Ecco come ho sposato il mio ex

Ho deciso di chiamare il mio ex dopo tre anni di silenzio radio. Ho pensato che fosse il momento giusto per darci la giusta chiusura che non abbiamo mai avuto.

Ci siamo lasciati in modo strano e non siamo mai riusciti ad andare avanti. Per tre anni non sono uscita con nessun altro. Lui ha avuto relazioni che si è rifiutato di etichettare perché usava quelle ragazze per sfogarsi e sbollire la rabbia che aveva dopo la rottura.

Until he found a girl that made him forget about me—or that’s what I thought at first.

I didn’t even have his numberCosì chiesi al nostro amico comune di darmi il suo numero. Volevo chiamarlo e parlare di quello che c'era stato tra noi.

I wanted him to tell me why was he angry all the time and why couldn’t we manage to work it out.

Così ho chiamato e lui ha lasciato squillare. That night he didn’t pick up and I broke into million pieces. I thought he’d be happy to hear from me—the emotions should be cooling off by now.

My phone call wasn’t answered and I went to sleep beating myself up for thinking I meant something to him. I was hurt.

My heart was broken one more time and my ego… well, my ego was devastated. I thought I’d feel better if I’d just sleep it off.

Vedi anche: Grazie per non aver risposto al telefono quando ho chiamato

La mattina dopo i miei sentimenti erano gli stessi della sera precedente. Mi odiavo per aver chiamato.

I hated myself for thinking he’d still smile upon seeing my name on the screen of his phone. Well, he was, but it turned out that I called at the wrong moment.

His fiance had his phone and she didn’t appreciate my call. That’s why it was left unanswered.

The moment he got a chance he wrote me a message. I felt he was mad but happy at the same time. That’s what we did to each other.

He was happy to see my name on the screen of his phone, but he was so mad to see it only after three years. I had no explanation for that—although, it’s not like my phone died from his missed calls.

Vedi anche: Quando il vostro amore più grande sposa il suo amore più grande

It was the most awkward talk I had until it wasn’t anymore. Una volta svanita la rabbia, sono entrate le emozioni felici. E Dio, era così bello ricordare ciò che avevamo.

Abbiamo parlato per quasi un'ora, finché non ha deciso di guidare per 112 miglia per vedermi. It was already night. I’d be lying if I said that I had seen this coming, but I’d be lying as well if I said I was surprised.

Facevamo cose folli come questa l'uno per l'altra. Non c'era modo di convincerlo a non farlo, così ho seguito la corrente.

At first I couldn’t believe he drove all that distance just to see me. At some point, I thought he was just playing me. But he wasn’t.

Non siamo mai stati noi. Ero così nervosa, anche se ho fatto del mio meglio per apparire più carina possibile.

We both knew there wouldn’t be anything but the talk happening that night and yet, I had the need to look the best I could. I still don’t know if it was for me or for him.

Nel momento in cui l'ho visto il mio cuore si è fermato. I couldn’t believe it was him before my eyes. It was so real and I just wasn’t ready for it.

Ero pronto e ho avuto le palle di chiamarlo per parlare al telefono, ma lui ha avuto il coraggio di presentarsi di persona. Era in forma come sempre.

It didn’t surprise me at all—what is your ex going to do after a breakup other than get better looking.

Il mio primo istinto è stato quello di abbracciarlo e ci siamo abbracciati. È stato un abbraccio lungo. È stato l'abbraccio di due persone che si sono mancate follemente.

He had the same smile he always had when he saw me. Nothing had really changed. I didn’t think it would have anyways.

I sat in the car and he drove us to the coffee shop out of the town. It was on top of a mountain—far away from anything that could cause our attention to wander from each other.

It was just me and him, and that’s what we needed that night. I sat next to him because I knew he was here with me—so why sit across the table?

Abbiamo iniziato a parlare. Era come con le ferite di tre anni fa, come se non ci fossimo mai lasciati.

Era così reale come se avessimo ha viaggiato nel tempo but something in the back of my mind was telling me it wasn’t real.

We talked for hours. I didn’t look at my watch—not once. The time was irrelevant. It felt so good to sit next to him to talk and talk.

Solo per stare lì a chiedersi cosa sarebbe successo se io fossi stata un po' meno io e lui un po' meno lui.

Mi disse come lo avevo ferito. Mi disse che gli avevo spezzato il cuore scegliendo tutti gli altri invece di lui.

He told me he hasn’t been able to sleep peacefully all these years and that each time when he’d close his eyes, he’d see me.

He said that he found a girl that respects him and makes him feel he’s at home. He said he’s not mad at me anymore.

He also said that he understands why I did the things I did. He knows things can’t change between us and things are really just too different at this point in our lives. He pointed out that he’s happy I called and he can’t believe his eyes.

Non pensava più di vederci seduti l'uno accanto all'altro in questo modo. And then he pulled me closer and hugged me. I said I’m sorry for everything.

I said how I’d punished myself and told myself not to have anybody else next to me because of the things I did to him.

I thought I don’t deserve love and I don’t want to leave broken people behind me. I figured it out that I can’t love because that’s not what I was taught in life.

He said he’ll never love anybody the way he loved me and he loves me now—no matter how much time passes, no matter what distance and how many miles are between us.

Sarò ancora nel suo cuore e la sua persona preferita in questo mondo. È sempre stato bravo a volermi bene.

Sceglieva sempre le parole giuste, ma a volte sceglieva di punirmi e abbattermi solo per sentirsi meglio.

Avevo bisogno di dimostrare a lui e a tutti gli altri che I’m strong and that I’m independent. Poi, abbiamo capito che ci amavamo in un momento sbagliato.

I couldn’t say I loved him even though I did—even though I do. I couldn’t do it because I’m still as broken as I was before.

I didn’t do it because I knew nothing would change by saying those words out loud.  So, I just smiled. I smiled because I didn’t want to ruin what he had with another girl.

I smiled because I knew if I said I loved him, he would try and give us another chance—and we’d blow that chance as well.

He asked me if I’d marry him. He said he’d leave everything in a second and run away with me.

He’d forget every single person in his life if I decided to stay with him. But I couldn’t do it—the same as I couldn’t kiss him. I know I’ll be sorry years from now since I’m sorry already.

But the girl he was with didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve to tie the rest of his life to a toxic person such as me.

Where I grew up, the phrase ‘I married someone’ has a double meaning. One is that I am the person that got married and the second one is that I made it possible for somebody to get married.

No, I wasn’t the one to get married. I wasn’t the one to wear white today. It was his fiancee. By saying ‘no’ to him, I made it possible for her to say ‘yes’ to him today. That’s how I married my ex.

I’m sorry for not giving you a happy-ending. I’m just not that type of a person.