Ha detto che non si sentiva più attratto

I felt it for weeks, that he wasn’t holding me as he had before… He had non-stop no libido. Yes, he was kind and loving, but something didn’t feel right. Of course, I was fearful to check, but I knew there was only one way forward: creating the space for honest, authentic communication. So, with courage in my heart, I asked him straight forward for communication time, being very clear, how important it was for me.

When the evening arrived, I prepared myself with deep breathing and a grounding meditation. In the end, I was the holder of the space. I actually asked my “angels and guides” to hold me for whatever may arise.

I prepared the space with candlelight, incense and lots of pillows in front of the wood burner. For these kind of conversations, I prefer almost going into a ritual space, using a talking stick and – as the holder of the space – calling in our guides and our honest true Selves.

First, I shared vulnerably my fear of not being attractive to him anymore, of my fears, that he may be attracted to someone else or – I named it: “wanting to go out there again to experience other women, letting his male instinct – as I call it – run”.

He did listen carefully and when I finished, he actually thanked me with these words: “It’s incredible how you always feel what’s going on in me and then actually invite me to speak it out loud and clear. I would not dare to open up by myself, but now it feels like a relief being able to speak it out honestly”.

And yes, there it was, his confession of not feeling attracted towards my body anymore but feeling his attention on beautiful women he may encounter in his daily life, may it be during his travels, in restaurants or wherever…

Ho continuato a respirare mentre parlava, per mantenere il mio Sé interiore (e il mio bambino) calmo e aperto. Credo che a nessuna donna al mondo piaccia sentire dal proprio compagno e amante che non la trova più attraente. Fa male.

Ma la respirazione mi ha aiutato a rimanere concentrata e a non andare nel panico. Con la mia calma, gli ho dato la possibilità di parlare apertamente di ciò che sentiva, di ciò che stava accadendo in lui, di nominare altre donne da cui si sentiva attratto e di permettergli di chiarire i suoi sentimenti. Questo ha permesso a entrambi di dire la verità e lui si è sentito sostenuto e sollevato per avermi potuto confessare che era solo attratto dalla bellezza delle donne più giovani.

And it allowed me to get the whole picture. There wasn’t really anyone specific out there. He just felt the “pull”.

When he finished, I asked him and offered him if he wanted/ needed space, if he felt, he needed to experience anything new…. (inside I knew, I did not know, how I would handle it, if he would say yes, but this was not the moment to worry about it. Right now, all what mattered, was the honest truth between us, the allowing of speaking the truth, with all it may bring).

La mia apertura gli ha permesso di riflettere davvero sui suoi sentimenti per me. Ci sono voluti alcuni momenti prima che potessi sentirlo dire con onestà e amore: “I don’t know what may happen in the future, I only know how much I love you and what I have with you. This deep connection we share. That is sacred. I love who you are, the person, but the attraction for the body faded. Maybe it will come back…. I hope so. And it’s for you to decide, if you can/ want to live with me on your side, feeling I am less attracted to your body”.

I kept breathing – I had no answer at that moment – so that’s what I honestly replied. I needed to feel into this, knowing how much I loved this man.

Ci siamo ringraziati a vicenda per la nostra onestà, chiudendo lo spazio rituale.

Con mia grande sorpresa, e questa è la lezione: improvvisamente era di nuovo completamente attratto da me. Quella notte e quelle successive facemmo un amore bellissimo. Non c'è niente di più accattivante per un uomo di una donna nel suo potere, anche se il corpo non è più il più attraente.