Alla fine ho capito che non saremmo mai stati niente di più di una "cosa".

It took me a while to take off my rose-colored glasses and look at him without any prejudice. At first, I let other things cloud my judgment and I was led to believe that we were heading toward something that could possibly be the greatest thing in our lives. I thought it was love and that I’d got my person for life. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

He was never gonna be my person for life. We were never gonna be anything more than just ‘una cosa’.

Quando le persone mi chiedevano di lui, non avevo altra risposta se non quella di dire loro che eravamo una cosa. But what does that even mean? What the hell does, “Yeah, we’re a thing,” mean? It means that we’re in each other lives and that we’re more than friends, but that we’re still undefined. It’s like you’re trapped in limbo, you’re somewhere between life and death, and there are no clear signs you’ll get anywhere away from that.

Mi ci è voluto un po' per capire che non si stava impegnando con me, né allora né mai.

Volevo così tanto impegnarmi che non mi sono accorta dei segnali che lui stava non è pronto a impegnarsi. Honestly, I’m no longer sure whether the problem was in his inability to commit or if it was more his unwillingness. Either way, I figured I was waiting to get something from him he never intended to give me. He was never ready to give himself completely to our ‘relationship’, he was never ready to cross others off his list, he was never willing to make it just about the two of us.

I suoi sforzi, il suo tempo, il suo cuore non mi sono mai appartenuti, non sono mai stata la sua priorità.

Mi ci è voluto un po' per capire quanto fossi stupido.

Credevo che fosse stato il suo passato a renderlo emotivamente non disponibile. Ero convinta che, a causa del suo passato, avrei dovuto impegnarmi di più per conquistarlo. Ma più mi sforzavo, più mi rendevo conto che stavo cercando invano.

Ci sono altre persone che hanno avuto un'infanzia difficile, genitori divorziati, un partner traditore o problemi di fiducia. Quelle persone meritano che qualcuno si impegni per loro come io mi sono impegnata per lui, perché sono disposte a lavorare sui loro problemi. E che dire di lui? Beh, lui era tutto concentrato sulle scuse.

See, if other people had someone to try for them as much as I was trying for him, they’d take it eagerly. But he just took it for granted and mi ha preso in giro. Mi ha fatto credere che eravamo diretti verso qualcosa di più grande, quando in realtà eravamo solo una cosa indefinita e niente di più. Non saremmo mai stati niente di più.

Well, I’m finally ready to see the things the way they truly are. He just doesn’t want me. It’s not me. I’m not the one. And I’m not sure any other will ever be seen as worthy of him since I, who gave him all of me and went the extra mile more than any sane person would, was not enough.

Be that as it may, he’s no longer my problem. Nothing that happens to him is my problem anymore. Because I gave my best and it didn’t work out. And regardless of how much it broke me, with everything I went through, I still, from the bottom of my heart, wish him all the best and the best of luck in his life.

It became clear to me that I was just wasting my time, my efforts, my love and everything else I could give to a man who couldn’t be moved. But I learned a lesson.

You know how they say when you give all your love and your trust to someone, you either get a person for life or a lesson in life? Well, he was my life’s lesson. You can’t fix a man who doesn’t think there is something wrong with him. It took me a while to get that.