Cari ragazzi, ecco perché non avete mai avuto una ragazza

If you’re one of those men who never had a girlfriend, you probably think that you’re the only one. Well, that’s what everyone thinks when they don’t fit in the conventional sequence: finish school – find a job – trovare una ragazza – get married – have kids. 

If everyone around you has a girlfriend except you, this might make you feel ostracized from society and/or disappointed in yourself (assuming you want to have a girlfriend, but for some reason, you still don’t). 

Truth be told, some men may act like they don’t really care about the fact that they never had a girlfriend or they don’t even want to have one. Still, the majority of them will think that they are doing something wrong (which is not so far from the truth).

Esclusione di responsabilità: This is not an article about judging single guys, glorifying them, or pitying them. It’s about stating the facts based on other “forever single” men’s experiences for the sake of helping you step up your dating game.

(Potete ringraziarmi più tardi).

Do you think you’re doing something wrong or there’s something wrong with all the girls out there? 

Since I’m a straightforward person by nature, I hope you’ll get used to me writing exactly what I mean with no sugar coating.

Yes, I’m a female myself, and I don’t think that every single girl out there is perfect girlfriend material.

There are plenty of girls who are only interested in a man’s financial status (if you catch my drift) and who don’t even bother to get to know you better because all they’re interested in is you being able to indulge them. 

La cosa arriva al punto che le ragazze osano persino chiedere a un ragazzo di pagare il loro divano $2500 dopo il secondo appuntamento (è successo a una mia amica che è single da un po'). 

Alcune ragazze sono segnate dalle loro relazioni passate, quindi hanno difficoltà ad aprirsi con qualcuno di nuovo.

Altre ragazze (me compresa) hanno un'avversione per gli uomini generici che usano frasi sdolcinate per rimorchiare e sono orgogliosi della loro mentalità a basso sforzo.

There are also plenty of minimalist, creative, fun, and hard-working girls who simply don’t have time to date anyone, let alone be in a relationship at the moment.

Basta parlare di ragazze. The point is, not every girl’s personality and lifestyle is bound to match yours, which is okay.  

Now, let’s talk about you. 

Are you satisfied with your approach when it comes to girls (if there were any approaches whatsoever)? Do you think you’re doing something wrong? Or, that you could work more on improving yourself and stepping up your dating game?

If your answer is no on the last question, then you can be sure you’re doing something wrong. No matter how handsome, smart, or fun you are, there is always room for improvement. 

Some guys forget that, and that’s how they find themselves stuck in the realm of “never had a girlfriend”. Don’t be one of those guys.

No, there’s nothing wrong with you if you never had a girlfriend, but if you think that you shouldn’t keep working on yourself, then there is something wrong with you. Questo non è solo essenziale nel mondo degli appuntamenti, ma anche in generale. 

Continua ad aggiornare la sua lista immaginaria di I tratti di una fidanzata perfetta ma non pensate mai a ciò che avete da offrire loro? 

If you ask me, this is the worst that could happen to any man out there. It’s okay if you are shy or if you aren’t that confident. 

But, if you’re constantly dreaming about having the perfect girlfriend (according to your “perfect standards”), but aren’t willing to work on yourself, then this is truly unfair and unrealistic to say the least. 

Yes, almost every man thinks about himself as being a great catch, but that’s just how you see yourself. Note that every girl has different standards as well. 

Alcune ragazze preferiscono i ragazzi normali con un grande senso dell'umorismo, mentre ad altre piacciono di più gli uomini forti che sprizzano sicurezza o una combinazione di entrambi.

No, you shouldn’t lower your standards just because you’re single, but you also shouldn’t be too picky or let unrealistic expectations rule your love life. 

Be who you are. Be your best self every day. Don’t stagnate, and don’t think that you are perfect in every aspect of your life because none of us is. 

Forse il motivo per cui non hai mai avuto una ragazza è perché continui a parlarne?

Di recente, una delle mie amiche stava messaggiando con un ragazzo e tra loro c'è stata un'intesa fin dal primo giorno. Lui la faceva ridere in continuazione, era premuroso e diverso da tutti i ragazzi con cui lei aveva messaggiato o era uscita finora. 

E poi, BOOM! Un giorno, di punto in bianco, le disse che non aveva mai avuto una ragazza (anche se aveva trent'anni).

Si è immediatamente spaventata, mi ha chiamato e mi ha detto: OMG ci deve essere qualcosa di sbagliato in lui perché non ha mai avuto una ragazza prima! 

As reasonable as I am, I told her to calm down because there are plenty of reasons why someone has never had a girlfriend, and it doesn’t have to mean that there’s something wrong with him. 

When she asked him why he has never had a girlfriend before, he told her that he didn’t have time for that because he wanted to fully commit to his job. He didn’t want his potential girlfriend to feel neglected due to possible lack of attention or similar.

Dopo le sue parole, la donna si è immediatamente ricreduta e ha capito che questa era una spiegazione logica. Well, some girls won’t even ask you about the reason why you never had a girlfriend, and that’s a problem.

Many girls just freak out when you tell them that, and they immediately start assuming that you’re a player, a selfish guy, a commitment-phobe, or something of sorts.

Smettono immediatamente di mandarti messaggi e di uscire con te, e tu finisci per pensare a cosa hai fatto di sbagliato. 

Practically, you haven’t done anything wrong, but there’s also no need to keep repeating that you never had a girlfriend to every new girl you meet.

Sometimes, it’s better to keep some things to yourself (especially the ones that won’t cause harm if you don’t tell the truth). 

Oppure, il motivo per cui non hai mai avuto una ragazza è che fai schifo a leggere i segnali?

Many men actually have no idea when a woman is genuinely interested in them. Sometimes, they think she’s interested even when she’s not, so they ask her out and she rejects them. 

Other times, a woman is totally interested in them, but they misinterpret the signs and never ask her out, thinking she doesn’t give a damn about them.

So, maybe the reason why you never had a girlfriend is that you suck at reading signs? Let me tell you one thing. If a woman laughs at your jokes (even the corny ones), then you know she’s interested in you.

If a woman keeps texting you (doesn’t let you wait for long between replies), then you know she probably likes you. Also, if a woman ignores your texts, pretends to be busy 24/7, or tells you openly that she’s interested in dating you, then she PROBABLY means it.

Se avete bisogno di più motivi per cui non hai mai avuto una ragazza , concedetevi un po' di tempo:

 

• Dà troppe informazioni. (Yes, we’re interested in your funny childhood stories, but we really don’t want to know everything about your every single family member and their love life.)
• You’re not confident. (Surely, you don’t need to be a Wall Street businessman in order to exert some confidence. At least, show her that you have your own opinion on certain matters.) 
• You’re too picky. (Noup. You’ll never find that one unicorn perfect girlfriend because they don’t exist, so do yourself a favor and lower your standards.) 
• You’re too pushy. (Being “too anything” is not a good thing, especially if you’re too pushy. Give that woman some space to breathe and decide if she likes you or not on her own.)
• You’re boring. (Se il vostro principale traguardo di vita è bere birra con i vostri amici mentre guardate il calcio, allora dovete seriamente pensare a cosa state sbagliando). 
• Ci si arrende facilmente. (Amico, hai mai sentito parlare di "giocare duro per ottenere"? Se una donna si innamora troppo presto di te, la apprezzeresti allo stesso modo piuttosto che se dovessi lavorare di più per conquistarla? E io l'ho pensato). 
• Metti le ragazze su un piedistallo. (She might look like a goddess in your eyes, but trust me, no girl wants to be treated like a queen 24/7. No, she’s not out of your league, and there’s no need to go out of your way to impress her. Being a gentleman will suffice.)

Or, the reason why you never had a girlfriend is that you don’t want one. 

If that is the case with you, don’t worry. I’m not one of those people who will judge you for your life and love decisions.

If you don’t want to have a girlfriend because you have more important things to pay attention to in life at the moment, that’s totally fine.

Don’t let society, your family members, or your friends pressure you. You’re un uomo adulto and you, yourself, know what’s best for you. Right? Right.