Identificare e comprendere una persona che evita l'amore
Do we all behave the same when we’re in a relationship? Do all people love the same way?
We don’t. We all have diverso stili di attacco e alcuni di noi hanno un stile di attaccamento evitante.
A amore evitante isn’t a person who tends to stay away from commitment or who avoids getting into a serious relationship with someone because they enjoy being single. No.
Alcune persone utilizzano evitare l'amore come loro protezione. Queste persone hanno paura dell'amore, di essere ferite da qualcuno che amano.
Le persone con un evitante disturbo di personalità sono spesso fraintesi. La maggior parte delle persone pensa che un evitante persona non è in grado di amare qualcuno, ma purtroppo questa è un'idea sbagliata comune.
That’s why we need to first talk about understanding evitanti dell'amore and see why it’s so important.
Capire un evitante d'amore
It’s not impossible for an persona evitante di innamorarsi. Hanno solo scelto di EVITARE di innamorarsi. con qualcuno e anche quando succede, cercano di convincersi del contrario e di dimenticare i loro sentimenti.
It’s not because they want to enjoy their single life for some more time or because they like to be alone; it’s only because they don’t want to get hurt. They are afraid of getting their heart broken by someone they love.
Questo probabilmente perché hanno avuto esperienze negative in passato che hanno lasciato in loro la paura di aprire il cuore a qualcuno che un giorno potrebbe ferirli.
Evitante attaccamento teoria descrive partner evitanti come persone che tengono alla propria indipendenza.
Li descrive anche come persone che non si sentono a proprio agio con l'avere un relazione intima a causa di alcuni traumi emotivi del passato.
La maggior parte delle persone paragonerebbe un persona evitante con un narcisista ma c'è una linea sottile tra queste due cose.
Un narcisista pensa solo a se stesso, a soddisfare i propri bisogni e le proprie esigenze. benessere è l'unica cosa che conta.
Un partner evitante si preoccupa profondamente per i loro amata anche se può non sembrare, perché evitano di intimità emotiva a tutti i costi.
Narcisisti sono a proprio agio nell'avere un relazione intima, a differenza di persone evitanti. Evitanti hanno paura di inghiottimento e impedisce loro di entrare in contatto con il proprio partner su un livello più profondo.
Evitante persone attirare persone con un stile di attaccamento ansioso a causa della loro dipendenza dall'amore. They totally lose themselves when they’re in the relationship and evitanti sanno come approfittarne.
Affrontare un stile di attaccamento ansioso è difficile e le persone con questo stile insicuro creano codipendenza con il proprio partner perché non hanno fiducia in se stessi.
They’ll become dependent on their partner and they’ll do whatever it takes to keep their relationship.
Quali sono le cause dello stile di attaccamento evitante?
Paura di intimità emotiva è il la paura più grande di tutti evitanti; that’s why they are unable to maintain a relazione romantica.
This isn’t something you’re born with. People create different kinds of stili di attacco basandosi su alcune cose ed esperienze della propria vita.
In effetti, sono molte le ragioni che spingono le persone a diventare evitanti dell'amore ed eccone alcuni.
1. Esperienze d'infanzia
Kids learn most things from their parents. If you weren’t able to see some confini sani in your parents’ relationship, you’ll think that’s what a healthy relationship should look like.
Unfortunately, one day you’ll learn the hard way that you were wrong. It’ll only lead you to disappointment and you’ll be afraid of starting a new relationship in the future.
If you had to listen to your parents fight every day, you’ll decide that it’s best to avoid love because it makes people angry or sad.
Your parents’ relationship affects your life greatly and it can be the main cause of problemi di impegno in seguito.
If it was unhealthy and had only a negative effect on your childhood, you’ll think that it’s better for you not to get emotionally attached to anyone than to suffer your whole life and be stuck in an unhappy marriage.
2. Traumi emotivi del passato
Se in passato siete stati feriti dal vostro amata, it’s normal that you’ll be afraid of being hurt again.
Può anche farvi evitare di avere qualsiasi tipo di connessione emotiva with someone else. You still haven’t solved some of your issues from the past and it’s perfectly normal that it affects your love life.
Tuttavia, fortunatamente, questo problema può essere risolto. Avete solo bisogno di un po' di tempo in più per chiarire tutto nella vostra testa.
Once you realize that you should leave the past and that you shouldn’t punish your new partner for your ex’s mistakes, it’ll all change and you’ll be able to have a relazione stretta con qualcuno.
3. Problemi di autostima
Se avete basso autostima, that means you don’t think you’re good enough. Maybe you think that you aren’t beautiful enough or handsome enough.
Maybe you think that you aren’t smart enough. Maybe you think that no one will ever love you because you don’t deserve it.
The thing is that you believe that you aren’t good enough for your amata e vi fa temere di entrare in sintonia con il vostro partner su una livello più profondo.
4. Dare priorità alle cose sbagliate nella vita
There are a lot of people who prioritize work and their career over everything in life. If you’re a stacanovista, potrebbe essere una delle cause del vostro stile di attaccamento evitante.
Vi siete impegnati a fondo per avere successo in quello che fate e you’re afraid that a relazione romantica può essere solo una distrazione per i vostri obiettivi.
That’s why you start evitare le relazioni ad ogni costo. Your job is the most important thing to you and you don’t let anything interfere with that.
5. Problemi di abbandono
If you have any kind of abandonment issues, you’ll be more likely to suffer from an evitante disturbo di personalità.
You won’t be able to overcome your fear of abandonment by yourself and you’ll come to the conclusion that it’s better to stay away from relationships than to fear all the time whether someone will hurt you and leave you.
6. Problemi di fiducia
Se avete alcuni problemi di fiducia, you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship with someone. Your doubts will destroy your relationships.
After some time, you’ll start thinking that it’s better to avoid getting into a relationship because it’s impossible for you to find someone who’ll prove to you that they’re trustworthy.
Vedi anche: Stile di attaccamento disorganizzato timoroso evitante
Tratti evitanti dell'amore
Se pensate che il vostro partner potrebbe avere un stile di attaccamento evitanteEcco alcune caratteristiche di un persona evitante che vi renderà le cose più chiare.
1. Paura di qualsiasi tipo di intimità
If your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with you, it doesn’t have to mean that they don’t love you; it means that they’re afraid it’ll change your relationship.
Un partner evitante ha paura di questo intimità emotiva because they think it’ll make them vulnerable and that you could use it to hurt them.
It’s normal that in some part of your relationship you’ll have to share your personal feelings and get intimate with your partner, especially if you’re in a relazione a lungo termine.
Tuttavia, non importa quanto un persona evitante ama il proprio partner, cerca di sabotare la relazione o di scappare ogni volta che le cose si scaldano e questo rende impossibile mantenere la relazione.
2. Utilizzare molte tecniche di distanziamento
They’ll do whatever it takes to avoid physical closeness. Even when they truly love their partner, they will never say it to them directly.
Cercheranno di rimandare la conversazione su un nuovo passo nella relazione (renderla ufficiale). In questo modo feriscono il loro amata senza nemmeno rendersene conto.
They never want to discuss the problems they have in the relationship because they’re afraid it’ll result in conflict or a fight.
They refuse to enter into a conflict with their partner because they’re worried they could reveal some of their feelings and thoughts that way.
3. Mostrare tratti narcisistici
Per questo motivo vengono paragonati a narcisisti so often. Yes, they’re self-centered and they like their independence but they also care for others.
They seem cold when you first meet them and that’s why some people think that they’re arrogant but that doesn’t have to be true. They seem that way only because they want to keep others away from them.
They don’t like to question their partner because they know they’ll ask them the same questions and they don’t like to talk about themselves, especially about their feelings.
They don’t need constant praise from their partner and they don’t want to be admired. On the contrary, it only makes them feel anxious and shy because they aren’t good at taking compliments.
4. Invio di segnali contrastanti
They can love someone but it’ll be hard to admit that to themselves and that’s why they can send mixed signals to their partner.
They won’t do it on purpose. They’re also confused and they have mixed feelings. They don’t want to allow their partner to get too close to them but at the same time, they fell in love with them.
Questo è il motivo per cui uscire con un persona evitante might seem like you’re dating two different people at the same time.
In one moment, they’ll be showing you how much you mean to them but in the next, they’ll try to run away and show you that they don’t care for you at all.
5. Non essere in grado di parlare apertamente di ciò che si prova
They’re afraid to show their vulnerable side and open up to their partner about how they feel.
Hanno difficoltà a esprimere i loro sentimenti perché pensano che se ti dicessero cosa provano esattamente per te potrebbero darti un certo potere su di loro.
They don’t want to talk about their emotions or things that bother them because they’re afraid of your reaction. They’re also afraid that once you know how they feel about you, you’ll be bored with them and leave them.
6. Ansia
Questo stile di attacco influisce sul loro salute mentale. They don’t know how to behave around their partner anymore and it makes them anxious.
Provano forti sentimenti per l'altro, ma allo stesso tempo vogliono scappare prima che le cose diventino serie.
It’ll seem like they can’t make up their mind. They can’t run away but their stile di attacco doesn’t allow them to stay either.
Come affrontare una persona che evita l'amore
You’ve already heard the good news, that with a little effort, it’s possible to maintain a relationship with an partner evitante.
Now it’s up to you. Decide whether you truly care for them that much to fight for your relationship. If you do, this is how you can save your relationship.
1. Comunicare di più
Healthy communication is the only way you can get to them. They aren’t able to open up emotionally to you but you should open up to them about the things in their behavior that bother you.
You have to earn their trust first so they’ll be able to open up to you. After some time, they’ll follow your example and talk to you about their emotions.
You have to be patient and wait until they realize that you are trustworthy. And when they do open up to you, don’t tell them that you aren’t okay with some of their habits and how they should change.
You should only listen to them. By that time, they’ll have realized themselves that they need to change their behavior in order to save the relationship.
2. Don’t be too persistent
Don’t chase them. Don’t try to make them do anything because they don’t like to be told what to do. They cherish their independence more than anything, remember?
Give them time. They’ll see how much you’re trying to make your relationship work and that your feelings are sincere. This is the only thing that can make them change.
3. Dare loro spazio e tempo
I’m sure they will request more space and time because they are afraid of anyone getting too close to them so respect this. Nel frattempo, you can hang out with your family and friends. Don’t think about that too much.
They’re not requesting time and space because they need it to think about the future of your relationship. In other words, they won’t break up with you, you don’t have to worry about that.
The whole dating thing is probably new to them and it’s normal that they need more time to process their feelings.
4. Rispettare le loro differenze
We all have our differences and that’s what makes every relationship fun. You don’t have to try to change those things. You have to embrace those differences. It’ll make you both work harder for your relationship.
It’ll strengthen your bond. You only have to learn to deal with those differences in a healthy way. Entrambi dovete essere pronti a scendere a compromessi.
5. Ridurre le aspettative
If you know that you’re dating an evitante, you shouldn’t have big expectations, at least not at the beginning of your relationship.
You’ll be disappointed because partner evitanti hanno bisogno di più tempo di altri per approfondire connessioni emotive con il proprio partner.
They will never show you that they have feelings for you unless you’ve convinced them that you deserve it. You have to show with your actions that you’re deserving of their love and affection.
6. Don’t give them ultimatums
Ultimatums like, “If you don’t change, I’ll leave you,” don’t work with them. Forget about them as you will achieve nothing with them.
It’ll only make things worse because they’re stubborn. It would only make them want to end things with you then.
7. Stabilire dei limiti sani
You have to also care about yourself and your needs. If you don’t like something, you have to talk to your partner and set some boundaries about those things that bother you.
They might not like it but that’s not your problem. Setting some limits and boundaries is how you’ll protect yourself from getting hurt.
8. Cercare un aiuto professionale, se necessario
L'evitamento della vicinanza emotiva con un'altra persona è una disturbo di personalità and that’s a fact. Sometimes, no matter how much both you and your partner try, you can’t deal with it alone.
Si può sempre chiedere aiuto da un professionista della salute mentale. They’ll give you advice on what you should do next and how you can learn to live with che stile di attacco.
Un evitante d'amore può cambiare?
Certo che possono. We all can change some things for the person we truly love. However, that doesn’t mean that we should change ourselves completely for our amata.
Non dovreste mai rinunciare a ciò che siete completamente per qualcun altro. La vostra identità è ciò che siete e che vi rende diversi da tutti gli altri.
Non dovreste mai cambiarlo, per quanto forti siano i vostri sentimenti per la persona che vuole che cambiate.
Si può davvero avere una relazione straordinaria con un amore evitante ma bisogna essere pronti a impegnarsi in questa relazione.
Bisogna dare loro un po' di spazio e armarsi di pazienza.. It’ll all pay off one day and you’ll be glad that you fought to keep your partner evitante nella vostra vita.
