Me da mucho miedo quererte, pero te quiero de todas formas

I’ve run out of reasons to run away from you. I’ve tried so hard to find something, anything that will be a strong enough reason to walk away from you, just so I don’t have to face my fear. But I have nothing.

Me sacudiste hasta la médula, haciendo que todos mis muros se derrumbaran mientras intentaba reconstruirlos, atrapando ladrillos de viejo dolor que tan pacientemente apilé hasta que fueron lo suficientemente gruesos y altos como para protegerme.

Y tú seguías ahí, asegurándote de que estuviera a salvo, asegurándote de mantenerme caliente, ahora que los huracanes de la vida pueden tocarme de nuevo.

Fuiste al mismo tiempo el terremoto que me partió en pedazos y el pegamento que me mantuvo unida.

I’m so scared of falling apart again. But you already know that. You already know that every time I pull away, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I’m afraid of your touch.

I’m not used to being touched gently, touched in a way I can actually feel loved. I’m not used to being held when I’m broken.

I’m not used to feeling loved, but you love me. You are still here, you are holding me. Eres mi mayor miedo y la fuente de mi coraje.

I’m so scared of being herido de nuevo. I’m just afraid that if I get hurt once more, I won’t be able to get back on my feet again. I’m so afraid of being manipulated again, of being intoxicated and twisted.

But I trust you. For crazy reasons I can’t even put in words, I trust you.

Confío en ti cuando dices que nunca me harás daño. Confío en ti cuando dices que siempre estarás aquí.

Pero cuando la noche vuelve arrastrándose hacia mí, mis miedos están aquí de nuevo, gritando y resonando en mi mente. Inmovilizándome en la cama, ahuyentando mi paz y mis sueños.

Pero tú sigues ahí. Abrazándome, besándome hasta que me duermo.

I’m scared of loving again. Of not being loved back. Of being taken for granted. But why do I love you? Why do I trust your words? What’s so special about you that makes my los muros se derrumban?

It’s the feeling of calm I feel when I’m with you. It’s the warmth in my soul I feel when I look into your eyes.

It’s the feeling of my hand in yours. It’s the feeling that I finally belong somewhere, that I belong in your arms. It’s the feeling of your heartbeat when I’m laying on your chest.

It’s the feeling I get when you lean your head on mine, telling me how I’m your ‘little pumpkin’. Telling me how I’m the best thing that has happened to you.

It’s the patience you have for me. It’s the strength you have for my demons. It’s the way you are ready to fight my wars, because they are now yours, too.

Every time I run away, you’re waiting for me. Every time I laugh away your words of love, you make me feel them.

Ya no puedo ver a la mujer que tú ves. That’s the woman that was broken, beaten to death. The woman I locked up behind all those walls that you tumbled down. But you see her. You see her fire, her passion and her beauty.

Y cada día, cada mañana, te aseguras de que yo también la vea. Viste cada defecto mío, pero los besaste igual.

You saw my scars and mended them with your love. You saw my bruises and healed them with your gentle touch. You saw oceans of sadness in my eyes and learned to swim in them, so I’m not alone anymore.

Amarte. Dejarte entrar. Tenerte a mi lado sigue siendo lo que más miedo me da. It still frightens me to death, but I’d rather die in your arms than live without them.

I choose to fight every day, just to see your eyes once more. Just to feel your heartbeat and to hear you one more time calling me ‘Pumpkin’. I’m scared as hell to love you, but I’d rather be afraid with you than brave alone.