No eres una mala persona, pero no eras la persona adecuada para mí

It’s been exactly a year and 10 months since we last talked. That was also the last time when I could think of you without feeling a knot in my stomach.

I’m in a new relationship, a better one. He reminds me of you. He constantly reminds me that he is everything you weren’t. He is passionate, patient, and full of understanding. He cares for me. He shows interest in my family and enjoys time spent with my friends. He doesn’t try to keep me away from his friends; he doesn’t enjoy making fun of important parts of my personality.

I can’t forget how Estar cerca de ti durante los últimos meses de nuestra relación fue como caminar sobre cáscaras de huevo.. And when I was trying hard to please you, it was never enough. I was never enough because I was supposed to be prettier, smarter, less emotional or simply better—but according to your standards.

I don’t think that you’re a bad person, but you weren’t the right person for me. I wasn’t the right person for you either. Problem is that I put all of my effort into becoming one. Éramos tóxicos el uno para el otro; I know it now. And although I truly hope that I will forgive you one day, it’s clear to me that that tempestuous time behind us was the best thing that could have happened to us. The good and the bad – all of it was a great lesson.

Quizá el precio fue alto, pero gracias a ti aprendí mucho sobre mí misma y sobre mi parte invisible. Todas mis lágrimas cobraron sentido. Me di cuenta de que tengo el poder de superarlo, dejarlo y seguir adelante. Tardé un poco, pero sucedió.

Maybe that story about the soulmate is true after all. Maybe he’s really the one who brings you to your own attention, so you can change your life; he breaks your heart open so new light can get in. That means that you’ll have to fight your worst enemy – yourself, that part of you that holds you back, but you’ll survive. Not just that, you’ll open your eyes and become stronger and more peaceful than ever.

I think I’ve completely erased you from my life now. You’re blocked, removed. I don’t hate you because where there is hate, there is also passion. What I feel is called indifference. I’m not interested in how your workday was or what you do in your free time. I’ve stopped wondering if I’ll ever run into you as I pass by ‘our’ places, and all of your favorite things became just things.

You wonder about the purpose of this letter then? Although I’m indifferent to you, I’m not indifferent to what you did to me. I still feel the consequences of that tempestuous time, the bitter taste of the toxic bond we had. And although the poison is no longer running through my veins, the unpleasant side effects sometimes occur—insecurity and mistrust; the fear of rejection, the fear that he will replace me with a better one.

But, you know what helps in such situations? The fact that my new boyfriend is also my friend. In fact, I believe that friendship is the link we lacked. Friends don’t condemn; they’re not selfish. They want the best for each other. You wanted the best for yourself, and you made it clear to me that I wasn’t that. You fooled me. You made me believe that there still was a chance for a fairytale as long as I was doing what you wanted me to do.

¿Alguna vez estuvimos enamorados? Buena pregunta; yo me pregunto lo mismo. Creo que en algún momento lo fuimos, a nuestra manera algo distorsionada, realmente lo fuimos. Pero that wasn’t true love. True love knows that it’s necessary to make sacrifices sometimes. True love cares about the other one.

Good things come to those who wait. I’m glad I was patient enough to wait and welcome new, pure, and real love. It all happened when I decided to follow my own intuition for the first time, pursuing my own dreams because your dreams were never similar to mine.

El día en que rompimos, me fui a dar un paseo larguísimo, a través de campos, subiendo enormes colinas, hasta que llegué a la cima de una montaña y contemplé el mundo. En cuanto llegué a la cima, empezó a sonar la canción Let go. Lloré a lágrima viva, pero me di cuenta de lo grande que es este mundo, de lo mucho que hay por hacer y de la cantidad de gente buena que hay por conocer.

Ese día fue el comienzo de mi viaje de realización que me hizo ver cómo esta ruptura era otro bache en el camino de la vida. Let go is a key to what’s within. Esa es la lección más importante de este viaje, y esta carta es mi cierre final, muy necesario. Así que, dondequiera que estés y con quienquiera que estés, espero que seas feliz, que estés bien, pero espero que nunca nos volvamos a ver.