Identificar e compreender uma pessoa que evita o amor
Do we all behave the same when we’re in a relationship? Do all people love the same way?
We don’t. We all have diferente estilos de fixação e alguns de nós têm um estilo de vinculação evitante.
A amor evitante isn’t a person who tends to stay away from commitment or who avoids getting into a serious relationship with someone because they enjoy being single. No.
Algumas pessoas utilizam evitar o amor como sua proteção. Essas pessoas têm medo do amor, de serem magoadas por alguém que amam.
Pessoas com uma evitante perturbação da personalidade são muitas vezes mal compreendidos. A maioria das pessoas pensa que um evitante pessoa é incapaz de amar alguém mas, infelizmente, este é um equívoco comum.
That’s why we need to first talk about understanding pessoas que evitam o amor and see why it’s so important.
Compreender uma pessoa que evita o amor
It’s not impossible for an pessoa evitante para se apaixonar. Eles apenas escolhem EVITAR apaixonar-se com alguém e, mesmo quando isso acontece, tentam convencer-se do contrário e esquecer os seus sentimentos.
It’s not because they want to enjoy their single life for some more time or because they like to be alone; it’s only because they don’t want to get hurt. They are afraid of getting their heart broken by someone they love.
Isto deve-se provavelmente ao facto de terem tido algumas experiências negativas no passado que os deixaram com medo de abrir o seu coração a alguém que os possa magoar um dia.
Evitante anexo teoria descreve parceiros evitantes como pessoas que prezam a sua independência.
Também os descreve como pessoas que não se sentem à vontade para ter um relação íntima devido a alguns traumas emocionais do passado.
A maioria das pessoas compararia um pessoa evitante com um narcisista mas há uma linha ténue entre os dois.
Um narcisista só pensa em si, em satisfazer as suas necessidades e as suas bem-estar é tudo o que importa.
Um parceiro evitante preocupa-se profundamente com os seus ente querido mesmo que não pareça, porque evitam intimidade emocional a todo o custo.
Narcisistas se sentem à vontade para ter um relação íntima, ao contrário de pessoas evitantes. Evitantes ter medo de engolfamento e isso impede-os de se ligarem ao seu parceiro numa nível mais profundo.
Evitante pessoas atrair pessoas com um estilo de vinculação ansioso devido à sua vício do amor. They totally lose themselves when they’re in the relationship and evitadores sabem como tirar partido disso.
Lidar com um estilo de vinculação ansioso é difícil e as pessoas com este estilo inseguro criam codependência com o seu parceiro porque não têm auto-confiança.
They’ll become dependent on their partner and they’ll do whatever it takes to keep their relationship.
O que é que provoca um estilo de vinculação evitante?
Medo de intimidade emocional é o maior medo de todos evitadores; that’s why they are unable to maintain a relação romântica.
This isn’t something you’re born with. People create different kinds of estilos de fixação com base em algumas coisas e experiências das suas próprias vidas.
De facto, há muitas razões que levam as pessoas a tornarem-se pessoas que evitam o amor e aqui estão alguns deles.
1. Experiências na infância
Kids learn most things from their parents. If you weren’t able to see some limites saudáveis in your parents’ relationship, you’ll think that’s what a healthy relationship should look like.
Unfortunately, one day you’ll learn the hard way that you were wrong. It’ll only lead you to disappointment and you’ll be afraid of starting a new relationship in the future.
If you had to listen to your parents fight every day, you’ll decide that it’s best to avoid love because it makes people angry or sad.
Your parents’ relationship affects your life greatly and it can be the main cause of questões de empenhamento mais tarde.
If it was unhealthy and had only a negative effect on your childhood, you’ll think that it’s better for you not to get emotionally attached to anyone than to suffer your whole life and be stuck in an unhappy marriage.
2. Traumas emocionais do passado
Se foi magoado no passado pelo seu ente querido, it’s normal that you’ll be afraid of being hurt again.
Também pode fazer com que não tenha qualquer tipo de ligação emocional with someone else. You still haven’t solved some of your issues from the past and it’s perfectly normal that it affects your love life.
Mas, felizmente, isso pode ser resolvido. Só precisa de mais algum tempo para esclarecer tudo na sua cabeça.
Once you realize that you should leave the past and that you shouldn’t punish your new partner for your ex’s mistakes, it’ll all change and you’ll be able to have a relação estreita com alguém.
3. Questões de autoestima
Se tiver baixo autoestima, that means you don’t think you’re good enough. Maybe you think that you aren’t beautiful enough or handsome enough.
Maybe you think that you aren’t smart enough. Maybe you think that no one will ever love you because you don’t deserve it.
The thing is that you believe that you aren’t good enough for your ente querido e faz com que tenha medo de se relacionar com o seu parceiro numa nível mais profundo.
4. Dar prioridade às coisas erradas na vida
There are a lot of people who prioritize work and their career over everything in life. If you’re a viciado em trabalho, pode ser uma das causas da sua estilo de vinculação evitante.
Esforça-se muito para ser bem sucedido naquilo que faz e you’re afraid that a relação romântica pode ser apenas uma distração para os seus objectivos.
That’s why you start evitar relacionamentos a qualquer custo. Your job is the most important thing to you and you don’t let anything interfere with that.
5. Questões de abandono
If you have any kind of abandonment issues, you’ll be more likely to suffer from an evitante perturbação da personalidade.
You won’t be able to overcome your fear of abandonment by yourself and you’ll come to the conclusion that it’s better to stay away from relationships than to fear all the time whether someone will hurt you and leave you.
6. Questões de confiança
Se tiver alguns problemas de confiança, you won’t be able to maintain a healthy relationship with someone. Your doubts will destroy your relationships.
After some time, you’ll start thinking that it’s better to avoid getting into a relationship because it’s impossible for you to find someone who’ll prove to you that they’re trustworthy.
Ver também: Estilo de vinculação desorganizado, medroso e evitante
Traços de evitamento do amor
Se pensa que o seu parceiro pode ter um estilo de vinculação evitante, eis algumas características de um pessoa evitante que lhe permitirá esclarecer melhor as coisas.
1. Medo de qualquer tipo de intimidade
If your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with you, it doesn’t have to mean that they don’t love you; it means that they’re afraid it’ll change your relationship.
Um parceiro evitante tem medo disso intimidade emocional because they think it’ll make them vulnerable and that you could use it to hurt them.
It’s normal that in some part of your relationship you’ll have to share your personal feelings and get intimate with your partner, especially if you’re in a relação duradoura.
No entanto, por muito que um pessoa evitante ama o seu parceiro, tenta sabotar a relação ou fugir sempre que as coisas aquecem, o que torna impossível manter a relação.
2. Utilização de muitas técnicas de distanciamento
They’ll do whatever it takes to avoid physical closeness. Even when they truly love their partner, they will never say it to them directly.
Tentarão adiar a conversa sobre dar um novo passo na relação (torná-la oficial). Dessa forma, magoam o seu ente querido sem sequer se aperceberem.
They never want to discuss the problems they have in the relationship because they’re afraid it’ll result in conflict or a fight.
They refuse to enter into a conflict with their partner because they’re worried they could reveal some of their feelings and thoughts that way.
3. Apresentar traços narcísicos
É por isso que são comparados a narcisistas so often. Yes, they’re self-centered and they like their independence but they also care for others.
They seem cold when you first meet them and that’s why some people think that they’re arrogant but that doesn’t have to be true. They seem that way only because they want to keep others away from them.
They don’t like to question their partner because they know they’ll ask them the same questions and they don’t like to talk about themselves, especially about their feelings.
They don’t need constant praise from their partner and they don’t want to be admired. On the contrary, it only makes them feel anxious and shy because they aren’t good at taking compliments.
4. Envio de sinais contraditórios
They can love someone but it’ll be hard to admit that to themselves and that’s why they can send mixed signals to their partner.
They won’t do it on purpose. They’re also confused and they have mixed feelings. They don’t want to allow their partner to get too close to them but at the same time, they fell in love with them.
É por isso que namorar um pessoa evitante might seem like you’re dating two different people at the same time.
In one moment, they’ll be showing you how much you mean to them but in the next, they’ll try to run away and show you that they don’t care for you at all.
5. Não ser capaz de se abrir sobre o que sente
They’re afraid to show their vulnerable side and open up to their partner about how they feel.
Têm dificuldade em exprimir os seus sentimentos porque pensam que isso pode dar-te algum poder sobre elas se te disserem exatamente o que sentem por ti.
They don’t want to talk about their emotions or things that bother them because they’re afraid of your reaction. They’re also afraid that once you know how they feel about you, you’ll be bored with them and leave them.
6. Ansiedade
Este estilo de fixação afecta a sua saúde mental. They don’t know how to behave around their partner anymore and it makes them anxious.
Têm sentimentos fortes pela pessoa amada mas, ao mesmo tempo, querem fugir antes que as coisas se tornem sérias.
It’ll seem like they can’t make up their mind. They can’t run away but their estilo de fixação doesn’t allow them to stay either.
Como lidar com uma pessoa que evita o amor
You’ve already heard the good news, that with a little effort, it’s possible to maintain a relationship with an parceiro evitante.
Now it’s up to you. Decide whether you truly care for them that much to fight for your relationship. If you do, this is how you can save your relationship.
1. Comunicar mais
Healthy communication is the only way you can get to them. They aren’t able to open up emotionally to you but you should open up to them about the things in their behavior that bother you.
You have to earn their trust first so they’ll be able to open up to you. After some time, they’ll follow your example and talk to you about their emotions.
You have to be patient and wait until they realize that you are trustworthy. And when they do open up to you, don’t tell them that you aren’t okay with some of their habits and how they should change.
You should only listen to them. By that time, they’ll have realized themselves that they need to change their behavior in order to save the relationship.
2. Don’t be too persistent
Don’t chase them. Don’t try to make them do anything because they don’t like to be told what to do. They cherish their independence more than anything, remember?
Give them time. They’ll see how much you’re trying to make your relationship work and that your feelings are sincere. This is the only thing that can make them change.
3. Dar-lhes espaço e tempo
I’m sure they will request more space and time because they are afraid of anyone getting too close to them so respect this. Entretanto, you can hang out with your family and friends. Don’t think about that too much.
They’re not requesting time and space because they need it to think about the future of your relationship. In other words, they won’t break up with you, you don’t have to worry about that.
The whole dating thing is probably new to them and it’s normal that they need more time to process their feelings.
4. Respeitar as suas diferenças
We all have our differences and that’s what makes every relationship fun. You don’t have to try to change those things. You have to embrace those differences. It’ll make you both work harder for your relationship.
It’ll strengthen your bond. You only have to learn to deal with those differences in a healthy way. Ambos têm de estar dispostos a chegar a um compromisso.
5. Reduzir as suas expectativas
If you know that you’re dating an evitante, you shouldn’t have big expectations, at least not at the beginning of your relationship.
You’ll be disappointed because parceiros evitantes precisam de mais tempo do que outros para se aprofundarem ligações emocionais com o seu parceiro.
They will never show you that they have feelings for you unless you’ve convinced them that you deserve it. You have to show with your actions that you’re deserving of their love and affection.
6. Don’t give them ultimatums
Ultimatums like, “If you don’t change, I’ll leave you,” don’t work with them. Forget about them as you will achieve nothing with them.
It’ll only make things worse because they’re stubborn. It would only make them want to end things with you then.
7. Estabelecer alguns limites saudáveis
You have to also care about yourself and your needs. If you don’t like something, you have to talk to your partner and set some boundaries about those things that bother you.
They might not like it but that’s not your problem. Setting some limits and boundaries is how you’ll protect yourself from getting hurt.
8. Procurar ajuda profissional, se necessário
Evitar a proximidade emocional com outra pessoa é uma perturbação da personalidade and that’s a fact. Sometimes, no matter how much both you and your partner try, you can’t deal with it alone.
Pode sempre obter ajuda de um profissional de saúde mental. They’ll give you advice on what you should do next and how you can learn to live with que estilo de fixação.
Uma pessoa que evita o amor pode mudar?
Claro que podem. We all can change some things for the person we truly love. However, that doesn’t mean that we should change ourselves completely for our ente querido.
Nunca se deve desistir de quem se é por causa de outra pessoa. A tua identidade é quem tu és e isso torna-te diferente de todos os outros.
Nunca se deve mudar, por mais fortes que sejam os sentimentos que se tem pela pessoa que quer que se mude.
É possível ter uma relação verdadeiramente fantástica com um amor evitante mas é preciso estar preparado para fazer algum esforço nessa relação.
É preciso dar-lhes algum espaço e armar-se de paciência. It’ll all pay off one day and you’ll be glad that you fought to keep your parceiro evitante na sua vida.
