Por eso tardé tanto en irme

I broke up my relationship the other day. A relationship where I wasn’t happy but it still ended up lasting for years.

Así que ahora, cada vez que salgo con gente que me conoce desde hace tiempo, acaban preguntándome por qué tardé tanto en irme, y esta es mi respuesta.

Tardé tanto en irme porque le quería.

Me encantaba cómo dormía tranquilamente a mi lado y cómo abrázame y acercarme a su corazón.

I loved him and his voice, his beautiful eyes and the way his face felt when he didn’t shave for a few days.

Tardé tanto en irme porque estaba cegado por ese amor.

I was blinded by my own feelings that didn’t let me see the way he was in actuality.

I didn’t see the way he would look at other women, I would ignore the fact that he was texting someone, smiling constantly, and I ignored the fact that he didn’t come home at the time he told me he would.

It took me so long to leave because I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen to my friends, I didn’t listen to my family and what hurts me the most is that I didn’t listen to myself.

I told myself more than enough times that he wasn’t the right one for me and that I should move on, that I should leave.

I told myself that he didn’t love me the way I loved him and that he wasn’t able to stay by my side no matter how much I tried to make him.

Tardé tanto en irme porque pensé que mejoraría.

En un momento dado empecé a ver cómo evitaba las conversaciones y cómo hacía que mis emociones parecieran irracionales.

Me bajaba todo el tiempo, pero yo pensaba que mejoraría.

This wasn’t the man I fell in love with and this wasn’t the man I started a relationship with, so I thought that it was just a phase that was going to soon pass.

Tardé tanto en irme porque tenía que pensar en una forma adecuada de hacerlo.

Yes, I got to the point where I realized that I had to leave because he didn’t make me happy anymore.

He would ignore my texts, sleep at a friend’s house more often than not and there was no love shining in his eyes anymore.

Estaban vacíos cuando me miraba.

I thought about how I should leave him, how I could make sure that I didn’t hurt him and about why I even cared about if I was going to hurt him.

Así que me fui.

I left even though it wasn’t easy and it ended in a huge fight over why I was leaving.

He told me that I was ungrateful for his efforts, he told me that I wasn’t worthy of him anyways and that I didn’t even deserve his company.

¿Le dirías algo así a la persona que amas? ¿Reaccionarías así? Simplemente quería mi propia felicidad y la suya.

If the relationship didn’t make either of us happy, why should I stay?

Cuando lo dejé, por fin pude verlo todo con claridad.

Pude ver el abuso emocional, la forma en que me menospreciaba cada vez que abría la boca, la forma en que me hacía sentir culpable por llorar.

Podía verlo todo y por fin pude darme cuenta de lo que había pasado.

He manipulated me into thinking that I couldn’t get anyone better than him because I didn’t deserve anyone better.

Qué patético, ¿verdad?

That man, the same man who slept with other women thinking that lying to me would make sure I never found out, was telling me that I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t.

Estoy más que seguro de que ninguna mujer merecía un hombre como él.

He didn’t deserve me and he didn’t deserve my patience.

So now I am finally able to say that I left. I left and I won’t ever look back again.

I am finally free of his grasp and I am able to see what it all was — just a big lie from which I wasn’t able to escape.

Tardé mucho en dejarlo. Pero más vale tarde que nunca, ¿no?