Guía de 10 pasos para ser padres con éxito

Tus padres son las personas que más influyen en tu desarrollo hasta convertirte en la persona que eres hoy. En una situación ideal, te enseñan a ser un mejor persona y ayudarle a convertirse en emocionalmente maduro. 

Sin embargo, no siempre es así. Por desgracia, a veces son la causa de todos tus demonios, que te perseguirán el resto de tu vida. 

Cuando creces en un ambiente insano y entorno parental tóxico, you continue your parents’ behavior patterns throughout your adulthood.

Básicamente, sigues tratándote como te trataban cuando eras niño, sin ser consciente de ello. 

Pues bien, la única manera de cambiar esta práctica es participar en autopaternidad.

Se trata de un proceso en el que se forma una interacción entre su padre interno y niño interior e incluye una serie de ejercicios que te ayudan a volver a tu infancia y a sanar tu niño interior. 

Autopaternidad le da la oportunidad de resolver el conflictos internos you’ve been dealing with ever since you can remember and to consciously choose different behavior patterns and coping mechanisms than the ones you’re used to. 

Identificar el problema

Antes incluso de empezar a autoeducarte, lo primero y más importante es llegar al fondo de tu personalidad. 

At first, you might think that this is a piece of cake because who knows you better than yourself. However, things probably won’t go as smoothly as you expect them to. 

You see, we’re all troubled in a way and have some personality traits we would like to change. Maybe we’re talking about some deeply rooted traumas, inseguridades o problemas de confianza que tienes que encontrar la manera de manejar.

En cualquier caso, el problema de la introspección es siempre el mismo: tienes que escarbar en lo más profundo de tu alma y descubrir todas las capas de tu personalidad que muestras al mundo y de las que eres consciente. 

Tienes que volver a tu infancia e identificar dónde empezaron los problemas. Qué ocurrió para que te convirtieras en la persona que eres hoy?

¿Cuál es el origen de tu inestabilidad emocional? ¿Qué te ha llevado a este punto y cuál ha sido el principal desencadenante de todos tus problemas?

Básicamente, lo que tienes que hacer en este paso de el programa de autopaternidad es entender qué falló en tu relación con tus padres.

Como adulto, ¿cuáles crees que fueron sus errores? Desde este punto de vista, ¿qué deberían haber hecho tus padres de otra manera?

This shouldn’t serve you as an excuse to judge your parents’ raising methods.

Trust me on this one—no parent is perfect. Instead, they all make some errors and you won’t be different toward your children.

Así que, en lugar de centrarte en el resentimiento hacia ellos, ten en cuenta que hicieron todo lo que pudieron para criarte. 

Of course, I’m not talking about abusive parents here; I’m talking about seemingly normal or perfect parents who made some mistakes with their children.

Well, now it’s your job to correct those mistakes in your own way.

Aceptar que la reeducación es un proceso

If you expect to resolve all of your issues in the blink of an eye, think again. Don’t even start the process of autopaternidad if you’re not ready to make some sacrifices. 

Se tardan años en criar a un hijo, sobre todo si se hace de la manera correcta, así que ¿qué te hace pensar que podrás reparentarte de la noche a la mañana?

Ser padres es un proceso que requiere mucho tiempo, energía, esfuerzo y devoción.

Hay algunos problemas profundamente arraigados en ti que necesitan solución y nadie te dará una varita mágica que te ayude a solucionarlos todos.

However, the good news is that all (or at least most) of this depends exclusively on you. You’re no longer just a child who depends on their parents’ raising strategies and methods.

For a change, this time, you’re both an adult and a kid. It means that you have all the control in your hands. 

Therefore, it’s up to you how well you’ll handle this situation. It depends on whether you’ll take it seriously enough and whether you’ll end up helping yourself the right way. 

Forget about your parents’ behavior patterns

Nos guste admitirlo o no, lo cierto es que todos pasamos toda nuestra vida marcados por la forma en que nos educaron nuestros padres.

Even if some of us invest all of our energy in doing the opposite to them, that is still their impact we usually don’t see. 

Well, now it’s time to get rid of all of that. No, this doesn’t mean that you should go ningún contacto with your parents, especially if that is something you don’t have a desire to do.

I’m just asking you to stop seeing them only as parent figures for a moment. Instead, observe them as individuals and human beings with their good and bad sides. 

Seeing them like this, you’ll also realize that the world is not black and white. Not everything they did was wrong but not everything was right either.

What I’m trying to ask you to do is to volver a empezar. Forget about your parents’ behavior patterns and try disregarding the way they did things while you were a child.

Now, you’re your own parent. There are no more questions such as what they would do in this situation or what they would think about some of your actions.

It’s more than obvious that you didn’t have the right parenting models, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. Therefore, you’ll get nowhere if you keep on focusing on those patterns. 

I’m not saying that you should forget your past; after all, that’s exactly what brought you here. Nevertheless, you should stop seeing it as some kind of a compass that leads you through life. 

Remember—everything is in your hands now and you’re in charge so it’s up to you to reshape the parenting behavior patterns you were used to as a kid. 

Localiza a tu padre interior y a tu propio hijo interior

People usually differentiate between your childhood and adulthood behavior. Up to a certain point in your life, you’re observed exclusively as a kid and after some age, you’re an adult. 

There is not much discussion about this. In fact, it is well-known about how you should behave while you’re a child and what you should do once you finally grow up.

De hecho, el mundo te encasilla. Hay ciertas normas sociales sobre tus responsabilidades e incluso tus emociones relacionadas con periodos de tu vida.

Sin embargo, la verdad es bien distinta. A pesar de esta opinión popular, la realidad es que todos tenemos nuestras niño interior y yo adulto dentro de nosotros.

Just because you’re a grown person, it doesn’t mean that your niño interior ha desaparecido por arte de magia. En cambio, sigue estando muy presente dentro de ti.

No sólo eso, sino que también tiene un conjunto de emociones, deseos, miedos y exigencias. Este niño tiene hoy un impacto en tu vida mayor de lo que imaginas.

The point is that most people ignore this child’s existence. You’re trapped in your everyday busy life and you simply don’t have the time or the energy to raise a human being inside of you.

Además, la gente suele asumir que identificarse con su niño interior es inmaduro. El mundo moderno espera que dejes atrás a ese niño y actúes como el verdadero adulto que eres. 

Sin embargo, por el bien de tu salud mental y tu equilibrio emocional, tienes que hacer todo lo contrario.

Tienes que localizar tanto tu padre interno y su niño interior y, por último, tienes que poner paz entre estas dos partes de tu personalidad. 

Después de todo, esta es la única manera de resolver su conflictos internos y la única manera de que tu reparación proceso se haga de la manera correcta. 

Aprende a reconocer tus emociones

One of the biggest issues people have once they reach adulthood is that they didn’t learn to process emotions when they were little. Actually, their parents didn’t show them this skill when they should have.

Tus emociones tienen un propósito mayor en la vida. Están ahí para ayudarte a decidir sobre las cosas importantes que te ocurren y para ayudarte a procesar lo que ocurre a tu alrededor. 

Life isn’t just about finding solutions to your problems; it’s also about knowing how to identify your emotions, learning to name them properly, and most importantly, knowing how to handle them in the healthiest ways possible. 

Well, the problem is that at an early age, most kids are taught that some feelings are bad; that it’s not okay to be angry, it’s not socially acceptable to be overly sad and that being resentful is a bad characteristic. 

At least, this is what you were told when you were a child. There were appropriate emotions you were allowed to feel as a little girl and which were ‘normal’ for you if you were a little boy.

En consecuencia, la mayoría de las personas se convierten en adultos que reprimen sus emociones. De niño, te sentías abrumado por tus sentimientos y nadie estaba allí para decirte cómo procesarlos correctamente.

Precisamente por eso, uno de los primeros ejercicios de autopaternidad you should engage in is connected to identifying your feelings. You shouldn’t allow them to define you completely but you can’t ignore them either. 

Instead, the way to do it is to acknowledge your emotions. Notice that they exist, whether you like it or not, since it’s the only way to resolve them the right way. 

Identify your inner child’s needs

Another huge problem most children struggle with is expressing their needs. As a child, you don’t have the skills to verbalize what you need emotionally and those habits remain throughout your adulthood.

Well, it’s about time to change that. A estilo de autopaternidad positiva incluye la identificación de su niño interior’s needs and acting accordingly.

Remember that your own child is vulnerable and needs protection. They need reassurance and most importantly, the love you didn’t get when you should have. 

However, before acting on these requests, firstly you have to name them and this is another thing that won’t happen in the blink of an eye.

Por favor, sé lo suficientemente valiente como para escarbar bajo la superficie. Pregúntele a su niño interior lo que se perdió cuando era más joven y cómo puedes ayudarles a conseguirlo.

If necessary, stand in front of a mirror and start a dialogue. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to someone else and don’t feel crazy for doing so. 

Un experimentado profesional de la autopaternidad le aconsejará que verbalice su niño interior’s needs through conversation or writing.

Some people find it easier to put their needs on a piece of paper and a good tip is to start writing a journal. Go back to your childhood and write down each one of your needs which wasn’t met in the right way. 

I’m not talking about materialistic things you didn’t get here; instead, focus on your emotional needs which were not met.

Si tiene problemas para verbalizar estas necesidades o mantenerse alejado de discurso negativoexisten numerosos grupos de apoyo que pueden ayudarle a conseguirlo. 

Give yourself what you didn’t get as a child

Now that you’ve listed all of your emotions and needs, it’s time to start fulfilling them. The truth is that you live in the mundo real, which means that you can’t go back to the past and actually help the child you were. 

Sin embargo, lo que puedes hacer ahora es corregir los errores que cometieron tus padres. 

I know you were told to ignore their behavior patterns but now is the time when you’ll sadly have to go back over their errors, so you can correct them.

The time when you should learn from their mistakes, so you never repeat them again. The time to give yourself everything you didn’t get as a child.

However, this doesn’t always include only things such as unconditional love, support and attention. Yes, your niño interior debería conseguir por fin seguridad, autocuidadoLa validación y el estímulo.

Nevertheless, in some cases, they also need boundaries and discipline which they weren’t given in time. 

Lo primero y más importante es crear un entorno seguro para los niños. padre interno y niño interior. Estas dos personalidades necesitan encontrar la manera de establecer una comunicación sana.

En segundo lugar, necesitas volver al pasado y revivir algunos recuerdos de tu infancia. 

Remember all the times you wanted to cry but felt you couldn’t? All the times when you were bullied in school but didn’t have the courage to tell your parents what was going on?

¿Recuerdas todas esas situaciones en las que sólo necesitabas su abrazo? ¿Donde ansiabas sus palabras de consuelo y que te cogieran de la mano y te dijeran que todo iba a ir bien?

All these things you didn’t receive left holes in you. In fact, they shaped you into becoming the person you are today and are the main cause of all of the issues you’re struggling with at the present time. 

Pues bien, ahora es el momento en el que tienes que volver a cada una de esas situaciones concretas y darte a ti mismo lo que te faltó entonces.

Si es necesario, abrázate a ti mismo y establece la conexión física entre tu niño interior y padre interno. 

Mírate en el espejo y dale a tu niño interior strong eye contact. Tell them that you understand them and that you’re here, without the intention of ever abandoning them. 

Don’t do this just as a part of los ejercicios de autopaternidad. En su lugar, asegúrese de que su niño interior es curado de todas las heridas que sintió en el pasado. 

Most importantly, make sure it truly feels the new emotions you’re here to provide them with. Don’t give up until your niño interior really senses this support, reassurance or boundaries that you’re giving them. 

Trátate como a alguien a quien quieres

The problem with most adults is that they don’t engage in enough autocuidado. You’re a kind person and an empath but only when it comes to others.

You’re there to help everyone in your surroundings—your friends, family members, co-workers and even strangers but you don’t practice any autoayuda.

No matter how busy you are, you’ll always find time to listen to your closest ones. You’ll put much effort into walking a mile in their shoes and looking at things from their point of view.

You’re always there to have their back, to listen to them, to give them a hand and to make them smile. 

You’ll never turn anyone down when they ask you for help and you’re eager to be the support system they need; to be the silver lining to their cloud, the light at the end of their tunnel and a shoulder for them to cry on. 

Básicamente, tratas a todos tus seres queridos con especial cariño. Sin embargo, lo que pareces olvidar es que debes quererte a ti mismo, lo que incluye querer a tu niño interior también, más que nadie.

No, this doesn’t make you selfish. It only means that you understand that you can never be happy without proper autocuidado. 

Let me give you an example. If your friend called you in the middle of the night, telling you that they felt bad, what would you do? Of course, you’ll put all of your obligations aside and run to help them.

You won’t question whether they have the right to be sad or distressed. You’ll never tell them that they’re exaggerating and you certainly won’t ignore their cry for help.

You won’t tell them to sleep it off and advise them to ignore their pain and expect it to magically go away the next day.

Sin embargo, esto es exactamente lo que hace con su niño interior. Esto es lo que te haces cuando necesitas tu propio autoayuda.

Sigues acusándote de ser emocionalmente inestable o demasiado sensible, sin autocompasión. Every time you don’t give yourself a hand, you’re indirectly implying that you should toughen up. 

For some people, it’s difficult to acknowledge their niño interior para ayudarse a sí mismos. Si esto es algo con lo que te sientes identificado, empieza por verte a ti mismo como un buen amigo. 

What piece of advice would you give to someone you love if they were in the situation you’re in now? Use this advice on yourself and finally, start treating yourself as the person you love most in this world. 

El punto de autocompasión es evitar cualquier discurso negativo. It’s to give yourself mejor atención de lo que das a los demás y asegurarte de que tu bienestar siempre es lo primero. 

Establecer objetivos y expectativas claros

Como buen padreEn la escuela, tienes que fijar objetivos y expectativas claros para tu hijo. Su yo adulto can’t resolve your conflictos internos a menos que lo hagas de la manera correcta.

¿Qué quiere conseguir? ¿Cuáles son los heridas emocionales que estás deseando sanar? ¿En qué tipo de adulto quieres convertirte?

It’s crucial that you don’t underestimate your child within. Ten fe que puedes lograr grandes cosas y demuéstrale a tu niño interior que tienes fe en él.  

You see, many children didn’t live up to their full potential for one reason only; their parents didn’t believe in them. Well, now you have the unique opportunity to change that. 

Show your inner child that they can reach unimaginable heights. Show them that you don’t have any doubt in their abilities and let them know that they can achieve whatever they set their mind to.

Nothing is impossible. However, you can’t accomplish anything unless you have clear goals and an activity plan. Start with reaching small milestones and go on from there.

Sin embargo, también hay que asegurarse de no conseguir el efecto contrario. Algunos padres cometen el error de esperar demasiado de sus hijos.

These children feel overly pressured and they’re usually overwhelmed and pushed too hard, which makes them feel like underachievers, despite everything good they accomplish.

Consequently, they grow up into overly demanding adults and they constantly judge themselves for not being better or more efficient. It’s the same with your inner child. 

Por eso también hay que tener expectativas razonables. Básicamente, la clave está en encontrar el equilibrio entre creer en ti mismo y no sobrepasar los límites de tus capacidades. 

Establezca un horario estricto

Sería increíble que los niños pudieran convertirse en adultos respetables con sólo darles suficiente amor, cuidado y atención.

However, sadly, things don’t always go that way.

De hecho, hay numerosos ejemplos de buenos padres who gave their children everything they wished for; they were there for them and loved them unconditionally, no matter what, but essentially, they didn’t care enough for their bienestar y estos padres no pusieron límites estrictos a sus hijos. 

These parents didn’t teach their children not to eat junk food, they allowed them to play videojuegos o salir con sus amigos tanto como quisieran.

Basically, they didn’t give them any discipline and consequently, didn’t raise them right.

Por ello, todos profesionales de la autopaternidad te aconsejará que hagas un horario estricto en tu vida. Ten un plan y comprométete con él en la medida de lo posible.

You see, adulthood is not always about doing the things we love and enjoy doing. On the contrary, sometimes it’s about duties, obligations, and responsibilities.

Well, it’s your job to teach your inner child each of these things. What’s a better way for you to learn than through your own example?

Don’t get yourself trapped in a comfort zone but make some habits. Eat healthily, stick to the same sleeping schedule and don’t procrastinate. 

Confía en mí, esta es la única forma en la que tu niño interior puede convertirse en un adulto de éxito.