Porque é que os fantasmas voltam sempre e como lidar com os seus regressos

Ser fantasma de alguém A morte de alguém que amamos ou de quem gostamos é uma experiência terrivelmente dolorosa, mas o pior é que esses fantasmas tendem a regressar às nossas vidas do nada. Porquê? Porque é que os fantasmas voltam sempre para as suas vítimas?

Is it because they have regrets for everything they’ve done, or is it simply because they feel lonely and want to have some more fun? Unfortunately, in most cases, it’s the latter.

I’ve always wondered why ghosters do that. What the actual purpose of ghosting is… I looked into this phenomenon, and my research led me to the following conclusions.

Ghosters are narcissists in disguise who simply don’t care for others’ feelings.

They’re also cowards who don’t have the guts to face their problems, and they prefer to sweep them under the rug or simply run away from them.

Their most significant trait is their indecisiveness which doesn’t allow them to have and maintain a serious relationship with another human being. They simply don’t know what they want.

Porque é que os fantasmas voltam sempre: 11 razões comuns

If this is the first time your ghost has come back, it’s perfectly normal that you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster right now.

You couldn’t understand why they left the way they did, and now you simply can’t understand why they came back after everything.

It’s all too confusing and messed up, I know. Actually, that’s exactly how these kinds of people are; truly messed up.

Below is a list of some common reasons why ghosters always come back, and I hope it’ll help you realize why your ghost reappeared.

They’re simply bored and lonely

Esta é, portanto, a razão mais comum pela qual os fantasmas voltam sempre. Desaparecem quando se aborrecem de si e reaparecem quando começam a sentir-se sós.

That’s a sick game to play with a person who has romantic feelings for them. Also, that’s exactly why they never want to end things with that person in the “right way.”

The thing is that a person who was ghosting you for an amount of time never had any sincere feelings for you in the first place. You’re simply a toy to them, a toy they think they can always take and play with.

They think you’ll always welcome them back

It’s not always so great to be a nice person. People see you as a toy then can play, have fun with, and ditch whenever they get bored.

There are some very cruel people who’ll take advantage of your kindness and hurt you in the most painful ways.

The truth is, our ghosts from the past are one of those people. Just because you’re always nice to them, they see it as a chance to treat you any way they want because they simply think that the door to your life will always be open to them.

Se continuar a dar-lhes segundas oportunidades and if you let them go in and out of your life whenever they want, it’ll simply give them the right to keep breaking your heart, piece by piece.

Precisam de um impulso no ego

O teu fantasma continua a voltar para ti porque you’re their ego boost. They’ve probably experienced disappointments in their dating life, and they’ve come back to you to feed their ego.

So, basically, you’re only food for their fragile ego. They’re breadcrumbing you because they simply need you to help them build and maintain their confidence.

The thing is that if you let them keep ghosting and reappearing in your life, you’ll lose your confidence. That’s the worst feeling because it’ll lead you to lose yourself and your identity by the time they’re done with you.

Before you even notice it, you’ll go into hiding from yourself and lose touch with real life and other people. You’ll also be left unable to build and maintain a healthy, serious relationship with another person.

Eles querem provar que podem ter-te sempre que quiserem

Por muito que precisem de si para aumentar o seu ego, também o querem usar para provar a si e ao resto do mundo que o podem ter sempre que quiserem.

Last year I met a nice guy and very soon, we became friends. We talked about our dating lives, and he admitted to me that he was ghosting his ex-girlfriend and that it wasn’t the first time he was doing it.

Ele deixava-a sem saber o que fazer durante várias semanas, mas acabava sempre por voltar para ela. Simplesmente regressava e, no dia seguinte, reiniciavam a relação como se nada tivesse acontecido.

Fiquei realmente fascinada com a relação deles e com toda aquela situação.

perguntei-lhe, “why do guys ghost people, and what’s the purpose of ghosting someone you obviously don’t have any serious intentions with?”

Ele foi completamente honesto (apesar de ter mudado a minha opinião sobre o facto de ele ser um tipo simpático).

Ele admitiu que estava a fazer isso apenas para provar à ex-namorada e aos amigos em comum que podia estar com ela quando e onde quisesse.

They’ve reappeared for another hookup

Na maioria dos casos, regressam apenas porque querem divertir-se mais um pouco. Simplesmente querem desfrutar mais um pouco de uma relação sem compromisso e, depois, provavelmente desaparecerão de novo.

The truth is, they’ll keep coming for casual hookups as long as you allow them to. They’ll keep inviting you to Netflix and chill as long as you keep accepting the invitation.

Don’t let your mind go the wrong way… Yes, being ghosted hurts, but it’ll hurt even more if you aren’t able to come to terms with the fact that your ghost doesn’t love you the way you love them.

They see you just as a casual hookup, and that’s the reason why they end things the way they do each time. Maybe they aren’t even aware of your feelings, and they think that regular hookups are okay for you too.

In most cases, they aren’t even aware of their mistake

Infelizmente, este é também um cenário muito comum. Já o referi na última frase do parágrafo anterior.

Some men simply think that you don’t share any feelings for them either and that you’re perfectly okay with hooking up from time to time. It’s possible they aren’t even aware that they’re hurting you with their ghostings and returns.

The more you allow them to come and go from your life in this way, the more they’ll be convinced that you ver tudo como uma aventura casual também.

That’s why you need to be direct and honest with them the first time they return and tell them how the land lies.

They’ve been ditched

While they were ghosting you, they probably moved on with their dating life. If this is the case, they’ll return to you when their new partner dumps their lame ass.

Eles voltarão para si para procurar conforto e para o usar para esquecer a separação. Eu sei que é particularmente doloroso ouvir isto, mas esta é também uma das razões mais comuns pelas quais os fantasmas voltam sempre.

They’re keeping you on the back burner

You were being ghosted by someone, and that person has continued with their dating life. After an amount of time, when they get dumped, they return to you. What’s this telling you?

Significa que se arrepende de o ter deixado, ou significa que eras o plano de reserva deles desde o início? Penso que a resposta é bastante óbvia, certo?

This is precisely why these kinds of people don’t end things the way they should, why they don’t end the relationship directly. Ghosting é simplesmente outra versão de uma relação de retaguarda.

They don’t want you to move on

Do ghosters come back? Yes, the moment they see that you’ve moved on, they’ll instantly appear in your life again. Why do ghosters always come back? Simply because they don’t want to allow you to move on with your life.

They’re narcissists in disguise who simply don’t want you to be happy. They’ll keep showing up unannounced in your life, trying to prevent you from moving on.

Every time they hear you’ve met someone else, they’ll immediately reach out and bounce back into your life. I know it’s confusing and very difficult to understand, but these people are just like that, too hard to understand and deal with.

 Talvez tenham saudades tuas?

I assume you get why I put this reason at the very end of my list. Of course, it’s because these last two reasons are least probable of all.

To be sincere, they may have returned to your life because they’ve realized that they made a mistake and want to make things right. However, it’s a scenario that isn’t often seen.

If they’ve ghosted you for less than three days, then it’s possible that they’ve come back because they want to repent for what they did. They may have returned because they miss you, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.

Or MAYBE they realized that the grass wasn’t really greener on the other side after all?!

As I already said, maybe it’s possible that they’ve understood what they did and that the way they end things with you is unfair.

Sabes que o karma é uma cabra. Maybe they’ve met someone else who hurt them, and it made them feel guilty for hurting your feelings. Or perhaps that person has made them realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all.

This could be true, but the point is that they shouldn’t have needed another person to point it out to them. They should have realized it on their own, and they should never hurt you the way they did.

Concordo que todos nós merecemos uma segunda oportunidade, mas há coisas que são intoleráveis e imperdoáveis.

VER TAMBÉM: Isto é o que significa se ele não te contacta há um mês

Como responder às suas reacções

If you’re a lutar com um fantasma que está sempre a voltar na sua vida sem aviso prévio, aqui ficam algumas dicas eficientes que o ajudarão a lidar com esses regressos indesejados.

• Allow yourself to feel your feelings

Your feelings are all over the place, and that’s perfectly okay. Just try to gather them up and be more understanding towards yourself.

It’s okay to feel anger because you’re in a situation where you have every right to be pissed off. It’s also perfectly fine to be happy because the person you care for has returned into your life, implorando por outra oportunidade.

I know that there are so many things on your mind right now. I know you’re thinking about what you should do and how you should deal with your ghost’s sudden comeback.

But, I honestly advise you to stop that thought process right now and simply focus on your emotions. Forget about your mind right now and focus on your heart; try to hear what it’s telling you.

• Always remember HOW things ended between you

O teu fantasma regressou antes mesmo de teres tido tempo para te curares e seguires em frente. Sei que o teu coração te está a dizer neste momento que deves perdoar-lhe e esquecer o seu fantasma.

No entanto, deve lembrar-se sempre de tudo aquilo por que teve de passar enquanto a pessoa o estava a ignorar. Deve ter sempre em mente que a pessoa ignorou, negligenciou e magoou intencionalmente os seus sentimentos.

• However, don’t revenge-ghost them

When your ghost returns, I know that the first thing that comes to mind is that it’s time to start ghosting them right back. However, that would be a terrible thing to do.

A verdade é que a melhor vingança para este tipo de pessoas é simplesmente seguir em frente.

Just because someone treats you badly, just because they’re a bad person, doesn’t mean that you should behave the same way towards them. You should always try to respond peacefully to their sudden returns.

Allow them to explain their actions. I’m sure they’ll give you a million reasons and excuses for what they did.

But remember, I said that you should hear them out; I didn’t say that you should immediately believe every word that comes out of their mouth.

• Practice the fine art of patience

They’ll probably give you a million excuses to justify their behavior. They’ll likely flood you with messages and calls, trying to get your forgiveness.

However, you should give yourself some time before you make any final decisions. Don’t ever react in anger or make decisions by only listening to your heart because you’ll regret them later.

• Be the bigger person and forgive

This is a situation where you should prove to them that you’re a pessoa maior e perdoar-lhes o facto de o terem tratado da forma como o fizeram.

That way, you’ll clear your own conscience and won’t have any regrets later. No matter what a person does to you, you should always find the strength in your heart to forgive them for your own peace of mind.

• Still, forgiving them doesn’t mean you should forget what they did

The fact is that even if you decide to forgive them and leave it all behind, you’ll never be able to forget all the pain and suffering they made you go through because of their behavior.

You’ll never be able to forget how you were collecting all the broken pieces of your heart and trying to glue them back together. Even if you’re willing to forget, there will always be some scars left to remind you of the pain of ser fantasma.

• It also doesn’t mean you should give them a second chance

These kinds of people tend to take your forgiveness as if it means that you’re immediately giving them a second chance.

That’s why you need to be direct with them from the very beginning and tell them the true reason for your act of forgiveness.

Being forgiving is the quality of a kind, nice person. However, giving someone too many second chances when they don’t deserve it at all is the trait of a foolish person who doesn’t value their worth.

RELACIONADO: Leia isto se está a pensar em dar-lhe uma segunda oportunidade

• Get closure once and for all

Tem de confrontar o seu fantasma e esclarecer as coisas com ele de uma vez por todas. É preciso tomar uma decisão final e mantê-la, aconteça o que acontecer.

Se decidir dar-lhes uma segunda oportunidade De qualquer forma, deve estabelecer alguns limites e dar-lhes ultimatos.

Mesmo que optem por seguir em frente com a vossa relação, devem ambos tentar melhorá-la e construir uma relação mais forte e saudável.

Por outro lado, se decidir excluir o seu fantasma da sua vida para sempre, deve confrontá-lo apenas para limpar a sua consciência e obter o tão necessário encerramento.

It’s really important for both sides to get closure because you won’t be able to move on without it. You’ll both be left with emotional baggage that won’t allow you to move into a new relationship with someone else.

• Find the strength to close the ‘being ghosted’ chapter of your life

I know that being ghosted is the worst thing that your loved one can do to you. However, that’s why you need to give yourself time to heal and find the strength to leave it all behind and move the hell on.

Close all the doors for your ghost, and don’t let them come into your life ever again, no matter how hard they keep knocking.

É necessário encerrar este capítulo da sua vida para seguir em frente. Há tantos capítulos no livro da sua vida que estão à espera de serem abertos. Há tantas histórias bonitas que estão à espera que as escreva.

• Look at it as a blessing in disguise

Look at it all as an incredibly important lesson God wanted to teach you. Because honestly, sometimes God wants you to experience hurtful things just to learn a lesson…

A lesson that will change your entire life, a lesson that you’ll remember forever.

Na verdade, devias estar grato pelo teu fantasma porque ele te ensinou que nunca deves receber de volta pessoas que saíram da tua vida de livre vontade e sem uma boa razão.

Don’t be angry at yourself because you let someone break your heart so many times. Be proud of yourself because you were so brave and endured it all.

Orgulhe-se de si próprio porque reuniu forças para seguir em frente e deixar esta experiência horrível no passado.

Conclusão

In these modern days, with all these ‘modern relationships’ and online dating, etc., ghosting has become really popular. It’s just that with all the social media, dating apps, and so on, people have so many options to ignore someone.

Ser vítima de um fantasma dói imenso. Não ser capaz de compreender porque é que alguém nos deixa sem resposta pode ser bastante perturbador.

But the thing that fascinates most of us is why ghosters always come back. It’s pretty obvious that they don’t actually care for the other person, so what keeps them coming back?

Espero que a minha lista o tenha ajudado a compreender algumas das suas razões e espero ter-lhe ensinado como deve lidar com este tipo de pessoas e com os seus reaparecimentos indesejados na sua vida.

Francesca Hogi, especialista em relacionamentos de Nova Iorque, afirma; “Fantasma is contagious. Once it happens to you, it makes it more likely you’ll do it to someone else. It might be the easy choice at the moment, but it’s bad karma for you and everyone else.”

This is why it’s important to give yourself time to grieve and heal from being ghosted. You’re riding a real emotional rollercoaster here, and you should take time to process that ride peacefully because you may be nauseous from it.

However, the fact is that you’ll have to finish the ride sooner or later. You’ll have to end things with your ghost for good and leave them in your past… And this time, it needs to be forever.