Perhaps you’ve been in a relationship for a long time or with someone new and when it comes to initiating sex, you find it difficult to devise a proper way of doing it.

You don’t want to be too pushy, passive or confusing so that your partner doesn’t get the wrong idea of your intentions.

You also don’t want to just say: “Let’s do it!” because it’s totally unproductive and it will create a counter effect.

The best way to initiate sex with your partner is to do it with sensuality and in a creative manner which is sometimes hard, but when you get the hang of it, I assure you that it will become your second nature.

If you’re a woman, don’t be overwhelmed when it comes to letting your partner know that you would like to have some action.

Don’t let the thinking that men are supposed to be the ones initiating it prevent you from doing the same because that is what society imposes on you all this time. It is not true.

Initiating sex is something you shouldn’t be ashamed of because it is totally normal and desirable by both sexes. It also gives you the opportunity to take control over your sexuality and embrace it.

It empowers you to take things into your hands, and from time to time, be the one who is in charge which is (if you ask any man out there) sexy as hell.

How to initiate sex with your partner

couple kissing in bed

There are many ways of initiating sex (as you will see below) but before we dive into it, you need to remember that whatever option you chose, you need to stay relaxed.

Many people become frustrated over this because they process in their head every possible scenario before even trying.

It is especially hard to think positively if your partner seems a little bit upset, and you would like to cheer them up by spicing things up in bedroom or some new pose that you’ve come up by reading Kama Sutra.

Don’t let the environment and other details discourage you from making the first move when it comes to sex.

If you stay relaxed and choose the right approach in accordance with their mood, the chances are that everything will go the way you desired (or it will even exceed your expectations), and you will see that things are not as complicated as you might have thought.

13 ways to initiate sex with your partner and spice things up in your bedroom

Be direct

happy couple lying in bed

The easiest way and sometimes the most effective one is to be direct. No beating around the bush, no unnecessary introductions.

Just ask your partner whether he or she is in the mood for some action.

Some people simply love it because it is bold and direct, and it will save you both nerves and time (and God knows one can never have enough time).

But, I would not suggest using this method if your partner is not quite in the mood for anything.

If they feel down or are worried about something, asking them if they want to jump into bed with you would be totally unsuitable.

Instead, it is always better to start with some light massage and slowly get to the point (if you know what I mean).

Talk dirty

woman whispering on man's ear

Dirty talk is underrated most of the times, but it shouldn’t be so. It is a playful and sexy way of telling your partner that you would like to have some fun with them.

Especially if you’re at a party or among a crowd, talking dirty is a nice way of letting your partner know what they should expect when you come home.

It will build great sexual tension, and they will surely know that you’re in the mood for something spicy. Just slowly whisper into their ear and let your imagination do the rest.

Be sure that they will instantly get chills and become horny, waiting for the time to leave the premises.

Compliment them

cute couple holding hands on the couch

Another great way to initiate sex with your partner is to compliment them. Try saying how sexy they are or that you like their new haircut or something else.

Compliments are a great way to increase your partner’s mood and prepare them for action because they work as confidence boosters.

And when your partner is feeling good, your half of your job is done. But, don’t bombard them with too many compliments because it will create a counter effect.

It needs to sound natural and like you really mean it.

Prove to them that they are the most handsome man or the most beautiful woman in the world. This will bring your closer, and it will be a great transition to getting intimate.

Turn routine activities into fun (especially if you don’t have time)

couple eating spaghetti together

Your daily chores and other tasks shouldn’t prevent you from initiating sex with your partner.

You can take this to your advantage and use it to initiate sex with your partner when they least expect it. It is a nice way of breaking a routine and trying something new as well.

So, when you’re in the kitchen together or doing laundry, try subtly touching your partner and letting them know that you would like to have sexy time with them.

You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment because every moment is the perfect moment if you know how to approach it sensually and with care.

Use code words

couple in love cuddling on the couch

Sometimes initiating sex seems quite impossible due to the circumstances preventing you from doing so.

For example, you might be in the same room with your children when you start thinking of initiating sex with your partner.

So, the easiest way to do it without them knowing it is to use code words.

How do you do it? You simply devise some sentences that you would normally use within a conversation, and you say this whenever you feel like it.

You can ask your partner something, and they can reply positively or negatively in accordance with their mood about having sex with you. It’s easy and fun at the same time.

Send flirty texts

young woman texting

You can try sending some flirty texts to your partner where you will tell them how much you miss them, and you would want them to be there next to you.

Use the power of your imagination and the power of today’s technology to your advantage (especially if your partner is currently not around the house or wherever you are).

But, even if they are in the same room with you or in the kitchen, you can still send them flirty texts which will be hot and humorous at the same time.

And when you feel like you can’t endure it anymore, just jump onto each other and do everything that you’ve been texting about all this time.

Devise a mating call

beautiful woman talking on the phone

Here’s an interesting one. The concept is simple. Devise a mating call that when one partner imitates it (a certain animal), the other follows them with their own response that implies yes or no.

For example, monkeys have a specific mating call. You can implement this sound. It’s funny, amazing, and it gets the job done.

It’s also much simpler, and more entertaining, to make this sound than just say: Let’s do it! But don’t get me wrong.

If the situation is just right, there’s no need to act like a monkey or certain animal because it will be just waste of time and totally unnecessary.

Take action

sexy couple kissing in the kitchen

If you’re feeling bold, forget about the verbal approach. Instead, take action by taking your partner by hand and going to the bedroom or somewhere else where you would like to have sex with them.

Especially if you’re a woman, your man will be amazed by your dominant side and the decision to take things in your hands and do what makes you happy.

Also, you can surprise your partner by walking in your panties around the house or simply undressing yourself when they least expect it.

This kind of unexpected surprise will definitely be a great initiation for further action. It is simple, effective, and you don’t have to say a word.

Have morning sex

passionate couple kissing in the bed

Morning sex is in most cases overrated because couples don’t feel that comfortable about engaging into steamy activities when they’ve just woken up and didn’t shower, brushed their teeth or similar.

But, you should definitely initiate sex in the mornings because at that time, the sex drive hormone (testosterone) is at its highest.

A simple touch and kiss will do the job. You don’t have to try hard by going out of your way to initiate something.

Everything will go with the flow, and the only thing you need to worry about is to enjoy the moment.

So, next time you wake up next to your partner, do not be appalled by the idea of having sex with them just because you didn’t manage to finish your bathroom rituals.

Recall your past steamy actions

passionate couple kissing with man in the bed

If you’ve had some steamy activities before that are worth remembering (and I’m sure you have), try reminding your partner of them.

Simply start talking about whether they remember the day when you’ve got home from your job, started cooking and end up making out, and the rest is history.

Recalling your past steamy actions will create a bond between the two of you, and your brain will instantly link it with pleasure.

And you will be thirsty for more. Your body will also get ready to engage in more pleasure, so that you can recall it again after a few months when you’re about to initiate sex with your partner.

Pick a date and time

young woman holding a calendar

If you’re pretty busy during the week, bring out an old-fashioned calendar, circle a date and write down the time of your encounter.

This might sound disturbing because it ain’t spontaneous and it feels like a chore, but this anticipation is what makes you bubble down there, between your legs.

Just simply talk to your partner about a date and time, and I’m sure you’ll come to a mutual agreement.

Although least exciting, this method also has its pros. For example, when you’re being casual all the time, sometimes you don’t have sex that often because one of the two of you is not in the mood.

But, when you have circled a date and time, you will try for sure, and if it is not going, who gives a damn.

That way you’ll have sex more often than if you were too casual about it.

See also: How To Have Sex More Often

Surprise your partner with role playing

woman playing sex role for her boyfriend

This is one of my personal favorites. It’s interesting, entertaining and to the point. When you feel like initiating sex with your partner, try surprising them with some role playing.

Change your voice, start talking about something totally unrelated to what you were talking about just a few minutes ago, and go step by step, introducing them to your game.

You can also surprise them by putting a blindfold on their face while approaching them from the back. I’m sure their heart rate will immediately increase, and the fun will be inevitable.

Be creative and think of a role play that is not that hard or too simple. Something that both of you will enjoy.

Sex toys

woman holding handcuffs

I don’t mean instantly using your sex toy in front of them because it would be a little bit word (but if it’s something that you’re comfortable with, then why not).

Show your new sex toy to your partner by playfully explaining to them what you have just bought. You can also make them guess what it is.

If it is handcuffs, you can simply put it on their hands in a playful manner and I’m sure they will instantly start to follow your lead and cooperate.

Whatever it is, just pick the right time and set the environment where they will feel comfy and inspired to test it with you.

Just choose the approach that you’re most comfortable with and if all else fails, then try to talk to your partner and explain them that something’s not right. But, don’t accuse them.

If you’re the only one initiating sex all the time tell them that you would like them to do the same.

After all, it takes two to tango. If your partner is not willing to cooperate even though you’ve tried everything, the problem could be in them and not you.

Think of everything carefully and the most important, enjoy every moment of it.

How To Initiate Sex With Your Partner