Volete aiutare un amico con tendenze suicide? Leggete questo:

Can you please stop sharing the suicide hotline number and acting like you’re somehow going to be a martyr for mental health? Because you are not listening and you will not always be there. I’ll tell you how I know this. First of all, you don’t even know what to listen for. When a person is suicidal, they aren’t shouting it on the fucking mountain top, waiting for someone to hear them. They aren’t sending you private messages asking for help and allowing you the honour of swooping in just in time to save them from themselves. Spesso si chiudono in se stessi, nel loro mondo, da soli, e credono che a nessuno interessi, perché nessuno si è accorto che sono chiusi in se stessi e soli.

Lasciate che vi dipinga un quadro, perché questo è l'aspetto del suicidio. Potrebbe iniziare con un'irritabilità improvvisa e irrazionale. Una persona può diventare completamente insopportabile, il suo comportamento diventa sempre più inaccettabile e, proprio quando vi rendete conto del problema, lo fa anche lei. È in questo momento che hanno bisogno di essere ascoltati. But it’s hard to listen to a person who is yelling at you for no reason, so you decide (justifiably so) that you do not need to be subjected to such inexcusable behaviour and you retreat. They start to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. They feel so guilty, in fact, that they don’t even want to face you, or anyone for that matter, out of a very legitimate fear that they will say or do something to further alienate people, thereby reinforcing their already negative self-perceptions in an extremely harmful cycle. That’s when they start to believe you are better off without them. And they stop reaching out, trovando conforto nella sicurezza del loro divano. Loro si ritirano e voi vi ritirate, sollevati di non doverlo affrontare.

A few months go by, and maybe you start to notice that you haven’t seen or heard from your friend… you wonder for a second what’s going on, hope they are okay and go back to your life. Whatever their deal is, it isn’t il tuo responsabilità. You “like” their sporadic posts on facebook—which give you little insight into their mental health—keep a safe distance, and call it a day. You scroll through your own feed, and meaning so well I’m sure, you repost and share the suicide hotline number, you say you’re always listening and you hashtag #awareness… but you didn’t hear your own friend’s cries for help. Because they didn’t sound vulnerable. They sounded angry. It’s much easier to empathize with the vulnerable, isn’t it?

So here you are, willing to listen to every “friend” you have on facebook… but in the meantime il tuo friend had a birthday and not only did you not reach out to do something to celebrate, but you didn’t even bother to wish them a happy birthday. I mean, after all, they’ve been pretty shitty to you so nobody would blame you. But they noticed. They noticed that quite a few people didn’t bother. Because here’s the thing—you are not the only person who is keeping their distance. Your angry friend has successfully pushed all of their friends away, not just you. And when their birthday came around and you weren’t the only person who felt they didn’t deserve your time or attention, they felt worthless, and sad, and lonely. And that’s the day your friend became suicidal. But you weren’t listening.

Quindi, se volete davvero aiutare il vostro amico, smettete di condividere solo un numero e istruitevi, in modo da iniziare a diffondere una reale consapevolezza. Sapere cosa cercare quando una persona ha tendenze suicide. It’s not always as obvious as the memes would have you believe. Know which services are available locally to help people in crisis, where they are and how to access them. Be willing to look past the anger you don’t understand to see the pain underneath. Look for the things you can’t see right away—sometimes the very act of looking can make all the difference to a person who has given up on themselves.

Segni che una persona potrebbe contemplare il suicidio:

People who take their lives don’t necessarily always want to die, but rather to end their pain. Don’t dismiss suicide ideation, talks, or threats as attention seeking. Se notate qualche segnale che indica che il paziente sta pensando di farsi del male, chiedete aiuto.
Può accadere che la persona si chiuda in se stessa, evitando gli amici più stretti e la famiglia, perdendo interesse per le attività e gli eventi sociali e isolandosi sempre di più.
Un focus sulla morte. Alcune persone parlano apertamente di voler morire, si fissano sul tema della morte e del morire. Possono ricercare modi per uccidersi o comprare una pistola, un coltello o accumulare pillole.
Mostra segni di disperazione. The person may talk openly about the unbearable pain they are experiencing or feeling like they’re a burden to others.
Fare progetti. La persona può adottare misure per prepararsi alla morte, come l'aggiornamento del testamento, la cessione di beni, la pulizia e l'eliminazione massiccia degli effetti personali e l'addio agli altri. Alcuni possono scrivere una lettera d'addio.
Sbalzi d'umore e disturbi del sonno. Often, the person may be depressed, anxious, sad, or angry. They also may be very irritable, moody, or aggressive. But they can suddenly turn calm once they’ve decide to go through with the suicide. Then they may sleep a lot more or a lot less than usual.
Beve o assume droghe. L'abuso di sostanze aumenta la possibilità di suicidio. L'uso di molte droghe e alcol può essere un tentativo di attenuare il dolore o di farsi del male.
Comportamento sconsiderato. La persona può correre rischi pericolosi, come guidare ubriaca o fare sesso a rischio.

It’s great to have good intentions, but in this case it is not enough. Follow it up with information and actionable resources… you might end up seeing something that you may have otherwise missed. And that something may be the very thing that saves a life.