Mi marido es malo conmigo y está arruinando lentamente nuestro matrimonio
“My husband is mean to me” is, unfortunately, a sentence we hear so often these days. Nada duele más que ser faltado al respeto y maltratado por la persona que más quieres y te importa.
Esos sentimientos me son tan conocidos. Ya pasé por todo eso. Me preguntaba constantemente por qué mi marido era tan malo e irrespetuoso conmigo.
And you know what? No matter what I did or how much I tried, I really couldn’t find the right answer. I couldn’t understand how that good man I married had turned into such a toxic and bitter person.
I know I wasn’t always the perfect wife. I have my flaws just like all human beings do but I really tried hard to be a better spouse every single day and to make him happy.
I really tried hard to save our marriage and fortunately, my efforts paid off in the end. We went through that crisis, learned our lessons from it and left it all in the past. We’re still happily married.
Ya sabes, lo peor es que realmente empiezas a creer en todas esas cosas malas que te dice cada día.
You start thinking about how the real problem might be you. It all just makes you feel like you’re unworthy of love.
In the beginning, you are in the process of denial. Even though you’re aware of the fact that he doesn’t treat you well, you deny it because you don’t want to admit it and you’re afraid of ruining your marriage.
Then, you start comforting yourself with how it’s all a phase, one little crisis you have to go through to strengthen the bond between you and how it’ll all pass very soon.
Te callas todos sus insultos porque crees que tu amor va a hacerle cambiar.
You constantly feel like it’s all a bad dream and how you’re going to wake up soon and find your good man, the man lying next to you, whom you fell in love with and married,.
Al final, you don’t have any other option than to accept that something has changed, that your husband has changed.
You’re aware that you must act fast and try to fix your marriage while you still have time.
¿Por qué mi marido es tan malo conmigo? 14 posibles razones
Lo que nunca pude entender fue por qué mi marido era tan malo e irrespetuoso conmigo y amable con todos los demás. Verle portarse bien con todo el mundo menos conmigo me partía el corazón.
Before dealing with your husband’s anger, you have to understand the reason why he is angry and being disrespectful to you all of a sudden. Here are some possible causes for his angry outbursts.
El amor que una vez sintió por ti se está desvaneciendo
We can’t say that your husband never did love you. He probably did because he married you but there is a possibility that his feelings might have changed.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you at all anymore, it just means that he doesn’t love you the same way he did at the beginning of your relationship.
Definitivamente hay algo diferente con sus emociones. Si realmente te amara como antes, nunca sería malo ni heriría tus sentimientos con su comportamiento irrespetuoso.
He doesn’t care for you at all
If he keeps mistreating you and keeps saying mean things on a daily basis, there is only one conclusion for that behavior. He doesn’t care for you, nor did he ever.
Accept the truth. This is not just one of those little marriage problems. This is huge and it won’t pass just like that. Time won’t help you to ease the pain of being mistreated, nor will your love.
¿Cómo vivir una vida feliz con un hombre que constantemente es malo contigo y hiere tus sentimientos todos los días, sin pensar siquiera en cómo podrías sentirte después?
Si crees que hay siquiera una pequeña esperanza de luchar por tu matrimonio, te digo que vayas a por ello.
But the best thing would probably be to leave the man who doesn’t care about your feelings or your well-being. To leave the man who doesn’t love or deserve you.
Tiene problemas de ira
Is your man always up for a fight? Does he blow up at the smallest things? Does he always try to avoid talking about his angry outbursts once he’s cooled down?
If your answers to all of these questions are affirmative, you’re probably dealing with un hombre que tiene problemas de ira, even though he won’t admit it, of course.
Those issues won’t pass with time if you don’t deal with them together.
Actually, anger is very contagious and it’s very easy to create a habit out of it, a habit to be angry most of the time, without any reason.
Debe ocuparse de esos problemas y hablar de ellos con su pareja, porque pueden tener muchos efectos negativos en su matrimonio y su familia. Si uno de los miembros de la pareja tiene problemas de ira, se crea una relación tóxica y abusiva.
Tiene una baja autoestima paralizante
Whenever we were out with our friends or at some family gatherings, I couldn’t wrap my head around why my husband was mean to me and nice to everyone else.
Más tarde comprendí que se debía sobre todo a sus inseguridades y a su sorprendente baja autoestima.
I also understood that being angry or mean to someone is actually a sign of weakness. That it’s just a coping technique against some fears we all have.
En aquellos tiempos, mi marido atravesaba crisis muy graves, tanto personales como profesionales.
Pensaba que yo era mejor que él y que me merecía a alguien mejor, alguien que pudiera mantenerme y hacer realidad todos mis sueños.
He’s just selfish
This is probably the best and only correct answer. He’s definitely selfish because he doesn’t care how you’ll feel when he hurts you with his mean behavior.
I know it’s difficult to accept but it’s absolutely true. Why can’t you get your revenge or do such things he did to you to hurt your feelings? Precisely because of that, not to hurt someone’s feelings.
Maybe he’s even being unfaithful to you
One of the possible causes of his disrespectful behavior may also be his infidelity. Maybe he isn’t brave enough to tell you the truth.
He probably doesn’t have the guts to tell you how things really are and he actually wants to make you end your marriage by being mean to you.
You’re married so you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, so you know him well. Do you find anything awkward in his behavior, any signs that may tell you that your partner is being unfaithful to you?
¿Está siendo sobreprotector con su móvil últimamente, se enfada y te trata mal cada vez que le coges el teléfono o has notado algún cambio en sus redes sociales que te haya resultado extraño?
Si tienes motivos para dudar de su fidelidad, busca esas pequeñas cosas que pueden ser una prueba de que tu pareja te engaña.
Podría ser un misógino
If this is the reason why your husband is mean to you, don’t be too hard on yourself and blame yourself for not noticing it before you married him.
It’s true that misogynists are everywhere around us but it may be very difficult to spot them porque saben ocultar ese lado oscuro que tienen hasta que consiguen lo que quieren y entonces muestran su verdadera cara.
On the other hand, most of them aren’t even aware that they are a misogynist.
Su odio hacia las mujeres ha sido causado probablemente por algún trauma infantil o porque una figura femenina muy importante en su vida les traicionó una vez y les hirió profundamente.
Su mejor rasgo es su ingenioso encanto, que es el cebo perfecto para las mujeres. Una vez que tienen un objetivo y hacen que ella se enamore de ellos, empiezan a expresar su odio y tratar de hacerla tan miserable como sea posible.
Está pasando por un momento difícil
He started getting home really late from work and he was always bringing some work projects home and working late in his home office. That was the first red flag but unfortunately, I didn’t interpret it well.
Durante todo ese tiempo, pensé que me estaba engañando. Me di cuenta de que estaba estresado pero, de nuevo, pensé que era la presión de llevar una vida ajetreada.
I’m still very sorry for doubting his fidelity but he was so mean to me and every time I asked what was happening, he avoided talking about it. You have to admit, he gave me good reasons to doubt him.
Sin embargo, afortunadamente, estaba taaaan equivocada. Dirigía una empresa privada y, en esos momentos, su empresa atravesaba una gran crisis y él estaba sometido a una enorme presión y estresado por ello.
I will never be able to apologize enough for doubting his fidelity but on the other hand, he also made a mistake by not telling me the truth because we swore to be each other’s support in both the good and bad times.
He’s a control freak
Tratar con un marido enfadado y obsesionado con el control es muy difícil y agotador.
It emotionally drains you because you try and try to be a better spouse for him but no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for him.
He is Mr. Always Right and every time you do something wrong, he’ll create an unnecessary drama about it and be really mean to you.
It’s the kind of man who always thinks he is smarter than you and he doesn’t care about your opinion, nor does he want to hear it from you.
He’ll cross over all of your boundaries and hurt your feelings purposely without having any second thoughts about it, just to get what he wants.
He’s just taking advantage of your kindness and your honest feelings
He knows you. He knows how you think, how you feel and how you act in specific situations. That’s why he is being so mean to you.
He is aware of the fact that you love him, maybe even more than you love yourself, and he knows that no matter what he does or says, you won’t get mad at him.
Even if you do get mad, he knows that you won’t stay angry for too long. He knows you are a good and kind woman with a big heart and that you’ll forgive him every time he disrespects you.
Deberías poner un límite y sorprenderle. Por mucho que quieras a alguien, nunca debes permitir que te tome el pelo o te trate mal.
If he’s playing this little game with you, show him how it should be done properly.
Relacionado: Por qué mi novia es tan mala conmigo (16 razones + formas de superarlo)
Maybe it’s actually his very weird way of seeking attention
Si a tu hombre le encanta ser siempre el centro de atención y le has descuidado durante algún tiempo, tal vez esta sea su forma enfermiza de buscar tu atención.
I really don’t know what to say about this one. It’s a little bit creepy but also romantic and funny at the same time.
If this is the reason why your husband is being mean, then he’s so childish and spoiled too.
Of course, you shouldn’t neglect him, no matter how many other obligations you have, but still, he must understand that he can’t always be the center of your attention.
Tiene un trastorno narcisista de la personalidad
Algunos rasgos que definen a casi todos los narcisistas son la falta de empatía hacia otras personas, una profunda necesidad de atención y un comportamiento arrogante.
If your husband is always showing a little bit of each, then I’m sorry for having to break it to you but you married a narcissist.
People like that are only focused on themselves and only they are what’s truly important. He won’t be careful with your feelings because he doesn’t give two hoots about them.
He’s an abuser
Sometimes it’s possible that you’re being abused without even noticing it. Also, many people think that there is only physical abuse and that’s untrue.
La verdad es que cualquier persona que te diga con frecuencia cosas hirientes y con mala intención o que intente controlarte está abusando emocionalmente de ti.
Abusers are great manipulators. They can very easily make you think about how it’s all your fault. Esto se conoce como abuso mental.
However, you must know that it’s never your fault. No matter what you did or said to him, he doesn’t have the right to disrespect you.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why is my husband mean to me and nice to everyone else?” the answer is simple.
It’s that abusers like to behave charming and nice in front of other people because they want to leave a good impression on the people who know you, so no one will believe you when you decide to admit you’re being abused in your relationship.
If you’re really in love with that man and you’re ready to do just about anything to improve and save your relationship, you must know that you’ll have to put enormous effort into salvar su matrimonio.
Even though there is just a little hope for an abuser to change, it’s not impossible. If your love is real and honest, it can be a great motivation for them to change.
If he starts abusing you physically too, then you definitely mustn’t put up with it and keep hoping he’ll change and that it’ll pass. You must end your marriage immediately.
Amas a ese hombre y será doloroso divorciarte de él, pero sería aún peor seguir casada con un maltratador.
You’ll need time and you’ll heal and move on with your life, while your soon-to-be-ex-husband will regret losing you forever.
Tal vez sus acciones recientes son la causa de ese repentino comportamiento irrespetuoso
Sin embargo, si su marido ha cambiado de repente y se porta mal con usted, debería preguntarse si ha hecho algo que pueda haber provocado ese tipo de comportamiento.
Si es la primera vez que tu marido te dice cosas feas y te falta al respeto, el problema puede estar en algo que hayas hecho tú.
Maybe you said or did something that really hurt his ego and I think we all know how important a man’s ego is to them.
It’s a huge part of their self-esteem and we already talked about how a man with a lower ego can sometimes be disrespectful in a relationship.
Again, I’m not saying that him mistreating and disrespecting you is your fault.
I’m just saying that you should think about your actions over the past few days and see whether you did anything that might have provoked him to be mean to you.
Véase también: 14 razones por las que mi marido nunca hace nada especial por mí
8 maneras eficaces de lidiar con su falta de respeto
Lidiar con un marido enfadado y sus tormentos emocionales y mentales cotidianos puede ser realmente doloroso y agotador.
Sin embargo, hay algunas formas de afrontarlo. Ayúdale a darse cuenta de sus problemas de ira, ayúdale a cambiar y salva tu matrimonio.
It’s high time to set boundaries in your marriage
Okay, you’ve been dealing with his angry outbursts for some time now and you haven’t done anything about it because all this time, you thought he’d change.
However, now, it’s high time to put an end to it. Enough is enough. You know you don’t deserve it, so why should you keep putting up with and tolerating his toxic behavior?
Reset the boundaries in your marriage. Confront your husband about his disrespectful behavior. Tell him how it’s bothering you and how it’s slowly ruining your marriage.
Pídele que colabore más en todo, incluso en cosas sencillas como las tareas domésticas.
Doing some simple things like that together might be fun for both of you and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you and improve your relationship.
Be open and honest with him. Don’t try to change him by yourself but demand him to change his behavior if he wants to save your marriage.
Don’t add fuel to the fire
One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I was dealing with my husband’s temperament issues was that when one partner is fire, the other one has to be water.
Eso significa que siempre que tu marido esté enfadado y empiece a pelearse contigo, debes intentar calmar la tormenta y tratar de solucionarlo de forma sana.
Of course, it’s not always possible to do that. Sometimes, he really provokes you and you get angry too.
However, you should try to calm yourself in those moments as much as possible. Don’t be upset just because he’s upset or angry with you.
Si ves que algo le ha enfadado mucho, deberías dar marcha atrás e intentar volver a hablar con él del tema cuando se calme.
If you start participating in a fight, you’ll end up saying really mean things to each other and you will both later regret it but by then, it may be too late.
Intenta llegar a la raíz de su ira.
Before you start dealing with his bad temperament issues, you first must get to the bottom of what’s causing his angry outbursts.
There’s probably a reason for it, especially if it starts happening all of a sudden. You know that he isn’t the man you married but you must find out what caused him to change so negatively.
If you can’t figure out the cause by yourself, confront him about it and ask him to tell you.
If he tells you how you’re just imagining it or keeps avoiding talking about it, seek professional help or ask your or his best friend to help you find out.
The fact is that his toxic behavior is ruining your marriage and finding out what’s making him treat you that way is the only way you’ll be able to handle it and save your marriage.
Don’t try to change him because it’s a mission impossible
La regla más importante que debes seguir si quieres salvar tu matrimonio es que nunca debes intentar cambiar a tu marido.
Puedes ser directa con él, decirle cómo sus problemas de ira están dañando realmente vuestro matrimonio y puedes ayudarle a cambiar su comportamiento, pero lo más importante es que tu marido tiene que darse cuenta por sí mismo de hasta qué punto su comportamiento está dañando vuestro matrimonio y estar dispuesto a cambiar.
This is the only way he’ll show you how much he cares for you and your marriage. And trust me, even if you try to change him, which would be a terrible mistake, you wouldn’t succeed in it.
Open up to someone about your husband’s anger issues
You don’t have to go through all of it alone. Open up to someone about the problems in your marriage. Talk to your best friend and ask them for advice.
Even though they might not give you any guidance, they’ll try to comfort you and make you feel better.
Tal vez incluso puedas pedirle a su mejor amigo o a alguien en quien más confíe, además de ti, que hable con él y le advierta de cómo su comportamiento tóxico está afectando y dañando vuestro matrimonio o simplemente que averigüe el motivo de sus frecuentes ataques de ira.
Maybe he’ll listen to that person and realize it’s time for a change.
Sugiérale una terapia de control de la ira
You shouldn’t just accept his behavior without doing anything to help him realize he has to change.
Sea directa con su marido y señálele cómo sus problemas de mal genio están afectando negativamente a su matrimonio y a sus vidas.
Ask him to try anger management therapy and tell him that you’ll be there for him every step of the way, supporting him and believing in him.
If he or you can’t identify his stressors, then he definitely needs professional help and this therapy will help him find the real cause of his anger issues and help him realize those negative emotions.
Trate de reírse de la ira
El humor es siempre la mejor cura para todo, así que puedes intentarlo. Cada vez que tu marido se enfade, intenta distraer su ira con humor.
Le conoces demasiado bien y debes saber lo que le hace reír. Cuando empiece a discutir por alguna tontería, en medio de la conversación, cuéntale un chiste que sepas que le hará reír.
Véase también: ¿Por qué todo el mundo es tan malo conmigo? No eres tú. (¿O sí?)
El asesoramiento matrimonial puede ayudarle a salvar su matrimonio
Si ambos queréis salvar o arreglar vuestro matrimonio, deberíais probar el asesoramiento matrimonial. Un terapeuta puede ayudaros a ambos a daros cuenta de los errores que están dañando vuestro matrimonio y ayudaros a afrontarlos.
Puede que se trate de una crisis matrimonial más y que, con la ayuda de un profesional, puedas superarla fácilmente.
You’ll both have to put some effort in and be ready to work on your differences and issues to overcome that crisis.
Por otro lado, también puede ser una forma estupenda de fortalecer tu matrimonio y el vínculo entre vosotros.
Toda crisis y cualquier problema entre vosotros puede superarse si el amor entre vosotros es fuerte y sincero y si realmente queréis mejorar o salvar vuestro matrimonio.
However, sometimes it’s impossible to tolerate specific behavior from your spouse and the best choice for both partners is to divorce.
Some things can’t be fixed or regained, after all. Lost trust and lost respect are just two of those things.
