Por qué hacemos daño a los que amamos: 11 razones ocultas
El amor es realmente el arma más poderosa. Puede hacerte sentir en el séptimo cielo, pero también tiene el poder de destruirte. Todo el mundo dice que el amor es el sentimiento más hermoso del mundo.
Well, there is nothing beautiful about pain and I’m sure we have all been hurt by someone we loved – or we have unintentionally hurt someone we loved.
Si el amor es tan hermoso, ¿por qué a veces duele tanto? ¿Te has preguntado alguna vez por qué hacemos daño a los que amamos?
The fact is that love can’t exist sin heridas emocionales.
A veces, las personas que más queremos nos hacen daño, y a veces, hacemos daño a nuestros seres queridos sin querer, aunque en realidad sean a quienes más queremos proteger.
Está científicamente demostrado que las personas hacen más daño a sus familiares o a las personas con las que comparten relaciones íntimas.
This is because we know that, because they love us, they’ll forgive us in no time and we’ll be able to move on without looking back.
If you want to know why we hurt people we love the most, I’ve listed some of the most common reasons below.
Carga emocional
Cada vez que terminas una relación, tienes que tomarte un tiempo para ti. Tienes que tomarte un tiempo a solas y pensar en tus propios sentimientos.
You need to forgive your exes for all of their broken promises, for all the times they let you down, and for the heartbreak they’ve caused you.
Antes de decidirte a empezar a salir de nuevo, tienes que dejar atrás tu pasado.
You should never enter a new relationship if you have any unresolved matters from the past. Trust me, starting a new relationship when you aren’t ready never ends well.
Also, it’s not fair to the other person. It’s not their fault that your ex betrayed and hurt you. Your new partner shouldn’t pay for someone else’s mistakes.
If you don’t move on properly, you’ll only hurt your next partner. You won’t be able to trust them. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy your new relationship.
Seguro que tu carga emocional can teach you some things but don’t take it too seriously.
Don’t let your childhood experiences shape your opinion about love. Every love story is unique. The love story of your parents isn’t how yours should or will be like.
If you let those experiences control your love life, it’ll only restrain you. It can confuse you or cause you even more pain than the heartbreak itself.
That’s why it’s important for you to take time.
Deberías tomarte todo el tiempo que necesites para curarte adecuadamente, para pensar en todo lo que te ha pasado y, después, para seguir adelante sin guardar rencor ni amargura.
You aren’t sure if they’re “the one”
You are in a relationship and you honestly love your significant other. However, you can’t get rid of the feeling that something is missing.
You can’t imagine your future together and soon you start doubting whether you even want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Empiezas a alejarte de tu pareja porque quieres pensar en tu relación.
Maybe you want to think about it so you don’t waste any more of their or your own precious time on a relationship that doesn’t have any future.
The mistake that most of us make is that we don’t sit and talk honestly with our partners. They deserve to know what’s happening.
You hurt your significant other, even though, sometimes you aren’t aware of it. They spend a lot of time looking for a reason why you’ve become so cold all of a sudden.
It also affects their self-esteem and self-worth. They start thinking they are the problem, that maybe they aren’t good enough for you.
That’s why you need to think about your relationship and decide whether you want to break up or continue dating that person. Right after you’ve made the decision, you have to tell your partner.
Miedo al compromiso
This is the most common reason for hurting the ones you love. It’s a feeling that’s not so easy to control.
Mucha gente (especialmente los chicos) tiene miedo al compromiso una vez que ven que su relación va en serio.
Most are avoiding relationships in general or they only date short term. They don’t want to be tied down yet and they want to keep enjoying their freedom.
Things get difficult when they fall in love. They can’t leave a person they love, but they also don’t want to take the next step.
They get confused. Their mixed feelings don’t allow them to think clearly. It causes them to suffer from anxiety.
It seems like they can’t explain to their partner that they don’t want to break up, but they also don’t want to commit to something more serious.
Empiezan a evitar las conversaciones sobre el futuro de su relación.
Their partner is also confused because they don’t know what to think about the relationship – whether it’s doomed to fail or if they should give the other person some space.
Miedo a la intimidad
If you’ve been dating someone for a while but still don’t feel comfortable around them, or you still can’t show them the real you, it means that you’re afraid of intimacy.
El miedo a compartir una conexión emocional estrecha con otra persona puede deberse a experiencias del pasado.
Las razones más comunes son experiencias de la infancia o malas experiencias de su última relación.
You always hurt the one you love because you’re afraid to indulge completely in a relationship. Your partner feels it and it seems to them that no matter what they do, they just can’t gain your trust.
Eventually, they’ll stop trying. They’ll get tired and the only option for them will be to break up with you.
That’s why you’ll never be able to achieve a real and deep connection with someone until you overcome your fear of intimacy.
Fortunately, it is possible and it’s not difficult at all. The most important thing is that you always have to be honest with your partner about your past.
Diles también cómo te sientes y qué esperas de ellos.
Problemas de autoestima
La relación que tienes contigo mismo es la base de todas las demás relaciones de tu vida, lo que significa que afecta a todas las demás relaciones de tu vida.
Si tienes una relación buena y sana contigo mismo, eso se reflejará significativamente en todas tus demás relaciones.
Por desgracia, hoy en día muchas personas tienen problemas de autoestima y eso crea expectativas negativas sobre una relación.
If you don’t have self-confidence, you’ll always feel like your partner isn’t being honest with you and that they’ll eventually hurt you.
That’s why you’ll also be afraid of showing your vulnerability in the relationship.
You’ll hurt your partner by not trusting them or not being able to form a deeper connection with them, even after a while.
Si sufre de baja autoestima and you don’t work on yourself, you’ll be open to many negative feelings.
You’ll have trust issues, you’ll feel depressed, jealous, and anxious all the time.
Celos
Too much of everything isn’t healthy. It’s the same with jealousy. It’s never a good thing when you let jealousy blind you.
The way you behave when you feel jealous is never predictable. It’s also one of those feelings that are hard to control.
Los celos son un sentimiento negativo. Te hace sentir desgraciado y te hace herir a la persona que amas. Casi siempre arruina tu relación.
Si sientes celos por algo en tu relación, tienes que hablarlo con tu pareja. Sin embargo, debes prestar atención a cómo hablas con ella.
You mustn’t express anger or any other negative feelings. You have to calmly explain to your partner what is making you feel jealous and how you can find a solution to fix it.
If your partner has betrayed your trust, then your jealousy is justified. But when you get jealous over little things, then you’re not showing love; you’re only revealing your own insecurities.
You’re hurting the other person because of your own insecurities, not because they did something wrong. You’re making them pay for something they didn’t even do.
If you have been hurt and betrayed by a person you loved in the past, it’s perfectly normal that those bad experiences have left you with trust issues.
Sin embargo, nunca debes dejar que afecte a tu nueva relación.
Si usted se ponen celosos por something stupid or without any reason, you’re just making yourself and your loved one unhappy. It is a complete waste of time.
Falta de habilidades comunicativas
La comunicación eficaz es la parte más importante de toda relación sana.
Si aprendes a resolver tus problemas y tus peleas de forma sana, nunca saldrás lastimado ni lastimarás a tu pareja.
Si tú y tu pareja os peleáis por algo (y lo haréis, porque las peleas también forman parte de toda relación sana), tienes que ser capaz de controlar tus palabras y sentimientos.
If you say something in the heat of the moment, something that might hurt your loved one, you may regret it later but it will be too late because you’ll have already hurt your partner.
Spoken words can’t be taken back and they’ll always be remembered.
Words are also powerful and that’s why you have to choose them carefully. They can crush someone’s heart.
No importa cuántas veces te disculpes y aunque decida perdonarte, tu pareja siempre recordará esos menosprecios.
If you see that your partner isn’t communicating with you like they used to, the first thing you have to identify is “why”.
Después de averiguar el motivo, tienes que sentarte con tu pareja y solucionar las cosas.
También hay que aprender a escuchar. Tienes que asegurarte de que tu pareja sabe que le estás escuchando y lo que tiene que decir.
Cuando hay falta de comunicación, hace que te centres más en ti mismo que en tu pareja y viceversa.
You only think about your problems and the things that you don’t like – you don’t think about all the things that are bothering your significant other.
Poner a prueba sus sentimientos
This might sound strange or funny, but it’s true. We want to make sure that our partner loves us as much as they say they do or as much as we love them, so we put their feelings to the test.
We think if they honestly love us, then they will also be afraid of losing us. Consequently, they’ll be able to forgive us if we hurt them.
In a way, that’s how we want them to prove their love to us. There are so many ways you can test your partner’s feelings and this is probably the worst one.
If you have doubts about your partner’s feelings, you should be sincere with them and admit to them that you may have to be reassured at times.
The next time you think about testing your loved one’s feelings by doing something that could hurt them, just imagine how you would feel if they did the same thing to you.
Expectativas poco realistas
Having expectations is great because it shows that you have some standards and you appreciate yourself. But, there’s a huge difference between knowing your self-worth and being overly demanding.
Tener grandes expectativas es un asesino para cualquier relación. Primero, te hace daño a ti, luego te hace querer hacer daño a tu pareja por no ser capaz de cumplir sus expectativas.
You can’t expect your partner to behave the way you want them to all the time. They also have their own standards and there are some things that they won’t do, no matter how much they love you.
Por supuesto, nunca debes bajar el listón y permitir que alguien te trate mal.
Aunque, por el bien de tu propio bienestar emocional, deberías dejar de ponerte expectativas tan altas.
You should set some basic and important boundaries that you mustn’t let anyone cross. For everything else, you can talk and compromise with your partner.
When you realize that your partner is not able to fulfill all your expectations, you feel disappointed and hurt and you start thinking that they don’t even love you.
You get mad and your intention becomes to hurt them. Can you see it? In the end, It’s only your fault you’re hurt and disappointed.
Antes de establecer esas expectativas para su pareja, debe saber que las expectativas poco realistas siempre conducen a una gran decepción.
Buscas una manera de salir de una relación
Terminar una relación nunca es fácil, pero la única forma correcta de hacerlo es decírselo a tu pareja en persona.
If you hurt them so as to manipulate them into leaving you, it only means that you’re a coward for not being brave enough to tell them to their face.
Maybe you’re hurting them because you can’t admit even to yourself that your relationship has come to an end.
Maybe you’re doing it unintentionally.
However, that’s not an excuse. If you’re not sure how you feel about them anymore, you can always ask them for some space to be alone with your thoughts.
Después, lo único correcto que puedes hacer es encontrar el valor para decirles lo que has decidido.
Venganza
Your partner has hurt you and you have chosen to forgive him and move on with your relationship. However, you aren’t at peace and you might start thinking that only revenge can make you feel better.
Some people believe in that kind of ‘an eye for an eye’ justice.
Creen sin ninguna duda que si hacen algo que haga sufrir a su pareja, ésta se sentirá mejor y su dolor emocional disminuirá.
Wrong. Revenge only brings more negative feelings and you still won’t feel any better. Your pain will still be there.
Lo más importante es que cuando decidas perdonar a alguien por algo que te haya hecho, lo hagas de verdad.
Trust me, if you’re still holding grudges, even though you’ve said that you’ve forgiven your partner, you’ll only hurt yourself.
Hay muchas razones por las que hacemos daño a los que queremos. Lo más importante es que casi siempre lo hacemos sin querer.
After all, there’s one thing we should all know; we can’t intentionally hurt the person we love without hurting ourselves, because when we truly love someone, we feel their pain as our own.
