Porque é que ele me manda mensagens todos os dias se só quer amizade?

When you’re watching a romantic comedy, and the whole plot could be resolved by a single honest conversation, you want to yell, “Just tell him already!” But she never does because that would be too simple.

Olhar de uma perspetiva externa pode fazer com que qualquer pessoa se sinta um perito em relações.

Parece que dizer a alguém o que queremos que ele saiba é fácil, mas quando os nossos próprios sentimentos estão em jogo, as coisas complicam-se.

You’re wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” While you could simply ask him, there’s no guarantee of a straight answer or an instant happy ending like in the movies.

There are other ways to find out, however, and we’re going to take it step by step.

Porque é que ele me manda mensagens todos os dias se só quer amizade? Hmm…

There isn’t a single clear-cut answer to this because it depends on too many things. Even so, although it’s hard to know for sure, you can get a pretty good idea.

Antes de poder descobrir isso, precisa de pensar em três coisas: o que quer, a sua relação atual com ele e o conteúdo e a frequência das mensagens de texto dele.

We’re going to get to the bottom of this with some questions. Luckily, the only person who can answer these is you.

1. Existe interesse numa relação romântica?

• Do you want to date this guy? First of all, figure out if you’re wondering about his intentions just because you’re talking and he seems like a possible option or because you’re actually interested in him.

• Are you both single? If you’re both available, chances of him or you being interested are higher. Pay attention to his words.

• Are either of you in a committed relationship? Presuming he’s interested, being with him would mean either a breakup or cheating.

Está preparada para passar por uma rutura por causa deste homem ou sabe que ele deixou a namorada por ti? Trairia com ele ou participaria na sua traição?

• Are you friends? People sometimes define being friends with members of the opposite sex as ‘not dating.’ Is there an actual friendship between you?

Sentes por ele o carinho que sentes pelos teus outros amigos?

Friendship gives you warm feelings, but if you don’t have many male friends, it can be easy to confuse those feelings with attraction.

• Do you talk like platonic friends? Does he talk to you about other girls and ask you about dating other guys and doesn’t act weird or jealous about it? Or does he seem investiu na sua vida amorosa?

Por outras palavras, quando um rapaz quer analisar a situação para ver se tem hipóteses, a conversa é diferente da que teria com os seus outros amigos sobre encontros.

Answering these questions has probably made things a little clearer. Let’s move on.

2. Qual é a sua relação atual?

Ex

If you’re exes who decided to stay friends, is that what you both want?

Pode ser muito difícil se uma pessoa estiver agarrada à outra quando esta já seguiu em frente. Manter a amizade pode ser um desafio, quanto mais se mantiverem contacto regularmente.

• He wants to get back together

Pense se parece que ele quer mesmo ser amigo ou se parece que quer voltar a namorar. Since this is someone you know well, you can probably get a good idea from the way he’s texting you.

You can also just ask him why he’s giving you mixed signals by texting you all the time. Having been in a relationship with him, you can probably tell whether he’s being honest.

• You want to get back together

If it’s you who might want to get back together, and he’s not showing interest, don’t let him hurt your feelings and cause another heartbreak.

Manter a amizade imediatamente após uma separação pode ser quase impossível se uma pessoa ainda gostar da outra. Be on your own side and ask him to stop texting so much. You don’t owe him an explanation.

Amigos

The situation is most complicated if you’ve been friends for a while.

It’s a precarious situation because a friendship is seemingly at risk – if one friend wants romance, and it isn’t reciprocated, what will happen to the relationship?

• How likely is it for friends to become lovers?

A boa notícia é que desenvolvimento de relações românticas entre amigos é uma ocorrência muito comum. De acordo com um Estudo 2021 sobre as formas como as pessoas se juntam, cerca de 68% das relações românticas começam como amizades.

If you or your guy friend want to take your relationship to the next level, it’s nothing unusual. You might be wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” but the answer might be that things are starting to change and move in a new direction.

• Are you afraid it isn’t reciprocated?

Apaixonar-se por um amigo garante que a base para uma relação a longo prazo já existe. If you’re worried that you might lose a good friend if he doesn’t feel the same, the chances of that happening are lower than they seem.

Would you drop your best friend if he told you he liked you and you didn’t like him back? You’d only be worried about how he’s taking it, and with time, things would be fine.

Conhecidos recentes

If you’ve only just met, things between you are still undefined.

The way your relationship will develop depends greatly on your circumstances. What’s going on in your lives, and what are you looking for?

• Attracted, but unsure

If he says he’s only interested in friendship, that doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.

Poderão existir outros factores que influenciaram a sua decisão, como o fim recente de uma relação ou outros problemas na sua vida, ou simplesmente doesn’t know what he wants.

• Getting to know each other

Your text conversations are a way for you to get to know each other. Think of them as dates, in a sense. You’re evaluating each other to decide where to go.

If you’re talking about meaningful things such as your lives, families, past relationships, it’s a good sign.

He’s showing an interest in getting to know you and partilhar coisas pessoais sobre si próprio.

• How did it start?

O que é que espera obter ao falar com ele? Está interessada ou está a gostar de falar com ele? Uma pista para as vossas intenções pode ser a forma como se conheceram.

If you met through friends, it isn’t the same as if you met through social media or a dating app. If he swiped right, he’s probably looking for something other than having more female friends.

FWB

If you’re friends with benefits, you should only text each other when you want to meet up. Otherwise, someone might captar sentimentos unless it’s already happened.

Independentemente da razão pela qual ele lhe envia mensagens todos os dias, tem de tomar uma decisão sobre a sua relação e falar com ele.

• He wants more friendship or more benefits

If a guy you have an FWB arrangement with is texting you every day, it could mean that he’s taking the ‘friends’ part too seriously or that he wants more ‘benefits.’

If he’s after more benefits and you want that, too, let him know it’s fine.

If he really wants to be friends, tell him that you can’t be friends in the same way as you could if you weren’t hooking up. Se a amizade é mais importante, podem sempre parar com a outra parte da vossa relação.

• He likes you

Ele pode já ter sentimentos por si e ainda afirmar que só quer ser amigo (com benefícios, neste caso).

He’s hiding his feelings either because he thinks you don’t want that or because he’s hoping that the relationship will develop further on its own.

If he has feelings for you, are you OK with that? Do you want a relationship with him, or is it only a ‘no strings attached’ thing? It’s up to you to decide how to proceed here.

3. Sobre o que é que ele escreve?

- Memes/brincadeiras. He’s either using them to break the ice, or he’s a meme guy.

When a guy texts you only funny stuff, it’s probably safe to say that he’s including you in his list of friends he likes to have fun with.

Por outro lado, ele pode ser muito estranho e os seus textos são a única forma de comunicar consigo.

He’s never going to make the first move, so if you like his memes, give him a huge hint that he might have a chance.

• Practical things. He’s texting to ask for the number of your handyman, to borrow your notes, or to ask when some TV show starts.

If this is all he texts, it could be that he really wants to know, and he’s treating you like his personal Google.

On the other hand, you’re here wondering, “He texts me everyday, what’s going on?” Are his texts a little too much? It’s fair to ask yourself if he’s making excuses just to talk to you.

• Personal stuff. Falas sobre os teus sentimentos?

Será que ele querem saber tudo sobre si? Talking about your dreams and your worries shows you’re opening up and developing a connection.

Ele envia-lhe textos longos e pensados, partilhando coisas pessoais? At the end of the day, by putting effort into getting to know you, he’s showing that he cares.

Se prestar atenção a todas as dicas, provavelmente saberá exatamente de que forma.

• Flirty texts. Está a elogiar-te ou a provocar-te?

If he’s flirty, he could be interested, or he could just be a huge flirt. There are people who flirt with everyone, so use your judgment to figure out if it’s casual or if it has a purpose.

He might be testing the waters by flirting, so to speak – trying to figure out whether you’re interested.

Se fores, flerta de volta!

• Sexting.

“Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship,” you ask? It turns out the texts he sends are eggplant emojis and dirty talk.

No wonder you’re confused and looking for relationship advice.

Unless you’re FWB, sexting your friends is kind of weird. Really close friends doing it in a joking way could be funny, but if it’s serious, it’s definitely not a friends-only thing to do.

4. Com que frequência é que ele te manda mensagens?

Há certos sinais de que as mensagens dele têm um tom romântico. Quando ele envia mensagens, se inicia conversas e a rapidez com que responde, tudo isso dá pistas sobre os seus sentimentos.

• Texting just to say hi.

Texting to say good morning or good night is a huge indication of interest. Unless he’s texting all of his contacts – and he isn’t – it mostra que you’re on his mind a lot.

Early or late texts show that he’s thinking about you when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep.

• Texting when he’s busy.

Enviar mensagens a meio do dia mostra que ele doesn’t forget about you even while he’s busy.

Getting a text from him while he’s hanging out with his friends or when he’s spending time doing something interesting indicates that he thinks about you even when he’s out having fun.

• Texting throughout the day.

Ele mantém a conversa durante todo o dia, responde com comentários engraçados e envia coisas que o fazem lembrar de si? Does he start a conversation, and it doesn’t end even the next day?

When you’re wondering, “Is he playing mind games or ele ama-me??” the frequency of his texts can give you the answer.

It’s up to you to judge his sincerity. If he’s letting you know that you’re always on his mind – even if he says he only wants to be friends – it shows that there’s something special between you.

• Texting first.

Quem inicia a troca de mensagens? If it’s always you and you’re unsure about his feelings, try to stop and see if he’ll still try to start a conversation or ghost you. Isto pode dar-vos uma boa imagem do seu estado de espírito.

If it’s him who usually texts first, he clearly wants to talk to you. Figuring out why will be easy if you take everything we’ve talked about into account.

• Quick replies.

Responde imediatamente ou passado algum tempo?

It’s hard to tell how he feels without seeing his face and linguagem corporalMas as respostas rápidas significam que receber a sua mensagem o deixa feliz e entusiasmado. He won’t be able to resist replying quickly, even if he’s trying to keep his cool.

The significance of this also depends on whether he’s someone who always has his phone on him or not.

E tu? O que acontece na primeira vez que don’t reply to his text?

Então porque é que ele me manda mensagens todos os dias?

If you’ve thought about the questions above, you might already have an idea why he’s texting so much. You can look at it as a sort of a create-your-own-answer type of situation.

EXEMPLO 1

Let’s say you’re both single and have been friends for a while. You’ve recently started liking him when he showed you a more thoughtful side of himself.

Manda-te mensagens todas as noites quando chega a casa do trabalho e fala-te do seu dia. Por vezes, provoca-te e faz-te rir.

Why do you think he’s texting?

A resposta mais provável é que he likes you, but he’s trying to hide it.

You both assume that because you’re friends, things developing further are off the table. Still, all you want to do is spend time together, even if it’s only texting.

Try giving him a hint that you like him back, or if you’re feeling brave, make a move outright.

EXEMPLO 2

You met him at a friend’s party and hit it off. You exchanged numbers and have been talking about your interests, experiences, and everything else that comes to mind.

Pensou que se estavam a dar bem até ele dizer que tinha acabado de sair de uma relação e que, neste momento, só procurava um amigo.

Porque é que ele continua a mandar mensagens todos os dias?

Aceite-o pelo seu valor facial e acredite nele quando diz que só quer ser amigo. Don’t assume something will happen eventually and sit around waiting.

He might be attracted to you, and he might change his mind about dating you at some point, but if he’s said he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, acredita nele.

A sua atenção pode ser um impulso para o seu ego nesta altura. Se se deixar levar pelos seus sentimentos, será apenas uma relação de ricochete para ele e poderá magoar-se.

Decide if you want a friendship with him, and if you do, enjoy his company. If you’re only interested in him in a romantic sense, let him know that you can’t talk to him anymore.

Juntar tudo

Now that you have the tools to figure out what’s going on by yourself, you can apply them to your particular situation.

If you’re asking yourself, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?”

A chave é descobrir se ele quer mesmo só amizade e, se quiser, ou manter a amizade ou cortar com ele.

If you determine that he’s only using friendship as a cover for his feelings, let him know if you also want something else.

Confie na sua intuição e use o bom senso.

Don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment, but also don’t let fear detract you from pursuing a romantic relationship if you think both of you want it.