16 cosas que debes saber antes de salir con un viudo

Dating a widower is one of the most challenging and, at the same time, rewarding things you’ll ever experience.

Will it all be moonlight and roses? No! Will this be the hardest test of your love? Yes. Will you pass it? It’s up to you.

You see, dating a widower comes with many bumps in the road, especially if you’re the first person he’s let into his life after his late spouse passed away.

Pero si el amor es verdadero, los dos podéis superar cada uno de ellos. He aquí exactamente cómo hacerlo.

7 consejos imprescindibles para salir con un viudo

When you’re dating a man who lost his wife, you can forget almost every piece of consejos sobre relaciones you’ve ever heard. Trust me: this situation is completely different and has an entirely new set of rules.

Aquí tienes algunos consejos profesionales para tener una relación con un hombre viudo.

Sea consciente de la situación

Before you start your new love with a widowed man, you have to be fully aware of what you’re getting yourself into.

Sé lo que debes pensar: todos hemos tenido ex, y cada pareja con la que te relaciones tendrá un pasado.

After all, you’re both grown-ups, and you wouldn’t like being with someone who has absolutely no history in the dating world at all.

Bueno, este es tu error número uno: pensar que estar con un hombre divorciado and a widower is the same thing. Trust me when I tell you that these two situations can’t be compared.

This might sound like a harsh truth, but the fact is that your new boyfriend probably would have never divorced his late wife. He didn’t decide to continue his life without her.

Their marriage didn’t end because they stopped loving each other, because someone found new love, or just because they chose it was better to part ways.

Therefore, you can’t expect this man’s emotions to shut off overnight.

He doesn’t hold grudges against her, he didn’t get tired of this woman, and he doesn’t resent her for anything.

I’m trying to say that she didn’t become a part of his past because of something either of them did – this was nothing more than fate.

Also, if the two of them have kids, he is the only one taking care of them now. This is especially important if we’re talking about smaller children.

The full responsibility for their upbringing is on the back of this man only. Among other things, it means that you’ll be living with them if you two plan to have a serious relationship.

So, you have to ask yourself if you’re ready for all of this. It’s okay to have second thoughts because getting involved with a widower is nothing like any of your previous relationships.

Remember one thing: it’s way more honest to back out timeously if you feel like this is too much for you than to torture both of you for years.

Permítale llorar

I’ll be deadly honest with you: just because this man decided he’s ready to go out in search of new girls or made a dating profile on a dating site, it doesn’t mean that everything will be perfect for him from the start.

In fact, there will be good and bad days. I’m not referring to your relationship here only: I’m talking about his grieving process.

It doesn’t matter how long it has been since the love of his life passed away – there will still be moments when he’ll think of her and even miss her.

Lo que tienes que hacer es darle la oportunidad de llorar la pérdida de un cónyuge.

No, this doesn’t mean that you should allow your entire relationship to be dedicated to her. After all, you need a fully devoted partner and not someone who will constantly cry over his deceased wife.

Sin embargo, por favor, ten un poco de comprensión con este chico, especialmente en fechas importantes.

Give him some space and time to visit his wife’s grave on the anniversary of her death or to see her relatives or friends on her birthday.

This isn’t a sign that he doesn’t love you. It’s not a sign that he hasn’t healed or that he lives in the past, either.

On the contrary, it is just a confirmation that you’re in a relationship with a human being – not a robot who can shut off his emotions whenever he feels like it. Trust me: this kind of behavior is completely normal.

Deberías alegrarte de que comparta sus sentimientos contigo. Está claro que este hombre confía en ti lo suficiente como para mostrarte sus vulnerabilidades.

On the other hand, if he sees that you’re bothered by his occasional grieving episodes, they won’t stop – he’ll just start hiding them from you. He’ll shut this part of himself off, and he’ll continue mourning in silence.

En consecuencia, esto creará una profunda brecha entre vosotros dos, y eso es lo último que quieres conseguir.

Relacionado: 14 señales a prueba de balas de que una viuda está lista para volver a salir con alguien

Sé amable

Let’s be clear about one thing: it’s not your duty to go around arreglar hombres rotos. You’re in no way obligated to heal their wounds or to glue their shattered hearts back together.

This would be what I’d tell you if you got involved with a toxic manipulator who tries to justify his evil actions with his emotional unavailability. But this is not that kind of scenario.

Yes, this man is crushed into pieces. I won’t lie to you: a part of him is broken beyond repair.

Sin embargo, nada de lo ocurrido fue culpa suya. Además, pensó bien las cosas y sabía muy bien lo que le esperaba.

He didn’t deceive you into this relationship. Therefore, you were familiar with his entire situation.

Así que elegiste conscientemente a un hombre que sobrevivió a la muerte de su cónyuge. Bueno, cuando hiciste eso, elegiste su carga emocional también.

Therefore, you have to go especially easy on this guy. He is not like any other man you’ve met before.

He has wounds you can’t even grasp, and his pain is beyond your reach. So please, be super gentle with him.

When you two fight, pick your words carefully. Don’t dare hit him below the belt and use his loss of a spouse as a weapon against him.

Y lo más importante: recuerde que este hombre sufre un trauma por abandono. Te guste admitirlo o no, una de las personas más importantes de su vida, le abandonó sin querer.

So it’s natural that he’s terrified of something similar happening again.

So, please, don’t threaten to break up with him when you’re in the middle of an argument unless you really plan on doing it.

Sea curioso

There will be moments when your partner will have the desire to talk about his late spouse. Don’t see this as an attack on you or your relationship – see it as something completely normal.

If you see that he is willing to share a few details about his marriage or his wife – let him. Not only that: show curiosity.

Demuéstrele a este hombre que desea conocer todas sus facetas, incluidas las relativas a su cónyuge fallecido. Créeme: necesita que le animes.

He needs to see that you’re genuinely interested in his stories and don’t feel threatened every time he mentions her.

Once again, your entire relationship shouldn’t be an elegy to this woman. But if you want for you two to create a deep bond, be prepared to hear about her, as well.

Respetar la memoria de su difunta esposa

Just because this man’s wife is dead doesn’t mean she died from his memory, as well. Whether you like it or not, he’ll always remember her one way or another.

It doesn’t mean that he still sees her as the love of his life. He might miss her as a friend, the mother of his children, and as a life partner.

Either way, it’s your job to respect the memory he has of her without trying to erase it.

You’re not here to take this woman’s place. As much as you try, you could never fill the enormous void she left behind.

Sin embargo, significa que puedes crear nuevos recuerdos sin tocar los suyos.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t build a new relationship with this man without disturbing his past relationship.

Sea sincero sobre sus expectativas

¿Qué esperas de esta relación? ¿Ves futuro con este hombre? ¿Cuáles son tus principales objetivos en cuanto a tu romance?

First and foremost, you have to give yourself the answers to these questions. You have to be clear about what you want and how much you’re capable of taking.

Once you get to the bottom of your desires, talk to your boyfriend honestly about them. You’re a part of this relationship as well, and, naturally, you want to know where you stand.

Please, don’t be scared to speak your mind. You have to be clear about whether you’re wasting your life with him or if you’re getting closer to something you truly want.

This is especially significant if you’re not a widow or a divorcee and, more importantly, if he has kids and you don’t. Don’t get me wrong: these differences are not signs that you two can’t make it work.

Sin embargo, pueden ser cruciales para su futuro juntos.

You don’t have to tell him about them on the primera cita. Nevertheless, as soon as your romance starts to get a little more serious, it’s time for both of you to put all the cards on the table.

Lo más importante es que los dos estéis de acuerdo.

It doesn’t mean that all of your expectations will be realized when you talk about them – but if you have similar goals and aspirations, you’re good to go.

Considérate afortunado

I won’t lie to you: you’re in a tricky situation. You’ll probably go through some hard times you wouldn’t experience otherwise.

Sin embargo, a pesar de todo ello, lo cierto es que debe considerarse afortunado.

Out of all women in the dating scene (including the ones he met in person or through online dating apps), you’re the first person who managed to break the shield around this man’s heart.

You’re the only one who was strong enough to really get to him and to make him understand that he amor encontrado. La única con la que se abría sin miedo a que le hicieran daño.

You already know that this guy is extremely fragile after everything he’s been through. But not only that: he is also incredibly careful.

He can’t afford another loss. He doesn’t plan to jump from one relationship to another, exposing himself emotionally to every girl who comes along.

En cambio, sólo dará una oportunidad a una mujer en la que sepa que puede confiar.

Pondrá su corazón en manos de una mujer lo suficientemente poderosa como para cargar con él y que tiene lo que hace falta para enfrentarse a sus demonios.

Así que te eligió para el trabajo. Vio tu alma bondadosa y confió en ti lo suficiente como para darte la posibilidad de hacerle daño.

If that doesn’t make you special, I don’t know what does. Please, don’t take this privilege for granted.

Cherish the trust this man gave to you, and don’t waste it!

Véase también: Primera relación tras enviudar: 11 consejos para que funcione

5 Don’ts Of Dating A Widower

Here is a list of things you shouldn’t even think of doing while in a relationship with a widowed man. The things that will only chase him away from you and make you feel miserable.

Don’t compete with his late wife

The number one thing you shouldn’t think of doing, no matter what is to compete with your partner’s late wife. I’ll be honest with you: even if you try, you’ll lose.

This might sound harsh, but it’s only the truth. Why? The answer is pretty simple: because she is not among us anymore.

I’m sure you heard the famous Latin proverb: “De mortuis nil nisi bene; de vivis nil nisi verum.” It means, “Of the dead, (say) nothing but good; of the living (say) nothing but the truth.”

Well, the fact is that your boyfriend’s wife was just human. Even though you should, under no circumstances, think, let alone talk bad about her (after all, you have no right to do so), she had her set of flaws, just like the rest of us.

Sin embargo, créame cuando le digo que he doesn’t remember her imperfecciones.

En el momento en que falleció, tu novio olvidó todo lo que le molestaba de ella, y olvidó cada una de sus pequeñas peculiaridades y las cosas que le volvían loco.

Por increíble que fuera su matrimonio, discutían como cualquier otra pareja. Sin embargo, en el momento en que ella falleció, él olvidó cada una de sus desavenencias.

En cambio, sólo recuerda las cosas buenas. Cuando piensa en ella, piensa en lo hermosa, inteligente y asombrosa que era.

Recuerda cómo le hacía sonreír o cómo le cuidaba. Recuerda las pequeñas cosas: lo feliz que estaba el día de su boda y cómo le preparaba su desayuno favorito.

Y así es como deben ser las cosas. Esta es la mujer junto a la que pasó años y, naturalmente, piensa con cariño en ella.

However, on the other hand, here you are – alive and well. There you are, with all of your imperfections and traits he doesn’t like.

So, if you start comparing yourself with this woman’s ghost, who do you think would win?

Don’t rush things

We’ve already discussed the importance of expressing your expectations timeously and having similar goals. Nevertheless, I didn’t point out how crucial it is for you to be patient with this man.

The worst thing you can do is rush things. I’m not talking about sealing the deal here only – I’m talking about seemingly little things every relationship consists of.

I won’t lie to you: this man will need more time than any other guy to give himself to you completely. Don’t expect him to commit to you overnight.

Most importantly: don’t expect him to let you in all the way just like that. He’s spent a lot of time grieving, and during that time, he’s built thick walls around his heart.

Por lo tanto, le llevará bastante tiempo derribarlos. En lugar de presionarle demasiado, hazlo paso a paso.

Trust me: if this man feels that you’re forcing him into something he is not ready for, he won’t run into your arms. Instead, he’ll get cold feet, and he’ll run away from you.

This is exceptionally important when it comes to his kids if he has any. Just because you think it’s time to meet them and become a part of their life, it doesn’t mean that you’re right.

You are not the one who makes these calls – he is. Maybe he thinks that his children are not prepared to meet his new partner just yet.

Or he isn’t sure about your relationship. After all, he can’t introduce them to every woman who enters his life without being certain that it’s the real deal.

En cualquier caso, dale la oportunidad de decidir por sí mismo, sin que interfieras.

Don’t be too nosy

Remember how I told you to show curiosity when it comes to the topic of his late wife? Well, that doesn’t mean that you should be nosy about her and their marriage.

Aunque hay personas que cura sus almas by talking about their loved ones in heaven, there are also those who don’t enjoy talking about them at all.

Beware that this is an extra tricky situation. You’re this man’s new girlfriend, and he might feel uncomfortable talking to you about his late wife.

Maybe he feels like he’d be betraying her if he shared some information with you, or he just doesn’t find that subject appropriate.

Either way, it’s your job to respect his wishes instead of intruding.

I bet that you want to find out as much as possible about this woman. You’re eager to know who he loved so much and who was such a huge part of his life.

But I’m begging you: do not snoop around. You might not see it as being nosy but trust me – he will.

Don’t put effort into finding more about her behind his back. Don’t ask around about her life, and don’t put the pieces of the puzzle together in your head.

Déjala descansar en paz.

Don’t disregard your feelings

Until now, we’ve mostly been focused on your boyfriend’s feelings. I told you that you should be careful around him, advising you to be patient and understanding.

All of that is great, but it seems that you forget one thing: YOURSELF. You’re an equal partner in this romance – please never forget this.

Así que, por favor, don’t spend all of your time being at his service. Naturally, you want attention, effort, and love as well.

No hay nada de qué avergonzarse. Amas a este hombre, y quieres que él te quiero.

Not to love you as a second-best, but to treat you as his girlfriend. Sometimes, you’ll be tired of this entire situation, and as harsh as this might sound, you won’t care about his late wife.

You respect her, but you just want a “normal” relationship and a chance to enjoy some time with your boyfriend without having to walk on eggshells around him. Well, that is right.

Yes, you signed up for this, but it doesn’t mean that your feelings should be disregarded in the process.

Don’t be intimidated by his late wife

The final ‘don’t’ of dating a widower is feeling threatened by his deceased spouse. I bet you know the feeling: it’s like whatever you do, it will never be enough, and you’ll never be like her.

Well, guess what: you shouldn’t try being her. You’re a woman with your own set of qualities, and you have a place in this man’s life, regardless of his late wife.

The worst thing that can happen is for this entire situation to ruin your self-esteem. This won’t only be catastrophic for your relationship but your entire being and life as well.

Puede que dejes la relación, pero tu confianza central will be permanently ruined. And you don’t need that.

You don’t need to impose some unnecessary inseguridades on yourself just because you’re threatened by some woman’s ghost – as crazy as this might sound.

I’m not saying to think poorly of this woman. I would rather advise you not to think about her at all, but I know that is utterly impossible.

Instead, I’ll just ask you not to idealize her. She wasn’t better than you, and there is no reason for you to think of yourself as not good enough only because she existed.

Créeme: tu hombre lo notará. Él sentirá que tú don’t respect yourself enough, and he’ll start treating you with disrespect.

He’ll see that you don’t love yourself the way you should, and he’ll follow your lead.

If you show him that you don’t deserve much from him, he’ll give you breadcrumbs just because you settle for them – it’s as simple as that.

Believe me when I tell you that you’re worthy. Besides, despite what happened before, this guy is by your side – he chose you, and you chose him. And that’s what matters!

Véase también: 5 señales de que un viudo va en serio con tu relación

4 posibles horrores de salir con un viudo (y cómo solucionarlos)

Como te habrás dado cuenta hasta ahora, estar con un hombre viudo no es todo diversión y juegos.

Instead, you’re likely to run into numerous problems you never experienced in your previous relationships.

There are some most common issues most couples in these kinds of romances tend to face daily. I’m not here only to name them: I’m here to give you a solution to each one of them!

He hasn’t introduced you to his loved ones

Quizá el problema más común que tienen las mujeres cuando salen con un viudo es que su hombre se niega a presentarles a sus seres queridos, especialmente a sus hijos.

Let’s face it – in a regular relationship, this is a huge step ahead.

It is a sign that your relationship is serious and a guarantee that it’s going somewhere. You’re not some nut job who expects her boyfriend to involve her in his life right away.

Sin embargo, después de un tiempo, ves esto como un curso natural de los acontecimientos. Habéis pasado por todas las etapas de las citas, pero parece que él te oculta a todos los que le rodean.

In some cases, that is exactly what he is doing: it’s not just that your widower hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends – they don’t even know that you exist.

You can be full of understanding as much as you want but come on, what woman wouldn’t be offended by this treatment? What woman wouldn’t see it as a bandera roja?

The first thing that goes through your mind is that he isn’t salir contigo en exclusiva. He’s probably seeing someone else besides you, and that’s why he is keeping you a secret.

Or is he ashamed of you? Maybe this man doesn’t see you as a good fit, or he thinks that he can do better, so he doesn’t want the people around him to look down on his choice.

Bueno, esto es lo que te ofrecería como explicación válida de tu problema si se tratara de cualquier otra relación.

Nevertheless, since you’re dating a widower, neither of the provided options are necessarily true.

¿Cómo resolverlo?

¿Recuerdas que te dije que no te precipitaras? ¿Cómo te aconsejé que tuvieras paciencia con este hombre?

Pues bien, ahora es el momento de seguir mi consejo más que nunca.

I’m not here to tell you to barge in on his family gatherings uninvited. I’m not giving you a guide on how to stalk and “accidentally” run into and introduce yourself to sus mejores amigos.

Come on, let’s come back to solid ground. You’re not a stalker, and you shouldn’t appear where you clearly are not wanted.

La conclusión es que el hecho de que tu novio no quiera que formes parte de su vida puede tener varios significados.

It is possible that he just doesn’t feel ready for this huge step. Or you think your relationship is more serious than he does. Maybe he is still testing the waters to see where the flow takes you two.

On the other hand, this isn’t necessarily a sign that he doesn’t love you enough. Tal vez sólo está siendo muy cuidadoso y se siente más cómodo dando pasos de bebé.

¿Cómo puede saber cuál es la verdadera? Bueno, ante todo, si tienes dudas sobre su comportamiento, tienes que hablarlo abiertamente con él.

It’s not enough to throw hints that you would like to meet his loved ones. Disregard your ego and express your wishes.

Tell him that you would like to be more included in his life and that you think it’s time he introduces you to those closest to him.

Tal vez lo haya olvidado por completo y la situación cambie después de vuestra conversación.

If this doesn’t work out, tell him that you suspect that he is hiding you from the rest of the world. Don’t accuse him of doing so (unless you have firm evidence) – just talk to him frankly about the way you feel.

I promise you that he’ll give you a valid explanation.

Animosidad de su entorno

But what happens if the man you love makes you a part of his new life, but that doesn’t go as planned? What when he introduces you to those closest to him, they end up not liking you?

No se preocupe porque se trata de un escenario común en esta situación. Esta animosidad suele venir de sus hijos, independientemente de su edad.

Look, as painful as this is, you need to understand them, especially if we’re talking about little kids.

They see you as a threat, as an evil stepmom trying to replace their mother whose loss they haven’t processed, and as a woman trying to steal their dad’s attention from them.

But it’s not unusual for others in his surroundings to dislike you without ever actually putting any effort into getting to know you.

They might feel like they’re betraying the memory of this man’s late wife if they become friends with you.

Aunque comprendas la situación, hay que resolverla de un modo u otro. Esta es la forma más sana de hacerlo.

¿Cómo resolverlo?

Todos los consejos sobre citas te dirán lo mismo: no te tomes estos ataques como algo personal.

This man’s kids, friends, or even his in-laws don’t hate you because of your traits – they hate the fact that you’re the new woman.

Su animosidad hacia ti no tiene nada que ver con tu sentido del autoestima. It shouldn’t devalue you or ruin your self-esteem.

Secondly, please, let time do its magic. Don’t go around trying to make them get to know you or begging them to love you.

They all just need time to get used to the idea of your presence. After a while, they’ll all realize what an amazing person you are.

Finally, don’t intervene in your man’s relationship with these people and don’t even think of coming between him and his kids.

What matters is that he loves you, and at the end of the day, they have no duty to like you at all – they just have to respect you and the role you have in his life.

Deja que sea él quien resuelva este problema y fija un plazo en el que tenga que empezar a trabajar en ello.

However, if you get the chance to talk to his kids, please make it clear that you don’t have the intention of replacing their mother.

Instead of trying to impose authority or demand respect, offer them your friendship – that will be more than enough.

Ser su psicólogo

A veces, cuando un hombre ve que puede acudir a ti con todos y cada uno de los problemas que le rondan por la cabeza, empieza a aprovecharse de tu buena capacidad de escucha.

He doesn’t do it deliberately – he just sees you as his shoulder to cry on and the only person who will never hang up the phone on him.

Well, in your case, this can become an issue. Before you know it, you’re no longer this man’s girlfriend.

Suddenly, you’ve become his comfort, a friend who helps him heal his wounds and who is only there to give him a hand while grieving.

Por muy bondadosa que seas, y por mucho que quieras que él mejore, este enfoque de vuestra relación arruinará tu salud mental.

It will make you feel miserable and unloved. Besides, this shouldn’t be your primary role in this man’s life.

¿Cómo resolverlo?

I’m trying to tell you that dating a widower isn’t equal to being his psychotherapist. Yes, you should be supportive – nobody can argue against that.

Debes estar a su lado y ayudarle a curarse, pero nunca en detrimento de tus propias emociones y, sobre todo, a costa de tu salud mental.

If this man has a hard time processing his late wife’s death, nobody can judge him for it. But in that case, he is no está preparado para una nueva relación.

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to talk to him about this problem. He may change his attitude once he realizes his mistakes.

Either way, it’s pretty obvious that he still hasn’t processed his loss. Nobody’s asking him to forget that his wife ever existed, but the trouble is that he hasn’t healed.

En ese caso, lo mejor sería pedir consejo a un profesional. Pídele que vaya a terapia.

Si esto es demasiado para ti, romper con él and tell him to try and contact you when he is better. Don’t worry.

This is not a selfish thing to do. You’re just giving him time to recover, so there is no place for feelings of guilt.

If you’re single and still interested in him after he’s healed, you can always rekindle your romance. If not, you two were never almas gemelas.

Even in that case, you’ll forever remain the person who gave him the push he needed towards recovery.

Vosotros dos tenéis expectativas diferentes

Let’s picture a situation: Tu novio viudo ya tiene hijos. Tuvo un matrimonio y, por tanto, ha dejado atrás esa experiencia personal.

So, now, he wants to enjoy his widowhood, as brutal this might sound. His biological clock isn’t ticking, and he doesn’t see himself getting married again anytime soon.

Maybe he doesn’t plan on having any more children. Or he doesn’t want his young kids to have a stepmom and doesn’t want to think about marriage until they’re all grown up.

On the other hand, unlike him, you’re not a young widow or a divorcee.

You can’t wait to have a family. You see yourself as a wife and a mother and don’t plan to waste years with someone who has a completely different life perspective.

¿Cómo resolverlo?

Of course, this is just one possible scenario of every widower and widow dating, and your relationship doesn’t have to go in this direction at all.

But I’m sure that you get my point and understand why you need to come clean about your expectations.

Si este es el caso, puedes encontrar un término medio o separarte. Créeme: seguir en esta relación y esperar que la otra persona cambie de actitud será completamente en vano.

It will lead you both to resentment, and you’ll just waste your precious time.

Abel Keogh

Abel Keogh es un experto en citas para viudas. Habla desde su experiencia personal, en sus libros, Salir con un viudo, vivir con un viudo y casarse con un viudoEn este artículo, da consejos para quienes han sobrevivido a la pérdida de su cónyuge pero quieren volver a salir con alguien.

¿Cuándo es el momento de pasar página? ¿Cómo hacerlo? ¿Es mejor crear un perfil en un sitio web especializado en citas para viudos y viudas jóvenes o salir a conocer gente nueva?

¿Cómo se presenta la nueva pareja a la familia y a los amigos? ¿Cómo preparar a los niños para la llegada de una nueva mujer a sus vidas?

Estas y otras preguntas tienen respuesta en estos libros.

Aunque está dirigido principalmente a los viudos, este libro también puede ayudar a las viudas jóvenes que lloran la pérdida de su difunto marido.

Al fin y al cabo, las mujeres se enfrentan a los mismos problemas tras perder a su cónyuge, como las citas para viudas, el sentimiento de culpa al reconstruir su nueva vida, los problemas al buscar una relación sana y las señales de alarma que hay que evitar en el mundo de las citas.

Véase también: Viuda alfa: 7 señales de que estás saliendo con una y cómo lidiar con ella

En conclusión:

I’ll be honest with you here: dating a widower is not easy. Besides all the issues every romantic relationship brings along, this one offers a range of other possible difficulties.

Convertir este romance en una relación sana requerirá aún más paciencia, tiempo, esfuerzo, devoción y, sobre todo, amor que de costumbre.

People say that only a widowed woman and a widower can make it work. But don’t let this discourage you if you don’t fit the description because I promise you that you too can have a successful relationship.

All you have to do is follow my lead, and everything will be as perfect as possible. The only question is: “Do you think that you and your partner have what it takes to succeed?”