Por qué los fantasmas siempre vuelven y cómo afrontar su regreso

Ser fantasma de alguien que amas o quieres es una experiencia terriblemente dolorosa, pero lo peor es que esos fantasmas tienden a volver a nuestras vidas de la nada. ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué los fantasmas siempre vuelven a sus víctimas?

Is it because they have regrets for everything they’ve done, or is it simply because they feel lonely and want to have some more fun? Unfortunately, in most cases, it’s the latter.

I’ve always wondered why ghosters do that. What the actual purpose of ghosting is… I looked into this phenomenon, and my research led me to the following conclusions.

Ghosters are narcissists in disguise who simply don’t care for others’ feelings.

They’re also cowards who don’t have the guts to face their problems, and they prefer to sweep them under the rug or simply run away from them.

Their most significant trait is their indecisiveness which doesn’t allow them to have and maintain a serious relationship with another human being. They simply don’t know what they want.

Por qué los fantasmas siempre vuelven: 11 razones comunes

If this is the first time your ghost has come back, it’s perfectly normal that you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster right now.

You couldn’t understand why they left the way they did, and now you simply can’t understand why they came back after everything.

It’s all too confusing and messed up, I know. Actually, that’s exactly how these kinds of people are; truly messed up.

Below is a list of some common reasons why ghosters always come back, and I hope it’ll help you realize why your ghost reappeared.

They’re simply bored and lonely

Esta es la razón más común por la que los fantasmas siempre vuelven. Desaparecen cuando se aburren de ti y reaparecen cuando empiezan a sentirse solos.

That’s a sick game to play with a person who has romantic feelings for them. Also, that’s exactly why they never want to end things with that person in the “right way.”

The thing is that a person who was ghosting you for an amount of time never had any sincere feelings for you in the first place. You’re simply a toy to them, a toy they think they can always take and play with.

They think you’ll always welcome them back

It’s not always so great to be a nice person. People see you as a toy then can play, have fun with, and ditch whenever they get bored.

There are some very cruel people who’ll take advantage of your kindness and hurt you in the most painful ways.

The truth is, our ghosts from the past are one of those people. Just because you’re always nice to them, they see it as a chance to treat you any way they want because they simply think that the door to your life will always be open to them.

Si sigues dándoles segundas oportunidades and if you let them go in and out of your life whenever they want, it’ll simply give them the right to keep breaking your heart, piece by piece.

Necesitan que les suban el ego

Tu fantasma sigue volviendo a ti porque you’re their ego boost. They’ve probably experienced disappointments in their dating life, and they’ve come back to you to feed their ego.

So, basically, you’re only food for their fragile ego. They’re breadcrumbing you because they simply need you to help them build and maintain their confidence.

The thing is that if you let them keep ghosting and reappearing in your life, you’ll lose your confidence. That’s the worst feeling because it’ll lead you to lose yourself and your identity by the time they’re done with you.

Before you even notice it, you’ll go into hiding from yourself and lose touch with real life and other people. You’ll also be left unable to build and maintain a healthy, serious relationship with another person.

Quieren demostrar que pueden tenerte cuando quieran

Por mucho que te necesiten para aumentar su ego, también quieren utilizarte para demostrarte a ti y al resto del mundo que pueden tenerte cuando quieran.

Last year I met a nice guy and very soon, we became friends. We talked about our dating lives, and he admitted to me that he was ghosting his ex-girlfriend and that it wasn’t the first time he was doing it.

La dejaba como fantasma durante varias semanas, pero al final siempre volvía con ella. Simplemente volvía, y al día siguiente, reiniciaban su relación como si nada hubiera pasado.

Me fascinó su relación y toda esa situación.

le pregunté, “why do guys ghost people, and what’s the purpose of ghosting someone you obviously don’t have any serious intentions with?”

Fue completamente sincero (aunque ha cambiado mi opinión sobre que sea un buen tipo).

Admitió que lo hacía sólo para demostrar a su ex novia y a sus amigos comunes que podía estar con ella cuando y donde quisiera.

They’ve reappeared for another hookup

En la mayoría de los casos, vuelven sólo porque quieren divertirse un poco más. Simplemente quieren disfrutar de una relación sin ataduras un poco más, y entonces, probablemente desaparecerán de nuevo.

The truth is, they’ll keep coming for casual hookups as long as you allow them to. They’ll keep inviting you to Netflix and chill as long as you keep accepting the invitation.

Don’t let your mind go the wrong way… Yes, being ghosted hurts, but it’ll hurt even more if you aren’t able to come to terms with the fact that your ghost doesn’t love you the way you love them.

They see you just as a casual hookup, and that’s the reason why they end things the way they do each time. Maybe they aren’t even aware of your feelings, and they think that regular hookups are okay for you too.

In most cases, they aren’t even aware of their mistake

Desgraciadamente, ésta es también una situación muy común. Ya lo he mencionado en la última frase del párrafo anterior.

Some men simply think that you don’t share any feelings for them either and that you’re perfectly okay with hooking up from time to time. It’s possible they aren’t even aware that they’re hurting you with their ghostings and returns.

The more you allow them to come and go from your life in this way, the more they’ll be convinced that you verlo todo como una aventura casual también.

That’s why you need to be direct and honest with them the first time they return and tell them how the land lies.

They’ve been ditched

While they were ghosting you, they probably moved on with their dating life. If this is the case, they’ll return to you when their new partner dumps their lame ass.

Volverán a ti para buscar consuelo y utilizarte para olvidar su ruptura. Sé que duele especialmente oír esto, pero también es una de las razones más comunes por las que los fantasmas siempre vuelven.

They’re keeping you on the back burner

You were being ghosted by someone, and that person has continued with their dating life. After an amount of time, when they get dumped, they return to you. What’s this telling you?

¿Significa que se arrepienten de haberte dejado, o significa que eras su plan de respaldo ¿todo el tiempo? Creo que la respuesta es bastante obvia, ¿verdad?

This is precisely why these kinds of people don’t end things the way they should, why they don’t end the relationship directly. Ghosting es simplemente otra versión de una relación en segundo plano.

They don’t want you to move on

Do ghosters come back? Yes, the moment they see that you’ve moved on, they’ll instantly appear in your life again. Why do ghosters always come back? Simply because they don’t want to allow you to move on with your life.

They’re narcissists in disguise who simply don’t want you to be happy. They’ll keep showing up unannounced in your life, trying to prevent you from moving on.

Every time they hear you’ve met someone else, they’ll immediately reach out and bounce back into your life. I know it’s confusing and very difficult to understand, but these people are just like that, too hard to understand and deal with.

 ¿Quizá te echan de menos?

I assume you get why I put this reason at the very end of my list. Of course, it’s because these last two reasons are least probable of all.

To be sincere, they may have returned to your life because they’ve realized that they made a mistake and want to make things right. However, it’s a scenario that isn’t often seen.

If they’ve ghosted you for less than three days, then it’s possible that they’ve come back because they want to repent for what they did. They may have returned because they miss you, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.

Or MAYBE they realized that the grass wasn’t really greener on the other side after all?!

As I already said, maybe it’s possible that they’ve understood what they did and that the way they end things with you is unfair.

Sabes que el karma es una perra. Maybe they’ve met someone else who hurt them, and it made them feel guilty for hurting your feelings. Or perhaps that person has made them realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all.

This could be true, but the point is that they shouldn’t have needed another person to point it out to them. They should have realized it on their own, and they should never hurt you the way they did.

Estoy de acuerdo en que todos merecemos una segunda oportunidad, pero algunas cosas son intolerables e imperdonables.

VER TAMBIÉN: Esto es lo que significa que no se haya puesto en contacto contigo en un mes

Cómo responder a sus reacciones

If you’re luchando con un fantasma que sigue regresando en tu vida sin avisar, aquí tienes algunos consejos eficaces que te ayudarán a lidiar con esos regresos indeseados.

• Allow yourself to feel your feelings

Your feelings are all over the place, and that’s perfectly okay. Just try to gather them up and be more understanding towards yourself.

It’s okay to feel anger because you’re in a situation where you have every right to be pissed off. It’s also perfectly fine to be happy because the person you care for has returned into your life, rogando por otra oportunidad.

I know that there are so many things on your mind right now. I know you’re thinking about what you should do and how you should deal with your ghost’s sudden comeback.

But, I honestly advise you to stop that thought process right now and simply focus on your emotions. Forget about your mind right now and focus on your heart; try to hear what it’s telling you.

• Always remember HOW things ended between you

Tu fantasma ha regresado antes de que tuvieras tiempo de sanar y seguir adelante. Sé que tu corazón te está diciendo en este momento que debes perdonarlos y olvidar su ghosting.

Sin embargo, siempre debes recordar todo lo que tuviste que pasar mientras te hacían ghosting. Debes tener siempre presente que te ignoraron, desatendieron y hirieron tus sentimientos intencionadamente.

• However, don’t revenge-ghost them

When your ghost returns, I know that the first thing that comes to mind is that it’s time to start ghosting them right back. However, that would be a terrible thing to do.

La verdad es que la mejor venganza para este tipo de personas es simplemente seguir adelante.

Just because someone treats you badly, just because they’re a bad person, doesn’t mean that you should behave the same way towards them. You should always try to respond peacefully to their sudden returns.

Allow them to explain their actions. I’m sure they’ll give you a million reasons and excuses for what they did.

But remember, I said that you should hear them out; I didn’t say that you should immediately believe every word that comes out of their mouth.

• Practice the fine art of patience

They’ll probably give you a million excuses to justify their behavior. They’ll likely flood you with messages and calls, trying to get your forgiveness.

However, you should give yourself some time before you make any final decisions. Don’t ever react in anger or make decisions by only listening to your heart because you’ll regret them later.

• Be the bigger person and forgive

This is a situation where you should prove to them that you’re la persona más grande después de todo y perdónales por haberte tratado como lo hicieron.

That way, you’ll clear your own conscience and won’t have any regrets later. No matter what a person does to you, you should always find the strength in your heart to forgive them for your own peace of mind.

• Still, forgiving them doesn’t mean you should forget what they did

The fact is that even if you decide to forgive them and leave it all behind, you’ll never be able to forget all the pain and suffering they made you go through because of their behavior.

You’ll never be able to forget how you were collecting all the broken pieces of your heart and trying to glue them back together. Even if you’re willing to forget, there will always be some scars left to remind you of the pain of ser fantasma.

• It also doesn’t mean you should give them a second chance

These kinds of people tend to take your forgiveness as if it means that you’re immediately giving them a second chance.

That’s why you need to be direct with them from the very beginning and tell them the true reason for your act of forgiveness.

Being forgiving is the quality of a kind, nice person. However, giving someone too many second chances when they don’t deserve it at all is the trait of a foolish person who doesn’t value their worth.

RELACIONADO: Lee esto si estás pensando en darle una segunda oportunidad

• Get closure once and for all

Tienes que enfrentarte a tu fantasma y aclarar las cosas con él para siempre. Tienes que tomar una decisión definitiva y atenerte a ella pase lo que pase.

Si decides darles una segunda oportunidad De todos modos, deberías poner límites y darles un ultimátum.

Aunque decidáis seguir adelante con vuestra relación, lo cierto es que ambos deberíais intentar mejorarla y construir una relación más fuerte y sana.

Por otro lado, si decides apartar a tu fantasma de tu vida para siempre, deberías enfrentarte a él para limpiar tu conciencia y conseguir ese cierre tan necesario.

It’s really important for both sides to get closure because you won’t be able to move on without it. You’ll both be left with emotional baggage that won’t allow you to move into a new relationship with someone else.

• Find the strength to close the ‘being ghosted’ chapter of your life

I know that being ghosted is the worst thing that your loved one can do to you. However, that’s why you need to give yourself time to heal and find the strength to leave it all behind and move the hell on.

Close all the doors for your ghost, and don’t let them come into your life ever again, no matter how hard they keep knocking.

Necesitas cerrar este capítulo de tu vida para seguir adelante. Hay tantos capítulos en el libro de tu vida que están esperando a ser abiertos. Hay tantas historias hermosas que están esperando a que las escribas.

• Look at it as a blessing in disguise

Look at it all as an incredibly important lesson God wanted to teach you. Because honestly, sometimes God wants you to experience hurtful things just to learn a lesson…

A lesson that will change your entire life, a lesson that you’ll remember forever.

En realidad, deberías estar agradecido a tu fantasma porque te enseñó que nunca debes dar la bienvenida a las personas que se fueron de tu vida voluntariamente y sin una buena razón.

Don’t be angry at yourself because you let someone break your heart so many times. Be proud of yourself because you were so brave and endured it all.

Siéntete orgullosa de ti misma porque has reunido la fuerza necesaria para seguir adelante y dejar esta horrible experiencia en el pasado.

Conclusión

In these modern days, with all these ‘modern relationships’ and online dating, etc., ghosting has become really popular. It’s just that with all the social media, dating apps, and so on, people have so many options to ignore someone.

Que te fantasmeen duele mucho. No ser capaz de entender por qué alguien te fantasma puede ser bastante alucinante.

But the thing that fascinates most of us is why ghosters always come back. It’s pretty obvious that they don’t actually care for the other person, so what keeps them coming back?

Espero de verdad que mi lista te haya ayudado a entender algunas de sus razones, y espero haberte enseñado cómo debes tratar a este tipo de personas y sus reapariciones no deseadas en tu vida.

Francesca Hogi, experta en relaciones de pareja de Nueva York; “Ghosting is contagious. Once it happens to you, it makes it more likely you’ll do it to someone else. It might be the easy choice at the moment, but it’s bad karma for you and everyone else.”

This is why it’s important to give yourself time to grieve and heal from being ghosted. You’re riding a real emotional rollercoaster here, and you should take time to process that ride peacefully because you may be nauseous from it.

However, the fact is that you’ll have to finish the ride sooner or later. You’ll have to end things with your ghost for good and leave them in your past… And this time, it needs to be forever.