Ecco come ho imparato a vivere senza di te

It was hard. It took me quite some time to do this but I finally decided to let you go. You might be thinking that it’s not done yet and that I’ll be back, that the voices in my head will convince me to give it one more shot, but you’re wrong. This is it. I’m done with you.

Let me remind you that you were never there for me when I needed you. And I did need you. A lot. But somehow everything was more important than I was. Was it that hard to help me when I asked you to? You remember that time when my family member died? All you could do was send me a text message telling me that you’d get home late. Or maybe that time you didn’t come to take me to the hospital when I was sick?

La tua scusa era sempre che ero troppo bisognosa e che dovevo rallentare.

Finally, I can say that it wasn’t my fault.

Quando mi guardo indietro, vedo una ragazzina disperata, ossessionata dall'idea dell'amore, che non si accorgeva di ciò che accadeva intorno a lei. That little girl was nothing but confused, thinking that love should hurt. That’s the way it all works, right?

You were always yelling and screaming at me, telling me that I didn’t deserve you anyway, that you were much better than I could ever be. You were right. You were much better than me, better at a game that I didn’t want to participate in. That game of running, hiding and avoiding feelings that I didn’t want to play.

I’m just so sorry for the next amazing girl you will break. Forse sarà un po' più intelligente di me e capirà subito le tue bugie e le tue manipolazioni.

To tell you the truth, I found out the password on your phone, and I scrolled through your messages. I know it wasn’t something I should’ve done but you never usually left it anywhere out of your sight and all the times I saw you smiling flirtatiously at it, those actions made me paranoid. For a reason, too, as I would learn later on.

Messaggi e immagini di donne nude. It wasn’t like I didn’t expect it but it did shock me for a moment. The next thing I knew, my heart was being crushed into tiny, little pieces. Nothing of me was left. I cried for days and nights, but you didn’t call me. You never called me. You never texted me unless I texted you first. So I simply didn’t bother anymore.

La nostra caffetteria preferita in fondo alla strada non significava più nulla per me, ma ci andai da sola un'altra volta per salutare il luogo in cui ci eravamo conosciuti. Purtroppo tu eri lì con la tua nuova ragazza (o qualunque cosa fosse per te) e ti sei avvicinato a me, probabilmente per farla ingelosire, chiedendomi dove fossi stato negli ultimi giorni.

No. No, I wasn’t going to cry. I won’t cry ever again because of you. As devastated as I may be, I won’t cry!

Ho pianto. Davanti a te. Molto.

Tu hai pensato che fossi strano e così non ho fatto altro che andarmene dal bar, lasciandoti sola. Per sempre.

You see, I went through phases where I didn’t want to get out of my bed. I didn’t want to eat anything except chocolate and I didn’t care what was going to happen to me.

People usually go through this when they get disappointed in someone they love. I didn’t expect it to come from you.

Quindi, addio, per sempre.

Mi sono tirato su with the help of my friends and with the realization that it wasn’t worth crying over and it wasn’t worth all those sad days that I spent in my room.

Nowadays, when I see you, my heart still skips a beat. It simply isn’t getting over you. But I’ve learned to live with it. Because I’m a strong woman. I don’t need you to make me feel safe and sound! All I need in my life is myself. It took me a long time to realize that.

I hear my friends, the most important people in my life right now, telling me how they see you on the street and sometimes they say Hi to you. But that doesn’t mean anything to me.

I have new hobbies! I even adopted a little puppy. He is the warmth I need. Can’t you see? I’m doing amazing without you! With all these projects and things going on around me, I’m doing well.

I’ve escaped into my work and self-improvement. I escaped. Yes.

And I hope you won’t find me ever again.