Una donna ha detto a suo marito che è troppo povero per essere misogino dopo che lui ha detto di volere una moglie tradizionale
C'è chi vuole ancora un ruolo di genere tradizionale nella propria casa, e questo va benissimo. Il momento in cui diventa un problema è quando questa narrazione viene fatta passare sopra a qualcuno che non vuole vivere in quel modo.
Alcune donne preferiscono andare a lavorare e altre amano fare le casalinghe. This is largely affected by the way we were raised and how our family dynamic looks, but still everyone’s different.
That’s why it’s important to discuss this with our partner and make sure our ideas of family roles completely align. Because it wouldn’t be quite fair to expect a woman to be a homemaker when you’re not a breadwinner, right?
Ma cosa succede quando un uomo cresciuto in una famiglia tradizionale sposa una donna che abbraccia i moderni ruoli di genere?
Hanno trovato un terreno comune che funziona per entrambi
Una donna ha pubblicato la sua storia su Reddit e ha spiegato come ha sposato un uomo che proviene da un ambiente tradizionale anche se la sua famiglia è completamente diversa. Ha scritto:
“My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner.”
She explains how they had a nanny when the kids were small and a housekeeper who would take care of their home. When the housekeeper isn’t available ognuno si occupa del proprio disordine e nessuno ha problemi al riguardo.
However, since her husband lost his job and savings they weren’t able to afford the help they usually had so hanno diviso equamente il carico di lavoro. Ogni giorno lei si occupa della colazione e lui prepara la cena. La cosa ha funzionato perfettamente fino a quando la famiglia di lui non è venuta in visita.
La visita dei suoceri ha cambiato tutto
Her in-laws never liked the fact their son doesn’t have a traditional family and they made sure to make that clear multiple times. However, they crossed the boundary when they recently visited and started a discussion.
The woman came home from work tired and wanted to set up everything for dinner just to find out her husband didn’t prepare anything. When she asked him about it si è seduto in silenzio mentre la madre diceva che cucinare è una cosa che dovrebbe fare lei.
Oh, questo mi avrebbe fatto incazzare, ma lei lo gestì meglio di quanto avrei fatto io, semplicemente andandosene e ordinando un piatto da asporto per tutti. Quando si sedettero per mangiare, la suocera iniziò la sua sfuriata:
“My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn’t hurt if I acted ‘more like a proper woman’ and ‘took better care of my home and children’. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.”
Imagine you hear that and your husband doesn’t do anything about it! Mentre avrebbe dovuto difendere la moglie, ha solo aggiunto olio al fuoco. Sembra che la madre gli abbia fatto il lavaggio del cervello!
Questo ha fatto arrabbiare la moglie per una buona ragione, per cui si è completamente spenta:
“This is where I might be the a**hole. I told him tradition won’t allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I’m busting my a** to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me.”
Insomma, non ha tutti i torti. Suo marito non ha mai avuto problemi a vivere nel modo in cui erano, ma... Non appena è arrivata la madre, ha cambiato opinione. Hmm, I wonder why…
Does it really make sense to expect a woman to be a housewife when you can’t afford to live off a single income?
Traditional families can’t have a wife as the main breadwinner
Reddit users were clearly on the woman’s side supporting what she said to her husband even though it might have sounded harsh. Someone wrote.
“Frankly, he needed to hear it! How can he think you should be MORE OR BETTER with all that you’re already doing? Does he think it’s really a valid option for you to just drop your work and career to be a homemaker, and how does he think that’s gonna go for your family?”
Difendersi è davvero importante. Nessuno vuole ferire il proprio partner, ma quando si oltrepassa il limite, si deve sapere qual è il proprio posto.
Too many times we choose to stay silent to please others but that doesn’t solve the problem. If anything, we only create opportunities for more disrespect by letting everything slide.
Si è pentita di averlo detto davanti ai loro figli, ma credo che le loro parole erano molto peggio. Saying that his income alone can’t support their family isn’t an insult, it’s a reality!
Also, isn’t teaching children that a woman should only be a housewife creating narrow-minded opinions they’ll think are completely fine? As one user wrote:
“So it was fine for him to humiliate you in front of your children? Do you have a daughter that just saw how he allowed his mother to put you down and devalue your contribution? Tonight might have undone all of the hard work that you guys have put into teaching your kids that each partner has equal value.”
Vivere in questo tipo di ambiente può essere difficile per tutti, compresi i bambini. Having different opinions and values doesn’t have to be a problem if there’s mutual respect and understanding.
In-laws are sometimes too nosy and want to be a part of discussions that don’t have anything to do with them. So, set your boundaries straight, and don’t let anyone put their fingers in your marriage!
