Foi incrivelmente difícil deixar-te ir mas não me deixaste outra escolha

I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to let go of somebody who meant the world to me and whom I loved with all that I am. I didn’t want to let go of somebody I planned my future with, somebody I could never imagine myself without. But here I am. Picking up the pieces and putting myself back together because you left me no other choice but to leave.

To be honest, I never thought I could do it. Tears would roll down my face every time I thought of the inevitable end we were headed toward. I just didn’t want to face it. I kept deluding myself, imagining how things were going to get better, how you would change because you would see how much I loved you and how hard I was fighting to make things work.

Mas nunca pensaste em mudar, pois não? You were just fine with the way things were going. You didn’t mind the fact that I was making all the effort, that I was always dreaming of the good old days and waiting for them to come back around again. You surely didn’t mind me forgiving you for everything you did, sometimes even without you saying you were sorry.

No, you didn’t mind and you tomou tudo como garantido. Usaste mal o meu amor e a minha bondade. Pensaste que podias fazer tudo o que quisesses e eu seria sempre a tola que ignorou tudo só para te ter por perto.

You would inflict wounds on my heart just by using words so nasty I can’t even repeat them; they still hurt. You never had enough time for me, everything else came first. And every time I made a complaint of any sort you would say that I was ungrateful, unreasonable and self-absorbed. Nothing was ever your fault and it was always easier to put the blame on me.

We were always moving back and forth. I think that’s what pushed me away the most. Estava farta de toda a tristeza. Não conseguia lidar com a tua incoerência. Um dia davas-me o mundo e no outro voltavas a tirá-lo. Eras tão carinhoso e todo em cima de mim num momento e tão frio e distante no outro. Estavas lá mas nunca estavas realmente lá, tinhas sempre um pé fora da porta.

That’s not how you love, with only half of your heart. Love demands all or nothing, there can’t be any in-between. I know you cared, I know you loved me in your own way but it was never enough. You just gave your bare minimum. You invested as much as you needed and nothing more. And when I sum it all up, I spent so much time crying and so little time smiling. Love shouldn’t feel like torture. Love shouldn’t make you this exhausted. Love shouldn’t be begged for.

And I did just that, didn’t I? Against my better judgment, I begged for your love. Implorei-te que me tratasses melhor. Implorei-te que mudasses. Implorei-te que me desses mais tempo, mais atenção, mais apreço por tudo o que eu estava a fazer, por todas as coisas más que deixei passar em nome da nossa relação. Mas a minha a mendicidade foi em vão. Cansei-me disso. Cansei-me de ser maltratado. Cansei-me de não ser amado.

I know you don’t get that I had to leave. You still don’t see all the things you did wrong. You still think you have the right to be in my life when it suits you. You are capable of putting on your best show ever to convince me to let you back in. But I wasted four years of my life waiting for things to change. Holding on to the hope of some distant possibility that we could make things work, that we could be happy.

Não te deixo ir por falta de amor, deixo-te porque tive demasiado amor; acho que ainda tenho, mas começou a desaparecer porque nunca foi retribuído. Finalmente percebi que estava a agarrar-me a algo que nunca seria. Porque se era suposto acontecer, já teria acontecido. Tivemos tempo mais do que suficiente. Dei-te inúmeras oportunidades que nem sequer te deste ao trabalho de usar. Só estava a perder o meu tempo com alguém que nunca me valorizou.

That’s why I am done, even though it’s breaking me, even though this is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I have to be stronger than ever this time. Stronger than my feelings because I know that I deserve better.

Não tenho mais hipóteses para dar. Estou farta de te deixar fazer de vítima indefesa e de me culpar a mim. Estou farto de ser infeliz. Estou cansada de toda a dor e sofrimento que me fazes passar. Estou farto de estar cansado.

Desta vez, estou a ver-te por quem realmente és e não pelo que espero que te tornes. Desta vez, estou a escolher-me a mim e à minha própria felicidade em vez de ti. Obrigado por me deixares sem outra escolha que não seja deixar ir.