There came a point in my life when my ex became old news. The misery he caused my heart eventually faded, but it took years to do so. I can thank the help of boys who posed as men; the 40-somethings that used me for one-night stands, the cashiers who texted me at midnight with a flashing “wyd” message grabbing my attention.
I can thank the full year of therapy which helped me understand that the guilt I had over our relationship ending was eating me up alive more than the trauma of our actual relationship. But what helped me to get over him the most, despite sleepless nights and crimson eyes, was the simple passing of time. I hate to feed you that cliche, that overused but truthful line.
Time is what will heal you: not how many people you date while you’re taping back the valves of your heart. It won’t be falling in love again because when I felt like I was ready to take that chance again, I still felt wary of what love could do to me. It took me a solid year with my now-fiance to learn to trust again.
We argued—not over the big things but rather the small, seemingly insignificant things that you wouldn’t think people would argue you over. What those tiny little fights taught both of us was how much we had been hurt in our previous relationships. Feeling secure, as simple and as natural as that, seemed like a foreign concept to us for a while. We couldn’t trust that if the other person was mad, it didn’t mean that one of us was going to stand up and leave. I look back on those early years and how mangled we both must have been to have never known true security in a relationship before we met and fell in love with each other. It was tragic.
So it took time for us to heal despite being on this new journey together. The heart is a vulnerable part of us and when it gets broken, it doesn’t just feel it—it encompasses every bitter part of that hollowness. It feels every crack, every lie, every misconception, every dirty deed and every moment when that trust, that love, was mislead.
Getting over that is not an overnight situation. But you will get over it.
You need to put the time in to be sad. It’s necessary. You need to have countless nights where you cry yourself to sleep. You need to make foolish decisions.
You need to find out the hard way that the love you fought so hard for was not the one for you. You need to find out he’s dating someone new and you need to go through all the pain that comes with that. You need to face the guilt, the hunger for someone new and you need to chase that new found sadness until you’re tired of it defining you.
Heartbreak always heals.
Believe me, it will not happen when you want it to. The happiness will begin, not when you want it to, but when you’re ready to enjoy it. Real love is out there and I assure you that it’s worth waiting for. You’ll get through this difficult time and you’ll wake up one morning, with your cup of coffee growing cold and the love of your life in the bedroom down the hall.
It’s at that moment you’ll feel happy that you endured the misery of what that old love, that old heartbreak once caused you. Because in that moment, nothing will else matter: not your past, and not even your present, but your future.