Jugando Conmigo, Sólo Acabaste Jugando Contigo Mismo

You were like nobody I ever met. You had something so devilish inside of you that was impossible to resist. The fire burning in your eyes was calling me to come closer. That little voice inside my head screamed you were trouble but I silenced it. My eyes were wide shut and my heart was burning for you. I couldn’t hear and I couldn’t see the player you really were.

So deaf and blind, I fell into your deceiving arms. I fell into a trap of manipulative games that took me forever to realize but you know what they say—’better late than never’.

Empezamos poco a poco como amigos. Te colaste en mi corazón. Creo que lo que más me conquistó fue tu total atención cada vez que hablábamos. Escuchabas cada palabra que salía de mi boca, te reías de las tonterías y guardabas silencio y me apoyabas en las cosas serias.

Me hiciste sentir tan cómoda tan rápido que empecé a sentirme segura a tu lado. Empecé a confiar en ti completamente y me abrí tan fácilmente. Y yo no soy una de esas mujeres que lo hacen fácilmente. A mí me lleva mucho tiempo compartir con alguien algo que está muy dentro de mí. Y sé que eras un perfecto desconocido, pero me hiciste sentir como si fueras alguien cercano.

The other big thing that made me so into you is that you were so damn attractive. You were the sexiest creature I ever laid my eyes on. I’d always given more emphasis to what was from within. I wasn’t in high school anymore, to just fall for someone’s good looks.

That never was one of my criteria when I would choose a boyfriend in the past. Sure I wanted them to have something I liked, something I found attractive, as I think that it’s important to concentrate on the whole package, the wrapping on the outside and the beautiful gift that is on the inside.

I had no idea that you – my perfect package, my amazing gift – would end up being so wrong for me.

Ese fuego en tus ojos me estaba llamando. Nunca había sentido tanta pasión en toda mi vida. Te di mi corazón, mi cuerpo, mi alma, sin siquiera pensarlo dos veces. Yo era toda tuya, pero por desgracia, tú nunca fuiste mío.

Después de que te salieras con la tuya, después de que vieras que estaba tan enamorada de ti, empezaron los juegos. Eras un perfecto ejemplo de libro de texto de un jugador. Ahora me doy cuenta de eso.

It started where it all starts – with a texting game. You gave me so much attention at first. Texting every day was something I’d gotten very used to. All of a sudden it would take you forever to reply. Sometimes you would even text me back the next day, like, ‘I was sleeping. I was so tired babe sorry.’ Yeah right, sleeping from 6 p.m. to 9 a.m. But I let it slide.

The more the texts got delayed, the more I was anticipating them. I would answer in a heartbeat but you would take your precious time. You were always busy. You were always tired and never had time for me. Even though I knew nobody that busy. If you wanted, you could’ve taken five minutes from the day to text, just to let me know you were thinking of me. But no. You had no time. And I chose to make myself believe in those lies because all I wanted was to be with you.

Lo sabías bien, sabías que pasara lo que pasara, yo siempre estaría ahí. O eso pensábamos los dos entonces.

Los partidos empezaron a ser más profesionales. Cambiaste tu comportamiento. Antes me lo dabas todo y ahora me conformaba con pedacitos de tu afecto. Todas aquellas noches que pasábamos hablando de todo y de nada, todas aquellas veces que sentí que me escuchabas con atención, se habían ido para siempre.

Hacíamos planes. O mejor dicho, yo hacía planes porque tú estabas demasiado ocupado para hacerlos por nosotros. Los cancelabas en el último minuto. Me dejabas llorando y te ibas a Dios sabe dónde sin ni siquiera considerar cómo me hacía sentir.  

Estabas demasiado ocupado para invertir algún tipo de esfuerzo en mí, o en esto que sea que teníamos entre manos. Porque nunca dijiste que fuera tu novia. Simplemente asumí que lo era o que estaba cerca de serlo porque tu comportamiento al principio de esto me apuntaba en esa dirección.

Time passed and all I had with you were tears. That’s what happens when you deal with a player. All you are constantly feeling is pain with glimpses of happiness and somehow you are hooked and you are incapaz de soltar. Quieres más y más, hasta que tus lágrimas se secan y te dicen que es suficiente.

That’s exactly what happened to me; my tears made me see, my sobbing on those sleepless nights made me hear that little voice inside my head that was telling me it was time to let go.

So, I did. I let you go even though it was anything but easy. I just figured it would be worse staying with you. Your behavior toward me was getting worse and worse. You were becoming so self-centered that I started to feel like I didn’t exist and like I didn’t matter.

Tears made me remember I did. They made me remember I have limits and you crossed them all. They made me remember that I am worthy of love and that it was time I started giving it to myself.  And I wasn’t wrong when I started to do that because everything else started to fall into place.

I learned that I am happier without you and that there is nothing that hurts you more. Now you have time and you are not busy and you keep begging me to give you one more chance. But you don’t deserve any more chances. Now I am the one who is in control of my life and you don’t get to be a part of it.

Entiendo tu conmoción. Pensaste que era débil, que nunca me dejaría ir. Pensaste que jugar conmigo duraría para siempre. Nunca pensaste que perderme te haría daño. You played a game with me and ended up playing yourself. I am sorry for you, as we could’ve had it great if it wasn’t for your games. But, it is how it is and the only reality now is that I don’t want you in my life anymore. Game over.