Fue increíblemente duro dejarte marchar pero no me dejaste otra opción

I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to let go of somebody who meant the world to me and whom I loved with all that I am. I didn’t want to let go of somebody I planned my future with, somebody I could never imagine myself without. But here I am. Picking up the pieces and putting myself back together because you left me no other choice but to leave.

To be honest, I never thought I could do it. Tears would roll down my face every time I thought of the inevitable end we were headed toward. I just didn’t want to face it. I kept deluding myself, imagining how things were going to get better, how you would change because you would see how much I loved you and how hard I was fighting to make things work.

Pero nunca pensaste en cambiar, ¿verdad? You were just fine with the way things were going. You didn’t mind the fact that I was making all the effort, that I was always dreaming of the good old days and waiting for them to come back around again. You surely didn’t mind me forgiving you for everything you did, sometimes even without you saying you were sorry.

No, you didn’t mind and you lo daba todo por hecho. Abusaste de mi amor y de mi bondad. Pensaste que podías hacer lo que quisieras y que yo siempre sería la tonta que pasó por alto todo con tal de tenerte cerca.

You would inflict wounds on my heart just by using words so nasty I can’t even repeat them; they still hurt. You never had enough time for me, everything else came first. And every time I made a complaint of any sort you would say that I was ungrateful, unreasonable and self-absorbed. Nothing was ever your fault and it was always easier to put the blame on me.

We were always moving back and forth. I think that’s what pushed me away the most. Estaba cansado de tanta tristeza. Era incapaz de lidiar con tu inconsistencia. Un día me dabas el mundo y al siguiente me lo quitabas. Un día me dabas el mundo y al siguiente me lo quitabas. Estabas ahí pero nunca estabas realmente ahí, siempre tenías un pie fuera de la puerta.

That’s not how you love, with only half of your heart. Love demands all or nothing, there can’t be any in-between. I know you cared, I know you loved me in your own way but it was never enough. You just gave your bare minimum. You invested as much as you needed and nothing more. And when I sum it all up, I spent so much time crying and so little time smiling. Love shouldn’t feel like torture. Love shouldn’t make you this exhausted. Love shouldn’t be begged for.

And I did just that, didn’t I? Against my better judgment, I begged for your love. Te rogué que me trataras mejor. Te rogué que cambiaras. Te rogué que me dedicaras más tiempo, más atención, más aprecio por todo lo que estaba haciendo, por todo lo malo que dejé pasar por el bien de nuestra relación. Pero mi mendigar fue en vano. Me cansé de eso. Me cansé de que me maltrataran. Me cansé de que no me quisieran.

I know you don’t get that I had to leave. You still don’t see all the things you did wrong. You still think you have the right to be in my life when it suits you. You are capable of putting on your best show ever to convince me to let you back in. But I wasted four years of my life waiting for things to change. Holding on to the hope of some distant possibility that we could make things work, that we could be happy.

No te dejo ir por falta de amor, te dejo porque tuve demasiado amor; creo que aún lo tengo pero empezó a desvanecerse porque nunca fue correspondido. Finalmente me di cuenta de que me estaba aferrando a algo que nunca sería. Porque si tenía que pasar, ya habría pasado. Tuvimos tiempo más que suficiente. Te di infinitas oportunidades que ni siquiera te molestaste en usar. Sólo estaba perdiendo el tiempo con alguien que nunca me valoró.

That’s why I am done, even though it’s breaking me, even though this is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I have to be stronger than ever this time. Stronger than my feelings because I know that I deserve better.

No tengo más oportunidades que dar. Estoy harta de que te hagas la víctima indefensa y me eches toda la culpa a mí. Estoy cansada de ser infeliz. Estoy cansada de todo el dolor y el sufrimiento que me haces pasar. Estoy cansada de estar cansada.

Esta vez te estoy viendo por lo que realmente eres y no por lo que espero que llegues a ser. Esta vez me elijo a mí y a mi propia felicidad antes que a ti. Gracias por dejarme sin otra opción que dejarte ir.