A lot of people see me as a bitch or a misfit. They think I’m cocky and arrogant. They say all kinds of things about me without knowing the truth.
My anxiety has a huge impact on my social life. I don’t really reach out to people.
The truth is, I’m anxious about starting a conversation, especially with someone new. I am even too nervous to reply to people’s messages, and that’s why it takes me so long to write back. I don’t want to ignore you or play hard. It’s not true that I don’t care.
I may seem like a bitch to you because I find it difficult to talk, fake a smile, and follow all the other social conventions. I’m not doing it on purpose, it’s just hard for me to fit in.
I know you don’t notice this because I am trying to suppress my anxiety and hide its physical ‘symptoms’. I don’t want to talk about it. I feel labeled as ‘the crazy one’, and it hurts so much.
Social interaction is something other people do naturally, but for me it is a battlefield. I have to fight with myself in order to survive. I know I might seem cold, distant, and uninterested.
I tend to avoid eye contact and I end up staring at something else while you talk to me. I’m not ignoring you, I’m paying attention to every single word you say. I’m just not good at having normal conversations and it makes me feel like a bad person, a lousy friend, a cold bitch.
I’m not good at small talk. I’m the quiet one. People despise me because they believe I’m just sitting there, judging them for everything they say and do. But in fact, I’m just terrified because I can’t communicate with such ease like them.
They seem so connected, even when they are leading discussions and having arguments. Taking part in a discussion or fighting with someone freaks me out. I don’t feel human sometimes, I feel like a plant.
People are not aware of my anxiety. They just think I’m a bitch, an asshole, ‘the quiet one’, ‘the shy one’.
I hate drawing attention to myself and that’s why I’m careful with every move I make. My insecurities eat me up, and that’s why I might seem distant. It’s not that I want to act like an asshole.
My anxiety makes me stay quiet even when I have something important to say, when I desperately want to take part in a discussion, and when I feel the need to be part of some group.
I want to belong somewhere. I don’t want to hate myself anymore. I don’t want to turn down opportunities that I know I would enjoy. I don’t want you to call me names and whisper what a bitch I am.
I’m just someone who needs to try extra hard to achieve something that other people already have.
Before you call me names, try to understand me.
Before you label me as a bitch, try to put yourself in my position.
Before you reject me, try to give me a second chance.
I know I can be awkward, but if you get to know me a little bit better, you’d know I’m completely different than the picture of me that you have in your head.