Guía para comprender y superar el entumecimiento emocional
Emotional numbness is something we have all prayed for at some point. You know exactly what I’m talking about: about those moments when you feel as if you’ve reached your breaking point and as if you can’t take it anymore.
I’m talking about the moments when you’d rather feel empty than sad and miserable. I’m talking about the moments when the possibility of shutting your feelings off looks like paradise.
But, be careful what you wish for – you might just get it. What happens when you achieve emotional numbness?
Pues déjame decirte que no se parece en nada a como era en tus sueños. De hecho, no tener emociones de ningún tipo es aterrador hasta el punto de que te hace morir por dentro.
When you reach this stage, you’ll give anything to have your ability to feel back. Nevertheless, things don’t always go that easily.
It’s not like you can snap your fingers and reverse the entire process. Instead, there are some steps you have to take before successfully overcoming emotional numbness.
But, before that, let’s check out what emotional numbing is and what causes it.
Entumecimiento emocional Significado
El embotamiento emocional o anhedonia no es una enfermedad mental, pero sin duda afecta a la salud mental. En pocas palabras, estar emocionalmente insensible significa no sentir literalmente nada y ser inmune a todos los estímulos posibles.
Yes, you don’t cry anymore, but you don’t laugh either. You are saved from sadness, but you’re deprived of happiness as well.
Es un estado de indiferencia absoluta. Desde fuera, vives una vida completamente normal, pero desde dentro, no hay nada más que este enorme e interminable vacío que te desconecta del mundo.
Síntomas del entumecimiento emocional
You don’t become emotionally numb all of a sudden. In fact, there are certain red flags that are clear indicators that you’re stepping on the path of becoming emotionally detached.
Some of the symptoms of emotional numbness are similar to symptoms of depression. They include depersonalization, derealization, dissociation… Look out for these alarms and check if you can relate to most (or all) of them.
Alejarse de sus seres queridos
The first and the most common symptom you’ll feel if you suspect yourself of being emotionally numb is detachment from your loved ones.
I’m not talking about the people who have done you harm here (yes, you can still love the ones who hurt you – in fact, it happens more frequently than you might imagine).
I’m talking about your closest friends and family members. All of a sudden, you feel like you’re not so connected to your best friend or a sibling.
The worst part is that there is absolutely no reason for this to happen. They haven’t done anything to you, you two didn’t argue, and you’re still physically present in each other’s lives.
Pero, de algún modo, sientes que el vínculo que os mantenía unidos ha desaparecido. It’s like someone cut the cord that connected you with everyone, and you are left like a balloon floating around the clouds – all alone.
Intentas cambiar esto. Intentas literalmente forzarte a amar a estas personas de la forma en que solías...d a.
Nevertheless, it appears that all of your attempts are in vain. You’re growing more and more distant from everyone around and it looks like there is nothing to be done about it.
Soledad y aislamiento
Aunque antes eras una auténtica extrovertida, últimamente eso ha cambiado. Ya no queda ni rastro de la mariposa social que eras antes.
En lugar de pasar tiempo con tus amigos, familia y compañeros de trabajo, últimamente, prefieres la soledad a todo lo demás. You’re off of all social media, you avoid any type of gathering, and you spend all of your time by yourself.
Don’t get me wrong: there comes a period in our lives when we all want and need some time off. You want to recarga tus pilas y le vendría bien algo de intimidad.
But, when it comes to you, this period has been lasting for a while now. In fact, it seems that it has surpassed a phase – it has become your lifestyle.
You voluntarily socially isolated yourself and you avoid all possible human contact – except the one you’re forced to maintain.
Love and hate don’t stand a chance against indifference
La gente asume que el amor y el odio son las emociones más fuertes que existen. Aunque estos dos sentimientos son dos caras de la misma moneda, hay algo que los supera.
Hay algo más fuerte que cualquier emoción: la ausencia de emociones.
If you come to think of it, this is exactly what you’ve been feeling lately: nothing. Isn’t it ironic? The fact that you feel nothing overwhelms you.
When you’re in emotional pain, you’d give everything to achieve indifference. You think of it as the best way to go through life.
After all, almost nothing and nobody can touch you. You’re unbothered by people’s efforts to break your heart simply because you don’t have one.
You can’t seem to get angry, and you have forgotten what it means to hate. You don’t cry and you don’t go through stages of grief or sadness.
You don’t miss people, you don’t hold grudges against them, and you’re convinced that you could live all alone in this world since no one’s loss would shake your entire world.
Suena casi demasiado bueno para ser verdad.
But, let’s not forget about one thing. When you become indifferent, you not only lose the bad and unwanted emotions.
You not only lose the ability to hate – you also become incapable of loving. Sadness is not the only thing that goes away – positive emotions, including happiness, also follow it.
This is exactly what has been going on with you. You’ve volverse emocionalmente inaccesible e insensible.
Perder el interés por las cosas que solían hacerte feliz.
All of the sudden, you’re not looking for a new day. All the little things that used to bring you joy have become totally irrelevant.
You’ve lost interest in activities that used to make you happy. You’ve stopped looking forward to the weekend, you no longer anticipate your vacation, your hobbies have become dull, and no accomplishment can fulfill you anymore.
You’re empty and all you feel is this abyss inside of you. All of a sudden, this numbness isn’t so great, is it?
It is when you lose control that you repress your emotions – not when you’re in control
La mayoría de la gente piensa que los que luchan contra el embotamiento emocional han perdido la capacidad de sentir. Todas sus emociones se han borrado y se han extinguido, pero la verdad es muy distinta.
You see, each one of your sensations is still there – you’ve just buried them deep inside of you. I’m not saying you did it on purpose or even consciously, but either way, it happened.
Así que ahora, todo se amontona dentro de ti. Estos enormes montones de felicidad, tristeza, amor, odio, ira, resentimiento, alegría y compasión se han mezclado.
They’re not disappearing with time. Instead, the piles are getting bigger and bigger, and the more you try to push them down, the more they grow.
Finalmente, te vuelves incapaz de alcanzarlos. You’ve spent so much time training yourself not to feel anything that your emotions have hidden from you, so now you can’t get to them – even if you want to.
It seems that you can’t make yourself feel anything. You’ve repressed your emotions to the point where you have forgotten how to use them properly.
Not just that: you’re also scared of even taking a peek at them. You’re terrified of what you might find there, and more importantly, you wonder if you’ll be able to handle it.
Lo que hay que tener en cuenta aquí es que reprimir sus emociones is a red flag that you’ve lost control over yourself, even though you think otherwise.
You think that ignoring your feelings is an act of emotional and mental strength. You think that by doing this, you’ve finally learned how to govern yourself while you’re doing completely the opposite.
You’re making the most cowardly move ever – you’re running away from parts of you in hopes of erasing them. You consider yourself too weak to be in actual control and to look your demons in the eye.
Ser testigo de su vida frente a participar en ella
Emotionally numb people don’t live their life – they merely witness it. You’re not the leading role of your own movie – you’re nothing more than an extra, or even worse: a part of the audience.
This is known as depersonalization or derealization. You’re nothing but an alien in your life and you’re detached from the world around you.
If you dig a little deeper in yourself, you’ll see that this is exactly how you can describe your every day. It’s like life is passing by you and you’re not doing anything to participate in it.
It’s like you’ve exited your body a long time ago and you’re just observing everything that’s going on to someone else – even though that someone else used to be you.
It’s a weird feeling, I know. You’re merely surviving, waiting for your end to come.
You don’t intend to leave a mark on this world. You’re not putting effort into spending every day as if it was your last or enjoying every breath you take.
You’re not doing anything at all to make the best of your time on Earth. It’s like you don’t see that you were put in this world for a reason. It is like you don’t notice that your life was a gift that you’re putting to waste.
You’re not living – you’re merely existing. You’re completely passive: instead of taking action, you allow things to happen to you.
¿Qué causa el entumecimiento emocional?
Existen diferentes causas del embotamiento emocional. Las causas médicas más comunes son el trastorno bipolar, la toma de antidepresivos o el abuso de sustancias. Todas estas cosas pueden hacerte emocionalmente inerte y apático.
On the other hand, it’s possible that hurtful events from your past made you emotionally numb. Insensitivity and disconnection from your own feelings is nothing but a coping mechanism and this is what causes it.
Te hirieron hasta el punto en que ya no sentías nada
As strong as you once were, you’ve always been a human being. This means that your heart was fragile, and that you had your weaknesses and vulnerable sides.
The point is that you’ve reached your maximum. You’ve reached a point where you simply can’t stand being hurt anymore.
Su el corazón se rompió tantas veces que no tenías más remedio que pegarlo de una forma u otra.
La gente seguía haciéndote daño de una forma u otra. Así que la única forma de acabar con eso era cerrarte emocionalmente para siempre.
En realidad, tenías dos opciones. Podrías seguir recibiendo golpes y volverte literalmente loco porque ningún ser humano puede soportar esa cantidad de dolor emocional.
O podría construye muros altos y gruesos a tu alrededor. En aquel momento, la segunda opción parecía un salvavidas.
Te estabas ahogando en tu dolor mental y tenías que salvarte.
You didn’t do it consciously. It’s not as if you woke up one day and made the decision of becoming emotionally numb.
It just happened. It was your mind’s reaction to everything you have experienced.
El trastorno de estrés postraumático como cadena perpetua
Sometimes, you are convinced that everything you went through in the past is long forgotten. When it happened, you found a way to cope with your pain. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest path, but it was the only thing you could do.
I don’t know if it was something that happened back in your childhood. Maybe you had a toxic relationship that left unerasable consequences on you. Either way, the el dolor por el que pasaste te cambió.
Has pasado por una experiencia traumática. O simplemente presenciaste una, pero te influyó mucho.
The point is that you have been living day after day pretending that nothing ever happened. You decided to ignore this event or this part of your life because you don’t have the courage to face it properly.
Bien, déjame decirte que la forma en que te sientes ahora no es más que una reacción a ese acontecimiento traumático. You might think you forgot all about it, but trust me – your emotional wounds never disappeared – they just turned into scars.
Al elegir la insensibilidad, en realidad te condenas a ti mismo a perpetuidad. En lugar de manejar tu trauma y dejarlo atrás, lo llevas contigo.
De este modo, se convierte en tu carga más pesada que pesa más y más con cada día que pasa.
No una víctima, sino una superviviente
It is a proven fact that it’s not rare for victims of abuse to, in a way, die spiritually. I’m not talking about physical violence here: emotional, mental, and verbal abuse can get you down this road as well.
¿Por qué ocurre esto? Bueno, cuando eres objeto de cualquier tipo de violencia, te ves obligado a desarrollar diferentes mecanismos de defensa para hacer frente a tu situación.
You can’t stand the humiliation, self-pity, autodesprecio, and pain anymore. You’re surrounded by darkness and you see no way out.
Así que la única opción que tienes es desconectarte. Aprendes a apagar todas tus emociones y simplemente dejas de reaccionar a todo lo que sucede a tu alrededor.
The only way to save yourself from this hell you’re going through is to retreat into your own mind. You create a world of your own and you stop paying attention to your reality and surroundings.
Once you achieve this, you become emotionally numb. You don’t have the strength to handle all of this emotional ache, so you learn to ignore it.
But, once again, you can’t choose which feelings you’ll embrace and which ones you will set aside. Therefore, you become emotionally detached from yourself.
Sin embargo, esto sigue ocurriendo incluso cuando rompes el ciclo del maltrato. Sigues viviendo como una víctima y adoptas estos patrones de comportamiento como algo completamente normal.
De hecho, utilizas este mecanismo de defensa cada vez que te encuentras en una situación potencialmente perjudicial. Básicamente, vives en la negación, y sigues viéndote a ti mismo como a victim, even though you’re much more than that.
Well, let me tell you that you’re actually a survivor of abuse. Once you start seeing yourself in that way, you’ll empieza a limpiar tu energía de traumas.
You’ll see that you also have what it takes to face all of your feelings as unpleasant and unwanted as they might be.
Una vez que empieces a verte así, tu crecimiento postraumático empezará por fin.
Pasos para superar con éxito el adormecimiento emocional
When you finally decide that it’s time to do something about your condition, that’s the first step towards recovery. Nevertheless, it’s crucial to note that you’ve been emotionally numb for some time now.
Therefore, you can’t expect to go back to your old ways overnight, can you? Instead, this is a healing process that goes step by step.
No tiene sentido curar las consecuencias antes de encontrar la causa
Aquí viene la parte que da miedo. Es la fase que muchos querrían evitar, pero al mismo tiempo, la fase crucial para tu recuperación.
Cuando intentas curarte de la forma más rápida, sólo te centras en las consecuencias. Pones toda tu energía en hacerte actualmente mejor.
That works – for a while. But, after some time, you go back to your old ways, of course, without the intention of doing so.
Precisamente por eso hay que curar la causa subyacente antes de ocuparse de las consecuencias. Tu entumecimiento es la consecuencia, mientras que tu experiencia traumática es la causa.
Sé que es lo último que quieres hacer. Después de todo, evitar tu pasado es lo que te trajo aquí en primer lugar.
Invertiste tanto esfuerzo en bloquear tu trauma y huir de tus heridas, y ahora, alguien te dice que tienes que hacer lo contrario: tienes que mirarlas a los ojos.
Lamentablemente, no hay otro camino. Al menos, no uno eficiente.
Dig deep inside of yourself and do the best you can to realize what experience made you this way. Who cut your heart so bad that you’re still bleeding?
Tener un sistema de apoyo es como tener una red de seguridad debajo de ti en todo momento
I don’t care how strong you might think you are – nobody deserves to go through something like this alone. That is exactly why you must surround yourself with people who will hold your hand through this difficult time.
Let’s go back to all of your friends and family you keep on ignoring lately. Well, they’re the ones who will help you the most.
These are the people you can call in the middle of the night whenever you’re going through some hard times. These are the people who will help you reconnect with yourself by reconnecting with them.
These are the people who will understand what you’re going through and who won’t judge you for any of it.
These are the people who will be there to catch you whenever you’re about to fall and who will collect your broken pieces and ...para que vuelvas a estar completo.
Yes, you’re the creator of your own happiness. That means that the steering wheel of your own life is in your hands since you have all the responsibility on your shoulders.
But, that doesn’t mean that surrounding yourself with awesome passengers won’t help. They are your support system: your pillars and your safety net.
La actividad es el medicamento que debes tomar a diario
I don’t care whether you’ll hit the gym, go hiking, or start riding a bike regularly – lifestyle changes are crucial for your recovery.
Trust me: any kind of activity will help you a lot – it will enrich your brain with endorphins and literally fill you with positive emotions.
Yes, most of these things are exhausting. I know that your schedule is tight and you’re too busy to start working out now.
Pero, por favor, olvídate de las excusas. Olvídate de esperar al próximo lunes y empieza a moverte.
I assure you that you’ll start feeling much better in no time. At the end of the day, the important thing is to keep yourself occupied.
If you’re not into sports, there is always journaling, joining a book club, learning a new language, occupying your time with painting or music – whatever suits you the best.
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf
I’ll be dead honest here: you can’t change everyone around you. In fact, you shouldn’t even try doing it.
When you go back to being sensitive, bad things will start happening to you again. People will hurt you and your heart will get broken – nobody can save you from that.
But, your goal shouldn’t be to impact your entire surroundings. You’re not here to change the world – you’re here to change yourself, and that’s more than enough.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you have to learn how to cope with negative emotions.
You have to learn how not to be affected by other people’s actions and how to find inner peace despite everything going on in the outside world.
Mindfulness
La forma de conseguirlo es a través de la atención plena. En lugar de obsesionarse con el pasado y el futuro, ser consciente significa estar presente en el momento exacto.
En realidad, éste es el paso más importante para luchar contra el desapego emocional. Whatever is going on around you, take a step back and put all of your efforts into becoming aware of what you’re feeling at the moment.
You don’t judge yourself and you don’t make any presumptions. Instead, you just identify your emotions the way they truly are.
Romper con el estrés
Aunque nunca podrás eliminar la posibilidad de que haya estrés en tu vida, sin duda puedes alejarte de sus fuentes conocidas.
The less you expose yourself to unwanted emotions at this stage, the more willing you’ll be to overcome your numbness.
Corta los lazos con todas las personas que te causan estrés y ansiedad. Si es necesario y posible, cambia de entorno.
It’s never too late to engage in another career, to get a divorce, or to find new friends – whatever suits you the best.
Psicoterapia
Finally, if you’re having a hard time dealing with your emotional detachment on your own, it’s time to look for a mental health professional.
This is especially important if you’re taking some antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications for another mental health condition whose side effect can be emotional numbing.
En ese caso, un terapeuta licenciado le sugerirá algunas opciones de tratamiento sin estos efectos secundarios no deseados.
A healthcare expert is also a part of your support system – they’re just someone who knows exactly what you’re going through.
Seeking counseling and therapy, or at least calling a helpline, will be one of the best choices you’ll ever make. You’ll be able to talk to the person who’ll help you realize what has been going on inside of you.
La terapia cognitivo-conductual está ahí para identificar su problema, encontrar su origen y, lo que es más importante: guiarle a través de su viaje de recuperación.
Para terminar:
Even though emotional numbness might seem satisfactory at the moment, the fact is that it can’t go on forever. You’ll snap out of it sooner or later, and it’s much better to get out of this state under your own terms.
Sadly, with time, being emotionally detached from everything and everyone, including yourself, has become your comfort zone. Well, now is the final time to step out of it and take the leap into the unknown. It’s time to start practicing autocuidado emocional.
I won’t lie to you: emotional processing won’t be all butterflies and roses. Instead, you’ll expose yourself to a range of unwanted emotions that you’ve been successfully avoiding.
But, at the same time, you’ll be capable of feeling all those emotions that make you human. Most importantly, you’ll feel alive once again.
And, believe me when I tell you that this sensation is worth all the trouble. Trust me: you’ll thank yourself later.
