Come smettere di essere narcisista: Un processo in 12 fasi per rompere i tuoi schemi comportamentali

As long as you’re trying to figure out how to stop being a narcissist, congratulations—you’re one step ahead.

It means you’re at least becoming aware of your problem, which can’t be said for most of your peers who are narcissists.

It doesn’t matter whether you recognized the symptoms of disturbo narcisistico di personalità da solo o un professionista della salute mentale ti ha detto che soffri di NPD, leggere tutte queste cose su di te fa paura.

Quindi, lasciate che vi dia un po' di speranza: potete essere curati e potete cambiare, nonostante quello che la gente ignorante potrebbe dirvi.

No, it won’t be easy but it can be done. If you just read on, we’re offering you the answer to the question: ‘How to stop being a narcissist?’

1. Ammettere di avere un problema

Il problema numero uno della maggior parte delle persone con tendenze narcisistiche e di quelle che soffrono di qualsiasi condizione mentale in generale è il fatto che negano di avere un problema.

Everyone around them keeps telling you that you should get some treatment and that it’s about time to make some changes to your character but you simply can’t get it in your head.

Invece, si giustifica il proprio comportamento tossico e si incolpa tutto l'ambiente circostante per le proprie azioni.

In fact, even when you notice that something is off, you observe it is as an episode and refuse to face the truth—that you’re suffering from a serious NPD and that something has to be done about it.

Yes, saying: “I’m a narcissist,” for the first time is hard work but you have to do it. However, you can’t ask yourself: “How do I stop being a narcissist?” unless you say, “I’m a narcissist,” first.

Before you make any concrete moves, firstly, you have to accept this reality. Don’t worry—there is no shame in it and you will manage to handle your disorder if you start with healing yourself in the healthiest way possible.

2. Essere disposti ad accettare il cambiamento

They say that people don’t change after a certain age, that we all basically stay who we essentially are, that we have the ability to adapt to a certain situation but that sooner or later, our true colors will swim back to the surface, as much as we try to control them.

Well, there is something missing in this commonly used phrase—people don’t change a meno che non lo vogliano.

They don’t do it to please someone else or under any kind of pressure—they only do it when they feel it’s the right thing to do.

So, that’s the difference between you and anyone else and that’s why you’ll succeed—you’re the one who really decided to change your ways.

Therefore, you have to be willing to change. You have to be open to this new you who will arise from this process; you’ll have to love and accept yourself like never before.

3. Andare alla radice del narcisismo

Now that you’ve made up your mind and are certain about sticking to your decision, it’s time to start exploring your narcissistic personality disorder a little bit deeper.

I warn you—you’ll have a hard time doing so; after all, nobody likes digging through their old emotional wounds but it has to be done if you expect any kind of progress.

The main question here is: “What made you become a narcissist and have these narcissistic tendencies?” No, you weren’t born with the narcissistic traits you have today; your true self was turned into this toxic person.

First and foremost, let’s go back to your early childhood.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m sure your parents did the best they could do to raise you properly but sometimes, they can be the ones who caused your narcissistic personality disorder.

Vi siete sentiti abbastanza amati durante la vostra educazione? O vi siete sentiti amati troppo?

Sì, un genitore insensibile o troppo sensibile può essere il motivo per cui qualcuno diventa narcisista.

Altre cause possono essere le troppe aspettative o le critiche costanti. Forse non avete mai sviluppato la vostra autostima nel modo giusto e quindi avete cercato di fuggire nel narcisismo.

Inoltre, qualsiasi tipo di abuso, anche emotivo o verbale, può essere all'origine del disturbo narcisistico di personalità.

Qualunque sia il problema, una volta che si è arrivati in fondo alla questione traumiQuesta volta, smettete di scappare da loro. Per cambiare, fate del vostro meglio per elaborarli e provate a lasciarli nel passato, dove appartengono.

4. Imparare a capire cosa vi scatena

The next step also includes a lot of introspection, self-help and self-awareness because this is when you’ll learn about your triggers.

What has to happen for you to become like this because you certainly don’t display your narcissistic behavior all the time? What makes you react the most and what turns you into a toxic person?

Alcuni persone narcisiste are triggered by people telling them, “No,” and some react negatively when they feel threatened or intimidated or when their confidence is shook, while others can’t stand criticism.

Therefore, it’s your job to get to the bottom of your personality and see what concerns you the most. This way, you’ll have a better understanding of your actions and you’ll be able to control them more.

Tenete presente che tutte le persone hanno determinati fattori scatenanti.

However, the difference between you and the rest of the world is that you stop being in charge of yourself the moment you are ‘provoked’, you shut off completely and your narcissistic self appears on the scene.

5. Elencare i propri comportamenti narcisistici

Once you’ve finished with the root of your issue and your triggers, go on and list the types of behaviors you connect with narcissism as well.

A volte potreste non essere nemmeno consapevoli di questi comportamenti, quindi forse il vostro elenco dovrebbe includere le cose a cui le persone più vicine hanno prestato attenzione.

Come reagisce quando viene innescato?

Do you have an anger outburst the moment someone in your surroundings doesn’t give you the response you expected, do you go all passive-aggressive on them, do you engage in emotional manipulation or do you just emotionally withdraw and ignore them?

If necessary, observe yourself for a certain amount of time to get the real result. Get yourself a diary in which you can write about specific situations—what brings you to your narcissistic behavior and how you react.

6. Preparare un piano d'azione

The next step after writing your diary would be making a plan. You accepted your mistakes, you took full responsibility for them and now it’s time to do something so they don’t happen ever again.

Therefore, it’s your job to imagine your perfect response and reaction to a certain situation.

Ripercorrete gli eventi in cui vi siete comportati male e chiedetevi se le cose potevano essere migliorate, se ci sarebbe stato un esito diverso se foste stati diversi e se c'è un modo per costruire relazioni sane con i vostri cari.

I won’t lie to you—you won’t start acting all nice and perfect overnight. After all, this doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be angry or sad from time to time; these are all basic human reactions.

However, it will be much easier for you to take charge of your narcissistic behavior if you have this plan somewhere in the back of your head. Trust me—before you know it, you’ll catch yourself acting on it.

7. Lavorare sulla propria bassa autostima

What most people don’t know is that one of the symptoms of personalità narcisistica Il disordine è un ego estremamente fragile.

Sì, sembrate così pieni di voi stessi e fingete di avere un'enorme autostima e la migliore immagine possibile di voi stessi, ma in realtà la verità è ben diversa.

The problem with NPD is that your confidence depends on other people’s opinions and you take advantage of others to get the praise you desperately need.

Seeking validation is actually your narcissistic supply, something you can’t function without.

Well, if you’re figuring out how to stop being a narcissist, the best way to do so is to start working on your low self-esteem.

However, I’m talking about different kinds of self-esteem here—about ones which are not related to your ego. It means improving your self image and the way you perceive yourself.

Significa sentirsi bene con se stessi, senza dipendere da ciò che dicono gli altri.

8. Diventare consapevoli delle proprie azioni

Oltre all'autostima, altri elementi su cui costruire sono sicuramente la mindfulness e l'autoconsapevolezza. Ciò significa essere pienamente consapevoli delle proprie azioni e del modo in cui esse influiscono su di noi e sulle altre persone che ci circondano.

Per tutto il tempo che riuscite a ricordare, avete messo voi stessi al primo posto; siete stati egocentrico e si è occupato solo dei propri bisogni.

A causa del vostro senso di autostima e della vostra tendenza alla grandiosità, vi siete preoccupati solo delle cose che hanno un impatto diretto sui vostri sentimenti o sul vostro ego e non vi siete mai preoccupati delle conseguenze che il vostro comportamento avrebbe potuto lasciare sugli altri.

Well, it’s time to change that.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that you should spend the rest of your life overthinking your every move before actually doing something about it but you certainly have to become more thoughtful when it comes to your actions and the way others handle them.

9. Trovare un modo per ritardare il proprio comportamento narcisistico

I won’t lie to you—as much as you try, you can’t become your true self overnight.

You can have an epiphany but you won’t wake up the next morning, after reading this step by step guide, with someone else’s mind and heart in your yesterday body.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make any progress. In fact, just take baby steps, one at a time and before you know it, you’ll reach your goal and see for yourself how to stop being a narcissist.

Pertanto, c'è questa grande pratica con cui potete iniziare il vostro viaggio. Invece di uccidere o cancellare magicamente tutti i vostri impulsi narcisistici, fate almeno del vostro meglio per ritardare il vostro comportamento narcisistico.

Invece di guardare sempre al quadro generale, concentratevi su una situazione alla volta.

Il vostro obiettivo è controllare voi stessi in un determinato momento, senza pensare a ciò che potrebbe accadere la prossima volta che vi troverete in una situazione simile.

Quando sentite che sta per arrivare uno scoppio di rabbia o un episodio di ricatto emotivo, provate a inspirare ed espirare lentamente per un paio di secondi e a contare fino a dieci prima di dire qualcosa o di fare altri respiri.

This way, you’ll manage to calm your body, mind and heart and you’ll be more in charge of yourself.

10. Praticare l'empatia e la gentilezza

All people suffering from this disorder share one narcissistic trait—they suffer from a lack of empathy and they have a hard time sympathizing with others.

They think they’re the only ones who matter in this world and they rarely take other people’s feelings or viewpoints into account and nor do they give a damn about the needs of others.

If this is something you can relate to, you’re probably wondering how to stop being a narcisista occulto.

Ebbene, questo deve cambiare in un modo o nell'altro. Tuttavia, la buona notizia è che l'empatia, come la maggior parte delle altre cose, può essere praticata.

D'ora in poi, prima di agire, provate a pensare a come potrebbe sentirsi il destinatario delle vostre parole e azioni.

It doesn’t matter whether you are about to display your toxic behavior or you plan on being nice—just put yourself in their place and see whether you’d like someone treating you that way or not.

If you don’t succeed in doing this in the middle of your episode, rethink the entire situation once you get calmer and try walking a mile in the vittima del suo abuso narcisistico’s shoes. It’s not pleasant, is it now?

Well, you’re the only one who can end it.

An important step toward putting an end to this lack of empathy is kindness. Instead of just perceiving other people’s negative emotions, focus on the good ones as well.

For a change, be kind to someone else, without expecting anything in return and without it being a part of your sneaky plan you’re yet to reveal.

Try figuring out how these people you treated nicely feel and focus on how being the reason for someone’s smile makes you feel.

11. Smettere di buttare giù gli altri

Another symptom of narcissism is the grandiosity, sense of superiority and self-importance over everyone around you—your coworkers, best friends and closest family members.

A narcissistic trait is having this sense of entitlement and thinking you’re above everyone else, which often results in narcissistic abuse.

Actually, your sense of self-love comes from taking advantage of others and using your loved ones to give you compliments and make you feel like they’re below you.

Guess what? They’re not!

Even if you disagree with someone, that doesn’t make you smarter or more wise.

Even if you’re better looking or earn more money, you shouldn’t have this sense of entitlement and nor should you feel like you’re the privileged one.

Ricordate che abbiamo parlato di empatia?

Well, the next time you try ruining someone’s self-confidence in order to get your narcissistic supply or feel that your sense of superiority is about to take over, wait a second and ask yourself how the victims of your abuso narcisistico sentire.

12. Chiedere un aiuto professionale

While figuring out how to stop being a narcissist, you’re convinced that your loved ones, including your closest friends, coworkers and family members, are all the help you need in this self-healing process.

Even though seeking support from them is a huge step toward your recovery, sometimes you need professional help with this issue—and that is nothing you should be ashamed of.

Ci sono professionisti della salute mentale che hanno conseguito un dottorato di ricerca su questo e altri argomenti simili, quindi sapranno senza dubbio come aiutarvi a risolvere il vostro problema nel modo giusto.

Don’t worry—nobody will judge you there but nobody can do the dirty work for you.

Instead, they will just show you the way, take your head through this tunnel all the way toward the light and, most importantly, give you the answer to the question: ‘How to stop being a narcissist?’