He Terminado De Prenderme Fuego Solo Para Mantenerte Caliente

Desde el momento en que te conocí, supe cómo emocionalmente roto que eras. Sabía que te habían herido en el pasado y que eso te había cambiado para siempre.

You never liked talking about it that much. All I knew was that you didn’t have a happy childhood and that your family was malfunctioning. You never had someone who was truly yours, someone who would understand you no matter what and someone who would always be there for you. All I knew is that nobody was there to teach you what love was and that made you the person you are today.

Sabía que tenías tus propios problemas que te molestaban y tus propios demonios con los que luchabas constantemente.

Pero siempre pensé que había un niño pequeño, perdido y vulnerable escondido en tu interior. Que toda tu insensibilidad y comportamiento hacia mí no era más que una máscara, un mecanismo de defensa. Intenté justificarte pensando que probablemente suponías que estaba a punto de hacerte daño, igual que todo el mundo. En mi cabeza, esa era la razón por la que nunca te abrías completamente a mí. Esa era la razón por la que nunca me dejaste entrar de lleno.

En mi cabeza, la fe me había puesto en tu camino para que pudiera ayudarte. Me enviaron para ayudarte a abrir tu corazón al amor, para enseñarte cómo debía ser el amor. Para enseñarte cómo era ser amado y cómo amar.

Pero no dejabas de apartarme. Cada vez que me acercaba a ti, añadías otro ladrillo a ese muro alto y grueso que impedía el paso a todo el mundo, incluida yo. Te cerrabas aún más y me cerrabas por completo. Cuando me pongo a pensarlo, toda nuestra relación se basaba en que tú intentabas aislarme por completo y yo intentaba llegar a ti.

Sabes que hice todo lo que estaba en mi mano para ayudarte. Sabes que mi único propósito en la vida era hacer de ti un hombre mejor. Sabes que Te lo di todo, pero no recibí nada a cambio. I never asked for anything from you—I just wanted for you to cooperate. I just wanted you to appreciate all of my efforts and to appreciate me.

Sólo quería que empezaras a quererte como yo te quería. Y yo quería que me amaras.
Pero incluso eso fue demasiado para ti.

Así que.., aquí estoy, admitiendo mi derrota. Aquí estoy aceptando que no podía hacer nada más por ti. Aquí estoy renunciando a ti. Aquí me están haciendo.

I am done taking the blame for someone else’s actions. I know you’ve had a rough life. I know you were never loved and taken care of. But none of this is my fault. I was different and you know that. And I don’t have to be the only one dealing with all the consequences of all the pain you’ve been through. I don’t have to be the only one handling the man you’ve become.

He dejado de ser la persona a la que llamas cada vez que algo va mal. I am done being the one you remember only when you are in trouble. Whenever life had been treating you kindly, you were nowhere to be found. But as soon as everyone around you turned their backs on you, I was the first person you’d call. Because you always knew I was the only one who would never leave you hanging. But whenever I needed you, my troubles were foolish and irrelevant. You were never interested in my issues and concerns and I could never rely on your support.

Me cansé de ser el que siempre entiende. I tried really hard to justify you. I tried finding excuses for the way you were treating me—for all the fights, all the insults and all the times you hurt me. I assumed this was the only behavior pattern you were taught, so I put a lot of effort into trying to show you different ways of communication. I put up with everything you ever told me or did to me, because I tried to find the reasons behind it all. But even then, you refused to open up to me. You never apologized for anything you did to me and you never took responsibility for any of your words or actions. Instead, I was always the one to blame for everything bad in our relationship.

Me cansé de esperar a que entres en razón. I’ve waited for you to change for more than enough time. I’ve given you more than enough chances. But now it’s time for me to accept that none of the things I wish for will ever happen. It’s time for me to accept that you’ll never realize how much I did for you and how much I loved you.

He terminado de dirigir tus batallas. You are a big boy and it’s time you stop relying on me. It’s time for you to start fighting your own battles, without me holding your hand all the time. You always wanted to present yourself as this tough guy who didn’t need anyone’s help through life, didn’t you? Well, this is your chance to do so.

He terminado de destruirme para poder salvarte. I’ve realized that you don’t want to be saved. You enjoy being the victim of life circumstances and you don’t want to be happy. And you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. All you could do was get yourself pulled down into your darkness and that is exactly what happened to me.

He terminado de elegirte a ti en vez de a mí. Te quise durante mucho tiempo. Y todavía te quiero. Pero tengo que aprender a quererme más a mí misma.

Me cansé de esperar a que me ames. Porque ahora sé que hay algunas personas que no son capaces de amar. Y por mucho que me mate admitirlo, tú eres una de esas personas.

He terminado de prenderme fuego sólo para mantenerte caliente. Porque no he conseguido nada haciéndolo. Nada excepto quemarme junto contigo.