7 passi per liberarsi da una relazione controllante

Per quanto crediamo che là fuori ci sia il vero amore, la persona speciale che ci farà sentire straordinari e benedetti, sappiamo anche che ci sono persone tossiche who damage us in more ways than we’re capable of imagining.

One type of those people are the control freaks, whose manipulation is so well-disguised that we’re not aware of it until it’s too late. But once we’re aware of the situation we’re in, it’s up to us to decide how to deal with it.

So, we gathered some steps that you should be prepared for if you’re stuck in a controlling relationship and thinking about leaving it.

1. Admit that you’re in a controlling relationship

This one may seem unnecessary, but most of us are not ready to admit that we’re in a controlling relationship. Even when we have all the signs pointing at it, we still hope that there could be some love left there, that it’s not all manipulation.

We still hope that we can work this through. If you’re considering leaving such a relationship, you have to assure yourself of a clean cut. In order to have one, you must to admit to yourself that you’re in a controlling relationship and it’s none of your fault.

2. Elencate tutti i motivi per cui dovreste andarvene

Lasciare i manipolatori è sempre difficile e spaventoso, perché hanno un modo di farci credere che non saremo nulla senza di loro. La prossima cosa da fare è trovare i motivi per lasciarli.

Pensate a tutte le cose che vi piaceva fare prima di conoscere il vostro partner di controllo. Pensate di rifarlo, di essere di nuovo quella persona.

Think about all the people you lost because of this relationship. About spending time with your friends, about chatting with random men, feeling free and spontaneous. And if that’s not enough, think about not living in fear anymore.

Pensate a non sentirvi più in ansia per loro. Invece di preoccuparvi della sua reazione, potrete finalmente godervi la vostra vita al massimo.

3. Raccogliere il sostegno

You will need support because no matter how well-prepared you are, no matter how determined you are about leaving him, he’s still a manipulator.

He will still try to convince you into staying and that’s exactly the reason why you need to find support—whether it’s support you will give to yourself or support from friends and family.

The moment you confront him, you need to have them in your mind, their kind and encouraging words. You need to know that you’re being loved and wanted, even if he tells you otherwise.

4. Aspettarsi l'inaspettato

No matter what kind of confrontation we’re planning on, we always make sure that we are well-prepared. For this one, you’ll have to be prepared even more.

Assicuratevi che non abbia nulla su di voi. Se minaccia di tagliarvi le finanze, preparatevi ad avere qualcosa da parte. Se minaccia di sbattervi fuori di casa, abbiate qualcuno a cui rivolgervi.

If he tries to manipulate you in any way into staying, stay firm and know your worth. Know why you’re doing this—chose yourself for once.

5. Seguire il percorso

Cut him out off your life. If he tries to reach out for you, block him. If he starts following you around, avoid him. Go to the police if necessary. If he tries to get back into your life, convincing you that he has changed, don’t do it.

Nessuno può cambiare da un giorno all'altro e non importa quello che dice, I manipolatori rimarranno manipolatori. Nessun amore, nessuna donna può cambiarlo.

Understand that ending a relationship isn’t just a one-time event, it’s a process. You will need time to heal, to erase him from your heart and mind.

You will need time to move on and that’s more than okay. Just remember that you always have the support of your friends and family, and you have support from thousands of women who survived the same thing.

6. Praticare la cura di sé

Don’t let him get the best of you. Take your time to heal because you may be damaged even more than you can see at the moment. Make small steps every day. Make sure you have your breakfast.

Fate una passeggiata ogni giorno o forse vi controllate solo con un bicchiere di vino invece che con l'intera bottiglia. Ognuno di noi ha esigenze e metodi di guarigione diversi, quindi prendetevi il vostro tempo e prendetevi cura di voi stessi.

There’s a long road ahead of you, but you got this.

7. Comprendere che i sentimenti possono essere contrastanti

You can still love him, even if he broke you. You can still miss him, even if he put you through hell. You can still want him back, even though you’re the one that left.

We don’t have power over our emotions, but we have power over our actions. It’s hard to forget someone you thought will be the One. It’s hard letting go of something you put so much of yourself into.

It’s hard giving up on one person you believed will never give up on you. Feeling broken, insecure and scared is completely normal, especially after what you’ve been through. Embrace your emotions and don’t let your fears hold you back.