State prendendo in giro qualcuno? Come capirlo e come smettere

“I feel like I was unintentionally leading him on,” a friend of mine told me after a coworker confessed that he mi piaceva in modo romantico. Era dispiaciuta di aver ferito i suoi sentimenti e sentiva di doversi scusare. Ma la colpa è davvero sua?

If you’ve ever been led on, or if you’re wondering if someone is doing it to you right now, Forse vi sentite usati e feriti.

On the other hand, if you’ve ever been accused of leading someone on, and you didn’t mean to do it, it’s confusing and can make you feel ashamed and guilty.

You’ve come to the right place to find out why people do it, if you are doing it and how to stop, and how to recognize if it’s happening to you.

Qual è la definizione di "guidare qualcuno"?

"Per guidare qualcuno, phrasal verb. To persuade someone to believe something that is untrue.” – Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus

Synonyms include “to trick (someone) into believing” and “to mislead by lying.”

It’s clear from these definitions that this is a deliberate act. This means that there’s no such thing as leading someone on unintentionally.

Being led on means being deceived into expecting something by someone who has no intention of following through with it, and it isn’t limited only to romantic relationships.

Per esempio, il vostro datore di lavoro potrebbe farvi credere di avere la possibilità di un aumento o di una promozione, ma non ha alcuna intenzione di realizzarla.

In altre parole, qualcuno che guidare qualcuno is aware that they’re doing it and realizes the consequences of their actions. If you’re the one doing it, you already know.

5 motivi per i quali le persone fanno il passo più lungo della gamba

Even though it’s not always done out of a place of cruelty, being led on can feel that way to the person who’s experiencing it. Può avere un effetto dannoso sulla loro autostima e portare al crepacuore.

Why would someone feign interest in another person and make them believe they will get together? If you don’t want someone, why pretend you do?

Molte persone fanno da guida alle persone per ottenere ciò che vogliono dalla relazione esistente.

Le persone che inducono consapevolmente qualcuno ad adularlo lo fanno di solito per uno dei seguenti motivi, o per una combinazione di essi:

1. Godono dell'attenzione

La sensazione di potere che deriva dall'essere apprezzati crea dipendenza per alcune persone. L'emozione di essere desiderati li fa tornare per avere di più., even if they don’t want to go any further than bask in the attention they’ve been receiving.

They don’t stop to think about what it’s like for the other person. Ricezione complimenti and feeling attractive gives them a thrill and feeling of excitement that doesn’t take into account the other person’s emotions.

Persone di questo tipo possono passare da una persona all'altra, cercando sempre più ammirazione e adulazione.

2. They’re insecure

Una persona insicura potrebbe illudere qualcuno perché sapere che qualcuno vuole avere una relazione con lui lo convalida.

Even if they aren’t actually interested in the person or a relationship with them, they feel accepted, so they keep them around to get as much of it as possible.

If they’re insecure about their worth or don’t know how else to feel approval, they take any chance to fill an emotional void, even if it means making false promises.

Questo tipo di persona potrebbe tenervi in pugno per molto tempo, fino a quando non troverà la sua prossima fonte di convalida.

3. They’re uncertain

Magari avete avuto il primo appuntamento e loro sono tornati a casa incerti se fossero interessati. Questo ha comportato un lungo periodo di riflessione per decidere se gli piacevate o meno.

All along, you’ve been waiting and hoping because you liked them from the first moment. What is a nuisance to them might be a very emotional experience for the person they’re leading on.

They might be confused, afraid of commitment, unsure whether they want a relationship at all, so they’ll keep you on standby or in a situazione di vita.

With this person, you can be sure that they’ll never pick you, and their hesitation is just a way to keep you in place until someone else comes along.

4. They’re stringing you along

They’re doing this to others, or they’re already in a relationship. While you’re thinking about a relationship with them, they’re thinking about the next person in line.

This person believes they have their pick, so they’re weighing their options and che ti prende per i fondelli. If you want exclusivity, you’ll probably never get it from someone like this.

Si potrebbe dire che persone come queste sono dei codardi che hanno paura di prendere una decisione. You shouldn’t care about someone who makes you a possibility instead of a priority.

5. Vogliono solo sesso

Una relazione basata sul sesso deve essere definita fin dall'inizio, altrimenti è molto probabile che qualcuno si faccia male. Per loro potrebbe trattarsi di una relazione puramente fisica, e voi potreste già provare dei sentimenti.

If it’s not an agreed-upon amici con benefici situazione, potreste aspettarvi che la vostra relazione si muova in una direzione più stabile. Someone who is leading you on won’t tell you that they don’t have any intention of doing so.

Make your self-care a priority and walk away if you think they’re using you. Aspettare che cambino idea vi farà solo del male.

How Do You Tell If You’re Leading Someone On?

Il contesto è importante quando si parla di relazioni. Alcune cose possono avere più di un significato, a seconda della situazione.

If you believe that someone wants to have a relationship with you, yet you don’t feel the same, giving them even the smallest bit of attention might be considered leading them on.

If you don’t intend to get into the kind of relationship they want and continue doing things they might construe as interest, you’re leading them on.

Provided you don’t suspect that someone is interested in you, the following are not signs of leading someone on:

- Essere gentili

• Communicating often

- Enjoys someone’s company and hanging out

- Apertura e condividere dettagli su di sé

- Mostrare interesse per la persona

• Giving them help and support

Se pensate che possano desiderare un certo tipo di relazione, la prima cosa da fare è parlare con loro. Il modo più semplice per sapere come la pensano è chiederlo a loro e fargli sapere qual è la loro posizione.

If the other person is interested in you the way you aren’t interested in them, everything that could be interpreted as intimate might lead them on.

Nel dubbio, chiedetevi se lo fareste con gli altri amici.

Cose che possono essere un segno di adescamento di qualcuno se gli piaci:

- Flirt

- Coccole

• Dates

- Bacio

• Making promises

Put it this way, if you know they’re into you, and you give them hope when you don’t plan on changing your mind, you’re leading them on.

Come gestire l'illusione e smettere di farlo con gli altri

Now that we’ve learned why people do it and how to know if you’re doing it to someone else, let’s take a look at the ways it can happen.

As we mentioned, it all depends on the context and intentions – whether you know if someone is interested in you and if you’re interested in them.

These conditions allow for three possible situations: you intentionally leading someone on, realizing that a friend has developed feelings, and someone you thought of as a friend showing that they’ve wanted something else the whole time.

1. You’ve been intentionally leading someone on

Feelings that aren’t reciprocated can lead to pain, but having false hope feels even worse. Può far sentire una persona usata e devastata.

Illudere qualcuno è da egoisti. Knowing you’ll never love them back and keeping them hooked shows a lack of concern for their feelings and well-being.

You’re probably aware that you’re doing it and want to stop, or you wouldn’t care to look it up. Where do you go from here?

- Fare ammenda. Be honest and kind. Apologize and be genuine. Tell them you’re sorry for your actions and hurting them.

If you’re not sure about them, or you’re mantenerli come opzione, lasciarli andare immediatamente. You are well aware that you’ll never come to love them, so stop wasting their time.

Preparatevi a farvi odiare da loro. This isn’t about you right now – it’s about them. Be conscious of the fact that you’ve knowingly caused them pain.

- Lavorare su se stessi. Think about why you pretended to care when you know how they felt and that you didn’t feel the same.

If you’re insecure and looking for external validation in the form of love from someone you don’t feel the same for, you might first need to work on yourself.

Se desiderano attenzione, focus on self-love until you feel like you’re happy with yourself.

2. Un amico si è preso una cotta

Di solito, quando una persona sente che il suo ad un amico potrebbero piacere a little more than they like them, they start to wonder if they’ve been leading them on. A lot of times, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so you’re not sure how to deal with it.

You might be feeling guilty and wondering, “If they do have feelings for me, do the things I do seem like I’m leading them on?”

You can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone and vice versa. Un buon amico che vi apprezza lo capirà.

- Liberare l'aria. Si tratta di una situazione delicata e si vuole affrontare in questo modo. Siate molto compassionevoli ma assertivi. Clearly let them know that you don’t see yourself in a romantic relationship with them.
Lasciate che siano loro a scegliere cosa fare e date loro tutto il tempo e lo spazio di cui hanno bisogno.

- Don’t be hard on yourself. Chi è sinceramente amichevole e non fa giochetti non ha nulla di cui scusarsi.
Being gentle while letting your friend know you don’t feel the same way is one thing – taking responsibility for something that isn’t your fault is another.

You can enjoy someone’s company without being attracted to them. The other person might develop a crush if they feel attracted to you and if you’re friendly.

3. Hanno finto di essere amici

It’s normal to like someone without them knowing. There can be a lot of reasons someone won’t come out and make their feelings known.

However, it becomes suspicious when the only reason for any kindness throughout your relationship is hope that it will butter you up and you’ll get together.

Let’s put it this way: if someone is deliberately giving you the wrong impression that they want to be friends while they’re after something else, it’s you who’s being led on.

Potrebbe anche trattarsi di un caso di qualcuno che si definisce un ragazzo simpatico ma in realtà sta solo fingendo di essere gentile per manipolarvi in una relazione.

Some red flags that the person isn’t actually your friend but that they have false pretenses are:

- “Friendzone.” Using this word to describe your relationship shows that their friendship was fake and that they don’t value your company, only what they think they can get from you.

- Diritto. If they’re talking about what they have “invested” into you (feelings, time, money), they’re expecting something in exchange. By thinking of your relationship as if it were a transaction, they’re showing their intentions.

- Rifiuto di accettare il rifiuto. If they’re not able to accept that you’re not interested and keep trying to get you to change your mind, they’re clearly showing that they don’t care about your feelings.

Such people feel entitled and put the blame on others when their expectations aren’t met. They expect payback for their politeness, feigned care, and friendliness. You don’t owe anyone your heart and your body.

It’s always best to keep a person like this out of your life. Siate fermi e proteggetevi.

Conclusione

The term “leading someone on” is often used to explain why someone’s romantic feelings aren’t being reciprocated despite expectations. Depending on what those expectations are based on, they might be right, or they might have the wrong impression.

Believing that someone who’s continuously flirting with you and hinting at romantic interest is planning to accept your feelings is different from misinterpreting someone’s friendliness.

Not leading someone on is all about intention and responsibility. If you think they like you, and your actions might make them like you more, talk to them if you’re not interested.