¿Qué debe hacer cuando su hombre estresado se retrae?

Cuando se enfrentan a tiempos difíciles, la mayoría de las veces recurren a cerrarse en banda.

So when your stressed man withdraws with no explanation, don’t take it personally.

If you sense that he needs space (even though you’re in a long-term relationship and you want to talk things through), give it to him.

Here’s the deal with men in stressful situations: Instead of coping, men pull away due to their fight or flight response.

When they’re under a lot of stress, they suppress their emotions, which manifests as them being distant toward their loved ones.

Pero todas las grandes relaciones sufren altibajos, y enfrentarse a situaciones estresantes forma parte del proceso.

Don’t worry if he runs away to his man cave every now and again. It’s his way of dealing.

And as someone who’s had her fair share of aloof and distant men, here’s something to help you handle this challenging period.

Véase también: Una relación disfuncional: Qué es y cómo reconocer las señales

¿Cuáles son las razones más comunes por las que los hombres se alejan?

Sus niveles de estrés son extremadamente elevados

Todos estamos de acuerdo en que el estrés es uno de los factores que más influyen en la forma en que afrontamos las situaciones cotidianas, y el mundo actual está muy revuelto, así que no es de extrañar que un hombre se retraiga.

Have you stopped to think that maybe he’s been going through a lot at work?

¿Hay otros aspectos de su vida que le producen ansiedad o le exigen un gran esfuerzo?

I’m sure that, just like you, he also has a lot on his plate, and sometimes it’s hard for him to process his emotions.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t automatically assume that it’s you and give him space. Right now, that’s probably all he craves.

He’s feeling a little suffocated in your relationship

Cuando dos personas mantienen una relación sana y feliz, sus cuerpos liberan la hormona oxitocina.

En el caso de las mujeres, se sabe que esta hormona disminuye el estrés, pero en los hombres en realidad disminuye su nivel de testosterona, y esto en realidad les induce estrés.

Así que cuando veas a tu hombre retraerse, ¡es su forma de recuperar sus niveles de testosterona!

No matter how happy your love relationship is, he’s going to withdraw until he starts feeling like a man again.

It might seem silly, but it’s how men’s brains operate.

And while there’s not much you can do about it, it’s reassuring to know it’s not (necessarily) you.

He’s emotionally immature

Let’s hope this isn’t the case. Basically, when men are in love, they respond in one of two ways.

O bien son lo suficientemente maduros como para aceptar el amor y dejarse llevar, o bien se retiran.

Así que cuando su hombre estresado se retraiga, sepa que puede que no sea estrés después de todo.

Es muy posible que su inmadurez emocional le impida quererte como te mereces.

Enfrentarse a un amor que lo abarca todo le hace querer retirarse a su cueva de hombre y dar unos pasos atrás.

And unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. He just needs to put on his big boy pants and start acting his age.

He fears that he’s starting to lose his freedom

La libertad es algo que los hombres consideran que no tiene precio.

And I haven’t met a man on this earth who didn’t fear commitment precisely due to the false idea of losing their freedom.

If you merely mention marriage to a man, you’ll see him clam up. It’s like a death certificate.

Gracias a Dios por el pequeño número de tíos que son realmente guays en esto.

But if your man has fallen for you and things are heating up, know that he may be worried about losing any freedom he’s had thus far.

And when a man pulls away, it’s usually just as things are getting serious.

De nuevo, todo depende de él. Su amor por ti debe prevalecer sobre sus miedos inmaduros. Puede que le lleve poco tiempo, así que ten paciencia.

Véase también: Relación Enmeshed: Definición, señales y consejos para superarla

¿Cómo puede USTED ayudar en esta situación?

Don’t interrogate him, let him come to you

There are few things men hate more than the question ”What’s wrong?” If he wanted to tell you what was wrong, he would have.

People can’t be forced into having certain conversations unless they’re ready.

You can’t expect your man to open up when you feel like it. It doesn’t work that way. Sense the vibe of the situation and respect it.

His stress hormones could be going berserk right now and it’s crazy to expect him to open up just like that.

If he’s going through something, you need to let him come to you of his own volition.

Anything other than that will be forced and won’t help matters at all.

You want him to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed, right? Then playing detective won’t help you.

Let him go through his thing, respect his space, and don’t crowd him.

When he’s ready to talk, he’ll give you a hint. But when a stressed man withdraws, the last thing you should do is resort to ‘attack mode’.

Patience is your best friend here. Stress management ain’t easy, so let him take control of his emotions before diving deep into this.

Create a comfort zone where he’ll be likely to respond to your subtle attempts

It’s all about feeling safe and not like you’re being attacked. He needs to know that you’re not interested in starting a fight.

Sólo intentas ayudarle a salir de su agujero.

Take him out to lunch to his favorite restaurant or go for a picnic. Create a comfortable environment where he’ll be more likely to open up.

Here’s how I do it. If I suspect a certain issue, I’ll just downright say ”I have a feeling things aren’t going so well with your new boss” and he’ll take the bait.

He’ll open up because I made it easier on him by openly broaching the subject.

If you have any suspicions as to what has made your stressed man withdraw, don’t be shy to say it.

Combine that with a soothing, relaxing atmosphere, your warm tone, and he’ll immediately feel relieved to tell you all about it.

Just don’t rush it. Observe the signs he’s giving out. If you sense that he’s still hesitant to discuss it, leave it be.

Now he knows that you’re there, and he’ll talk when his stress levels decrease.

Offer him a conversational inroad, and he’ll reveal his inner issues sooner rather than later. It’s all about knowing your audience.

Véase también: Identificar, manejar y sobrevivir a una suegra narcisista

Know that it most probably isn’t you

Lo peor que puedes hacer es suponer que tiene algo que ver contigo y hacer que se sienta aún más incómodo.

Don’t start panicking until you have solid proof that his behavior stems from something you did or said.

If you do, you’re only going to worsen things for him and give him yet another cause for concern.

Tuve una amiga cuyo novio pasó por una fase compleja.

Él se retrajo, dejó de mandarle mensajes como hacía normalmente y se comportó distante. Estaba fuera de sí pensando que era ella.

¿Y sabes lo que hizo? En lugar de mantener una conversación madura, le atacó (verbalmente), le señaló con el dedo y lo convirtió todo en su.

Even though she’s a friend of mine, I was disgusted by her actions. Why?

Porque la gente tiene todo el derecho a pasar por momentos difíciles sin tener que justificar su repentina actitud distante.

No podemos hacer que las personas se sientan aún peor de lo que ya se sienten porque no podemos soportar que actúen de una determinada manera.

And as for my friend’s situation, it turned out her man was dealing with the death of a friend.

Estuvieron muy unidos durante toda la universidad, pero hace poco se pelearon. Y antes de que tuvieran la oportunidad de arreglarlo, él falleció.

Así que no hace falta decir que necesitaba tiempo, espacio y paciencia para lidiar con sus propias emociones antes de estar preparado para hablar de ello.

Gracias a Dios que rompieron porque la forma en que ella le hizo sentir mientras estaba de luto fue simplemente horrible.

Let your man breathe for a second. You cannot imagine what he’s going through, so you should never assume that it’s you.

Hay otras personas en su vida, ya sabes.

Find someone else to confide in until he’s mentally ready again

You have to be mindful of his current emotional state. I’m guessing he’s not in the mood for talking and sharing right now, and that’s okay.

La gente necesita tiempo y debemos respetarlo.

Hable con sus seres queridos de cualquier asunto que le preocupe y deje que ellos ayudarte hasta que tu hombre esté mejor.

Lo último que quieres hacer es poner más carga sobre sus hombros.

Es el momento de recurrir a sus seres más queridos y darle tiempo para que se enfrente a sus dificultades.

Las relaciones son un refugio seguro frente a todo lo que sucede a nuestro alrededor, pero a veces necesitamos leer entre líneas y saber cuándo dar un paso atrás.

Sometimes – it means a literal step back. Give him space, both emotionally and physically, let him know that you’re here for him and go spend time with your friends.

It’ll be a perfect escape for both of you. He’ll have some peace of mind and you’ll be in a well-known, safe environment where you’re free to share your concerns.

Conozca a su pareja lo suficiente como para dejarle estar solo cuando lo necesite, pero sin dejar de apoyarle y estar a su servicio.

Véase también: La regla del no contacto: El poder del silencio tras una ruptura

Don’t share his problems with anyone

Let’s put it this way.

If he’s not willing to share his problems with you, his long-term partner, he most definitely doesn’t want them to be known to anyone else.

You must respect his privacy and not be tempted to tell anyone anything – even your best friend.

His issues shouldn’t become public knowledge, especially since you don’t even know the extent of them.

¿Cómo te sentirías si tu hombre decidiera contarle a sus amigos tus problemas más íntimos?

You’d probably feel exposed, vulnerable, and like your privacy had been breached.

That’s exactly how it would feel for him too. So yeah, it’s understandable that you need someone to talk to about this, but you can’t.

Until your man opens up, tells you what’s on his mind, and gives you permission to speak about it, your lips must remain sealed.

If you keep quiet, he’ll know that his secrets are safe with you (if he didn’t already know it).

He’ll know that he made the right choice when he committed to you.

And in his eyes, you’ll be the best girlfriend ever. It’s important that we’re able to contain ourselves when we feel like we can’t.

If you don’t, it doesn’t really breed confidence and it will be a bad sign for your relationship.

Mantén tus problemas en privado, y tu relación prosperará por ello.

Don’t be foolish and think that this issue can be resolved in the bedroom

It’s really foolish to think that men only want one thing. They are big fans of bedroom romps, sure, but it’s not a cure for his issues.

Don’t use your flirty methods as a means to cheer him up or make him forget about things.

It’s not going to work, because he’s issues are deeper than that.

Por no mencionar que es probable que sus niveles de estrés afecten negativamente a su rendimiento, y ninguno de los dos quiere eso.

And if he thinks that this is your way of being there for him, it’s going to be discouraging.

Necesita que estés ahí emocionalmente, no físicamente. Necesita espacio, comprensión y tiempo para poner en orden su cabeza.

A bedroom romp won’t achieve anything but make him feel less like a man and more likely to be negatively affected by this attempt.

So whatever you do, don’t use your seduction methods as a weapon. You know better than that.

He’s not a 15-year old boy. He’s a grown man, with actual needs that go beyond the physical.

He’ll be back to himself soon enough, and you’ll have your chance to be there in all the ways you want. But for now, respect his needs.

If it’s space and time, so be it.

Let him have it because the sooner he gets his head together, the sooner you’ll have your hunk of a man back in your arms.

If nothing seems to work, it’s time for a more serious approach

This might appear to be a severe issue given the time he needs to get over it…but not necessarily.

You see, when a stressed man withdraws, no matter what the issue is, he’s going to wallow in misery until you deliver a shock to his system.

Algunos tipos no pueden procesar sus emociones para salvar sus vidas.

So if nothing is working, he’s still distant, cold, perhaps even angry, it’s time for a more severe measure.

Obviamente, esto no puede durar eternamente, ya que tú también tienes necesidades.

If he’s not changing his pattern of questionable behavior regardless of your understanding, he needs an ultimatum.

Normalmente, no apruebo ultimátums de ningún tipo, pero cuando la situación lo requiere, hay que hacer lo que hay que hacer.

Face him with it head-on. Tell him that you’ve been patient, understanding, and have given him the space he needed.

And so far, things haven’t changed at all.

Si quiere mantenerte a su lado, tiene que dar una muestra de buena fe y dar un paso adelante.

No puedes ser ignorado constantemente y estar bien con ello.

There comes a time when we need to face our demons whether we like it or not. If we don’t, our loved ones will suffer for it.

So either you work this thing out, or you’re done.

Se acabó el andar de puntillas a su alrededor, caminar sobre cáscaras de huevo y estar en un segundo plano. A veces, este es el enfoque que los hombres necesitan.

Until you put him in this position and open his eyes, he won’t see how damaging his behavior is.

Así que crucemos los dedos para que entre en razón, se dé cuenta de cuánto tiempo ha durado esto y de que las cosas tienen que cambiar.

If he doesn’t, at least you’ll know you did your very best.

No puedes seguir poniéndote en segundo lugar. Hasta que no vea la gravedad de sus actos y haga algo al respecto, tu trabajo aquí ha terminado.

While it’s admirable that you’re so determined to stick by his side through his passive-aggressiveness, it should nunca a toda costa.

Véase también: Reto de 30 días de amor propio: conviértete en la mejor versión de ti mismo