Que yo siga adelante nunca significará que te haya perdonado

Cuando me dejaste por primera vez, extrañamente, no tenía esperanzas de volver a ser tuya ni de intentar reconstruir nuestra relación.

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you – it’s just that you hurt me so badly that I never thought of giving you another chance, despite the fact that I todavía te quería.

En lugar de romperme la cabeza pensando en cómo reconquistarte, puse toda mi energía en intentar superar el trauma que me causaste y sobreponerme al hecho de que el hombre al que entregué todo mi corazón estaba dispuesto a hacerlo añicos sin pestañear.

Me concentré en encontrar la manera de dejar de amarte.

Para ser sincero, en el fondo pensaba que nunca lo conseguiría.

Creí que nunca me libraría de esa mezcla insana de amor, odio, nostalgia y repulsión que sentía cada vez que cruzabas por mi mente.

Y francamente, eso era prácticamente todo el tiempo.

Estaba convencida de que nunca podría encontrar la fuerza en mí misma para perdonarte por aplastarme.

Estaba segura de que nunca podría olvidar todo lo que me hiciste y todo el dolor que me causaste.

Sin embargo, al cabo de un tiempo, poco a poco, me sorprendí a mí misma avanzando, sin ni siquiera ser consciente de ello.

Me di cuenta de que estaba herir y curar al mismo tiempolo que supuso un enorme progreso.

Con el tiempo, paso a paso, dejaste de existir dentro de mí. En contra de todas mis expectativas, te convertiste en parte de mi doloroso pasado.

So, I guess I was wrong. I don’t know if I thought I loved you more than I actually did or if I considered myself emotionally weaker than I actually was, but the fact is that, somehow, I managed to stop loving you.

However, I was definitely right about one thing: I never forgave you and I don’t plan on doing so.

I did move on, but that doesn’t mean I forgot the hell you put me through.

Luckily for me, I’m no longer consumed by resentment and hate.

However, just because I don’t spend every second of my every day wishing for you to drop dead, doesn’t mean I forgave you.

Me getting over you doesn’t mean that I suddenly got amnesia and all the issues and trauma you caused got magically erased.

That’s not to say that I managed to wipe out all the days I spent crying for you, all the sleepless nights I struggled to breathe, and all the moments I wanted to die.

El hecho de que dejó de amar you doesn’t delete the fact that you changed the essence of my being for good.

It doesn’t annul the fact that you damaged me beyond repair and I can never be the same girl I was before you stormed through my life.

It doesn’t mean I would ever want you back or that I’m okay with all the evil you brought me.

It doesn’t make your misdeeds acceptable nor you any less of a douchebag.

Me moving on doesn’t imply that I want all the best for you or I don’t wish karma gives you what you deserve.

It doesn’t mean that you have my blessing to find your happily ever after and it certainly doesn’t mean I wish you a long, prosperous existence.

You see, me choosing to carry on with my life doesn’t give you amnesty for all of your sins and it doesn’t change the fact that you did me wrong.

It just signifies that I was wise enough to realize that me remaining in one place, while you’re out there living your life as if nothing’s happened, would be the worst thing I could ever do.

So, no, I don’t want you to have a clear conscience.

I don’t want you to think that you’re entitled to a peaceful life, just because I found a way to put mine back together.

Call me a bad person, but I hope that you’ll spend the rest of your days haunted by each one of my tears.

That you’ll never stop regretting everything you made me go through. That you’ll experience all the devastating pain you made me feel.

Esto puede hacer que me parezca a ti, o incluso peor, pero I hope that you’ll never be able to forgive yourself por tratarme como lo hiciste y finalmente perderme para siempre.

I hope that guilt and remorse will follow you wherever you go, as long as you breathe, because it’s the only way justice can be served.