem, evidentemente, razões legítimas para ter de faltar a quaisquer planos ou preparativos. Uma emergência familiar, um acidente ou uma doença são mais importantes do que qualquer compromisso para a maioria das pessoas.
Everyone knows this, and some people sometimes use these situations as excuses to lie when they want to get out of things. This doesn’t mean these things don’t happen, but they’re much less frequent than we pretend they are.
A verdadeira razão para o cancelamento dos planos pode ser qualquer uma. It’s up to you to judge whether the other person has been honest about what it was and to decide if it was a good reason to cancel.
2. Pediram desculpa?
A sincere apology is one of the pillars of healthy relationships, so it’s a pity people hate apologizing so much. It’s usually pride or conviction that you’re right that stops a person from apologizing, but very often, people simply don’t care enough.
Como é que se pede desculpa? A real apology expresses genuine regret and doesn’t put the blame on the other person. A fake apology is usually just about being sorry you are being forced to apologize and doesn’t solve anything.
Quando alguém cancela os seus planos à última da hora sem apresentar um pedido de desculpas, pode ficar com a impressão de que they don’t think your time is as important as their own or that they don’t value you at all.
In the grand scheme of things, canceled plans aren’t such a big deal, but when it seems like the other person doesn’t care, the consequences can change from ruining your mood to making you lose interest in that person.
3. Sugeriram novos planos?
Someone who cancels the plans you had together when they didn’t want to will probably still want to meet up, so they’re going to ask you to reschedule or suggest alternate plans.
If they’re serious about it, they’ll actually give you options or ask you when it would work for you.
When someone isn’t particularly interested in getting together, they might not even mention making different plans. If they do, they’re going to be vague and non-committal.
If it’s a suggestion to take a rain check or a “Let’s meet up another time,” don’t hold your breath. Instead, make plans with someone who’s going to make time for you.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t need this person in your life at all. Your relationship might still work even if you don’t meet up a lot.
It might be a family member you see once a year or a good friend who’s just a flake that can’t be bothered but sends you the best memes. Pick what’s important to you.
4. Como é que cancelaram os vossos planos?
Assumiram a responsabilidade pelo cancelamento?
When plans include more than one person, many people feel like it’s okay to cancel without regret because there are others around to pick up the slack. Acreditam que não têm qualquer obrigação de cumprir as suas promessas, uma vez que outra pessoa pode ocupar o seu lugar.
O facto de termos sempre o telemóvel connosco faz com que as pessoas esperem que estejamos sempre disponíveis. It also means that sending a text is considered doing your part in communicating, and whether or not the other person has read it isn’t our problem.
Cancelar por texto é muito mais fácil do que telefonar a alguém e falar com essa pessoa.
When canceling over something that isn’t a good reason, people tend to feel guilty. A text is painless compared to speaking to the other person and admitting you’re not coming.
5. Como é que esta pessoa o trata noutras circunstâncias?
A primeira vez que alguém cancela os planos, damos-lhe o benefício da dúvida. It’s annoying, but we’ve all been there – something comes up, and you just can’t get out of it. Da segunda vez, já parecem escamosas.
When it becomes a habit, it’s clear that you’re dealing with someone who’s selfish. Esta pode ser a oportunidade perfeita para get rid of someone who’s toxic e só cria problemas na sua vida.
When you’re looking forward to going out with someone, you arrange your time around it. Pode recusar outros planos e adiar obrigações para os ver.
Instead of resting, working, or spending time with someone else, you’re putting on make up, choosing an outfit, and getting ready to go out. It’s not just the time you would have spent together that’s wasted when someone cancels plans last minute.
Uma pessoa que o aprecie estará atenta a isso. Someone who doesn’t probably tends to show their carelessness in other ways as well.
Think about your relationship – does this person normally treat you with respect and appreciation, or is a last-minute cancel totally something you would expect of them?
6. Como é que os trata?
When someone cancels plans last minute, you’ll get annoyed or feel relieved if you were thinking about doing the same thing. If you were looking forward to going out, ser honesto consigo próprio e pensar na forma como trata essa pessoa antes de te zangares.
Chega sempre a horas quando marca um encontro ou também tem tendência a faltar? Is this a mutual thing, and are you only feeling bad because you’re on the receiving end of a last-minute cancellation?
People often feel hurt when someone does something to them that they don’t consider a big deal when they do it.
Do you tend to cancel on your best friend when you’re feeling too lazy to go out? If you change your mind about going on a date, do you let them know on short notice?
There’s a chance that you’ve developed a relationship with this person where commitments aren’t considered serious. Se quer que isto mude, deve comunicar e começar por mudar o seu próprio comportamento.
Porque é que as pessoas cancelam planos à última da hora?
Porque é que cancelamos planos? Todos o fazemos por uma razão ou outra, mas algumas pessoas encaram um encontro cancelado ou um compromisso falhado de forma muito mais casual do que outras.
Most of the time, it’s not about the person who’s being bailed on. It’s almost always a personal issue of the person who’s doing the canceling.
Estas são algumas das razões pelas quais as pessoas cancelam os seus planos.
1. They just don’t feel like going out anymore.
Pense numa altura em que se sentiu tentado a ficar em casa, apesar de ter planos. You come home after a stressful day at work, and now you have to go for a drink with some guy you’re only kind of interested in? You’d probably rather veg on your couch and watch TV.
If you’re someone who honors their responsibilities and you went despite your moment of laziness, you probably had a good time.
Muitas vezes, as pessoas só querem uma satisfação momentânea. When we cancel simply because we feel like we don’t want to do whatever we promised we would, it easily becomes a habit.
Some people don’t consider the other person when they cancel plans, only their feelings. Because they don’t want to go at that moment, the other person’s feelings don’t matter.
If someone does things like this repeatedly and without remorse, it might be a red flag that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
2. There’s a better option.
Some people aren’t really sure if they even want to go, so if something better comes up, they have no problem canceling. If they’re not sure they want to do it, why make plans in the first place?
People make plans because someone asked them or just in case they want to go out when the time comes. Sometimes they think they’ll be able to meet up, but when the time comes, they decide that doing something else is a better option.
Someone like this is usually a chronic bailer, so when someone treats you like this, it’s best not to take any plans you make with them seriously. The truth is, they don’t care about you enough to make an effort, so they don’t deserve your effort either.
If they can’t be bothered to keep their promises about meeting up, they probably won’t keep their promises about more important things either. As pessoas arranjam tempo para o que querem. Mantenha-se descontraído e espere por uma opção melhor.
3. It’s about anxiety.
As pessoas com ansiedade preocupam-se com muitas coisas. When they make plans, they might easily work themselves into a state of being overwhelmed if they don’t know how to deal with their feelings.
They might start thinking about things like how they’re going to come across, how the other person is going to act, or what they’re going to talk about. So when the time comes to meet up, they simply don’t feel like they can do it, and they cancel.
Como a ansiedade nos deixa preocupados, também nos leva a procrastinar. Por vezes, as pessoas com ansiedade passam o tempo todo a preocupar-se, pelo que acabam por não se sentir mentalmente preparadas para fazer alguma coisa.
Adiam os preparativos para o encontro, pelo que a sua ansiedade só aumenta à medida que a hora se aproxima.
A socialização pode ser stressante e cansativa para uma pessoa com ansiedade. Pode ajudar essa pessoa, deixando-a avançar ao seu próprio ritmo e sem pressões.
Se sentirem necessidade de cancelar, não se esqueça de lhes dizer que compreende. Quando se aceita as pessoas como elas sãoSe o fizer, ajuda-o e a sua relação com ele cresce.
A melhor forma de responder a um cancelamento de última hora
A melhor forma de reagir quando alguém cancela os planos à última hora depende de tudo o que mencionámos até agora e do que pretende da sua relação com essa pessoa.
Antes de responder
Eis algumas coisas que deve considerar antes de responder a alguém que cancela os planos à última da hora.
• Do you care?
Antes de mais, pense na importância que essa pessoa e essa situação têm para si. Is it someone you care about, and is this something that’s a big deal to you? Será que isso realmente importa?ou é apenas uma pequena nódoa negra para o teu ego?
Keep your mental health a priority, and if it’s someone not particularly important, just let it go. If they offer an explanation, good. If they don’t, who cares?
If it’s someone you do hold special, take other things into account before responding.
• Why did they cancel?
É um assunto pessoal, algo importante, ou simplesmente não lhes apeteceu sair? Do you feel understanding if it’s just a case of not wanting to go out?
• Did they offer an honest apology?
Even if this person doesn’t have a ‘good’ reason for canceling plans, did they offer a sincere apology?
For example, would you be okay with it if your girlfriend told you, “I’m sorry, but work was stressful today, and all I want to do is sleep right now. Let me make it up to you tomorrow.”
• Do they want to reschedule?
Se a outra pessoa disser que quer que fique para outra altura, a intenção é real ou está apenas a dizê-lo? If they really want to meet up, they’ll suggest a specific time instead of just mentioning that you should reschedule.
• Is canceling plans a habit for either of you?
If this isn’t the first time they’re canceling plans, you might rightfully feel fed up. On the other hand, if you tend to do the same, maybe your relationship has become one where plans aren’t that important.
Se quer que isto mude, talvez seja melhor ter uma conversa e estabelecer algumas regras.
• Do they take it seriously?
Did they send a text just so that it counts, or did they make an effort to let you know they can’t make it? Did you see them make a social media post right before sending you an “omg, so busy” text? You don’t deserve to be an afterthought.
O que responder
• If you’re okay with it
If you’re namorar um homem ocupado or woman and they cancel last minute, let them know it’s okay and that you’d like to give it another shot. Respond with something that combines these feelings.
Não se preocupe.
Eu percebo.
Obrigado por me avisar.
Está disponível em ~ ?
• If you want an explanation
Even when they approach canceling plans thoughtfully, you can still be annoyed, but you don’t want to pry or push them away. Let them know that you’re concerned and open to rescheduling.
Está tudo bem?
I hope it’s nothing serious.
Let me know when you’re ready to try this again.
• If you’re fed up
When someone keeps canceling on you, there comes a moment when you’re done. Make it clear that wasting your time is not acceptable.
I wish you’d let me know sooner. I have other important things to do.
I’ll let you know if I’m free again.
Let’s hope this is the last time you cancel.
• If you don’t care
If you’re done with this person, you don’t have to respond at all. If you do, let them know they should move on and not waste your time anymore. Any variation of “bye” is the best response.
Conclusão
Quando alguém cancela os planos à última da hora, pode ficar aborrecido, magoado ou zangado. Depending on how the other person approaches it and how you feel, you might want to reschedule, or you might decide you’re done with them.
Your time is as valuable as anyone else’s, and others should respect that. On the other hand, if you’re someone who cancels plans last minute, try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before you do it.
