Cómo identificar y comprender a una persona que evita el amor
Do we all behave the same when we’re in a relationship? Do all people love the same way?
We don’t. We all have diferente estilos de fijación y algunos de nosotros tenemos un estilo de apego evitativo.
A evita el amor isn’t a person who tends to stay away from commitment or who avoids getting into a serious relationship with someone because they enjoy being single. No.
Algunas personas utilizan evitar el amor como su protección. Esas personas tienen miedo al amor, a que alguien a quien aman les haga daño.
Las personas con un evasivo trastorno de la personalidad a menudo se malinterpretan. La mayoría de la gente piensa que un evitador persona es incapaz de amar a alguien pero, por desgracia, se trata de un error muy común.
That’s why we need to first talk about understanding evasores del amor and see why it’s so important.
Comprender a una persona que evita el amor
It’s not impossible for an persona evasiva enamorarse. Simplemente eligen EVITAR enamorarse con alguien e incluso cuando ocurre, intentan convencerse de lo contrario y olvidan sus sentimientos.
It’s not because they want to enjoy their single life for some more time or because they like to be alone; it’s only because they don’t want to get hurt. They are afraid of getting their heart broken by someone they love.
Esto se debe probablemente a que tuvieron algunas experiencias negativas en el pasado y eso les dejó con miedo a abrir su corazón a alguien que podría herirles algún día.
Evasivo archivo adjunto teoría describe parejas evasivas como personas que aprecian su independencia.
También los describe como personas a las que les incomoda tener un relación íntima debido a algunos traumas emocionales del pasado.
La mayoría de la gente compararía un persona evasiva con un narcisista pero hay una delgada línea entre ambos.
Un narcisista sólo piensa en sí mismo; en satisfacer sus propias necesidades y sus propias bienestar es lo único que importa.
En pareja evasiva se preocupa profundamente por sus amado aunque no lo parezca porque evitan intimidad emocional a toda costa.
Narcisistas se sienten cómodos teniendo un relación íntimaa diferencia de personas evasivas. Evasores tener miedo de engullimiento y les impide conectar con su pareja en un nivel más profundo.
Evasivo gente atraer a personas con un estilo de apego ansioso debido a su adicción al amor. They totally lose themselves when they’re in the relationship and evasores saben cómo aprovecharlo.
Tratar con un estilo de apego ansioso es difícil y las personas con este estilo inseguro crean codependencia con su pareja porque no tienen confianza en sí mismos.
They’ll become dependent on their partner and they’ll do whatever it takes to keep their relationship.
¿Qué causa un estilo de apego evitativo?
Miedo a intimidad emocional es el mayor temor de todos evasores; that’s why they are unable to maintain a relación romántica.
This isn’t something you’re born with. People create different kinds of estilos de fijación basándose en algunas cosas y experiencias de su propia vida.
De hecho, hay muchas razones que hacen que la gente se evasores del amor y aquí están algunas de ellas.
1. Experiencias de la infancia
Kids learn most things from their parents. If you weren’t able to see some límites saludables in your parents’ relationship, you’ll think that’s what a healthy relationship should look like.
Unfortunately, one day you’ll learn the hard way that you were wrong. It’ll only lead you to disappointment and you’ll be afraid of starting a new relationship in the future.
If you had to listen to your parents fight every day, you’ll decide that it’s best to avoid love because it makes people angry or sad.
Your parents’ relationship affects your life greatly and it can be the main cause of cuestiones de compromiso más adelante.
If it was unhealthy and had only a negative effect on your childhood, you’ll think that it’s better for you not to get emotionally attached to anyone than to suffer your whole life and be stuck in an unhappy marriage.
2. Trauma emocional del pasado
Si en el pasado se sintió herido por su amado, it’s normal that you’ll be afraid of being hurt again.
También puede hacer que evites tener cualquier tipo de conexión emocional with someone else. You still haven’t solved some of your issues from the past and it’s perfectly normal that it affects your love life.
Sin embargo, afortunadamente, eso tiene solución. Solo necesitas algo más de tiempo para aclararlo todo en tu cabeza.
Once you realize that you should leave the past and that you shouldn’t punish your new partner for your ex’s mistakes, it’ll all change and you’ll be able to have a estrecha relación con alguien.
3. Problemas de autoestima
Si tiene bajo autoestima, that means you don’t think you’re good enough. Maybe you think that you aren’t beautiful enough or handsome enough.
Maybe you think that you aren’t smart enough. Maybe you think that no one will ever love you because you don’t deserve it.
The thing is that you believe that you aren’t good enough for your amado y te hace tener miedo de conectar con tu pareja en un nivel más profundo.
4. Priorizar las cosas equivocadas en la vida
There are a lot of people who prioritize work and their career over everything in life. If you’re a adicto al trabajo, puede ser una de las causas de su estilo de apego evitativo.
Te esfuerzas mucho por tener éxito en lo que haces y you’re afraid that a relación romántica sólo puede ser una distracción para tus objetivos.
That’s why you start evitar las relaciones a toda costa. Your job is the most important thing to you and you don’t let anything interfere with that.
5. Cuestiones de abandono
If you have any kind of abandonment issues, you’ll be more likely to suffer from an evasivo trastorno de la personalidad.
You won’t be able to overcome your fear of abandonment by yourself and you’ll come to the conclusion that it’s better to stay away from relationships than to fear all the time whether someone will hurt you and leave you.
6. Cuestiones de confianza
Si tiene algunos problemas de confianza, you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship with someone. Your doubts will destroy your relationships.
After some time, you’ll start thinking that it’s better to avoid getting into a relationship because it’s impossible for you to find someone who’ll prove to you that they’re trustworthy.
Véase también: Desorganizado Temeroso Evitativo Estilo de apego
Rasgos de evitación del amor
Si cree que su socio podría tener un estilo de apego evitativoEstas son algunas de las características de un persona evasiva que te aclarará las cosas.
1. Miedo a cualquier tipo de intimidad
If your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with you, it doesn’t have to mean that they don’t love you; it means that they’re afraid it’ll change your relationship.
En pareja evasiva tiene miedo de que intimidad emocional because they think it’ll make them vulnerable and that you could use it to hurt them.
It’s normal that in some part of your relationship you’ll have to share your personal feelings and get intimate with your partner, especially if you’re in a relación duradera.
Sin embargo, por mucho que un persona evasiva ama a su pareja, intentan sabotear la relación o huir cada vez que las cosas se calientan y eso les imposibilita mantener la relación.
2. Utilizar muchas técnicas de distanciamiento
They’ll do whatever it takes to avoid physical closeness. Even when they truly love their partner, they will never say it to them directly.
Intentarán posponer la conversación sobre dar un nuevo paso en la relación (hacerla oficial). De ese modo perjudican a su amado sin ni siquiera darse cuenta.
They never want to discuss the problems they have in the relationship because they’re afraid it’ll result in conflict or a fight.
They refuse to enter into a conflict with their partner because they’re worried they could reveal some of their feelings and thoughts that way.
3. Mostrar rasgos narcisistas
Por eso se les compara con narcisistas so often. Yes, they’re self-centered and they like their independence but they also care for others.
They seem cold when you first meet them and that’s why some people think that they’re arrogant but that doesn’t have to be true. They seem that way only because they want to keep others away from them.
They don’t like to question their partner because they know they’ll ask them the same questions and they don’t like to talk about themselves, especially about their feelings.
They don’t need constant praise from their partner and they don’t want to be admired. On the contrary, it only makes them feel anxious and shy because they aren’t good at taking compliments.
4. Envío de señales contradictorias
They can love someone but it’ll be hard to admit that to themselves and that’s why they can send mixed signals to their partner.
They won’t do it on purpose. They’re also confused and they have mixed feelings. They don’t want to allow their partner to get too close to them but at the same time, they fell in love with them.
Por eso, salir con un persona evasiva might seem like you’re dating two different people at the same time.
In one moment, they’ll be showing you how much you mean to them but in the next, they’ll try to run away and show you that they don’t care for you at all.
5. No ser capaz de hablar abiertamente de lo que siente
They’re afraid to show their vulnerable side and open up to their partner about how they feel.
Les cuesta expresar sus sentimientos porque creen que si te dicen exactamente lo que sienten por ti, podrías tener algún poder sobre ellos.
They don’t want to talk about their emotions or things that bother them because they’re afraid of your reaction. They’re also afraid that once you know how they feel about you, you’ll be bored with them and leave them.
6. Ansiedad
Este estilo de fijación afecta a su salud mental. They don’t know how to behave around their partner anymore and it makes them anxious.
Sienten algo muy fuerte por su pareja, pero al mismo tiempo quieren huir antes de que las cosas se pongan serias.
It’ll seem like they can’t make up their mind. They can’t run away but their estilo de fijación doesn’t allow them to stay either.
Cómo tratar a una persona que evita el amor
You’ve already heard the good news, that with a little effort, it’s possible to maintain a relationship with an pareja evasiva.
Now it’s up to you. Decide whether you truly care for them that much to fight for your relationship. If you do, this is how you can save your relationship.
1. Comunicar más
Healthy communication is the only way you can get to them. They aren’t able to open up emotionally to you but you should open up to them about the things in their behavior that bother you.
You have to earn their trust first so they’ll be able to open up to you. After some time, they’ll follow your example and talk to you about their emotions.
You have to be patient and wait until they realize that you are trustworthy. And when they do open up to you, don’t tell them that you aren’t okay with some of their habits and how they should change.
You should only listen to them. By that time, they’ll have realized themselves that they need to change their behavior in order to save the relationship.
2. Don’t be too persistent
Don’t chase them. Don’t try to make them do anything because they don’t like to be told what to do. They cherish their independence more than anything, remember?
Give them time. They’ll see how much you’re trying to make your relationship work and that your feelings are sincere. This is the only thing that can make them change.
3. Darles espacio y tiempo
I’m sure they will request more space and time because they are afraid of anyone getting too close to them so respect this. Mientras tanto, you can hang out with your family and friends. Don’t think about that too much.
They’re not requesting time and space because they need it to think about the future of your relationship. In other words, they won’t break up with you, you don’t have to worry about that.
The whole dating thing is probably new to them and it’s normal that they need more time to process their feelings.
4. Respetar sus diferencias
We all have our differences and that’s what makes every relationship fun. You don’t have to try to change those things. You have to embrace those differences. It’ll make you both work harder for your relationship.
It’ll strengthen your bond. You only have to learn to deal with those differences in a healthy way. Ambos tenéis que estar dispuestos a ceder.
5. Reduzca sus expectativas
If you know that you’re dating an evasivo, you shouldn’t have big expectations, at least not at the beginning of your relationship.
You’ll be disappointed because parejas evasivas necesitan más tiempo que otros para profundizar conexiones emocionales con su pareja.
They will never show you that they have feelings for you unless you’ve convinced them that you deserve it. You have to show with your actions that you’re deserving of their love and affection.
6. Don’t give them ultimatums
Ultimatums like, “If you don’t change, I’ll leave you,” don’t work with them. Forget about them as you will achieve nothing with them.
It’ll only make things worse because they’re stubborn. It would only make them want to end things with you then.
7. Establezca unos límites saludables
You have to also care about yourself and your needs. If you don’t like something, you have to talk to your partner and set some boundaries about those things that bother you.
They might not like it but that’s not your problem. Setting some limits and boundaries is how you’ll protect yourself from getting hurt.
8. Buscar ayuda profesional si es necesario
Evitar la cercanía emocional con otra persona es una trastorno de la personalidad and that’s a fact. Sometimes, no matter how much both you and your partner try, you can’t deal with it alone.
Siempre puedes obtener ayuda de un profesional de la salud mental. They’ll give you advice on what you should do next and how you can learn to live with que estilo de fijación.
¿Puede cambiar una persona que evita el amor?
Claro que pueden. We all can change some things for the person we truly love. However, that doesn’t mean that we should change ourselves completely for our amado.
Nunca debes renunciar por completo a quién eres por otra persona. Tu identidad es lo que eres y eso te diferencia de todos los demás.
Nunca debes cambiarlo, por muy fuertes que sean tus sentimientos hacia la persona que quiere que cambies.
Realmente puedes tener una relación increíble con un evita el amor pero tienes que estar dispuesto a esforzarte en esa relación.
Hay que dejarles espacio y armarse de paciencia.. It’ll all pay off one day and you’ll be glad that you fought to keep your pareja evasiva en tu vida.
