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Writing down a “Should I get a divorce” checklist might be one of the best ways to make the right call regarding your marriage.
This way, you’ll put everything on a piece of paper, and you’ll get an impartial perspective on your situation.
Don’t worry: having second thoughts about ending your marriage is perfectly normal. You’re not sure what the right choice is, and you want to do what’s best for your entire family without rushing your decision.
Well, in that case, a “Should I get un divorcio” checklist is the thing for you. Here are the 12 crucial things you must consider before starting the divorce process.
La lista definitiva de 11 puntos sobre el divorcio
Abuso
The first point on your checklist should definitely be abuse. You see, bad things happen between married couples and nobody’s life is all sunshine and roses.
As much as you try to avoid it, sometimes you and your spouse will get into a fight. Sometimes you’ll even exaggerate by insulting each other, which is not okay but is also not reason enough to get a divorce.
However, there is a huge difference between your spouse calling you names once then apologizing for it and them verbally abusing you. Yes, that’s also a thing.
Cuando se piensa en malos tratos, se da por sentado que la otra persona tiene que pegarte de verdad para que sus acciones se clasifiquen como violentas.
Well, this is exactly why a lot of people remain in abusive marriages: they don’t know that someone can abuse you physically, emocionalmente...verbalmente y de muchas otras formas.
If any kind of abuse is on your checklist, it’s an adequate indicator that your marriage is not what it should be.
Another thing I’ll ask you is to remember that no matter what is going on, this is not your fault, and you’re not to blame. Nobody has the right to abuse you, let alone the person who should love you the most.
Asuntos
La infidelidad es también una de las principales razones por las que la gente se un divorcio. Una vez más, hay diferentes tipos de infidelidad.
¿Tuvo su cónyuge un aventura emocional? How long did it last? Maybe they didn’t actually commit adultery, but you noticed they se enamoró de otra persona.
Well, sometimes, this realization can be more painful than one night of weakness that didn’t mean anything. Either way, it depends on what hurt you the most.
However, you’re not the only one making this decision. Does your spouse want a second chance for your marriage, or are they ready to start fresh with their new partner?
En este último caso, no le queda más remedio que aceptar el divorcio. Después de todo, ¿qué puedes hacer? Ruégales que te quieran¿a pesar de que fueron ellos los que tuvieron una aventura?
On the other hand, if they’re the ones asking for your forgiveness, it’s up to both of you to decide about your marriage’s future.
¿Le crees a tu pareja que esto fue algo de una sola vez? ¿Puede mirar a su cónyuge de la misma manera después de esta traición? ¿Está dispuesto a pasar por un recuperación de la aventura?
Or maybe you were the unfaithful one? In that case, the situation is pretty much the same – you two just have reversed roles.
Decidas lo que decidas, recuerda que no es vergonzoso perdonar una aventura or ending a marriage because of it – if that’s what you think is right.
Tienes que ser consciente de que esta infidelidad tuvo que ser causada por algo que no funcionaba en tu matrimonio.
Si decidís daros otra oportunidad, tenéis que encontrar el origen y curarlo antes de que realmente destruya vuestro matrimonio.
Asesoramiento matrimonial
A veces, las parejas tienen dificultades para superar los obstáculos en su matrimonio. Sus problemas matrimoniales les parecen demasiado grandes y se sienten incapaces de llegar a un compromiso.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about infidelity, their differences, or a lack of passion – at the end of the day, the point is the same: something is off.
However, they still have feelings for each other. Maybe they’ve spent too much time together to let it all go to waste just like that. Or they want to give it another try for the kid’s sake?
En ese caso, terapia matrimonial es el camino correcto.
Acudir a un profesional
Toda pareja debería visitar a un profesional antes de dar el paso definitivo e iniciar el proceso de divorcio.
I know what you must be thinking right now: “What could a stranger possibly know about my marriage that the two of us don’t?” Well, surprisingly, a lot.
Ante todo, se trata de un profesional especializado en su tipo de problemas. Se trata de una persona cuyo trabajo consiste en ayudar a los matrimonios a encontrar un término medio.
Además, como su consejero matrimonial no está implicado emocionalmente, puede analizar sus problemas de forma más objetiva.
They will give you a broader perspective on things, and you’ll probably start seeing your marriage in a different light once you talk to them.
This is the person who can show you the right direction – someone who knows what you should do to save your relationship and become a better husband and wife.
Seguir los consejos de los demás
Whatever you do, don’t let anyone else interfere in your relationship. Look, I know that you’ll both ask for your friend or family’s opinion, but don’t let their attitudes guide you.
It’s one thing to talk to a trained professional who knows what they’re doing, but blindly following a third person’s lead can make things even worse.
I don’t care if you have a friend who’s been through a divorce or if your spouse’s parents are telling them what to do. Each case is unique, and the two of you are the only ones who have the right to make a decision.
Comunicación
The next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is the communication between you and your spouse.
You’re an adult, and this is not your first relationship, so I don’t have to emphasize the importance of healthy communication in a marriage.
What I am interested in now is whether you and your partner ever talked things through. But I mean really talked – honestly and open-heartedly.
No, a healthy conversation isn’t yelling, holding grudges, resenting, and engaging in a blame game. Because I’m sure that’s what you two have been doing.
I am talking about sitting down alone, without the kids or anyone else interfering. I’m talking about being completely sincere and putting all the cards on the table.
Aquí hay que olvidarse de la agresión pasiva, el tratamiento silencioso y otras técnicas tóxicas similares. Los dos tenéis que decir lo que os pasa por la cabeza antes de solicitar el divorcio.
This might sound strange, but it’s possible that your spouse is not certain about what’s been bothering you all along. Maybe they didn’t listen or didn’t want to hear your complaints at that moment.
So, now you’re on the verge of getting a divorce lawyer without ever really having a decent conversation.
Well, even if you don’t think that your marriage is worth fighting for, wouldn’t it be a pity if you ended things without speaking your mind one last time?
If nothing else, this is the least you owe to each other and to the years you’ve spent together – the least you owe to all those beautiful memories you once shared.
It’s crucial to forget about your egos during this conversation. There is no need to be pathetic either, but don’t hide your emotions from each other because this might be the last chance to express them.
Ask your spouse everything you’ve been wondering about. Clear away all of your doubts and let them answer all the questions that have been bugging you.
Yes, there is a chance that you two will decide to give it another shot after this talk. But, there is also a chance that you’ll stick to the divorce.
Even in that case, I promise you that sometime in the future, when all of this is behind you, you’ll be glad you had one last conversation. You’ll sé feliz que nada quedó sin decir y que tuviste tu cierre.
Plan de parentalidad
It’s unbelievably difficult to go through a divorce when it’s just the two of you. Well, you can only imagine how painful it is to do it when you have children together.
Let’s get one thing straight: your kids shouldn’t be the only reason why you choose to remain in an unhappy marriage.
Nevertheless, they’re quite a significant factor in this decision and the entire process.
Whether you like it or not, your kids depend on you and your husband or wife. I’m not referring to finances here only – I’m also talking about emotional, psychological, and every other form of dependency.
No matter what’s going on between you two, you’re both their parents. Therefore, they love and want you both in their lives.
Tienes que ser consciente de que sus vidas cambiarán drásticamente tras el divorcio. Además, existe la posibilidad de que esto deje secuelas en su salud mental si no se hace correctamente.
First of all, they won’t be living with one of their parents anymore, which is a shock enough.
They’re used to having you both present in their lives 24/7, and now, all of a sudden, they’ll only get to see their mom or dad a few times a week.
Also, there is a possibility that they’ll have to move, depending on which spouse keeps your marital home. That means they’ll have to change their entire surroundings, including their school and friends.
How old are your children? Do you think that they’re mature enough to process what’s going on?
¿Verán esto como la ruptura de toda su familia y del mundo que conocen?
¿Qué piensa hacer con la custodia de los hijos? ¿Cree que usted y su cónyuge podrán encontrar un término medio y llegar a un acuerdo que convenga más a sus hijos?
Or will you have to go through a child custody battle? Will you two have what it takes to go through this painful process the adult way, or will your children’s lives become your battlefield?
Todas estas son preguntas que debe hacerse antes de solicitar el divorcio. After all, you’ve got to have a plan – you’re responsible for other human beings who are affected by your decision.
Either way, this will be a traumatic experience for them, and it’s your job to minimize the damage.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to judge you for getting a divorce despite having kids – I just want you to take this situation seriously.
Amor
When you’re younger, you’re convinced that love is enough for two people to succeed together.
You feel butterflies in your belly, the other person makes you laugh, and before you know it, you can’t picture your life without them.
Así que acabas casado. Tarde o temprano, te das cuenta de que la vida no es todo arco iris y unicornios.
Most importantly: you realize that love is not enough for a sustainable relationship that doesn’t have compromise, respect, fidelity, healthy communication, etc.
I couldn’t agree with you more: you’re an adult who needs other things besides love to be happy and fulfilled.
But let’s not forget one thing: even though it’s not the only thing that matters, love between partners is still crucial and irreplaceable.
So, let your feelings be the next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist. No, this doesn’t make you an immature hopeless romantic – it means that you want to take everything into account.
La pregunta es: ¿queda algo de amor entre usted y su cónyuge? ¿Todavía os queréis, despite everything bad that’s happened between you two?
El amor te conecta
If the answer is yes, will these feelings magically go away the moment you sign those divorce papers? Basically, what I want to know is whether you’re capable of killing those feelings off?
¿Existe la posibilidad de que sigas queriéndolos dentro de unos años, a pesar de que no estéis juntos? ¿Vale la pena correr ese riesgo? ¿A quién escucharás, a tu corazón o a tu mente?
Desenamorarse de su cónyuge
On the other hand, there are couples whose passion vanished ages ago and couples who are convinced that they don’t love each other anymore.
Well, I’m not here to advise you to stay in a loveless marriage. Remember: love is not enough, but it is crucial.
However, if this is the only reason why you want a divorce, ask yourself whether you’ve done everything to rekindle your love.
Look, just because you are not in love with your partner the way you were at the beginning of your romance doesn’t make you totally indifferent.
Felicidad personal
A fin de cuentas, the most important thing you have to ask yourself is, “Am I happy?”
Podrías estar viviendo en una mansión, con todas tus finanzas resueltas y un cónyuge que te lleva el desayuno a la cama cada mañana.
Podrías tener un matrimonio aparentemente perfecto sin absolutamente nada de lo que quejarte.
But at the same time, you could be unhappy. Maybe you’ve concluded that getting married was a mistake in the first place.
Maybe you feel trapped in your relationship. Perhaps you can’t stand looking at your spouse anymore, for no specific reason.
All of this might make you feel unhappy. You can’t really explain why, but you know that you don’t want to remain married to your significant other.
Y eso está perfectamente bien. No hay por qué sentirse culpable. It’s better to be honest than to keep on sleeping next to someone who makes you miserable.
If this is not a phase, and you’ve been feeling like this for a while now, be selfish enough to put your satisfaction first. Go in your pursuit of happiness!
Vida amorosa tras el divorcio
The next thing on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is your love life afterward. Will you stay single? Or do you plan on remarrying?
Por supuesto, nunca se puede predecir el futuro, pero lo que sí se puede hacer es examinar ambas opciones.
Vida de soltero
When you’ve been in a relationship and married for most of your adult life, it’s natural that you’re scared of being single.
Aunque tu matrimonio fuera un desastre, al menos sabías que siempre tenías a alguien en quien confiar.
Sabías a quién llamar primero en caso de emergencia, tenías a alguien con quien compartir tus responsabilidades y tareas, y tenías a tu acompañante en los acontecimientos importantes.
Each of these things might seem irrelevant at this moment in time but trust me – once you lose them for good, you’ll sense their absence.
But this is not me telling you that you can’t make it on your own. On the contrary, this is just me preparing you for what’s coming next, so you can be strong enough to endure all those hardships.
I won’t lie to you: it will take you some time to get used to this new situation. However, I promise you that you will make it and that you will la soltería es lo que mola.
Volver a salir con alguien
The Earth won’t stop spinning once you sign those papers, as much as it seems that way now.
Aunque en este momento te parezca misión imposible, conseguirás enamorarse de nuevo tarde o temprano.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to force you to jump into a new relationship the moment you part ways with your significant other.
Sin embargo, I’m asking you: how do you picture your potential relationship after a divorce? Would you only agree to be with a divorcee who’s been through the same experience as you?
¿Cuándo te ves mentalmente preparado para dar este paso? ¿Cómo crees que encajaría tu nueva pareja en tu vida?
How will your love life impact your kids, if you have any? Are you open to the possibility of having more children, or do you think you’re done?
Situación financiera
Coste del divorcio
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just make a decision about the divorce? One of you packs your bags, leaves your house, and that’s it?
Entonces, sería una relación. Verá, conseguir una separación legal requiere procedimientos que cuestan dinero.
In the best-case scenario, you’ll just pay the legal fees. However, this is only possible if you have no real estate or share child custody.
Si los dos llegan a un acuerdo sobre cuestiones importantes, firman un acuerdo de divorcio de mutuo acuerdo y contratan a un mediador de divorcio, les costará mucho menos dinero que pagar a dos abogados de divorcio.
Por supuesto, esta última opción es la más cara, sobre todo si te metes en una batalla judicial.
La vida después del divorcio
Sin embargo, pagar el proceso de divorcio debería ser la menor de sus preocupaciones financieras. En primer lugar, ¿puede permitirse dividir por la mitad todos sus bienes inmuebles y el dinero de las cuentas bancarias?
Si tenéis una casa juntos, ¿podéis haceros cargo de todos sus gastos si fue vuestra ex mujer o marido quien se marchó?
On the other hand, can you afford to rent a new apartment, if you don’t have personal property?
¿Han firmado un acuerdo prenupcial y en qué condiciones? ¿Tienen cuentas de jubilación conjuntas?
What about your health insurance policy and tax returns? Is your life insurance policy in your spouse’s name? Do you have a savings account only in your name?
Staying married for the money is one of the stupidest choices you can make, but regardless, you have to ask yourself whether you’re financially independent enough to walk away from your spouse.
If the answer is “no,” start getting ready! Para empezar, abre una cuenta de ahorros y empieza a labrarte un futuro.
This is especially important if you’re a stay at home parent with no or poor work experience or education.
You need to acquire a certain skill and get a job as soon as possible if you don’t want to end up on the streets.
Además, obtén al menos una tarjeta de crédito (y controla regularmente tu informe crediticio) sólo a tu nombre para ayudarte a salir adelante al principio.
Don’t forget about child support, alimony, and possibly social security benefits, which will also impact your financial situation.
Si todo esto le resulta demasiado complejo de entender, contrate a un abogado experto en Derecho de familia para que le asesore jurídicamente.
Apoyo de los demás
No matter what, I know that you’re a self-sufficient person, even though you might not think that of yourself right now.
Significa que puede superar su propio proceso de divorcio solo, independientemente de las circunstancias.
Sin embargo, sería estupendo contar con cierto apoyo al principio. Contar al menos con una persona de confianza en el periodo inicial posterior al divorcio es más que suficiente.
Apoyo emocional
I’ll be honest with you: it won’t be easy. First and foremost, you’ll go through a grieving process.
I don’t care if you’re the one who initiated the divorce or who fell out of love with your spouse – parting ways with someone you planned on spending the rest of your life with is difficult as hell.
There will be a lot of sleepless nights you’ll spend wondering if you made the right choice. Even if you ended up despising your husband or wife, there will also be moments when you’ll miss their presence.
Even if you were dying to get out of your toxic relationship, there will be times when you’ll miss being married. Surprisingly but true, sometimes you’ll even miss having someone to argue with.
Well, this is when you’ll need your loved ones’ emotional support.
You’ll need your best friend or a sibling you can call in the middle of the night, just to hear you out and to tell you that everything will be alright.
Apoyo financiero
You may need some financial support as well. Don’t worry – accepting some help from those closest to you, in the beginning, isn’t the same as begging.
It doesn’t make you incompetent – it just means that you’ve found yourself in a new situation and that you could use a hand. Nevertheless, please don’t rely on this money you get – you’ll still need a steady income.
Servicios de canguro
Your children are your and your spouse’s responsibility. However, if they live with you, you’ll need someone on hand for them.
After all, you’re used to sharing errands and chores around the house. Now, all of a sudden, most of the responsibilities have fallen to you.
So, if your parents offer to take care of the kids while you take some time off or to get them from school, thank them and accept their help. This doesn’t make you a bad parent.
Salvar su matrimonio
The final point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist should be the question: “Can my el matrimonio se salva?”
¿Hay algo más que hacer? ¿Hay alguna esperanza? ¿Algún rayo de luz que atraviese la oscuridad?
Look, you shouldn’t try gluing back together a matrimonio roto beyond repair. If you do that, you’ll just make things better temporarily.
Sooner or later, your marital problems will arise, and you and your spouse will end up divorcing one way or another. Or you’ll grow old in a toxic marriage – and you don’t know which one is worse.
However, I’m begging you not to take this decision impulsively. Don’t choose to get a divorce just because you’re angry or because you two are dealing with an issue that can be resolved.
Don’t give up on your marriage without a proper fight. Instead, put all of your efforts into trying to bring it back to life.
I’m not saying that you’ll succeed in fixing your marriage. But at least you’ll always know you did your best.
Confía en mí: you don’t want to catch yourself years from now, thinking that you could have and should have done more.
On top of everything else you’ll be dealing with, you don’t want to struggle with all the what ifs.
It’s okay for you to leave only when you are positive that your marriage is doomed to fail. Only then the guilt won’t eat you alive, and you’ll be able to move on and heal in a healthy way.
¿Cuándo debo divorciarme?
Have you gone through all the points on the “Should I get a divorce” checklist, but you’re still not sure what to do?
Don’t worry because I’ve got you covered with these surefire señales de que el fin de su matrimonio es lo que hay que hacer.
Get a divorce if…
El perdón no es una opción
No one is perfect, so it’s no surprise that your spouse did something to hurt your feelings.
I won’t lie to you: even if you two work things out, there will always be times where they’ll do you harm, sometimes without even being aware of it.
However, there are some situations where you simply can’t forgive them, as hard as you try.
It doesn’t matter whether you were involved with a narcissist, if they were unfaithful, rompió tu confianza, abandoned you when you needed them the most, or didn’t meet your expectations.
The point is that YOU feel like you can’t forget what they’ve done. Deep down, you know that this event will forever remain a barrier between you two.
In that case, you have no other option but to file for a divorce. After all, you shouldn’t spend the rest of your life with someone you feel so much resentment for.
Please, don’t feel guilty for doing so. You listened to your gut and did the right thing!
You’re ready to be self-sufficient
Puede ser independiente and married, but you can’t be codependent and divorced.
I’m sure you see my point: nobody is telling you to get a divorce just because you can make it on your own. But on the other hand, you MUST be self-sufficient to get a divorce.
Independencia financiera
I know this sounds pretty harsh, but it is how things are, whether you like it or not. From now on, you’ll have your own household that you need to support.
If the kids are staying with you, you’ll be getting child support. If you don’t have a job and your ex-spouse is financially stable, the court will probably order them to give you spousal support as well.
Sin embargo, la pensión alimenticia o cualquier tipo de ayuda económica no es algo de lo que debas depender. Tienes que ser económicamente independiente para dar este gran paso.
Así que.., revise sus documentos financieros e informes de crédito y compruebe su situación.
Independencia emocional
Another form of self-sufficiency you have to acquire is an emotional one. Forget about turning to the other side of the bed, waiting for a hug whenever you’re feeling miserable at night.
Olvídate de llamar a tu ex marido o a tu ex mujer cada vez que necesites a alguien que escuche tus problemas y sea tu hombro sobre el que llorar.
The harsh truth is that you’re not only losing a husband or a wife, you’re also losing a friend and a family member.
If you’re ready to be self-sufficient in all of these ways – you’re good to go. If not, maybe you should work on your independence first before you leave your marriage.
There is no “we”
Being married means being a part of a union. One of the reasons you say “I do” is not to go through life alone anymore and to be a part of a two-person team.
Well, one of the signs that it’s time to file for a divorce is that there is no more “we” in your marriage. If you’ve experienced something similar, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
When this happens, you feel like you’re solo en una relación. You can’t rely on your partner, they don’t give you any emotional support, and you don’t see them as your plus one.
Toman todas las decisiones de su vida sin involucrarte, y acabas sintiéndote como su compañero de piso en lugar de su cónyuge.
Si tienes hijos, te sientes como un padre soltero. Su cónyuge no está incluido en su educación, ni les presta suficiente atención.
Of course, this can change in some cases – it’s just necessary for both of you to put in some extra effort. The first step is to talk things through with your loved one and tell them that this is bothering you.
If you’re both interested in bettering your marriage, you’ll both change, and you’ll become an item once again. However, if the other party doesn’t mind living like this, you have no other choice but to pack your bags.
It turns out that you’re pretty much alone either way, so why shouldn’t you be officially single?
You’ll be happier alone
It has already been established that your happiness has to come first. Of course, this doesn’t apply to the situation where you have kids because you’re responsible for their well being.
However, even then, they’re more likely to have a better quality of life next to two satisfied parents who live apart than to grow up in a toxic environment next to two unhappy caregivers.
At the end of the day, if you think that you’ll be más feliz solo que con tu pareja, no hay mucho que decir al respecto. Todo está claro: la soltería es tu búsqueda de la felicidad.
Once again, I’m not talking about a phase here. We all have times when we feel miserable and see our life as an utter disaster.
I’m talking about when you know for sure that you’re better off without this person. En este caso, dejar tu matrimonio es salir de tu zona de confort.
Sin embargo, Dar un salto a lo desconocido te ofrece al menos la posibilidad de ser feliz. En cambio, si sigues casada, te privas de esta oportunidad para siempre.
Ya no hay amor
It’s one thing if la chispa se ha desvanecido entre usted y su pareja. La mayoría nunca lo admitirá, pero casi todas las parejas caen en la rutina y entran en una fase en la que la pasión no aparece por ningún lado.
Esta situación deja abierta la posibilidad de recuperación. Tenéis que trabajar vuestro vínculo y hacer todo lo posible para mejorar vuestra relación.
No obstante, if you have no doubt that you’ve stopped loving your partner and that your love cannot be revived, you shouldn’t force yourself into spending the rest of your life next to that person.
This goes both ways – if you see that they’ve become indifferent, you shouldn’t ruega por su amor.
Castigarse con una vida sin amor es una sentencia de muerte, sobre todo si uno de los dos siente algo por otra persona.
Your marriage can’t be saved
You’ve tried the last item on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist – you did your best to revive your marriage.
You’ve gone to marriage counseling, you and your spouse had multiple mature conversations, and you put effort into changing some things about your relationship.
Pero despite all of your attempts, now you see that your marriage cannot be saved. You gave your best and more, but your efforts weren’t fruitful.
So, what do you do? Well, you ask for a divorce because you’re left with no other option.
You’re psychologically prepared for the divorce
Finally, you should only get a divorce when you’re mentally prepared for it. No se trata de una decisión impulsiva, y requiere mucha pensando demasiado.
That’s exactly what you’ve done: you thought things through more than once, you’ve put all the ups and downs on a scale, and you accepted the fact that parting ways is the only reasonable solution.
Estar preparado para el divorcio significa mucho más que conseguir un trabajo estable, encontrar un lugar donde vivir y organizar tu vida de manera que puedas manejarla por ti mismo.
También significa estar mentalmente preparado para ello.
It means that you’ve come to terms with the idea that you’re losing someone you thought was the love of your life and that you understand that this is the end, not a cry for attention or a warning for them to change.
It means that you know that you’ll be going through a rough patch and that you’re strong enough to handle all the emotions that will appear, but that you won’t allow them to shake your decision.
Moreover, being ready to get a divorce means that you have no second thoughts about your decision. You’re convinced this is the only right thing to do, and you plan on sticking to it forever.
Además, significa ser lo suficientemente maduro como para entender que estas cosas pasan, en lugar de ver tu divorcio como una derrota personal.
Véase también: 15 ideas de fiestas de divorcio para prepararte para tu nueva vida
6 Dos and Don’ts Of Post-Divorce Etiquette
Your journey isn’t over once you decide to get a divorce. Instead, it only begins now for real, even though you’ve made a huge step.
Aquí tienes algunos consejos y trucos para sobrevivir al periodo postdivorcio de la forma más fácil posible.
Date tiempo para llorar
Divorciarse significa perder probablemente a la persona más importante de tu vida. Sí, they’re alive, but you’re still processing a loss.
Therefore, there is nothing shameful in grieving it. Sadly, some people simply don’t take the time to allow themselves to contemplate their sadness.
I’m not advising you to drown in it, but you need to give yourself time to grieve.
I know that you’re up to your neck in paperwork, you’re overly worried about the kids and the finances, and you’re trying to get used to your new life rhythm – especially in the first year after the divorce.
Debido a todo ello, no tienes energía para pensar en lo que te ha pasado. Dejas el manejo de tus emociones para más adelante porque ahora tienes cosas mejores que hacer.
So, what happens when that “later” arrives? Well, your deeply rooted traumas appear on the surface and, in most cases, cause serious damage to your mental health.
That’s why I’m begging you not to bury things under the carpet. Face your demons as it’s the only way to chase them away permanently.
Abandonar el resentimiento
Obviously, you had some rough times in your marriage – otherwise, your “Should I get a divorce” checklist wouldn’t have been completed.
However, you’re out of your relationship, and there is absolutely no point in going back to it in your head.
Easier said than done, I know. But you do have to let go of the resentment that’s been eating you alive.
It doesn’t matter if you didn’t get the apology you wanted so badly. It’s okay if you can’t forgive el daño que le causó su cónyuge. Bastará con dejarlo todo en el pasado.
Don’t pretend that your wounds are non-existent, but don’t pick on them constantly, either. Otherwise, they’ll never turn into scars.
Ser maduro
You’re a grown-up who’s been through a serious situation. Well, this is not the time to start acting immaturely.
I’m not saying that you necessarily have to remain friends with your ex. However, talking trash about them on social media or playing juegos mentales tóxicos no es una opción.
Whatever you two do, please don’t be childish. After all, you spent so much time together and shared so many beautiful memories. So please, honor that if you have any respect left for each other.
Don’t allow the divorce to ruin your self-image
Being a divorcee doesn’t make you any less valuable, nor does it decrease your worth on the mercado de citas.
I have to warn you: you’ll run into many people who’ll feel sorry for you once they hear that your marriage has failed.
You’ll have to get used to appearing at events and family gatherings on your own. You’ll meet potential girls or guys who’ll look down on your romantic history.
However, neither of these things should ruin your self-image. In fact, it’s your job not to allow this to happen.
Just because your marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy.
It doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable, that you’ll never find happiness, or that you’re not good enough for someone to grow old with you.
Don’t let the kids suffer
This one is probably the most significant: whatever happened between you and your spouse, the kids shouldn’t suffer the consequences of your actions or decisions.
Let’s be honest: they’ll suffer enough that their family broke apart in a way, so there is no need for you and your ex-wife or husband to make things even more difficult.
Whether you like it or not, if you have kids with someone, you two will be connected in a way for the rest of your lives. You’re still co-parentsa pesar de no estar casados.
So, please, be civilized about it. Make sure your kids’ benefits always come first.
Don’t talk trash about each other and don’t compete for their attention. Instead, be united in raising your children, even if you couldn’t work as a team in other segments of your lives.
Don’t repeat your mistakes
Finally, learn from your marriage and divorce. This is not a curse – it’s a valuable and dura lección para no repetir tus errores.
Cuando pase algún tiempo, intenta analizar tu matrimonio como espectador. Fíjate en lo que salió mal con tu exmarido o exmujer y asegúrate de que no vuelva a ocurrir algo parecido en tus futuras relaciones.
Reflexiones finales
The “Should I get a divorce” checklist is not here to tell you what to do with your life. Instead, its job is to help you and to direct you towards the right decision.
It should help you weigh all the pros and cons of your marriage. To help you see whether it’s worth saving or if it’s safe to give up on it.
En realidad, esta lista es un análisis exhaustivo de tu matrimonio. Te ofrece la oportunidad de diseccionarlo desde un punto de vista diferente para que puedas tomar la decisión correcta.
Hagas lo que hagas, espero que tomes la mejor decisión posible para toda tu familia. ¡Suerte!
