¿Quieres ayudar a tu amigo suicida? Lee esto:

Can you please stop sharing the suicide hotline number and acting like you’re somehow going to be a martyr for mental health? Because you are not listening and you will not always be there. I’ll tell you how I know this. First of all, you don’t even know what to listen for. When a person is suicidal, they aren’t shouting it on the fucking mountain top, waiting for someone to hear them. They aren’t sending you private messages asking for help and allowing you the honour of swooping in just in time to save them from themselves. Suelen estar retraídos, en su propio mundo, solos, y creyendo que a nadie le importa una mierda porque nadie se ha dado cuenta de que están retraídos y solos.

Déjame que te pinte un cuadro, porque así es como se ven los suicidas. Puede empezar con una irritabilidad repentina e irracional. Una persona se vuelve completamente insoportable, su comportamiento se vuelve cada vez más inaceptable y, justo cuando te das cuenta del problema, ella también lo hace. Es entonces cuando necesitan que les escuches. But it’s hard to listen to a person who is yelling at you for no reason, so you decide (justifiably so) that you do not need to be subjected to such inexcusable behaviour and you retreat. They start to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. They feel so guilty, in fact, that they don’t even want to face you, or anyone for that matter, out of a very legitimate fear that they will say or do something to further alienate people, thereby reinforcing their already negative self-perceptions in an extremely harmful cycle. That’s when they start to believe you are better off without them. And they stop reaching out, encontrando consuelo en la seguridad de su sofá. Ellos se retiran y tú te retiras, aliviado por no tener que lidiar con eso.

A few months go by, and maybe you start to notice that you haven’t seen or heard from your friend… you wonder for a second what’s going on, hope they are okay and go back to your life. Whatever their deal is, it isn’t su responsabilidad. You “like” their sporadic posts on facebook—which give you little insight into their mental health—keep a safe distance, and call it a day. You scroll through your own feed, and meaning so well I’m sure, you repost and share the suicide hotline number, you say you’re always listening and you hashtag #awareness… but you didn’t hear your own friend’s cries for help. Because they didn’t sound vulnerable. They sounded angry. It’s much easier to empathize with the vulnerable, isn’t it?

So here you are, willing to listen to every “friend” you have on facebook… but in the meantime su friend had a birthday and not only did you not reach out to do something to celebrate, but you didn’t even bother to wish them a happy birthday. I mean, after all, they’ve been pretty shitty to you so nobody would blame you. But they noticed. They noticed that quite a few people didn’t bother. Because here’s the thing—you are not the only person who is keeping their distance. Your angry friend has successfully pushed all of their friends away, not just you. And when their birthday came around and you weren’t the only person who felt they didn’t deserve your time or attention, they felt worthless, and sad, and lonely. And that’s the day your friend became suicidal. But you weren’t listening.

Así que, si de verdad quieres ayudar a tu amigo, deja de limitarte a compartir un número y edúcate a ti mismo para empezar a concienciarle de verdad. Sepa qué buscar cuando una persona es suicida. It’s not always as obvious as the memes would have you believe. Know which services are available locally to help people in crisis, where they are and how to access them. Be willing to look past the anger you don’t understand to see the pain underneath. Look for the things you can’t see right away—sometimes the very act of looking can make all the difference to a person who has given up on themselves.

Señales de que una persona puede estar pensando en suicidarse:

People who take their lives don’t necessarily always want to die, but rather to end their pain. Don’t dismiss suicide ideation, talks, or threats as attention seeking. Si observas algún indicio de que está pensando en hacerse daño, busca ayuda.
Pueden volverse retraídos, evitando a los amigos íntimos y a la familia, perdiendo interés por las actividades y los acontecimientos sociales, y aislándose cada vez más.
Un enfoque sobre la muerte. Algunas personas hablan abiertamente de que quieren morir, se obsesionan con el tema de la muerte y el morir. Puede que busquen formas de suicidarse o compren una pistola, un cuchillo o acumulen pastillas.
Mostrando signos de desesperación. The person may talk openly about the unbearable pain they are experiencing or feeling like they’re a burden to others.
Hacer planes. La persona puede tomar medidas para prepararse para la muerte, como actualizar un testamento, regalar posesiones, hacer una limpieza y purga masiva de pertenencias y despedirse de los demás. Algunos pueden escribir una nota de suicidio.
Cambios de humor y trastornos del sueño. Often, the person may be depressed, anxious, sad, or angry. They also may be very irritable, moody, or aggressive. But they can suddenly turn calm once they’ve decide to go through with the suicide. Then they may sleep a lot more or a lot less than usual.
Bebe o toma drogas. El abuso de sustancias aumenta la probabilidad de suicidio. Consumir muchas drogas y alcohol puede ser un intento de mitigar el dolor o de hacerse daño.
Comportamiento imprudente. La persona puede correr riesgos peligrosos, como conducir ebria o mantener relaciones sexuales de riesgo.

It’s great to have good intentions, but in this case it is not enough. Follow it up with information and actionable resources… you might end up seeing something that you may have otherwise missed. And that something may be the very thing that saves a life.