Ha smesso di mandarmi messaggi dopo essere stati a letto insieme, e adesso? (+Perché l'ha fatto)

Ha smesso di mandarmi messaggi dopo aver dormito insieme. Vi siete mai sorpresi a pronunciare questa frase?

If the answer is yes, congratulations, because you’re one of the millions of women who found themselves in a similar situation.

It’s not a pleasant scenario and it doesn’t feel good to be here – believe me, I know. Everything went great until you spent the night together. Then, poof, he was out of sight.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter whether you’ve fallen in love with this man or not. All you want is an explanation for this cowardly act. You want to know how his wiring ticks.

Perché l'ha fatto? Tutto quello che è successo prima di andare a letto con lui è stato un inganno? Ha ha falsificato l'intera relazione solo per portarti sotto le lenzuola?

Che cosa fare dopo? Perderete la vostra dignità se lo chiamate? Oppure, il vostro orgoglio dovrebbe essere più importante della vostra curiosità?

Well, if the sentence, “He stopped texting me after we slept together”, doesn’t leave you at peace, read on because all of your questions are about to be answered.

Perché ha smesso di parlarmi dopo che siamo stati a letto insieme?

Ogni uomo ha le sue ragioni per comportarsi in questo modo.

Nevertheless, it’s unlikely that he has been in a plane accident or lost your number – even though I’m pretty sure these are the things you would rather believe in.

But, let’s be a little more realistic. Here are the possible reasons why a guy has ghosted you after spending the night with you.

There isn’t any room for improvement

Sometimes, the answer to all of this is not hidden in mystery. You won’t find it under some deep layers of secrets as you hope to.

Purtroppo, a volte, the answer is actually the most obvious one: he didn’t like whatever happened last night.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’re lousy in bed.

In fact, there doesn’t exist anyone who is good or male a letto. Esistono solo coppie compatibili e coppie non compatibili.

According to this guy, you two are a part of the second group. So, let’s be real: did you really enjoy sleeping with him? Was the intercourse really mind-blowing?

Before giving an answer to this question, do your best to shut off your emotions. Did you feel all of those fireworks simply because you finally got a hold of a man you’ve been so crazy about?

Let’s talk about the intimate part here only. Was it really that good? Or, are you deep down also aware of the fact that you two are not a good match?

Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to justify his move. First of all, this is not a reason to ditch someone, let alone to stop talking to them without a decent explanation.

Secondly, he was dead wrong not to know that there is always room for improvement. Maybe the two of you were nervous or just didn’t click right away.

But, that doesn’t mean that your physical connection wouldn’t change with time. You know what they say: practice makes perfect.

Nevertheless, let’s take another possibility into consideration: Forse questo ragazzo è imbarazzato per la sua performance di ieri sera.

You probably didn’t notice it (because, again, you are so crazy about him), but it is likely that he failed to please you or that he let down your expectations.

In that case, he can’t look at you in the eyes. His ego is crushed, and he thinks that the best option is to run for his life in order to forget awkwardness and discomfort.

Ti ha fatto innamorare di lui senza l'intenzione di catturarti.

Il buon vecchio scenario. O, dovrei dire, il vecchio scenario negativo? In ogni caso, non c'è nulla di strano in un ragazzo prendere le distanze dopo l'intimità con una ragazza.

Unfortunately, almost every woman in the world has found herself in a situation to tell this infamous sentence: “Ha smesso di mandarmi messaggi after we slept together”, followed by the questions: “Did he use me? Was I nothing but a one-night stand he forgot about the next morning?”

What is even sadder is that, in most cases, they are right. It’s nothing strange for a ragazzo che perde interesse after getting in a girl’s pants.

I don’t care how evolved our society is; men still think that sleeping with a girl and senza mai richiamarla li rende grandi stalloni e giocatori.

Dall'altro lato, la ragazza in questione viene lasciata in lacrime, sfruttata. Dopo tutto, il suo compito era quello di mantenere l'interesse del suo uomo anche dopo essere stati intimi con lui.

This sucks, I won’t lie to you. You two had a great time and you don’t regret sleeping with him – that shouldn’t be argued about.

Ma ciò che fa più male è che, chiaramente, questo tizio ha mentito per tutto il tempo. solo per entrare nei tuoi pantaloni.

Maybe he didn’t lovebomb you or promise you the world, but he definitely did make you think that he is committed to your relationship.

He managed to get under your skin – exactly as planned. And then, what happened?

He got what he wanted, and poof, he turned his back on you and never appeared in your life again. It’s hard to admit this, but he treated you as an object, not as a human being with feelings.

Well, that doesn’t make him a real man. Instead, it means he is an immature boy with one thing and one thing only on his mind.

Lo considerava un accordo reciproco

Even though this type of woman is rare, there exist girls who don’t complain after pronouncing the sentence, “He ha smesso di chiamarmi dopo che siamo andati a letto insieme”.

Anzi, si sentono sollevati perché è proprio quello che hanno sempre voluto.

Per quanto odiate gli appuntamenti moderniLa verità è che le relazioni occasionali e le storie di una notte sono state normalizzate per molto tempo.

Non c'è nulla di strano in due storie di una notte che si frequentano, vanno a letto insieme senza promesse e alla fine si separano.

Non solo: non c'è nulla di male nemmeno in questo. Ciò che è sbagliato è se una persona è disposta a questo tipo di accordo mentre l'altra ha in mente uno scenario diverso.

In questo caso, eravate voi a sognare questa relazione. Almeno vi aspettavate una chiamata o un messaggio da parte sua il giorno dopo.

While I have no intention of justifying him, let’s look at things from a different perspective.

Siete stati chiari sulle vostre aspettative fin dall'inizio? Siete stati onesti sul fatto che stavate provando dei sentimenti per questo ragazzo?

I think not. In fact, I can bet on my life that you played hard to get all along. To be precise, you acted pretty heartlessly: like you couldn’t care less about the outcome of this situation.

No, I’m not here to judge you. You didn’t do it because you didn’t give a damn about him.

Invece, vi siete resi conto che per tutto questo tempo lui è stato del tutto indifferente. Quindi, avevi una scelta: ammettere di avere grandi speranze per questa relazione o stare al gioco.

Of course, you could have just walked away on time, but we all know you didn’t see that as an option. On the other hand, you knew that putting your heart on your sleeve would equal humiliation.

You didn’t want to boost his ego by showing him that you were falling in love. You didn’t want to initiate anything serious with a man who clearly sees you as nothing more than a random hookup.

Alla fine della giornata, cosa è successo? Ha cambiato magicamente prospettiva dopo che siete andati a letto insieme?

Or, did he remain consistent? Well, obviously – the second scenario took place.
I hate to break it to you, but it’s too late for you to complain now, and it’s also in vain.

Let’s face it – this man thought you two had a mutual agreement. He was certain that you wanted the same thing, so now, he doesn’t think he’s done anything remotely wrong.

La sua onestà è troppo amara per chi vuole essere edulcorato.

It’s a proven fact that people lie to get what they want. Men do it, women do it.

But, they not only lie about their feelings… sometimes their deceptions go so deep that they literally make up a new identity just to get someone’s interest.

È possibile che sia successo anche a voi con questo amante? È possibile che lui abbia scelto di nascondere la verità piuttosto che dirle l'amara verità?

La mia ipotesi è che he’s married o ha una relazione a lungo termine con un'altra persona. Oppure non è affatto l'uomo che vi ha detto di essere. Forse ha mentito sulla sua istruzione, sulle sue finanze o sul suo curriculum di vita in generale.

Obviously, he didn’t tell you any of this because he knew that you would run away the moment you found out.

Ma now, he can’t keep up with his lie anymore. So, instead of revealing the harsh truth to you, he escaped like a real coward.

Nevertheless, don’t you think that he hid the reality from you in an attempt to protect you. He didn’t face you with the truth because he chickened out.

He is scared of the consequences it could leave on his real life (that shouldn’t include going past young girls). Besides, he is also terrified of your reaction.

At the end of the day, he doesn’t care enough to confront you. Isn’t it easier to run away than to look you in the eyes and have to explain himself?

It’s not you – it’s him

When you hear a guy telling you it’s not you – it’s him, you automatically think of this empty phrase as nothing more than a big, fat lie. But, what if it’s not? What if he’s telling the truth?

Tenete presente che questo è il modo in cui la maggior parte fobici dell'impegno reagiscono. Si attaccano troppo emotivamente e, nel momento in cui lo fanno, inizia la loro fuga.

Naturalmente, questo non è il modo giusto di concludere le cose, ma a volte, per uomini emotivamente non disponibili, it’s the only possible way.

If this is true, then your guy started catching feelings for you – there is no doubt about that. But, the trick is that he became aware of them only when he slept with you.

To be precise, it’s possible that he saw some signs that he was falling in love before you two got intimate.

Nevertheless, until that magic night happened, he wasn’t aware of his emotions. Ora, invece di inseguirli, si è spaventato.

Il fatto che stesse perdendo il controllo su se stesso lo spaventava più di ogni altra cosa. Perciò decise di andarsene prima che la storia d'amore andasse oltre.

But, even if this is the case with your guy, it doesn’t mean that your heart should melt. Oh, isn’t it sweet – he is so crazy over me that he can’t handle his feelings? Stronzate!

You won’t change his ways, and as much as you try, you won’t open his heart to love, so please don’t even attempt doing so.

Before you know it, years will pass by and you’ll see yourself trapped with a douche who comes and goes as he pleases.

You’ll waste all of your time, energy, and effort trying to teach him to love and doing your best to tear down the walls around his heart.

But, you won’t accomplish anything – be certain about that… anything besides draining yourself emotionally and committing spiritual suicide.

Ha smesso di parlarmi dopo che siamo stati a letto insieme; cosa devo fare?

When something like this happens, there doesn’t exist a magic ball you can look into to see what you should do.

Tuttavia, anche se la situazione sembra piuttosto complicata, la verità è che le vostre scelte sono piuttosto semplici.

Basically, you have three options. If you hope that this man will eventually come back, then you’ll either sit and wait for him to get the decency to call you or you’ll be the one to reach out first.

The third option is to cut this guy out regardless of his actions afterward. It’s up to you which one you’ll choose.

Sedersi e aspettare

Se un ragazzo smette di chiamarle dopo che sono stati a letto insieme, la maggior parte delle ragazze non fa letteralmente nulla. Si lamentano della loro sfortuna come se fosse la cosa peggiore che potesse accadere loro.

Even if they didn’t have such strong feelings for this man until now, all of a sudden, they convince themselves that this is the worst thing that could happen.

Così, lasciano che il tempo passi. Si deprimono, si siedono a casa e piangono per tutto quello che hanno vissuto.

Or, they pretend that everything is okay and that they’re completely unbothered by this man fantasma while, in fact, they’re secretly stalking him all over social media.

They’re too ashamed to admit that this hurt them so badly.

Either way, in both situations, they’re doing the same thing: from the first day of no contact, they’re patiently waiting for him to come back.

Every time their phone rings, every time they get a phone call or a text message – they hope it’s him.

They wait for him to appear knocking on their door with flowers, and most importantly, with a valid explanation. But, let’s face it – any explanation would be good enough at this point.

What happens next? Well, if he does come back with some lame excuse, they accept it – no questions asked.

After all, they’ve spent so much time waiting for his great comeback that they don’t even think about sending him away.

Please, don’t be one of these women and see for yourself that this is un cattivo consiglio.

I understand that you’re hurt, but that doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold while he is out there living his life as if nothing happened.

Mandategli un messaggio prima

Poi ci sono le donne che prendono in mano la situazione. So cosa state pensando: È lui l'uomo e dovrebbe essere lui a chiamarmi per primo. Dopo tutto, ha smesso di mandarmi messaggi dopo che siamo andati a letto insieme.

But, let’s put a slightly different perspective on things. Yes, he did disappear.

But, haven’t you done the same thing? If we’re honest, you didn’t text or call him either. Do you wonder what’s che gli passano per la testa in questo momento?

Even though it’s a generally accepted rule that men should be the ones who invite you on the first date, initiate your contact.

In the beginning, call him after spending the night, and do all those other firsts. Why wouldn’t you change roles for once?

Dopo tutto, it’s not like there is a law preventing you from overtaking the steering wheel. Just as you wait for his call, he might be waiting for yours as well.

Besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You can get rejected, that’s right.

But, isn’t that a million times better than keeping on living in this suspense? Trust me – the uncertainty will take its toll and end up destroying you.

It’s much better to know where you stand. You deserve the truth and this is the only way to get it.

Don’t worry: even if he blows you off or doesn’t return your calls – there is nothing to feel humiliated about.

Instead, this is a move that you should be proud of yourself for making. Not a lot of women have the guts to make the first step, especially if they’ve slept with a guy who hasn’t called them since.

I’m not saying that things will work out in your favor. If we’re realistic, it’s more probable that he’ll shut his eyes on your efforts.

Nevertheless, what’s so tragic about that? Guys get rejected all the time, and you want to be seen as being equal, don’t you?

Questa è la vostra occasione per camminare un miglio nelle sue scarpe. Mettetevi di fronte alle vostre azioni e accettate la sua decisione.

At the end of the day, you’ll know that you’ve tried. You did the best you could to pursue your happiness, but sadly, it didn’t work – which doesn’t mean that the next time, it won’t.

Tagliatelo fuori

Finally: my personal favorite – giocare con questo giocatore e di non permettere più al vostro mondo di girare intorno a lui. Quanto suona fantastico e ottimista?

If you decide to go with this approach, then you don’t wait for an explanation. In fact, you wouldn’t want to hear one even if your guy comes up with one.

Secondo lei, finora è stato detto abbastanza. Se quest'uomo ci tenesse a te, non si sarebbe mai comportato così.

Naturalmente, nobody claims that you’re not allowed to miss him or regret your potential relationship just because you decided to call it quits. You simply value your dignity over everything else.

Besides, your brain is clearly stronger than your heart here. As attracted as you are to this guy and as much as you like him, you’re perfectly aware that he doesn’t deserve you.

If he did this at the very beginning, then what can you expect in the future when life turns nasty? So, even if you’re heartbroken, you start healing yourself far away from him.

Also, you don’t blame anyone for this outcome. You could have called, he could have called… but the truth is that neither of you did.

Isn’t it obvious that your romance has been toxic even before it officially started? These games are not a foundation for a healthy relationship, and this kind of poison is the last thing you need in your life.

Ha smesso di mandarmi messaggi dopo che siamo andati a letto insieme. Come posso evitare che succeda di nuovo?

After everything that went on, you’re wise enough to see all of it as a life lesson instead of observing it as a defeat.

But, what exactly did you learn from this experience? What steps can you take to prevent this scenario from happening again? Let’s revise and check if you’ve mastered things or not.

Proprietà delle azioni

The first step is to reflect on your entire relationship with this man. It’s time to take off your rose-tinted glasses and observe things as they really went on.

Why is this so important? Well, you can’t expect yourself to move on as long as you idealize this man.
Also, you need closure, but you know you’ll never get it.

Yes, it would be great if you could simply forget the entire thing, but I know you’re overanalyzing every single detail.

Well, while you’re at it, why wouldn’t you put effort into getting to the bottom of the moral of the story? After all, it’s the only way to learn.

Where is this person’s fault? Don’t let anger overwhelm you, and do your best to answer this question from an observer’s point of view.

Imagine that you’re just a bystander who is not emotionally involved in all of it, and looks at this man for who he is – without justification or false accusations.

Now, it’s time for ownership of actions. It’s time to own your mistakes. Don’t go too easy on yourself and recognize your flaws so you can start working on them.

You’re not to blame

Whatever happened, let me tell you that you’re not to blame. It’s likely that you’ve dealt with an immature guy who has been playing you all along.

So cosa penserete ora.

How come I didn’t notice the red flags before? How could I have been so blind, stupid, and foolish?
Sono proprio una testa di cazzo? LOL, pensavo davvero che si fosse innamorato di me?

Look, this guy is a skilled manipulator. He has gotten under your skin, and it isn’t your fault. You’re the victim here – don’t forget that.

Even if you did do something he didn’t like, he should have been man enough to confront you about it. However you acted, this is not a way to treat a lady.

Apprezzare il proprio valore

Am I good enough? What’s wrong with me? Why couldn’t he at least allow a chance to get to know me? Am I really this unlovable?

Un evento ha fatto nascere tutte queste domande. Ha scosso la vostra fiducia in voi stessi, ha distrutto il vostro ego e ha risvegliato le vostre insicurezze più profonde.

You can’t help but wonder if every man who shows up on your path will end up treating you the same.

Come mai questo ragazzo vede solo il tuo corpo come attraente, mentre ignora sia il tuo intelletto che le tue emozioni? Perché weren’t you enough per lui?

Are you actually that shallow? Don’t you have anything else besides your physical appearance to offer? How come he didn’t see that you’re una buona donna con la sua parte di qualità?

Tutti questi pensieri non sono nulla di insolito. Tuttavia, se continuano a tormentarvi, possono trasformarsi in un grosso problema in seguito.

That’s why you have to remember who you are and how much your value is ASAP. This experience alone doesn’t define your worth. Actually, no man does, and that’s something you must never forget.

Che vi piaccia o no, queste cose accadono

At the end of the day, you’re not the only girl who has had to say the sentence, “He stopped texting me after we slept together” while looking at herself in the mirror.

Siate consapevoli che queste cose accadono, per quanto siano spiacevoli.

Being some guy’s notch on his bedpost is not fair – I know. You didn’t deserve it – I know. But, life isn’t always fair and you’ll just have to deal with it.

This is not me telling you that your next experience will end up the same way. Nevertheless, just because this is the first time you got ditched doesn’t guarantee that it’s also the last.

Some men are douches, so it would be better not to take all of this personally. Even if someone else was in your place, she would get the same treatment, so don’t beat yourself up.

Questo corso degli eventi era destinato ad accadere. Ricordate che tutto accade per una ragione, and have faith that sometime in the future, you’ll realize that everything actually turned out for the best.

This might be a big deal now, but the most important thing here is for you to understand that it’s not the end of the world. You’ll get through this and leave it in the distant past.

Gli uomini che vogliono far parte della vostra vita si alzeranno per soddisfare i vostri standard.

Quando si incontra un nuovo ragazzo, don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. I’m talking about his treatment before you two reach the bedroom here.

Little things do matter. If you tolerate him too much at first, he’ll see it as a green light to treat you the way he wants, without any consequences.

I’m not advising you to be too picky, but please, fissare alcuni standard. If it’s necessary, stay single for a while so that you have enough time to figure out what’s acceptable in a relationship for you.

Most importantly: don’t go below your deal breakers. Don’t let anyone tell you that your standards are too high.

You know how much you’re worth, and it’s natural that you want someone to match your value and effort.

In fin dei conti, vi assicuro che non tutti gli uomini sono uguali.

In realtà, probabilmente solo il dieci per cento sono scopatori che passano davanti a ragazze giovani e raramente arrivano al secondo appuntamento, ma rovinano la reputazione di tutti i ragazzi là fuori.

Siate chiari sulle vostre aspettative

The last, but not the least important step is to be clear about what you want, need, and expect. Don’t be scared to speak your mind.

Inoltre, credetemi quando vi dico che ogni uomo maturo apprezzerà il vostro coraggio e la vostra onestà piuttosto che i giochi infantili.

Nessun ragazzo è in grado di leggere la vostra mente e alcuni sono pessimi nel cogliere i suggerimenti. Pertanto, se vi rifiutate di accontentarvi di qualcosa di non impegnativo, dite quello che pensate. Se volete una vera relazione, chiedetela.

Don’t beg for love, but verbalize your desires. It’s the only chance you have to turn it into reality.

Per concludere:

It’s crucial for you to understand that the sentence: “He stopped texting me after we slept together” must never be followed by any kind of justification.

I don’t care what kind of a sci-fi explanation this man offers you.

There is no excuse for this behavior, no matter what. I know you want to take him back (if he tries to come back, that is), but trust me… if you do, you’ll only give him the thumbs up for everything he’s done.

As much as you like him, please open your eyes and be aware that you’re dealing with an immature boy who doesn’t know the true value of any woman, including yourself.