Esta es la razón por la que mi ansiedad me hace parecer una zorra

Mucha gente me ve como una zorra o una inadaptada. Creen que soy engreída y arrogante. Dicen todo tipo de cosas de mí sin saber la verdad.

My anxiety has a huge impact on my social life. I don’t really reach out to people.

The truth is, I’m anxious about starting a conversation, especially with someone new. I am even too nervous to reply to people’s messages, and that’s why it takes me so long to write back. I don’t want to ignore you or play hard. It’s not true that I don’t care.

Puedo parecer una zorra to you because I find it difficult to talk, fake a smile, and follow all the other social conventions. I’m not doing it on purpose, it’s just hard for me to fit in.

I know you don’t notice this because I am trying to suppress my anxiety and hide its physical ‘symptoms’. I don’t want to talk about it. I feel labeled as ‘the crazy one’, and it hurts so much.

La interacción social es algo que otras personas hacen de forma natural, pero para mí es un campo de batalla. Tengo que luchar conmigo misma para sobrevivir. Sé que puedo parecer fría, distante y desinteresada.

I tend to avoid eye contact and I end up staring at something else while you talk to me. I’m not ignoring you, I’m paying attention to every single word you say. I’m just not good at having normal conversations and it makes me feel like a bad person, a lousy friend, a cold bitch.

I’m not good at small talk. I’m the quiet one. People despise me because they believe I’m just sitting there, judging them for everything they say and do. But in fact, I’m just terrified because I can’t communicate with such ease like them.

They seem so connected, even when they are leading discussions and having arguments. Taking part in a discussion or fighting with someone freaks me out. I don’t feel human sometimes, I feel like a plant.

People are not aware of my anxiety. They just think I’m a bitch, an asshole, ‘the quiet one’, ‘the shy one’.

I hate drawing attention to myself and that’s why I’m careful with every move I make. My insecurities eat me up, and that’s why I might seem distant. It’s not that I want to act like an asshole.

Mi ansiedad me hace permanecer callada incluso cuando tengo algo importante que decir, cuando deseo desesperadamente participar en una discusión y cuando siento la necesidad de formar parte de algún grupo.

I want to belong somewhere. I don’t want to hate myself anymore. I don’t want to turn down opportunities that I know I would enjoy. I don’t want you to call me names and whisper what a bitch I am.

I’m just someone who needs to try extra hard to achieve something that other people already have.

Antes de insultarme, intenta entenderme.
Antes de tacharme de zorra, intenta ponerte en mi lugar.
Antes de rechazarme, intenta darme una segunda oportunidad.

I know I can be awkward, but if you get to know me a little bit better, you’d know I’m completely different than the picture of me that you have in your head.