¿Por qué me manda mensajes todos los días si sólo quiere amistad?
When you’re watching a romantic comedy, and the whole plot could be resolved by a single honest conversation, you want to yell, “Just tell him already!” But she never does because that would be too simple.
Mirar desde fuera puede hacer que cualquiera se sienta un experto en relaciones.
Parece que decirle a alguien lo que quieres que sepa sería fácil, pero cuando nuestros propios sentimientos están en juego, las cosas se complican.
You’re wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” While you could simply ask him, there’s no guarantee of a straight answer or an instant happy ending like in the movies.
There are other ways to find out, however, and we’re going to take it step by step.
¿Por qué me manda mensajes todos los días si sólo quiere amistad? Hmm…
There isn’t a single clear-cut answer to this because it depends on too many things. Even so, although it’s hard to know for sure, you can get a pretty good idea.
Para averiguarlo, tienes que pensar en tres cosas: lo que quieres, tu relación actual con él y el contenido y la frecuencia de sus mensajes de texto.
We’re going to get to the bottom of this with some questions. Luckily, the only person who can answer these is you.
1. ¿Hay interés en una relación romántica?
• Do you want to date this guy? First of all, figure out if you’re wondering about his intentions just because you’re talking and he seems like a possible option or because you’re actually interested in him.
• Are you both single? If you’re both available, chances of him or you being interested are higher. Pay attention to his words.
• Are either of you in a committed relationship? Presuming he’s interested, being with him would mean either a breakup or cheating.
¿Estás preparada para pasar por una ruptura por este chico o sabes que él dejó a su novia por ti? ¿Le engañarías con él o participarías en su engaño?
• Are you friends? People sometimes define being friends with members of the opposite sex as ‘not dating.’ Is there an actual friendship between you?
¿Sientes por él el cariño que sientes por tus otros amigos?
Friendship gives you warm feelings, but if you don’t have many male friends, it can be easy to confuse those feelings with attraction.
• Do you talk like platonic friends? Does he talk to you about other girls and ask you about dating other guys and doesn’t act weird or jealous about it? Or does he seem invertido en su vida amorosa?
En otras palabras, cuando un chico quiere sondear la situación para ver si tiene alguna posibilidad, la conversación es diferente de cómo hablarías de las citas con tus otros amigos.
Answering these questions has probably made things a little clearer. Let’s move on.
2. ¿Cuál es su relación actual?
Ex
If you’re exes who decided to stay friends, is that what you both want?
Puede ser muy duro si una persona está colgada de la otra cuando ésta ya ha pasado página. Mantener la amistad puede ser todo un reto, por no hablar de si se mantiene el contacto de forma regular.
• He wants to get back together
Piensa si parece que realmente quiere que seamos amigos o si parece que quiere que volvamos a estar juntos. Since this is someone you know well, you can probably get a good idea from the way he’s texting you.
You can also just ask him why he’s giving you mixed signals by texting you all the time. Having been in a relationship with him, you can probably tell whether he’s being honest.
• You want to get back together
If it’s you who might want to get back together, and he’s not showing interest, don’t let him hurt your feelings and cause another heartbreak.
Seguir siendo amigos inmediatamente después de una ruptura puede ser casi imposible si a una persona le sigue gustando la otra. Be on your own side and ask him to stop texting so much. You don’t owe him an explanation.
Amigos
The situation is most complicated if you’ve been friends for a while.
It’s a precarious situation because a friendship is seemingly at risk – if one friend wants romance, and it isn’t reciprocated, what will happen to the relationship?
• How likely is it for friends to become lovers?
La buena noticia es que desarrollo de relaciones románticas entre amigos es un hecho muy frecuente. Según un Estudio 2021 sobre las formas de relacionarse, alrededor del 68% de las relaciones románticas comienzan como amistades.
If you or your guy friend want to take your relationship to the next level, it’s nothing unusual. You might be wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” but the answer might be that things are starting to change and move in a new direction.
• Are you afraid it isn’t reciprocated?
Enamorarse de un amigo garantiza que ya existen los cimientos para una relación a largo plazo. If you’re worried that you might lose a good friend if he doesn’t feel the same, the chances of that happening are lower than they seem.
Would you drop your best friend if he told you he liked you and you didn’t like him back? You’d only be worried about how he’s taking it, and with time, things would be fine.
Conocidos recientes
If you’ve only just met, things between you are still undefined.
The way your relationship will develop depends greatly on your circumstances. What’s going on in your lives, and what are you looking for?
• Attracted, but unsure
If he says he’s only interested in friendship, that doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.
Puede haber otras cosas que hayan influido en su decisión, como el final reciente de una relación u otros problemas en su vida, o simplemente doesn’t know what he wants.
• Getting to know each other
Your text conversations are a way for you to get to know each other. Think of them as dates, in a sense. You’re evaluating each other to decide where to go.
If you’re talking about meaningful things such as your lives, families, past relationships, it’s a good sign.
He’s showing an interest in getting to know you and compartir cosas personales sobre sí mismo.
• How did it start?
¿Qué esperas conseguir hablando con él? ¿Te interesa o disfrutas hablando con él? Una pista de las intenciones de ambos podría ser la forma en que os conocisteis.
If you met through friends, it isn’t the same as if you met through social media or a dating app. If he swiped right, he’s probably looking for something other than having more female friends.
FWB
If you’re friends with benefits, you should only text each other when you want to meet up. Otherwise, someone might atrapar sentimientos unless it’s already happened.
No importa la razón por la que te envíe mensajes todos los días, tienes que tomar una decisión sobre vuestra relación y hablar con él.
• He wants more friendship or more benefits
If a guy you have an FWB arrangement with is texting you every day, it could mean that he’s taking the ‘friends’ part too seriously or that he wants more ‘benefits.’
If he’s after more benefits and you want that, too, let him know it’s fine.
If he really wants to be friends, tell him that you can’t be friends in the same way as you could if you weren’t hooking up. Si la amistad es más importante, siempre puedes dejar la otra parte de tu relación.
• He likes you
Puede que ya tenga sentimientos por ti y seguir afirmando que sólo quiere que seamos amigos (con derecho a roce, en este caso.)
He’s hiding his feelings either because he thinks you don’t want that or because he’s hoping that the relationship will develop further on its own.
If he has feelings for you, are you OK with that? Do you want a relationship with him, or is it only a ‘no strings attached’ thing? It’s up to you to decide how to proceed here.
3. ¿Sobre qué escribe?
- Memes/bromas. He’s either using them to break the ice, or he’s a meme guy.
When a guy texts you only funny stuff, it’s probably safe to say that he’s including you in his list of friends he likes to have fun with.
Por otro lado, podría ser muy torpe y sus mensajes son la única forma que tiene de comunicarse contigo.
He’s never going to make the first move, so if you like his memes, give him a huge hint that he might have a chance.
• Practical things. He’s texting to ask for the number of your handyman, to borrow your notes, or to ask when some TV show starts.
If this is all he texts, it could be that he really wants to know, and he’s treating you like his personal Google.
On the other hand, you’re here wondering, “He texts me everyday, what’s going on?” Are his texts a little too much? It’s fair to ask yourself if he’s making excuses just to talk to you.
• Personal stuff. ¿Hablas de tus sentimientos?
¿Él quieren saberlo todo sobre ti? Talking about your dreams and your worries shows you’re opening up and developing a connection.
¿Te envía mensajes largos y bien pensados compartiendo cosas personales? At the end of the day, by putting effort into getting to know you, he’s showing that he cares.
Cuando preste atención a todas las pistas, probablemente sabrá de qué manera exactamente.
• Flirty texts. ¿Te envía cumplidos o se burla de ti?
If he’s flirty, he could be interested, or he could just be a huge flirt. There are people who flirt with everyone, so use your judgment to figure out if it’s casual or if it has a purpose.
He might be testing the waters by flirting, so to speak – trying to figure out whether you’re interested.
Si es así, ¡coquetea también!
• Sexting.
“Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship,” you ask? It turns out the texts he sends are eggplant emojis and dirty talk.
No wonder you’re confused and looking for relationship advice.
Unless you’re FWB, sexting your friends is kind of weird. Really close friends doing it in a joking way could be funny, but if it’s serious, it’s definitely not a friends-only thing to do.
4. ¿Con qué frecuencia te envía mensajes de texto?
Hay ciertos indicios de que sus mensajes tienen un trasfondo romántico. El momento en que envía los mensajes, si inicia una conversación y la rapidez con la que responde son indicios de sus sentimientos.
• Texting just to say hi.
Texting to say good morning or good night is a huge indication of interest. Unless he’s texting all of his contacts – and he isn’t – it muestra que you’re on his mind a lot.
Early or late texts show that he’s thinking about you when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep.
• Texting when he’s busy.
Enviar mensajes de texto en mitad del día demuestra que doesn’t forget about you even while he’s busy.
Getting a text from him while he’s hanging out with his friends or when he’s spending time doing something interesting indicates that he thinks about you even when he’s out having fun.
• Texting throughout the day.
¿Mantiene la conversación todo el día, responde con comentarios bonitos y envía cosas que le recuerdan a ti? Does he start a conversation, and it doesn’t end even the next day?
When you’re wondering, “Is he playing mind games or ¿me quiere??” the frequency of his texts can give you the answer.
It’s up to you to judge his sincerity. If he’s letting you know that you’re always on his mind – even if he says he only wants to be friends – it shows that there’s something special between you.
• Texting first.
Quién inicia los mensajes de texto? If it’s always you and you’re unsure about his feelings, try to stop and see if he’ll still try to start a conversation or ghost you. Esto podría darte una buena idea de su estado de ánimo.
If it’s him who usually texts first, he clearly wants to talk to you. Figuring out why will be easy if you take everything we’ve talked about into account.
• Quick replies.
¿Responde inmediatamente o al cabo de un tiempo?
It’s hard to tell how he feels without seeing his face and lenguaje corporalpero las respuestas rápidas significan que recibir tu mensaje le hace feliz y le emociona. He won’t be able to resist replying quickly, even if he’s trying to keep his cool.
The significance of this also depends on whether he’s someone who always has his phone on him or not.
¿Y tú? ¿Qué ocurre la primera vez que don’t reply to his text?
¿Por qué me manda mensajes todos los días?
If you’ve thought about the questions above, you might already have an idea why he’s texting so much. You can look at it as a sort of a create-your-own-answer type of situation.
EJEMPLO 1
Let’s say you’re both single and have been friends for a while. You’ve recently started liking him when he showed you a more thoughtful side of himself.
Te manda mensajes todas las noches cuando vuelve del trabajo y te cuenta cómo le ha ido el día. A veces se burla de ti y te hace reír.
Why do you think he’s texting?
La respuesta más probable es que he likes you, but he’s trying to hide it.
You both assume that because you’re friends, things developing further are off the table. Still, all you want to do is spend time together, even if it’s only texting.
Try giving him a hint that you like him back, or if you’re feeling brave, make a move outright.
EJEMPLO 2
You met him at a friend’s party and hit it off. You exchanged numbers and have been talking about your interests, experiences, and everything else that comes to mind.
Pensabas que congeniabais hasta que te dijo que acababa de salir de una relación y que ahora mismo sólo busca un amigo.
¿Por qué sigue mandando mensajes todos los días?
Tómalo al pie de la letra y créele cuando dice que sólo quiere que seamos amigos. Don’t assume something will happen eventually and sit around waiting.
He might be attracted to you, and he might change his mind about dating you at some point, but if he’s said he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship...créele.
Tu atención puede ser un estímulo para su ego en este momento. Si te dejas llevar por tus sentimientos, sólo sería una relación de rebote para él, y podrías salir lastimada.
Decide if you want a friendship with him, and if you do, enjoy his company. If you’re only interested in him in a romantic sense, let him know that you can’t talk to him anymore.
Puesta en común
Now that you have the tools to figure out what’s going on by yourself, you can apply them to your particular situation.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?”
La clave está en averiguar si realmente sólo quiere amistad, y si es así, o bien seguir siendo amigos o cortar con él.
If you determine that he’s only using friendship as a cover for his feelings, let him know if you also want something else.
Confía en tu intuición y utiliza el sentido común.
Don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment, but also don’t let fear detract you from pursuing a romantic relationship if you think both of you want it.
