No sabe lo que quiere: 11 razones y qué hacer

Señoras, las escucho. No están solas, créanme. Cada una de nosotras, al menos una vez, se ha detenido un momento, ha exhalado y ha dicho, “He doesn’t know what he wants.”

A menudo, el problema no está en nosotros mismos. Hemos definido claramente nuestros deseos y necesidades. La mayoría de nosotros queremos ese tipo de amor vintage y un relación seria. And now you’re thinking: “I swear to God if I hear him say that one more time, I’ll …”

Okay, okay, calm down, you will get wrinkles, don’t frown, and don’t stress. Somehow, it seems that whatever we do, it is simply not enough for them.

Men often seem distant when it comes to things that are important to us, which is good old courtship and romance (especially if you’re a romántico empedernido como yo).

La probabilidad de que te encuentres con un chico que no sabe lo que quiere al menos una vez en tu vida es, como mínimo, ENORME. Entonces, ¿qué puedes hacer al respecto cuando ocurra?

Let me help you. You can learn about the most common reason “he doesn’t know what he wants” and what you can do about it. So, let’s get started!

He Doesn’t Know What He Wants: 11 Possible Reasons Why

If a man doesn’t know what he wants, there’s no need to panic yet, but don’t minimize the seriousness of his statement. The best possible method to deal with these men is to learn about what’s going on in their subconscious. Here are the most common reasons why a man would say that he doesn’t know what he wants:

1. He’s only interested in hooking up or the physical part of your relationship

A veces los chicos sólo están interesados en enrollarse contigo, pero se negarán a reconocerlo si empiezan a sospechar que quieres algo más.

Also, sometimes it seems that everything he cares about is the S word, and that is the end of it. Even though it is a new relationship, it’s fun and exciting, but should it be like that?

Oh yes, let’s face it, we know how to romanticize things too much. We would like to be his número uno. Queremos ramos de flores, chocolates, mensajes de buenos díasy besos suaves, y sólo le gustaría tener compañía en la cama al final de su jornada laboral.

¿Puedes adivinarlo? No es una ecuación muy complicada.

“I don’t know what I want” is equivalent to “I’m interested only in the physical part of our relationship” or “I want to romper with you.” And that is when they start ignorándote de repente.

2. He’s simply not into you

Sí, ya lo sé. Desde que nacemos, nos enseñan que si un chico en el parvulario nos tira del pelo, nos pellizca, se burla de nosotras, e incluso si nos ignora, es porque le gustamos.

Bueno, alerta de spoiler. ¿Qué pasaría si he’s simply not into you?

Of course, it hurts to know that someone we like doesn’t feel the same for us, but that is the reality. Las preferencias y gustos personales son cosas que no podemos controlar en los demás. Cada uno tiene su tipo ideal de persona.

Así que, no importa cuántas veces menciones que fuiste reina del baile, que tienes un título de una buena universidad o que eres independientela química aún no es mutua.

3. No tiene intención de dejar de ver a otras personas

Ouch. Es mejor que renuncies ahora. Un hombre que está genuinamente interesado en ti nunca diría tal cosa. Si desea un relación duradera with someone, you definitely won’t see other people.

But a man who doesn’t have any serious intentions with you won’t find that idea a horrible one. If you’re not on the same page, don’t fall into his “casual trap.”

If he’s suggesting this, it is more than obvious he’s looking for something casualpero con mucha gente, obviamente. Too bad his Tinder profile didn’t say so, but now you know. Now save your pride and let him have a low-key fling with someone else.

4. Algo más le está molestando a nivel subconsciente

Sometimes the reason why a man doesn’t know what he wants is that he’s pressured by external things in his life. For example, he might be having problems at work or with his family.

Estas presiones externas pueden afectar a su amar la vida y confundirlo sobre lo que realmente quiere contigo.

If you think that this could be the case, just give him enough time and wait for him to come to you and tell you what’s really going on.

5. He’s carrying the burden of a past toxic relationship

His past often influences what he wants and why he doesn’t know what he wants. Su relaciones anteriores could’ve been a mix of relaciones tóxicas, exes actuando como un locoex novias enfadadas, de todo.

Quizá no ha tenido la oportunidad de desarrollar y mejorar la comunicación con su pareja y definir claramente sus deseos.

Sus relaciones pasadas afectarán a veces a cómo experimenta las relaciones potenciales en el presente.

6. He’s interested in being friends with benefits

Lo que atrae a la gente de todo el mundo es ese hilo invisible que solemos llamar química.

He walks into a room, and you’re suddenly hot, you’re blushing, and when your eyes meet – oh-la-la. It seems like he’s undressing you with his eyes, and you can’t resist it.

His “Christian Gray” lenguaje corporal signos say one thing, and he enjoys your company, but it doesn’t seem like he’s defined your relationship. ¿Adónde nos lleva esto?

Al reino conocido como amigos con derecho a roce?

You’re not the only person in the world who has this problem. Men see friends with benefits as a perfect fling every now and then, minus the pressure and the “where is this going” question that they hate so much.

7. He’s still not over his ex

Except talking about you, for starters, he just can’t shut up about his ex. What’s up with that? They’re sólo amigos, he says? I don’t think so. Do you talk about your friends that much? I thought so.

Lo sé, a nadie le gusta esto. Why in the world would you like to be someone’s replacement? Someone’s bad copy? That’s what he thinks.

You’re great and everything, but you can’t be her. You will never be her. You have two ways to approach that topic. Either be upset or act like an adult. Ask him honestly about it, seek an honest answer and move on if that’s possible.

8. Tiene problemas de confianza

Beneath that male shield that he’s got pulled up to protect himself that you can’t get him to remove, he still has the emotional and fragile side to him. Los hombres también son vulnerables.

Por supuesto, pretenden ser hombres fuertes a los que les cuesta derramar una lágrima, pero ¿cuál es la causa de ello? ¿Y si le han hecho daño en el pasado? Perder la confianza en alguien a quien una vez quisiste e incluso perder a un ser querido no es fácil.

We quickly bond with other people, and the loss we may experience is hard to bear for many reasons—the habits we have acquired with them and the memories and feelings we have for them.

Once you don’t have any of those anymore, you’re left hurt, which may affect your future relationship whether you like it or not. It simply happens.

9. Quiere tomárselo con calma

Although we know that couples are very much in love with each other at the beginning of a relationship, sometimes it is not good to spend time together 24/7 (assuming you’re in a relationship).

Maybe it’s not so strange now that he doesn’t know what he wants. Esto no es necesariamente malo, y para algunas parejas no supone un problema, pero algunas personas sólo necesitan algo de tiempo a solas. Maybe that’s why your sweetheart feels so confused.

He might think you’re thinking of moving forward in your relationship. How about moving in together? A ring on your finger? Men get brain alarms over these things, and it would be more than a good idea to talk to your partner about it.

10. He doesn’t want to hurt you

Here’s the truth. A man who doesn’t want to hurt you and who certainly doesn’t want the reputación de rompecorazones will often say he doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe that’s exactly what you need to hear. Maybe sometimes it’s better to hear the filtered version of “you’re not for me.”

11. He LITERALLY doesn’t know what he wants

He wants a perfect waist, skinny barbie showgirl, but also a lovely shy girl who can cook and clean after him. Someone he can take home for the holidays and not whisper in her ear, “I told you that skirt is too short.”

It’s a rare case you get both of them in one lady, fellas, but either way, you have to be clear with your wishes.

Qué hacer cuando un hombre no sabe lo que quiere

There are a few things you can do when a man doesn’t know what he wants, including talking to him about it, dándole algo de espacio, reverse psychology, and showing understanding. You’ll find all of these explained below:

Háblale de ello

Sometimes, the best way to ask someone about something or simply point out a thing that bothers you isn’t by circling around it. Sea sincero, franco y directo con él.

Don’t push him away. Tell them what bothers you. Don’t be afraid to get emotional and real because that is simply how you feel.

If he still pretends like he doesn’t care, well, it’s time for you to step away. You can always leave some space for a “call me when you figure things out,” but if you don’t want to, marcharse con orgullo. No fuiste más que honesta y abierta con él desde el principio.

Dale tiempo y espacio

This is one of the most challenging methods (speaking from experience), but it’s totally necessary. The most important fact of all is that this actually WORKS! Well, in 90% of cases.

By giving him time and space, you’ll relieve him of the pressure and give him enough time to think about what he really wants. Todo hombre aprecia a una mujer dispuesta a hacer esto. (Esto es algo que todo entrenador de relaciones te dirá).

It shows that you’re not pegajoso o necesitado. It shows that you both respect yourself and him. If that’s not a valid enough reason to ignite his desire to call you his girlfriend, then I don’t know what is.

Método de psicología inversa

If you constantly feel like you’re chasing him, trust me, he’s wasting your time. And why would you want to waste your time with someone who’s obviously not interested in you?

Aprovecha ese tiempo y utilízalo para algo más útil. Here’s an idea: ¡empieza a buscar a alguien que aprecie tu tiempo y tu esfuerzo! Un golpe de realidad de vez en cuando es lo que todos necesitamos.

Además, añada un poco de psicología inversa allí (ignora sus llamadas, ignora sus mensajes) si quieres y espera que pronto empiece a correr detrás de ti. Todo se vuelve interesante para los hombres cuando deja de estar disponible. (Triste pero cierto.)

You’re no longer an “errand boy” that he can have any time he wants. You’re someone worth respect now.

Mostrar comprensión y paciencia

Don’t blame him for not knowing what he wants. If you do that, he might pull away even more. Instead, let him know that you understand how he feels at the moment (even if it’s not true). He will appreciate your efforts to stay calm when your mind is in total overthinking mode.

Si nada cambia al cabo de un tiempo, considere la posibilidad de seguir adelante.

“Maybe I want this, or that, I’m not sure….”

Don’t ignore the signs. There is a good sign, a sign that your partner will do his best to work on the relationship, and a common goal: improving your relationship and those horrible banderas rojas que a nadie le gusta.

Si nada cambia al cabo de un tiempo, aléjate.

Lack of attention, ignoring you, if he’s taking you for granted. Umm, really, girl? I wouldn’t want to be taken for granted. No matter how much you like someone or enjoy someone’s company, don’t waste your time if you don’t feel a connection.

He obviously isn’t sure. He’s probably lonely, and due to his loneliness, he’s spending time with you. But if you’re not fulfilled with that relationship or the amount of time you’re spending together, that’s a red flag right there, and you should seriously move on.

¿Qué quieres tú?

Permíteme que te ayude con esto. Básicamente, queremos a alguien que luche por nuestro amor, que nos conquiste cada día con sus bellos gestos, alguien que nos proteja y nos comprenda.

¿Es este hombre ese hombre? ¿Es él? ¿Te gusta? como un loco? ¿De verdad crees que hay futuro para vosotros dos?

It’s okay to be a little bit selfish. Before we want happiness for others, we want to be happy ourselves. Si su intuición dice que esta relación no tiene futuro potencial, ¿por qué estresarse por ello?

Suena muy tonto cuando alguien te dice que llegará alguien mejor, pero siempre hay alguien mejor. ¿Por qué no esperar?

¿Actuar o reaccionar?

You just can’t let go of that intuición que tiene. ¿Tiene miedo de entrar en un serio, relación comprometida? Tal vez sólo necesita un mejor amigo que lo entienda por ahora y alguien que quiera intentarlo poco a poco?

There are many clear signs you can recognize if he really wants to give your relationship a chance or if he’s just not that into you.

If he really wants to try, that’s a very buena señal. Tal vez dentro de unos meses, usted estará en primer puesto, y su amar la vida podría florecer.

This rule does not only apply to frightened boys and girls. Every relationship requires patience, work, and good communication. That’s how a committed relationship works.

Listen to and understand your partner’s needs and desires. There are two of you in this relationship, not one of you.

Now you’ve finally heard them. Those sweet, sweet words you’ve been waiting for for so long. “I want a relationship with you.” And the skies are blue again. The birds are singing, and everything’s better now.

Toc toc. ¿Quién es? Felicidad, por fin. ¿La felicidad de quién? Tu felicidad.

It seems like yesterday now, doesn’t it? You were having a hard time, and not a single piece of relationship advice from relationship experts worked. Tu hombre tenía un miedo al compromisoy tal vez incluso le diste un ultimátumpero mírate ahora.

You’re spending a lot of time together, getting all these cute good morning messages from him, and you’re finally happy with this ending in your own life. It’s not a silly novel you’re reading this time – this is your own life.

So, believe that everything will fall into place if you’re meant to be together. Sadly, this is something lots of people forget.

Para terminar

I’ll summarize some of the main tips to implement when he doesn’t know what he wants. Trust your gut feeling, be patient, and give him some space.

Además, cree que mereces estar en una reciprocidad, relación sanano unilateral.

La conclusión es sencilla: para encontrar el amor, el camino puede no ser ideal. Pero el camino está ahí, así que sigue adelante. Al fin y al cabo, todos los caminos llevan a alguna parte.